How are you feeling?

It's hard when you are and were around people that are constantly negative. For me it is hard because I'm use to having a negative mindset.
Oh, I can relate, somehow. Not that I’m used having a negative mindset, I just got used to being told negative things about myself by my family.

Were the leg lifts and the slow knee bends on your feet or no?
Leg lifts I did laying down on my back, initially, in the days after my operation . The knee bends started that way to, but I eventually started doing those while standing once I got the strength back in my legs, and started adjusting to how my legs were compared to before the surgery.

The lower back pain issues were due to your leg at the time? I'm glad to hear you are walking better and more confidently.
Thanks. Yeah, the lower back pain issues were due to my right knee being slightly out of alignment before having my orthopaedic surgery. Meaning I was slightly hunched over and limping on my right side.

If you don't mind me asking who put your single bed in for you in the living room? How come you couldn't sleep in your room or is it because you couldn't walk at the time?
Because my bedroom was upstairs. And there was no way I was getting up there in the days or weeks after, either, getting my operation or getting my casts off. So, my oldest sister got in touch with our local housing department and explained my situation with having had the surgery, and got someone to bring out a single bed. Even though I was transported home by ambulance laying on the same hospital bed that I’d been for the duration of my stay in hospital, and the plan was to have me keep the bed until I was ready to get my casts off. Unfortunately, the hospital bed was too wide to fit through the front door of my house. So I had to be transferred to a wheelchair to be able to get in my house again.

Oh. Why do you say nothing when they argue? Your mother shouldn't lump you in with your siblings.

I'm sure that is frustrating or annoying.
Because, whenever I do, everyone starts on me. And that just causes another argument. Even though afterwards, once my sisters are away and it’s just us, my mother will always acknowledge I was right in what I said. Despite getting shouted at for making my point. As for being lumped in with my siblings, I’m used to it, as unfair as it is.
 

Marc7

Well-known member
Oh, I can relate, somehow. Not that I’m used having a negative mindset, I just got used to being told negative things about myself by my family.
Oh okay. I think it is because of my anxiety of why I think negative.

Leg lifts I did laying down on my back, initially, in the days after my operation . The knee bends started that way to, but I eventually started doing those while standing once I got the strength back in my legs, and started adjusting to how my legs were compared to before the surgery.
I see, did it help?

Thanks. Yeah, the lower back pain issues were due to my right knee being slightly out of alignment before having my orthopaedic surgery. Meaning I was slightly hunched over and limping on my right side.
You're welcome. That must of not been fun.

Because my bedroom was upstairs. And there was no way I was getting up there in the days or weeks after, either, getting my operation or getting my casts off. So, my oldest sister got in touch with our local housing department and explained my situation with having had the surgery, and got someone to bring out a single bed. Even though I was transported home by ambulance laying on the same hospital bed that I’d been for the duration of my stay in hospital, and the plan was to have me keep the bed until I was ready to get my casts off. Unfortunately, the hospital bed was too wide to fit through the front door of my house. So I had to be transferred to a wheelchair to be able to get in my house again.
Oh, that makes sense. Did your sister get the bed for free or did she have to pay for it?

Because, whenever I do, everyone starts on me. And that just causes another argument. Even though afterwards, once my sisters are away and it’s just us, my mother will always acknowledge I was right in what I said. Despite getting shouted at for making my point. As for being lumped in with my siblings, I’m used to it, as unfair as it is.
What do you mean by starts on you? At least your mother acknowledges you're right.
 
Oh okay. I think it is because of my anxiety of why I think negative.
Yeah, my anxiety does the same to my mindset at time. It doesn’t exactly help that my mother can be quite a negative person.

I see, did it help?
Yeah, it did actually. I’m a lot more steady and balanced on my feet than I used to be.

You're welcome. That must of not been fun.
No, it wasn’t. Used have frequent sleepless nights because of the back issues I used to experience.

Oh, that makes sense. Did your sister get the bed for free or did she have to pay for it?
If I recall rightly, she bought me a cheap single bed a couple days after I’d got home and spent an uncomfortable, sleepless night on the living room couch. As we got in touch with the local housing department by phone and they had someone come out who told that wouldn’t be practical for “health & safety reasons”.

