Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Can’t be bothered. Not feeling too well, either. So, that’s a great way to end 2019. 
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
Pretty guuud. I'm stoked to get my new watch:
It should be here Friday.
It should be here Friday.
Phoenixx
Well-known member
Like I should be feeling happy but I'm just not. I'm currently on Christmas break from work. My husband is also on Christmas break and it's the first time in years since we've both had off at the same time around the holidays. You'd think I'd be enjoying the company and relaxing. Except I'm not. I'm still the same miserable asshole as I was even when working and I'm so tired of feeling this way. I just cannot get over it no matter how much I try. I always think every day when I wake up, "Today's a new day. Let's see what I can do differently." And then the same shit happens over and over. I feel the same way again and again and I just cannot get myself out of this sick miserable cycle.
I should be happy I've been getting a lot done. My husband has helped me make gifts, and almost all the gifts we've done this year have been handmade which is awesome. It really helps with our tight budget this year and you'd think I'd be happy that it's almost over. Except I'm not. I keep thinking of all the stuff I COULD be doing instead of working on gifts and being distracted from training (more like yelling at most of the time, sadly enough) a puppy. I'm dying to do some work around the house, I'm so tired of staring at white walls. Yet I'm still holding onto resentment over my husband and how much he gets done in a day because he's all by himself while I'm STILL babysitting this puppy while I'm trying to get what I need to get done. (Added note: I would NOT make a good stay-at-home mom at all.)
I'm also not looking forward to going to my parents tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to seeing my brother - whom I've managed to piss off (for good reason) last week and knowing him he's still going to hang onto that and call me an asshole as I walk through the door. I'm not looking forward to sitting in the living room waiting for my dad to roll out of bed, half tired and grumpy, not giving two shits about receiving any gifts and then complaining that "He has to work" and "needs to sleep," the same excuse he's had every year for the last 10 years, as if he can't take a single day off from work to join his family (newsflash: he can, he chooses not to). On top of that my mother - with what great timing she has - is pressuring us into making a certain financial decision that's been looming over our heads for a little while. It's been looming and put on the back burner because we just do not have the money right now to do it. We (my husband and I) thought we (Us plus my mother) agreed on spring, but apparently that's not good enough anymore. I think my husband and I are going to be on the same page of scrapping that financial decision altogether and just holding off for another year plus.
I'm also not looking forward to going to my husband's grandparents and sitting in their living room as an accessory for an hour plus while his grandfather consistently rambles to my husband about his job while I get ignored. It's so freaking sad that, unless my father-in-law is there and says, "Hey Phoenixx just started a new job too," just to get a conversation going towards me a little (which I do thank him for, he's a great guy and makes me feel not so invisible), I am completely ignored and I don't even get hardly a "Hey, how are you?"
I really just want to fast forward to the day after Christmas. Where I will be spending it with people that actually care about me and seeing the look on our nephews' faces when they see their blankets I made them. I know THAT will make me happy.
I should be happy I've been getting a lot done. My husband has helped me make gifts, and almost all the gifts we've done this year have been handmade which is awesome. It really helps with our tight budget this year and you'd think I'd be happy that it's almost over. Except I'm not. I keep thinking of all the stuff I COULD be doing instead of working on gifts and being distracted from training (more like yelling at most of the time, sadly enough) a puppy. I'm dying to do some work around the house, I'm so tired of staring at white walls. Yet I'm still holding onto resentment over my husband and how much he gets done in a day because he's all by himself while I'm STILL babysitting this puppy while I'm trying to get what I need to get done. (Added note: I would NOT make a good stay-at-home mom at all.)
I'm also not looking forward to going to my parents tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to seeing my brother - whom I've managed to piss off (for good reason) last week and knowing him he's still going to hang onto that and call me an asshole as I walk through the door. I'm not looking forward to sitting in the living room waiting for my dad to roll out of bed, half tired and grumpy, not giving two shits about receiving any gifts and then complaining that "He has to work" and "needs to sleep," the same excuse he's had every year for the last 10 years, as if he can't take a single day off from work to join his family (newsflash: he can, he chooses not to). On top of that my mother - with what great timing she has - is pressuring us into making a certain financial decision that's been looming over our heads for a little while. It's been looming and put on the back burner because we just do not have the money right now to do it. We (my husband and I) thought we (Us plus my mother) agreed on spring, but apparently that's not good enough anymore. I think my husband and I are going to be on the same page of scrapping that financial decision altogether and just holding off for another year plus.
I'm also not looking forward to going to my husband's grandparents and sitting in their living room as an accessory for an hour plus while his grandfather consistently rambles to my husband about his job while I get ignored. It's so freaking sad that, unless my father-in-law is there and says, "Hey Phoenixx just started a new job too," just to get a conversation going towards me a little (which I do thank him for, he's a great guy and makes me feel not so invisible), I am completely ignored and I don't even get hardly a "Hey, how are you?"
