How are you feeling?

[PugofCrydee]

I just need to vent because I feel like garbage. The guy that I am seeing, we argue a lot. I don’t like it. I feel like I am always getting in trouble with him. Like, if I come home with a bought tea/coffee, go out to eat, buy something new - I have to hear about it. It’s like I’m not allowed to make myself happy because it costs money or makes me fat (“is bad for me”). THEN, he usually wants a sip/bite of it like it’s his - that’s really annoying. I really don’t mind sharing, but I need to be appropriately and politely asked. He accused me of being irresponsible today because I buy what I want and yet all of my bills are paid. I try to explain that this is how I survive working constantly - I need rewards so I can have fun in my life because it’s always work and school. When we first started seeing each other, I pointed out how he spent a lot of money on vape stuff (he has since quit), but was complaining about the grocery bill. He thought I was calling him an addict with that statement (which I wasn’t, he hears what he wants which is usually an insult I didn’t intend), so he called me a “fatty”. That crushed me because that has been my number 1 insecurity/emotional abuse topic for YEARS. He has apologized, but I can’t get over it. I sincerely don’t understand his mean tendencies; it’s like he likes it or something. To make it worse, the 2 family functions he attended (I have a big family and I get being scared/anxious), he got very upset (angry) and left. I was not only humiliated, but further hurt by that. He said it was anxiety, but really? I was left to converse with his mother (whom I don’t like) while having anxiety, but I sucked it up and made conversation. I just wish he would try, but he is so selfish. I don’t know how I feel about this anymore. It sucks because we work together and live together. I am so confused if I should stay or go. I just feel hurt

Been there..done that. I've promised myself to NEVER, let myself be trodden on by anyone again - especially a partner.. They're supposed to be there WITH you..FOR you.. for you to support each other..

Sounds to me like you have already answered your own questions Sarah.

 

[SilentAndShy]

Rubbish. I need a new job where I work with adults rather than working in a job where I'm supposed to be working with adults but in reality I'm working with around 50% of the workforce who are children unable to understand that work is not a place where everything goes your way!

 

[Sarah_M]

Thank you guys for the support; you always were and still are some of the most amazing people in the world. I was venting and he has apologized. He is teaching me a lot about relationships and makes me go out of my comfort zone to stick up for myself and talk about my feelings - he encourages me to do that and to get angry with him (when I am mad, I get quiet and don’t yell). If things get better, I will stay. If they stay the same or worsen, I will leave.

 

[theoutsider]

Magnesium helps, it really does. This week, I encountered things that would normally trigger my anxiety such as certain behaviors from my co-workers. I just took them with a grain of salt and kept it moving. It's been a good week.

 

[vj288]

Well, my parents are finally separating. I thought it would be relief I would feel as its been a long time coming, but the immediate feeling I have is stress. I think my father is going to be a drama queen about it which is probably where most of the stress is coming from. But there's also what my parents are going to do as my Mother doesn't know how to balance a checkbook and my father drinks himself to sleep every night and gags at the idea of cleaning a bathroom. And the fact that I still live at home with both of them only complicates things more. It's going to be impossible to look like I'm not picking favorites at every turn. But its mostly my dad. My mother hasn't said an unkind word in 10 years, yet from the sounds of it my father is taking this as an opportunity to make her think she's awful and my siblings and I think very poorly of her. Confrontation usually unravels me for days, but if it keeps up like I worry it might I don't think ignoring it is going to be the correct thing to do. I've watched enough episodes of Big Brother with him to know exactly what he's doing. It's just we live in the fucking real world and masterfully orchestrating insults and put downs doesn't get you 1000 likes and the respect of the cool kids in high school. It makes you look petty, insecure, sad, and pathetic. And as its my father, the emphasis is on Sad. It makes me sad. I feel stressed and sad.