After they’d left, and we had a good swear about it, my oldest sister just went and bought me a cheap single bed. Despite our mother worrying that we could get reported to council. When our mum said this my oldest sister just said that if that happens she’d be reporting one of our neighbors for benefits fraud, as they were claiming more in disability benefit than they should’ve.

What do you mean by starts on you? At least your mother acknowledges you're right.
Oh ! If I interrupted and asked what the argument was about, or tell them how ah feel whenever they get like that, they gang up on me ! Apparently I’m just supposed to accept it as normal that every family has stupid, petty arguments over trivial thing. Shouting at each other. It’s the main reason why I’ve tended to avoid family gatherings or interacting with them for the most part. And it’s only after the argument that I get told I was right, but I rarely - if ever - get an apology from the one who tends to have started it. Nope ! Just make me out to be the one who was in the wrong for making a valid point or making an observation. And gloss over the fact that the dysfunctional family dynamic is something I’ve had put up with since I was 10 years old. :cry:
 
Living with a drunk father has been taking a greater toll on me lately. I'm constantly finding myself trying to identify all the things that brought him to this point, because as a kid he never drank. Like as if knowing would sadden me less. I am almost angry after he watched his own mother die for 20 years and told his son he wouldn't want to see him die that he then drinks himself closer to death on a daily basis in front of me and risks accelerating the process by getting behind the wheel. I wish I had the means to move out now because I do not have the ability to stay in undying high spirits as my mother seems to have while living with her estranged depressingly drunk husband.
 

Marc7

Well-known member
Yeah, my anxiety does the same to my mindset at time. It doesn’t exactly help that my mother can be quite a negative person.
I think it is the depressive type of my illness not my anxiety, my mistake. Yea that doesn't help either.

Yeah, it did actually. I’m a lot more steady and balanced on my feet than I used to be.
That's good.

No, it wasn’t. Used have frequent sleepless nights because of the back issues I used to experience.
I'm glad your back is better now.

If I recall rightly, she bought me a cheap single bed a couple days after I’d got home and spent an uncomfortable, sleepless night on the living room couch. As we got in touch with the local housing department by phone and they had someone come out who told that wouldn’t be practical for “health & safety reasons”.

After they’d left, and we had a good swear about it, my oldest sister just went and bought me a cheap single bed. Despite our mother worrying that we could get reported to council. When our mum said this my oldest sister just said that if that happens she’d be reporting one of our neighbors for benefits fraud, as they were claiming more in disability benefit than they should’ve.
What wasn't practical for "healthy & safety reasons" sleeping on the couch or the single bed? Why would you get reported to the council? How can someone claim more in disability benefit than they should have?

Oh ! If I interrupted and asked what the argument was about, or tell them how ah feel whenever they get like that, they gang up on me ! Apparently I’m just supposed to accept it as normal that every family has stupid, petty arguments over trivial thing. Shouting at each other. It’s the main reason why I’ve tended to avoid family gatherings or interacting with them for the most part. And it’s only after the argument that I get told I was right, but I rarely - if ever - get an apology from the one who tends to have started it. Nope ! Just make me out to be the one who was in the wrong for making a valid point or making an observation. And gloss over the fact that the dysfunctional family dynamic is something I’ve had put up with since I was 10 years old. :cry:
I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. If you can handle it, did you ever think about moving out?
 
I just need to vent because I feel like garbage. The guy that I am seeing, we argue a lot. I don’t like it. I feel like I am always getting in trouble with him. Like, if I come home with a bought tea/coffee, go out to eat, buy something new - I have to hear about it. It’s like I’m not allowed to make myself happy because it costs money or makes me fat (“is bad for me”). THEN, he usually wants a sip/bite of it like it’s his - that’s really annoying. I really don’t mind sharing, but I need to be appropriately and politely asked. He accused me of being irresponsible today because I buy what I want and yet all of my bills are paid. I try to explain that this is how I survive working constantly - I need rewards so I can have fun in my life because it’s always work and school. When we first started seeing each other, I pointed out how he spent a lot of money on vape stuff (he has since quit), but was complaining about the grocery bill. He thought I was calling him an addict with that statement (which I wasn’t, he hears what he wants which is usually an insult I didn’t intend), so he called me a “fatty”. That crushed me because that has been my number 1 insecurity/emotional abuse topic for YEARS. He has apologized, but I can’t get over it. I sincerely don’t understand his mean tendencies; it’s like he likes it or something. To make it worse, the 2 family functions he attended (I have a big family and I get being scared/anxious), he got very upset (angry) and left. I was not only humiliated, but further hurt by that. He said it was anxiety, but really? I was left to converse with his mother (whom I don’t like) while having anxiety, but I sucked it up and made conversation. I just wish he would try, but he is so selfish. I don’t know how I feel about this anymore. It sucks because we work together and live together. I am so confused if I should stay or go. I just feel hurt :(
 