I really just want to fast forward to the day after Christmas. Where I will be spending it with people that actually care about me and seeing the look on our nephews' faces when they see their blankets I made them. I know THAT will make me happy.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Absolutely dreading tomorrow... Naw ! Scratch that. Terrified would be a better descriptive word.
I’ve hated this time of years for the last 12 or so years, mainly because an argument always ensued after Christmas dinner. And occasionally, New Years as well. Thanks to one or both of my older sisters. But as ma mum said, “Just do it so the kids are happy”. Because I’m only sitting at the table again this year so my nieces will be happy.
It wus bad enough that ah hud tae write oot another Christmas card for my older sister, at my mother insistence, because there would an argument over the size of the cards that both my sisters got from me. One being bigger than the other. Aye, that how petty it gets...
I’m always glad when it’s over done with. Because I’ve never like sitting at the table, it’s just the tense vibe where everyone’s watching what they say. As a word utter will set the middle sibling into a shouting, swearing rage. Where she cannae be reasoned with or telt tae calm doon. But, apparently, I’m at fault because I don’t stick around after the meal to chat. Aye, cuz one really wants to hang oot with a family who has stated multiple times in the past that they don’t give a fuck about ye.
I’ve hated this time of years for the last 12 or so years, mainly because an argument always ensued after Christmas dinner. And occasionally, New Years as well. Thanks to one or both of my older sisters. But as ma mum said, “Just do it so the kids are happy”. Because I’m only sitting at the table again this year so my nieces will be happy.
It wus bad enough that ah hud tae write oot another Christmas card for my older sister, at my mother insistence, because there would an argument over the size of the cards that both my sisters got from me. One being bigger than the other. Aye, that how petty it gets...
I’m always glad when it’s over done with. Because I’ve never like sitting at the table, it’s just the tense vibe where everyone’s watching what they say. As a word utter will set the middle sibling into a shouting, swearing rage. Where she cannae be reasoned with or telt tae calm doon. But, apparently, I’m at fault because I don’t stick around after the meal to chat. Aye, cuz one really wants to hang oot with a family who has stated multiple times in the past that they don’t give a fuck about ye.
Kiwong
Well-known member
Humour works helps break the tension. I do a bit of a dance and a flourish at the auto check out, I do a big entries through electric doors at woolies. I sing a made up Balkan national anthem, and type my pin code in European gibberish. It makes people smile, humour makes people smile, and makes me feel more relaxed.
Phoenixx
Well-known member
This. I found that humor works for me to comfort during times I'm feeling slightly anxious but not overwhelmingly so. I'm not much of a performer, but I did get blessed with a smart mouth and wit, so I do have that going for me.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Absolutely knackered ! No energy whatsoever. I’m still full of this bloody flu, which I had for a few weeks now.
Christmas wus’nae great as a result. I just did’nae huv the energy to be in the Christmas spirit at all. But then neither were my mum and older sister, because the three of us are all blocked up with this flu.
Woke up this morning feeling like shit anaw. Coughing, dizzy, and a sore stomach. But then ah wus up most of the night just coughing constantly. I’ve felt like ah wus on verge o’ just suddenly bokin’ up anything I ate every time ah burped. Ugh !
Ah hate feeling like this... So much for ma plan to record some new music on Christmas Day.
Christmas wus’nae great as a result. I just did’nae huv the energy to be in the Christmas spirit at all. But then neither were my mum and older sister, because the three of us are all blocked up with this flu.
Woke up this morning feeling like shit anaw. Coughing, dizzy, and a sore stomach. But then ah wus up most of the night just coughing constantly. I’ve felt like ah wus on verge o’ just suddenly bokin’ up anything I ate every time ah burped. Ugh !
Ah hate feeling like this...
So much for ma plan to record some new music on Christmas Day. 
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Freaking out.
Well here we go again.
I was caught on the spot and invited out to a rooftop bar on new years eve by a woman who I find quite attractive. Seeing as I had no pre-prepared excuse to get out of it, I accepted.
Now comes the flood of anxiety. I'm looking forward to spending time with this woman, dinner, the fireworks (and I'm pretty sure the kiss that will come at the midnight countdown).
It's the whole sitting around the bar and talking thing that's freaking me out. Not with the chosen company, but at the thought of others sitting close by becoming involved. Complete strangers. I've always struggled to converse in a non nervous way socially with complete strangers in that type of setting.
I'm telling myself that it'll be ok, it'll be fine, just relax and not be nervous.. but my anxiety is looking in on me with my brain reacting like;
I know it's not rationale. I keep telling myself to
I have to get this damned anxiety out of my head.. If I can do that I know 'll be fine.
