How are you feeling?

vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
A bit stressed about Thanksgiving, although somewhat surprising more of it is coming from my own family than the large group of near strangers I will be spending the day with at my girlfriend's house. It's Thanksgiving and I'm grateful I have a family, but I don't know at what point a small room with 15 people became more appealing than an afternoon with my father and sister. I wish I could say it's because I have a newfound affinity for large groups of new people, but that's definitely not true :p
 
PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Like shit. But a little better than yesterday, so I'll live... for now.

Not that anyone cares, I acknowledge that and that's ok. But this is the only place I feel I can express my feelings freely.
I apologize to anyone who takes my bleating and dark periods as offense.
 
Last edited:
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
About the same, really. Tired, depressed n’ quite f__kin’ angry. :cry: :mad:

Disappointed in myself. Ah feel like I let myself down by not doing more this year; by which I mean just throwing myself back into making music. I should’ve been more creative during those summer months. If nothing else, it would’ve kept the thought that have running through my head for the last couple months from being dwelled upon.

Just disappointed n’ angry about my life in general. Angry that it’s become this joyless, f__kin’ miserable routine where I’m having to fake my emotions n’ how ah feeling because the truth is too f…kin’ heartbreaking to acknowledge.
Mibbe ma mother’s got the right idea: living in denial n’ pretend it aw grand, when it’s no?

 
S

SilentAndShy

Well-known member
SilentAndShy said:
And to top it off, I must have made a fool out of myself at the petrol station holding the pump in one hand and trying to unscrew the button to my petrol area and having a few attempts at it. Sure there was one gentleman pointing in my direction and laughing with the till attendant as I drove away
Click to expand...

Yup, still making a fool of myself at the petrol pump station. It would be good to turn the cap counter-clockwise and waste a few minutes fruitlessly turning to the annoying click sound, then driving off embarrassed and in a mood thus ruining family time. (I did do it successfully a few days later)
 
Phoenixx

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Shitty. I've been feeling absolutely shitty every day for the last 3 weeks or more. I am angry every single day. I'm upset every single day. My anger is getting uncontrollable and I don't know what to do.

My marriage is going through a really horrible rough patch. My husband's job is ruining everything, imo. He STILL travels nearly 3 hours a day to his job. He's now carpooling with a coworker who lives an hour closer (whoopie :rolleyes:), so that helps on gas only slightly. Before he started carpooling he spent nearly $800 dollars on gas. 800. fucking. dollars. :oops: It'd be different if this was summer and he was getting craploads of overtime to make up the difference, but no. It's just piddling garage work at their lowest wage. When we moved he said he didn't want to travel that far just to do that kind of work. We agreed he'd talk to his boss about switching him to job sites only, that way he earns great pay but gets laid off for longer periods. That way if he wants he can pick up something seasonal on the side. He's been there 10 years and has several qualifications making him a great asset to their team. I would think he has room to request what he wants.

He has yet to talk to anyone about anything and it's been 3 months since we moved. Says there's "too much work to be done" and "he's not quitting his job" so there's nothing to talk about. I never told him to quit his job, just to look into changing his schedule. I've been bringing it up every day, because I'm pissed off and petty like that and kind of hoping he'd get the freaking hint to actually do something.

Meanwhile my career is finally getting started, one I have worked for 8 freaking years trying to achieve, and I cannot fuck it up. He's gone 14 hours a day, leaving me to do all the errands. (This isn't new, as this was going on before we moved, but it's even harder now) I work 24 hours a week plus an additional 8 hours of travel. On the weekends when we're both off, he's in his shop most of the time organizing his stuff or working on something unimportant. I'm still left in the house doing laundry, dishes, cleaning, the usual.

He was adamant on getting a puppy over a week ago, since his dog is reaching her end and we both did want a dog that was more alert to the surroundings given we live in a rural area. I never wanted a puppy, I wanted to adopt. A nice rescue, housebroken dog in need of a family. I yelled at him to not get one, we argued back and forth, and I freaking caved and now we have a puppy. I bet you can't guess who's doing all the caretaking and training on top of errands and working part time?