Miserum

Well-known member
I just need to vent because I feel like garbage. The guy that I am seeing, we argue a lot. I don’t like it. I feel like I am always getting in trouble with him. Like, if I come home with a bought tea/coffee, go out to eat, buy something new - I have to hear about it. It’s like I’m not allowed to make myself happy because it costs money or makes me fat (“is bad for me”). THEN, he usually wants a sip/bite of it like it’s his - that’s really annoying. I really don’t mind sharing, but I need to be appropriately and politely asked. He accused me of being irresponsible today because I buy what I want and yet all of my bills are paid. I try to explain that this is how I survive working constantly - I need rewards so I can have fun in my life because it’s always work and school. When we first started seeing each other, I pointed out how he spent a lot of money on vape stuff (he has since quit), but was complaining about the grocery bill. He thought I was calling him an addict with that statement (which I wasn’t, he hears what he wants which is usually an insult I didn’t intend), so he called me a “fatty”. That crushed me because that has been my number 1 insecurity/emotional abuse topic for YEARS. He has apologized, but I can’t get over it. I sincerely don’t understand his mean tendencies; it’s like he likes it or something. To make it worse, the 2 family functions he attended (I have a big family and I get being scared/anxious), he got very upset (angry) and left. I was not only humiliated, but further hurt by that. He said it was anxiety, but really? I was left to converse with his mother (whom I don’t like) while having anxiety, but I sucked it up and made conversation. I just wish he would try, but he is so selfish. I don’t know how I feel about this anymore. It sucks because we work together and live together. I am so confused if I should stay or go. I just feel hurt :(
Sounds like a fun relationship if you're a masochist.
 
I just need to vent because I feel like garbage. The guy that I am seeing, we argue a lot. I don’t like it. I feel like I am always getting in trouble with him. Like, if I come home with a bought tea/coffee, go out to eat, buy something new - I have to hear about it. It’s like I’m not allowed to make myself happy because it costs money or makes me fat (“is bad for me”). THEN, he usually wants a sip/bite of it like it’s his - that’s really annoying. I really don’t mind sharing, but I need to be appropriately and politely asked. He accused me of being irresponsible today because I buy what I want and yet all of my bills are paid. I try to explain that this is how I survive working constantly - I need rewards so I can have fun in my life because it’s always work and school. When we first started seeing each other, I pointed out how he spent a lot of money on vape stuff (he has since quit), but was complaining about the grocery bill. He thought I was calling him an addict with that statement (which I wasn’t, he hears what he wants which is usually an insult I didn’t intend), so he called me a “fatty”. That crushed me because that has been my number 1 insecurity/emotional abuse topic for YEARS. He has apologized, but I can’t get over it. I sincerely don’t understand his mean tendencies; it’s like he likes it or something. To make it worse, the 2 family functions he attended (I have a big family and I get being scared/anxious), he got very upset (angry) and left. I was not only humiliated, but further hurt by that. He said it was anxiety, but really? I was left to converse with his mother (whom I don’t like) while having anxiety, but I sucked it up and made conversation. I just wish he would try, but he is so selfish. I don’t know how I feel about this anymore. It sucks because we work together and live together. I am so confused if I should stay or go. I just feel hurt :(
I know that was a vent post and perhaps only the bad qualities are being presented, but there are some things you mentioned that sound like they should never be ok, like calling you a fatty. If he says something like that, he's thinking it, and if he's thinking that way about his girlfriend, well, he's sort of an Ass. If he's focusing on the things he doesn't like about you and wants to change, it's a recipe for disaster and a major red flag to me. I mean all I know about him is from this post so take that with a grain of salt, but if it feels like he has a girlfriend mold he is trying to fit you into as opposed to liking the person you are inside and out I would be wary.
 