 

[Miserum]

Well, my parents are finally separating. I thought it would be relief I would feel as its been a long time coming, but the immediate feeling I have is stress. I think my father is going to be a drama queen about it which is probably where most of the stress is coming from. But there's also what my parents are going to do as my Mother doesn't know how to balance a checkbook and my father drinks himself to sleep every night and gags at the idea of cleaning a bathroom. And the fact that I still live at home with both of them only complicates things more. It's going to be impossible to look like I'm not picking favorites at every turn. But its mostly my dad. My mother hasn't said an unkind word in 10 years, yet from the sounds of it my father is taking this as an opportunity to make her think she's awful and my siblings and I think very poorly of her. Confrontation usually unravels me for days, but if it keeps up like I worry it might I don't think ignoring it is going to be the correct thing to do. I've watched enough episodes of Big Brother with him to know exactly what he's doing. It's just we live in the fucking real world and masterfully orchestrating insults and put downs doesn't get you 1000 likes and the respect of the cool kids in high school. It makes you look petty, insecure, sad, and pathetic. And as its my father, the emphasis is on Sad. It makes me sad. I feel stressed and sad.

I hope you and your family can get through this tough time without too much malevolence.

 

[Graeme1988]

Don’t fuckin’ know anymore... Running on empty about sums up how ah’ve been feeling. Though, naebuddy seems to care about ma well-being. My mother pretty implied that, yesterday, when ah told her ah wus fed-up and she responded with:

“Ha ! How d’ye think ah feel...?”

Funny how women, at least in my family, seem to get aw the sympathy when they’re feeling down n’ upset. They’re never judged for it. Me? I get the “Whit huv you got to be depressed aboot, eh?” question. That usually followed up with the statement that I “huv’nae got anything to be depressed about”

Arguments... aw the fuckin’ time ! Day in, day oot ! And I’m just supposed to “ignore them”. Like huvin’ massive row is the norm. Then, my family hus the fuckin’ nerve to ask me why ah rarely speak to, or enjoy socialising with them ?

“Graeme, why d’you insist every year that ye want to spend Christmas by yersel’...?” Ah don’t know... between being ignored and having watch what I say, take a guess !

Ma oldest sister once, a few years ago, sarcastically, reintroduced me to one of my cousins who lives down south, in London as: “the one with antisocial tendencies”. Which wus summit that ah took issue with at the time. But, given what I’ve had to put up with for the last 3 years, my sister’s description of me is pretty accurate.

 

[vj288]

I hope you and your family can get through this tough time without too much malevolence.

Thanks, I hope so too.

 

[Kiwong]

I tell people I like solitude. Some get put out, because if I prefer my own company to theirs. It as if I am saying they aren't good enough. Which isn't true.

 

[theoutsider]

I feel like I'm rolling with the punches. Everyday isn't easy but I feel like I've been doing a good job of taking the bad with the good without letting the losses go to my heart or the wins go to my head. This is actually a major step for me.

 

[theoutsider]

I tell people I like solitude. Some get put out, because if I prefer my own company to theirs. It as if I am saying they aren't good enough. Which isn't true.

I'm very familiar with that reaction. It used to perplex me that people would actually be offended just because I like doing my own thing. Also, I seem to have developed this "maddening habit" of following my own path where it comes to decisions that affect my life even after I've been given someone else's version of the best way to go about it! I guess it's a part of human nature in the regular, sociable world that causes us individualists to be perpetually misunderstood. Sometimes I want to yell, "Don't be offended! It has nothing to do with you!"

 

[SilentAndShy]

Anxious about a new car I'll be receiving considering my driving (been driving on/off for a year) has moments where I lose concentration and end up having close calls (which isn't good when my family are passengers) and I get anxious on a few technical driving aspects that I'm finding hard to ask for help with hence resorting to online support.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

Like a stranger in a strange forum. Glad to see so many familiar folks still here, not entirely sure I still belong. Did I ever?

Also, anxious, depressed, paranoid, quasi-suicidal, and pretty darned scared.

A bit peckish, too.

 

[LoyalXenite]

Hey Graybeard

 

[Graeme1988]

Hiya Graybeard.