Well here we go again.
I was caught on the spot and invited out to a rooftop bar on new years eve by a woman who I find quite attractive. Seeing as I had no pre-prepared excuse to get out of it, I accepted.
Now comes the flood of anxiety. I'm looking forward to spending time with this woman, dinner, the fireworks (and I'm pretty sure the kiss that will come at the midnight countdown).
It's the whole sitting around the bar and talking thing that's freaking me out. Not with the chosen company, but at the thought of others sitting close by becoming involved. Complete strangers. I've always struggled to converse in a non nervous way socially with complete strangers in that type of setting.
I'm telling myself that it'll be ok, it'll be fine, just relax and not be nervous.. but my anxiety is looking in on me with my brain reacting like;
I know it's not rationale. I keep telling myself to
I have to get this damned anxiety out of my head.. If I can do that I know 'll be fine.
Miserum
Well-known member
Lmao. Mad Men gif.
You'll be fine man. I have faith in you because you're pretty awesome.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
LoyalXenite
Well-known member
I second this
Kiwong
Well-known member
Good stuff. She must like you to ask. Will be good to have some company. Can you choose a table where it is just you and her.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Well I'm hoping, but it's a rooftop bar in the city.. I guess we'll see how it goes
Phoenixx
Well-known member
Woke up grumpy this morning. Partly because I have to go back to work in 2 days when I'd rather still be off getting stuff done around the house. Also because I was reading a family book last night I received for Christmas. I won't go into detail since it's personal (and I do appreciate the time and effort a family member took to write and record everything), but basically reading about family members I've never met, how wonderful their lives were, made me seriously depressed. It only reminded me of what I never grew up with and instead all the toxicity I experienced. You'd think I'd learn to not yearn for things that don't exist, yet I still get caught up in my woes.... Whatever. Glad someone I know had a wonderful life. Too bad that person couldn't pass it down to his own children. I mean, I guess he started to but then he just gave up and became selfish instead.
Glad someone I know had a wonderful life. Too bad that person couldn't pass it down to his own children. I mean, I guess he started to but then he just gave up and became selfish instead.
theoutsider
Well-known member
So, things worked out just the way I'd hoped. It didn't go south as I'd worried after all. I'm happy but now I'm suspicious. I get that way when things turn out too well.
Phoenixx
Well-known member
Starting the new year feeling depressed and anxious, as usual. It's been 3+ months of this agonizing feeling, which has been lighting a fire underneath me even more to schedule an appointment for therapy. I found a therapist in my network where costs will be covered, but she's an hour away. I'm not unfamiliar with the area at all, but it just sucks it's kinda far. But I need help though and I shouldn't feel bad for wanting it, and I shouldn't find excuses not to go. I just haven't told anyone about this, not even my husband. The last time I tried therapy, he wasn't too supportive. I don't know why, he just doesn't understand it I guess. But it makes me feel bad. I already feel bad, and his lack of support makes it worse. He doesn't insult me over it or anything he just doesn't say much about it. No encouragement or anything.
Speaking of no encouragement, I feel like I haven't been getting that out of my job either. I hate to say it, but I think this new job of mine has been really affecting my anxiety and depression. It's such a new environment compared to my last job. I've been learning lots of new things, some things I really enjoy, but I feel so disconnected to everyone there. I know I'm still new, I've been there 2 months now. But I feel like even in those 2 months I had hoped I'd become closer with SOMEONE in the workplace. Day in and day out I assist with appointments, I take notes for record keeping, I prep files, I check schedules, rinse and repeat. I get very little praise with how I've been doing. I live on praise, so I understand that I'm doing a good job. I don't know if that's wrong or not, but it's just how I am. My last job I was constantly updated with how I was doing, was praised for what I did well with, and was told what I needed to work more on. I don't get that here. Just when I think *I'm* doing a decent job, small mistakes are pointed out to me. My boss is very blunt with this, and it's typically during client appointments during record keeping. She'll straight up correct my work for me, all the while saying, "We write it like this." or she'll cut in front of me at the computer and type something. I don't think I'd feel so bad about her bluntness if it wasn't in front of another person. It gets straight up embarrassing sometimes. The woman who has been training me warned me about this behavior. Told me, "She is very blunt, and she is aware she comes off this way, but don't take it personally." and also, "You'll make a mistake and she will correct you, and when she does you'll never make that mistake again, hahaha!"