(I don't hate the dog, but my anger is interfering with training. I find myself yelling at her excessively for doing things she's not supposed to because I just don't have the energy to train constantly and I'm tired of being the only one. I feel like such an asshole because she's basically a baby. She doesn't know better yet.)

For the last 2 weeks now I have been getting 6 hours of broken sleep a night. I'm fucking beyond exhausted and I'm beyond pissed off having to do everything. Because I work the latter half of the day most of the week and don't get home until 7:30pm, doggie daycare is not an option while I'm at work. I have my mom coming in a couple times a week to puppy sit, but she's doing an absolutely horrendous job. Yeah I said it. I come home and the house looks worse than when I left it and the dog is terrorizing everything and everyone most likely due to lack of play and exercise. So that leaves MORE WORK for me that needs to be done.

I'm at my wit's end on what to do anymore and I'm so close to just calling it quits. :cry::mad:
 
LoyalXenite

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
Phoenixx said:
Shitty. I've been feeling absolutely shitty every day for the last 3 weeks or more. I am angry every single day. I'm upset every single day. My anger is getting uncontrollable and I don't know what to do.

My marriage is going through a really horrible rough patch. My husband's job is ruining everything, imo. He STILL travels nearly 3 hours a day to his job. He's now carpooling with a coworker who lives an hour closer (whoopie :rolleyes:), so that helps on gas only slightly. Before he started carpooling he spent nearly $800 dollars on gas. 800. fucking. dollars.:oops: It'd be different if this was summer and he was getting craploads of overtime to make up the difference, but no. It's just piddling garage work at their lowest wage. When we moved he said he didn't want to travel that far just to do that kind of work. We agreed he'd talk to his boss about switching him to job sites only, that way he earns great pay but gets laid off for longer periods. That way if he wants he can pick up something seasonal on the side. He's been there 10 years and has several qualifications making him a great asset to their team. I would think he has room to request what he wants.

He has yet to talk to anyone about anything and it's been 3 months since we moved. Says there's "too much work to be done" and "he's not quitting his job" so there's nothing to talk about. I never told him to quit his job, just to look into changing his schedule. I've been bringing it up every day, because I'm pissed off and petty like that and kind of hoping he'd get the freaking hint to actually do something.

Meanwhile my career is finally getting started, one I have worked for 8 freaking years trying to achieve, and I cannot fuck it up. He's gone 14 hours a day, leaving me to do all the errands. (This isn't new, as this was going on before we moved, but it's even harder now) I work 24 hours a week plus an additional 8 hours of travel. On the weekends when we're both off, he's in his shop most of the time organizing his stuff or working on something unimportant. I'm still left in the house doing laundry, dishes, cleaning, the usual.

He was adamant on getting a puppy over a week ago, since his dog is reaching her end and we both did want a dog that was more alert to the surroundings given we live in a rural area. I never wanted a puppy, I wanted to adopt. A nice rescue, housebroken dog in need of a family. I yelled at him to not get one, we argued back and forth, and I freaking caved and now we have a puppy. I bet you can't guess who's doing all the caretaking and training on top of errands and working part time?

(I don't hate the dog, but my anger is interfering with training. I find myself yelling at her excessively for doing things she's not supposed to because I just don't have the energy to train constantly and I'm tired of being the only one. I feel like such an asshole because she's basically a baby. She doesn't know better yet.)

For the last 2 weeks now I have been getting 6 hours of broken sleep a night. I'm fucking beyond exhausted and I'm beyond pissed off having to do everything. Because I work the latter half of the day most of the week and don't get home until 7:30pm, doggie daycare is not an option while I'm at work. I have my mom coming in a couple times a week to puppy sit, but she's doing an absolutely horrendous job. Yeah I said it. I come home and the house looks worse than when I left it and the dog is terrorizing everything and everyone most likely due to lack of play and exercise. So that leaves MORE WORK for me that needs to be done.