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah nearly broke doon in tears yesterday, because ah realised that ah huv’nae really been taking proper care of maself for the past 2 years. Also, my mother seems to find it amusing just how fed-up and pissed off I am.

Funny how some women are like that... yet if I reacted in the same way, I’m the insensitive arsehole,
But hey, that a contradiction or double standard I’ve been trying to make sense of for 16 years noo.

At least her and my sister get a rest from the kids when they come n’ visit cuz they’re almost always upstairs with me. Which is understandable, but ah wish they’d be a bit better behaved.

 

[Graeme1988]

Been feeling quite tired, lately. No getting tae sleep until like 3 o’clock in the morning. Mainly because ah lie in bed, fully awake, thinking about and berating masel’ for all the thing ah did’nae manage to get done that day.

 

[Graeme1988]

Hmmm... Mixed feelings, really.

On the one hand, ah managed to get most of old paint stripped from stairs within 48 hours. My oldest sister asked me to do it as a favour, and something for me to do instead sitting oan ma arse watching YouTube.

On a less positive n’ happy note, ah just found out today that a Polish fella who worked at one of the takeaways in my town died in hospital a few days ago after he got beat up whilist on a night out at the pub. And lad who did it is someone that ah went to school with. Coincidentally, he bullied me quite frequently when we were at school together. Though, sadly, ah did’nae get mad enough to actually hit him. Now, ah kinda wish ah had... does that make me a bad person?

 

[Phoenixx]

Well, my parents are finally separating. I thought it would be relief I would feel as its been a long time coming, but the immediate feeling I have is stress. I think my father is going to be a drama queen about it which is probably where most of the stress is coming from. But there's also what my parents are going to do as my Mother doesn't know how to balance a checkbook and my father drinks himself to sleep every night and gags at the idea of cleaning a bathroom. And the fact that I still live at home with both of them only complicates things more. It's going to be impossible to look like I'm not picking favorites at every turn. But its mostly my dad. My mother hasn't said an unkind word in 10 years, yet from the sounds of it my father is taking this as an opportunity to make her think she's awful and my siblings and I think very poorly of her. Confrontation usually unravels me for days, but if it keeps up like I worry it might I don't think ignoring it is going to be the correct thing to do. I've watched enough episodes of Big Brother with him to know exactly what he's doing. It's just we live in the fucking real world and masterfully orchestrating insults and put downs doesn't get you 1000 likes and the respect of the cool kids in high school. It makes you look petty, insecure, sad, and pathetic. And as its my father, the emphasis is on Sad. It makes me sad. I feel stressed and sad.

I hope you and your family are able to get through this without too much of a mess. I understand how you'd expect to feel relieved but it is stressful too.

I always wonder if there will be a day my parents will divorce or separate. And I wonder if I'd feel relieved like I'd expect or if I'd feel stressed..? You always see or hear the stories from other people who's parents divorced while they were young. "They always fought all the time." or "They were never happy but they're both good now." or "They don't talk but I still can talk to them without too much issue." (Or at least this is what I've encountered with other people's experiences) I feel like it's harder when you're older and that happens. Because you grow up seeing the happiness, seeing your parents love each other and love you. But then you wonder what went wrong and why things are so shitty and no one talks about it or pretends there's nothing wrong until something happens and then everything explodes at once. I don't know what happened to my parents, or why they started disliking each other, and why they started treating me differently. Maybe there was something wrong my whole life but I was too naive as a child to even notice.

 

[Phoenixx]

I'm feeling miserable today. I'm burned out. I can't handle the tension headaches that come every day. My body hurts every single day from working so much. Breaks are far and few between right now. I'm angry every single day because I'm so tired and in pain. I hate taking it out on people but recently these days I can't help it. I straight up yelled at not one but two coworkers last week. The one deserved it honestly as he's always screwing up the job and other people have to fix his mistakes, but the other guy didn't deserve it. I apologized and we're good now but I'm afraid of earning an undesirable reputation. I'm a friendly person, but I have anger issues I need to work through. I just don't even know where to start and therapy is not an option right now.