I literally don't find how that is funny, or how anyone can feel decent with themselves at the end of the day treating your employees like that. Maybe I'm too nice of a person. When I was in a supervisor role at my last job, the job was absolute shit and I hated every aspect of it (as did everyone else), but day in and day out I made sure when I made requests I included a "please" and a "thank you". If someone did a good job, I did not hesitate to tell them. And if someone did something wrong I always made sure to direct them with their mistake while making sure to let them know that it was okay. I saw such a HUGE boost in the company morale when I was a supervisor. I don't mean that to brag, but I'm literally telling the truth. I have former coworkers still messaging me from time to time asking how I'm doing and how much they miss me at that job. I appreciate them and they still appreciate me and that makes me feel good.
I'm sad that I don't yet have that here with this new job, and I'm afraid I won't ever feel that way or ever achieve that.
Speaking of no encouragement, I feel like I haven't been getting that out of my job either. I hate to say it, but I think this new job of mine has been really affecting my anxiety and depression. It's such a new environment compared to my last job. I've been learning lots of new things, some things I really enjoy, but I feel so disconnected to everyone there. I know I'm still new, I've been there 2 months now. But I feel like even in those 2 months I had hoped I'd become closer with SOMEONE in the workplace. Day in and day out I assist with appointments, I take notes for record keeping, I prep files, I check schedules, rinse and repeat. I get very little praise with how I've been doing. I live on praise, so I understand that I'm doing a good job. I don't know if that's wrong or not, but it's just how I am. My last job I was constantly updated with how I was doing, was praised for what I did well with, and was told what I needed to work more on. I don't get that here. Just when I think *I'm* doing a decent job, small mistakes are pointed out to me. My boss is very blunt with this, and it's typically during client appointments during record keeping. She'll straight up correct my work for me, all the while saying, "We write it like this." or she'll cut in front of me at the computer and type something. I don't think I'd feel so bad about her bluntness if it wasn't in front of another person. It gets straight up embarrassing sometimes. The woman who has been training me warned me about this behavior. Told me, "She is very blunt, and she is aware she comes off this way, but don't take it personally." and also, "You'll make a mistake and she will correct you, and when she does you'll never make that mistake again, hahaha!"
I literally don't find how that is funny, or how anyone can feel decent with themselves at the end of the day treating your employees like that. Maybe I'm too nice of a person. When I was in a supervisor role at my last job, the job was absolute shit and I hated every aspect of it (as did everyone else), but day in and day out I made sure when I made requests I included a "please" and a "thank you". If someone did a good job, I did not hesitate to tell them. And if someone did something wrong I always made sure to direct them with their mistake while making sure to let them know that it was okay. I saw such a HUGE boost in the company morale when I was a supervisor. I don't mean that to brag, but I'm literally telling the truth. I have former coworkers still messaging me from time to time asking how I'm doing and how much they miss me at that job. I appreciate them and they still appreciate me and that makes me feel good.
I'm sad that I don't yet have that here with this new job, and I'm afraid I won't ever feel that way or ever achieve that.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Feeling quite depressed. I don’t know what to do with my life.
FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
A girl is pursuing me but my social phobia won't let me do anything about it. I mentioned it to my cousin and he happens to know her. Apparently she used to go to our gym but quit right before I started. He's trying to get me to ask her out but there's simply no way. The best part? She lives two doors down from me, so I can't even go outside without having to dodge her, she almost always comes out and tries to talk to me whenever I go to my car. I find myself staying inside all day just to minimize the chance of an encounter.
If I had to stop and talk to her for any amount of time she'd see how weird I am and then things would really get uncomfortable. She's young and beautiful, though... so hopefully she'll lose interest and move on soon.
What a thing to hope for, right?
Hell and damnation.
If I had to stop and talk to her for any amount of time she'd see how weird I am and then things would really get uncomfortable. She's young and beautiful, though... so hopefully she'll lose interest and move on soon.
What a thing to hope for, right?
Hell and damnation.
vj288
not actually Fiona Apple
A girl is pursuing me but my social phobia won't let me do anything about it. I mentioned it to my cousin and he happens to know her. Apparently she used to go to our gym but quit right before I started. He's trying to get me to ask her out but there's simply no way. The best part? She lives two doors down from me, so I can't even go outside without having to dodge her, she almost always comes out and tries to talk to me whenever I go to my car. I find myself staying inside all day just to minimize the chance of an encounter.
If I had to stop and talk to her for any amount of time she'd see how weird I am and then things would really get uncomfortable. She's young and beautiful, though... so hopefully she'll lose interest and move on soon.
What a thing to hope for, right?
Hell and damnation.
She might see you as weird, OR she might find you cute and adorable. I've found it to be a challenging thing, but deciding for other people what they will think or feel about you isn't fair to them. By the sounds of it there's something about you she already likes to be pursuing you. In this particular instance, I would be on your cousins side if you have any interest as well.
Either things go well and you are dating a young and beautiful...literal girl next door, or it is awkward and you can go to your car freely again due to her beginning to avoid you. Win win!