Its has been over 4 years since I diagnosed myself with SP and borderline agoraphobia. Its been one hell of a ride. I have yet to hit rock bottom but today I thought I was going to get pretty close. The world in my eyes keeps getting bigger and I keep getting smaller.
I never thought I would say it but I actually feel dead inside. I can physcially feel this pain. There is this deep heavy burning in my chest that does not seem to go away. I know I am not the only one. I get this flashes from the movie pulse and that is the only way I can relate to how I feel. Nothing is exciting anymore. I find myself putting the little bits of hope I do have into the arms of others and all they do is let me down.
I won;t lie I have thought about ending it but I know I won't at least not any time soon but is there anybody out there who can relate to this feeling of unending fear?
Yes, I can certainly relate. :
: I lived in unending fear for years. I will tell you two things, that I had to figure out the hard way. First, DO NOT put the little bit of hope you have into the arms of others. No one else can solve your problems for you. Any hope you put into others, will eventually be lost like you said. Second, conquering fear is actually quite fulfilling. I know it seems impossible, but it is not. When I was a kid I used to go to the river, to swim. There were a bunch of rocks that the teenagers would jump off. Me and my friends got on them one time, and looked down. It was the scariest **** that I had ever seen. My friends dared me to jump off. It was terrifying, I sat staring for a long time in complete terror. Finally I closed my eyes and jumped. It was awesome. After that I couldn't stop doing it. Conquering fear really is hard to do. One of the hardest things to do in life I think. But it really feels great when you do it. But that first step is always the hardest.
I am sure you will be able to do it.