I'm at my wit's end on what to do anymore and I'm so close to just calling it quits. :cry::mad:
Click to expand...

Can you put the pup in one room with various toys for stimulation? that way she has things to stay occupied and isnt wreaking havoc. The puppy stage is the cutest but definitely the most work. You could look at some simple toys that give stimulation for ages, like peanut butter in a kong (be careful of which peanut butter as some have something called xylitol (or something like that) in it which is toxic), or snuffle mats, or ice blocks with their toys frozen inside if its not too cold where you are
 
Phoenixx

Phoenixx

Well-known member
LoyalXenite said:
Can you put the pup in one room with various toys for stimulation? that way she has things to stay occupied and isnt wreaking havoc. The puppy stage is the cutest but definitely the most work. You could look at some simple toys that give stimulation for ages, like peanut butter in a kong (be careful of which peanut butter as some have something called xylitol (or something like that) in it which is toxic), or snuffle mats, or ice blocks with their toys frozen inside if its not too cold where you are
Click to expand...
Yes whenever we're away without a puppy sitter, sleeping, or we need to just get things done without being able to babysit constantly we keep her in our entryway/mudroom with a baby gate. We give her plenty of toys and her bed and water. She has puppy separation anxiety right now so it's really hard training her that it's going to be okay. I'm doing all the right things, it's just a matter of that moment for her to "click" and realize, "Hey I'm perfectly fine when I'm by myself." Today was the worst with her tantrums. :oops:
 
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
Phoenixx said:
Shitty. I've been feeling absolutely shitty every day for the last 3 weeks or more. I am angry every single day. I'm upset every single day. My anger is getting uncontrollable and I don't know what to do.

My marriage is going through a really horrible rough patch. My husband's job is ruining everything, imo. He STILL travels nearly 3 hours a day to his job. He's now carpooling with a coworker who lives an hour closer (whoopie :rolleyes:), so that helps on gas only slightly. Before he started carpooling he spent nearly $800 dollars on gas. 800. fucking. dollars.:oops: It'd be different if this was summer and he was getting craploads of overtime to make up the difference, but no. It's just piddling garage work at their lowest wage. When we moved he said he didn't want to travel that far just to do that kind of work. We agreed he'd talk to his boss about switching him to job sites only, that way he earns great pay but gets laid off for longer periods. That way if he wants he can pick up something seasonal on the side. He's been there 10 years and has several qualifications making him a great asset to their team. I would think he has room to request what he wants.

He has yet to talk to anyone about anything and it's been 3 months since we moved. Says there's "too much work to be done" and "he's not quitting his job" so there's nothing to talk about. I never told him to quit his job, just to look into changing his schedule. I've been bringing it up every day, because I'm pissed off and petty like that and kind of hoping he'd get the freaking hint to actually do something.

Meanwhile my career is finally getting started, one I have worked for 8 freaking years trying to achieve, and I cannot fuck it up. He's gone 14 hours a day, leaving me to do all the errands. (This isn't new, as this was going on before we moved, but it's even harder now) I work 24 hours a week plus an additional 8 hours of travel. On the weekends when we're both off, he's in his shop most of the time organizing his stuff or working on something unimportant. I'm still left in the house doing laundry, dishes, cleaning, the usual.

He was adamant on getting a puppy over a week ago, since his dog is reaching her end and we both did want a dog that was more alert to the surroundings given we live in a rural area. I never wanted a puppy, I wanted to adopt. A nice rescue, housebroken dog in need of a family. I yelled at him to not get one, we argued back and forth, and I freaking caved and now we have a puppy. I bet you can't guess who's doing all the caretaking and training on top of errands and working part time?

(I don't hate the dog, but my anger is interfering with training. I find myself yelling at her excessively for doing things she's not supposed to because I just don't have the energy to train constantly and I'm tired of being the only one. I feel like such an asshole because she's basically a baby. She doesn't know better yet.)