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
I just need to vent because I feel like garbage. The guy that I am seeing, we argue a lot. I don’t like it. I feel like I am always getting in trouble with him. Like, if I come home with a bought tea/coffee, go out to eat, buy something new - I have to hear about it. It’s like I’m not allowed to make myself happy because it costs money or makes me fat (“is bad for me”). THEN, he usually wants a sip/bite of it like it’s his - that’s really annoying. I really don’t mind sharing, but I need to be appropriately and politely asked. He accused me of being irresponsible today because I buy what I want and yet all of my bills are paid. I try to explain that this is how I survive working constantly - I need rewards so I can have fun in my life because it’s always work and school. When we first started seeing each other, I pointed out how he spent a lot of money on vape stuff (he has since quit), but was complaining about the grocery bill. He thought I was calling him an addict with that statement (which I wasn’t, he hears what he wants which is usually an insult I didn’t intend), so he called me a “fatty”. That crushed me because that has been my number 1 insecurity/emotional abuse topic for YEARS. He has apologized, but I can’t get over it. I sincerely don’t understand his mean tendencies; it’s like he likes it or something. To make it worse, the 2 family functions he attended (I have a big family and I get being scared/anxious), he got very upset (angry) and left. I was not only humiliated, but further hurt by that. He said it was anxiety, but really? I was left to converse with his mother (whom I don’t like) while having anxiety, but I sucked it up and made conversation. I just wish he would try, but he is so selfish. I don’t know how I feel about this anymore. It sucks because we work together and live together. I am so confused if I should stay or go. I just feel hurt :(
It sounds like he is emotionally abusive and you should kick him to the curb, because you deserve to feel happy and secure in a relationship, not hurt and insulted.
 

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
It sounds like he is emotionally abusive and you should kick him to the curb, because you deserve to feel happy and secure in a relationship, not hurt and insulted.
I say this bluntly I know, I used to vent about my prior relationship on here and a few people would comment and point out how it was not a healthy relationship and that she was not treating me right. I made excuses for it or pointed out that I wasnt mentioning her good qualities, and let it go on for a few years (til she got sick of me and quite literally abandoned me). It was only after all that crap was over that I could look back and realize how right everyone was and how much I shouldve ended it years ago. So thats why Im being blunt now, in hopes that you can do what I couldnt and spare yourself more misery and hurting
 
I just need to vent because I feel like garbage. The guy that I am seeing, we argue a lot. I don’t like it. I feel like I am always getting in trouble with him. Like, if I come home with a bought tea/coffee, go out to eat, buy something new - I have to hear about it. It’s like I’m not allowed to make myself happy because it costs money or makes me fat (“is bad for me”). THEN, he usually wants a sip/bite of it like it’s his - that’s really annoying. I really don’t mind sharing, but I need to be appropriately and politely asked. He accused me of being irresponsible today because I buy what I want and yet all of my bills are paid. I try to explain that this is how I survive working constantly - I need rewards so I can have fun in my life because it’s always work and school. When we first started seeing each other, I pointed out how he spent a lot of money on vape stuff (he has since quit), but was complaining about the grocery bill. He thought I was calling him an addict with that statement (which I wasn’t, he hears what he wants which is usually an insult I didn’t intend), so he called me a “fatty”. That crushed me because that has been my number 1 insecurity/emotional abuse topic for YEARS. He has apologized, but I can’t get over it. I sincerely don’t understand his mean tendencies; it’s like he likes it or something. To make it worse, the 2 family functions he attended (I have a big family and I get being scared/anxious), he got very upset (angry) and left. I was not only humiliated, but further hurt by that. He said it was anxiety, but really? I was left to converse with his mother (whom I don’t like) while having anxiety, but I sucked it up and made conversation. I just wish he would try, but he is so selfish. I don’t know how I feel about this anymore. It sucks because we work together and live together. I am so confused if I should stay or go. I just feel hurt :(
Been there..done that. I've promised myself to NEVER, let myself be trodden on by anyone again - especially a partner.. They're supposed to be there WITH you..FOR you.. for you to support each other..

