How are you feeling?

Kiwong

Well-known member
Its always fascinated me how many people, women mainly, are attracted to, and often correspond with, serial killers or other big crime convicts. I'm fascinated by their stories but I dont wanna get with one o_O
I am fascinated by their stories too. How they got away with it, how they were caught., the evidence. It is their superficial charm that helps them get away with it.
 
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My mother fell down the stairs this evening - or "slipped" as she put it - after bringing my dinner up to my room. And, of course - naturally - my older sister place most of the blame upon me. Cuz it's always my fault in her eyes... :cry::mad:
 

Marc7

Well-known member
Sorry, I typed that last bit phonetically in my accent. By “git guff”, I just meant getting bullied by my family. :LOL:

And my family do tell me to open up about my feelings, but every time I do I’m told I’m wrong, and what I’m saying isn’t valid. Or that I’m just “nagging” and “being a bully”. Something I’ve tried to make my mother in particular see the irony of. Basically, they can be as negative and self pitying as they’d like, but the moment I say anything remotely similar.. oh, I’m “attention seeking”, not being nice”, or “dour” :mad:

Oh, and I get where you’re coming from with regards to being afraid to change yer life when you’re not sure you will have the necessary skills, motivation, etc. It’s not exactly easy having to teach yourself those necessary skills.
So your family bullies you because you are the only male?

Did you get your mother to see the the irony in it? That's hypocritical.

What advice can you give me for being afraid to change my life? Yea it is not easy to teach myself those necessary skills.
 
So your family bullies you because you are the only male?
Yep ! And I’m the youngest of my siblings, so I can’t stand up for myself without them either taking offence at me doing that, or sarcastically taughting me. Or if I give them a taste of their own medicine n’ treat them how they treat me then, “I’m bullying them” :mad: That’s partly why I never respond cuz I know my mouth’ll get me in trouble

Did you get your mother to see the the irony in it? That's hypocritical.
Oh, she acknowledged the irony alright. She just doesn’t care, and laughs it off.

What advice can you give me for being afraid to change my life? Yea it is not easy to teach myself those necessary skills.
Well, I can’t really offer advice beyond try not underestimating what ya can do. Don’t let you being afraid stop from learning those necessary skills. I mean, I’m kinda in a similar situation due in part to constantly being letdown whenever I ask my family to help me, to the point where ah rarely ask much of them. And my mother’s controlling nature, and insistence that I’m “not incapable” of looking after myself.

Even though my oldest sister testified otherwise when I had the house to myself for 2 weeks when our mother took a trip to Ireland a few years ago. And, that’s also despite me going through the agony of orthopaedic surgery on both my legs to improve my mobility. She’s even admitted to me her constant claim that: “You won’t cope on yer own”, is in fact, my mother projecting onto me that she can’t cope by herself. But that’s been a recurring thing for me since I was 15, because my Mum has done it ever since. And I haven’t been shy about reminder her of that, either. But most of my valid points and feelings just get the silent treatment whenever I bring them up. :mad: RANT OVER !

Anyway, sorry if that advice about not underestimating yerself is a bit obvious, cheesy or cliched. It’s the only advice that I could think of, given my own situation.
 

Marc7

Well-known member
Yep ! And I’m the youngest of my siblings, so I can’t stand up for myself without them either taking offence at me doing that, or sarcastically taughting me. Or if I give them a taste of their own medicine n’ treat them how they treat me then, “I’m bullying them” :mad: That’s partly why I never respond cuz I know my mouth’ll get me in trouble


Wow, that is messed up.

Oh, she acknowledged the irony alright. She just doesn’t care, and laughs it off.
How did that make you feel?

Well, I can’t really offer advice beyond try not underestimating what ya can do. Don’t let you being afraid stop from learning those necessary skills. I mean, I’m kinda in a similar situation due in part to constantly being letdown whenever I ask my family to help me, to the point where ah rarely ask much of them. And my mother’s controlling nature, and insistence that I’m “not incapable” of looking after myself.