For the last 2 weeks now I have been getting 6 hours of broken sleep a night. I'm fucking beyond exhausted and I'm beyond pissed off having to do everything. Because I work the latter half of the day most of the week and don't get home until 7:30pm, doggie daycare is not an option while I'm at work. I have my mom coming in a couple times a week to puppy sit, but she's doing an absolutely horrendous job. Yeah I said it. I come home and the house looks worse than when I left it and the dog is terrorizing everything and everyone most likely due to lack of play and exercise. So that leaves MORE WORK for me that needs to be done.

I'm at my wit's end on what to do anymore and I'm so close to just calling it quits. :cry::mad:
Click to expand...

When I find myself getting angrier more often or more irritable more easily, I usually trace it back to one of two things (or often a combination of the two). The first is a lack of sleep or not enough/the right food which definitely sounds like you're getting hit with, at least in the sleep department. The other is as a harbinger for current or incoming depression. It's a sneaky, counter-initutive symptom that's easy to overlook. I don't think I have any practical advice to your relationship or new puppy issues, but it might be helpful to keep in mind (if you're not already) that a lot of these frustrations may not be as surface level as they immediately appear. It might not be that either though.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
So I went to a workshop that was a nightmare. Sitting in a chair circle of 40 people. Then breaking into a small groups. Reading out yellow post it notes of what other group members had written about what they feel. Not discussing it, but saying I hear you. I left at afternoon tea before the second session.
 
Phoenixx

Phoenixx

Well-known member
vj288 said:
When I find myself getting angrier more often or more irritable more easily, I usually trace it back to one of two things (or often a combination of the two). The first is a lack of sleep or not enough/the right food which definitely sounds like you're getting hit with, at least in the sleep department. The other is as a harbinger for current or incoming depression. It's a sneaky, counter-initutive symptom that's easy to overlook. I don't think I have any practical advice to your relationship or new puppy issues, but it might be helpful to keep in mind (if you're not already) that a lot of these frustrations may not be as surface level as they immediately appear. It might not be that either though.
Click to expand...
Without a doubt how I'm feeling is certainly exacerbated by lack of sleep and stress. My body does NOT handle stress well at all and I don't know why. My anger gets out of control, I get so exhausted I fear that I'm going to fall asleep while driving someday, my whole nervous system feels shaky. I know I need help, and I would love some answers as to why I feel like I do (maybe there's some underlying genetic component or disorder?). I also know I have a lot of feelings I need help working through. Something I've been thinking about for the new year is trying therapy again. I just hope I can follow through.

Regardless of the physical exacerbation and how I feel, I still think that something needs to change. My husband and I are working on it, with his job anyways. I just seriously wish he wasn't so passive sometimes. But I know you can't change people and they need to make those decisions themselves.
 
PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Despair.

I am watching my life being ruined by this damned social anxiety disorder and I just can't seem to beat it.
My SA leads to depression, feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, suicidal thoughts.. no matter how many people tell me and give me the impression they like me or like being around me.

I'm ok with who I am actually - as a person, but no matter where I go I have to experience the dreaded sitting around, socializing and drinking, bbq's, Xmas parties, special event's like birthdays etc etc.. Why can't the world accept that I just don't like those situations? Why do people think less of you if you don't like those things?
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Anxious. On edge. Depressed. Dreading Christmas Day, as is the tradition in my family. Cuz y’know an argument’s just bubbling below the surface, Yin wrong word is aw it takes...

I’m just sick fed-up with always getting 2nd hand accounts of the buckin’ family drama I’m having tolerate, to be honest. Because... Whit do I have to be depressed about, eh? That’s the question asked of me every time ah vent how ah feel. My disability? Low self esteem? The fact my family aren’t easy to live or co-exist with? :unsure::mad:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Depressed as f__k that everything I’d planned for this year never bloody happened. :cry: From May 2019 onwards, I just became more n’ more miserable; huvin’ tae f__kin’ listen to all the bickering, nagging and whinging about how fed my family is. Contemplated suicide more than once; don’t know why ah never folllowed through on it?
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top