Sounds to me like you have already answered your own questions Sarah.
 
Rubbish. I need a new job where I work with adults rather than working in a job where I'm supposed to be working with adults but in reality I'm working with around 50% of the workforce who are children unable to understand that work is not a place where everything goes your way!
 
Thank you guys for the support; you always were and still are some of the most amazing people in the world. I was venting and he has apologized. He is teaching me a lot about relationships and makes me go out of my comfort zone to stick up for myself and talk about my feelings - he encourages me to do that and to get angry with him (when I am mad, I get quiet and don’t yell). If things get better, I will stay. If they stay the same or worsen, I will leave.
 
Well, my parents are finally separating. I thought it would be relief I would feel as its been a long time coming, but the immediate feeling I have is stress. I think my father is going to be a drama queen about it which is probably where most of the stress is coming from. But there's also what my parents are going to do as my Mother doesn't know how to balance a checkbook and my father drinks himself to sleep every night and gags at the idea of cleaning a bathroom. And the fact that I still live at home with both of them only complicates things more. It's going to be impossible to look like I'm not picking favorites at every turn. But its mostly my dad. My mother hasn't said an unkind word in 10 years, yet from the sounds of it my father is taking this as an opportunity to make her think she's awful and my siblings and I think very poorly of her. Confrontation usually unravels me for days, but if it keeps up like I worry it might I don't think ignoring it is going to be the correct thing to do. I've watched enough episodes of Big Brother with him to know exactly what he's doing. It's just we live in the fucking real world and masterfully orchestrating insults and put downs doesn't get you 1000 likes and the respect of the cool kids in high school. It makes you look petty, insecure, sad, and pathetic. And as its my father, the emphasis is on Sad. It makes me sad. I feel stressed and sad.
 

Miserum

Well-known member
Well, my parents are finally separating. I thought it would be relief I would feel as its been a long time coming, but the immediate feeling I have is stress. I think my father is going to be a drama queen about it which is probably where most of the stress is coming from. But there's also what my parents are going to do as my Mother doesn't know how to balance a checkbook and my father drinks himself to sleep every night and gags at the idea of cleaning a bathroom. And the fact that I still live at home with both of them only complicates things more. It's going to be impossible to look like I'm not picking favorites at every turn. But its mostly my dad. My mother hasn't said an unkind word in 10 years, yet from the sounds of it my father is taking this as an opportunity to make her think she's awful and my siblings and I think very poorly of her. Confrontation usually unravels me for days, but if it keeps up like I worry it might I don't think ignoring it is going to be the correct thing to do. I've watched enough episodes of Big Brother with him to know exactly what he's doing. It's just we live in the fucking real world and masterfully orchestrating insults and put downs doesn't get you 1000 likes and the respect of the cool kids in high school. It makes you look petty, insecure, sad, and pathetic. And as its my father, the emphasis is on Sad. It makes me sad. I feel stressed and sad.
I hope you and your family can get through this tough time without too much malevolence.
 
Don’t fuckin’ know anymore... Running on empty about sums up how ah’ve been feeling. Though, naebuddy seems to care about ma well-being. My mother pretty implied that, yesterday, when ah told her ah wus fed-up and she responded with:

“Ha ! How d’ye think ah feel...?”

Funny how women, at least in my family, seem to get aw the sympathy when they’re feeling down n’ upset. They’re never judged for it. Me? I get the “Whit huv you got to be depressed aboot, eh?” question. That usually followed up with the statement that I “huv’nae got anything to be depressed about” :mad::cry:

Arguments... aw the fuckin’ time ! Day in, day oot ! And I’m just supposed to “ignore them”. Like huvin’ massive row is the norm. Then, my family hus the fuckin’ nerve to ask me why ah rarely speak to, or enjoy socialising with them ?

Graeme, why d’you insist every year that ye want to spend Christmas by yersel’...?” :mad: Ah don’t know... between being ignored and having watch what I say, take a guess !

Ma oldest sister once, a few years ago, sarcastically, reintroduced me to one of my cousins who lives down south, in London as: “the one with antisocial tendencies”. Which wus summit that ah took issue with at the time. But, given what I’ve had to put up with for the last 3 years, my sister’s description of me is pretty accurate.
 
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