Even though my oldest sister testified otherwise when I had the house to myself for 2 weeks when our mother took a trip to Ireland a few years ago. And, that’s also despite me going through the agony of orthopaedic surgery on both my legs to improve my mobility. She’s even admitted to me her constant claim that: “You won’t cope on yer own”, is in fact, my mother projecting onto me that she can’t cope by herself. But that’s been a recurring thing for me since I was 15, because my Mum has done it ever since. And I haven’t been shy about reminder her of that, either. But most of my valid points and feelings just get the silent treatment whenever I bring them up. :mad:RANT OVER !

Anyway, sorry if that advice about not underestimating yerself is a bit obvious, cheesy or cliched. It’s the only advice that I could think of, given my own situation.
By not underestimating what I can do you mean tell myself I can do it and stuff like that? How can I stop being afraid of learning those necessary skills? Sorry to hear that you have to learn those necessary skills too because of your family. Your sister said you took care of yourself for 2 weeks when your mother went away to Ireland? Around that time you had orthopedic surgery or before? Why did your mother say you can't cope on your own since you were 15?

It's okay. Sorry for asking a lot of questions.
 
Wow, that is messed up.
Yep ! But those are the double standards I have to put up with... sadly. :mad:

How did that make you feel?
Insignificant, as if I or my perspective doesn't matter. :(

By not underestimating what I can do you mean tell myself I can do it and stuff like that? How can I stop being afraid of learning those necessary skills?
Pretty much. But that's mainly based upon my own experience of having no-one willing to actual teach me those skills. So I had to do it myself, despite being unsure of myself and capabilities.

Sorry to hear that you have to learn those necessary skills too because of your family. Your sister said you took care of yourself for 2 weeks when your mother went away to Ireland? Around that time you had orthopedic surgery or before?
Yeah, my Mum went to visit my older sister when she lived over in Ireland, twice. Once 2 years before my orthopedic surgery and again a year after I had the operation. And my oldest sister who was coming in to see how I was doing occassionally - usual during her lunch break or after she was done at her job - said I was coping surrprsing well without our mother living with me.

Why did your mother say you can't cope on your own since you were 15?

It's okay. Sorry for asking a lot of questions.
No, it's fine. I'm happy to answer your questions. In answer to your last question, she basically said that because she's aware as I am that my disability will gradually get worse as I get older. And, y'know, the fact she's quite narcissistic - always wanting to feel needed. Or always wanting to be in control, to put it another way. But that's how she is... Sadly doesn't seem willing to change.
 
I’m feeling a lot better mentally. I started working out again and withdrew from pre-calculus in school, so I am a lot happier/less stressed. I’m in a new place mentally, too. I am realizing who I am and why I don’t connect with just anyone. I am unusual and like unusual things. There are people out there for me, but I have to find them. My ex from over a year ago came back recently - I can tell he’s in love with me, but I just want to be friends. Being alone is best for me right now, I think. I really just want friends and have noticed a big difference in how I feel having reconnected with my ex as friends - that’s what was missing. Real human connection. I almost feel empowered and ready to put myself out there to make more friends.

I am such a fortunate person and have SO much to look forward to - I just need to keep working out and eating healthy. Keep striving towards my goals. That is seriously the key to happiness for me.

I’m watching Velvet Buzzsaw on Netflix right now, I’m interested to see where this goes.
 
Mood swings wheeeee.

Feeling creatively frustrated. I act in local theatre, and it makes me happy. But it's also draining because, well. The reason we're all here. So that's good.

But I also have a longstanding ambition to write a novel, just to DO it -- a bucket list item, if you will. I have an idea and I've made some notes. But I keep getting in my head and judging myself, worrying about if it will be good before I even start. And then I wonder if I really even want to do it. So I stop and feel relieved. But then the ambition asserts itself again. It's an ongoing cycle of arrrrgh.
 
Mood swings wheeeee.

Feeling creatively frustrated. I act in local theatre, and it makes me happy. But it's also draining because, well. The reason we're all here. So that's good.

But I also have a longstanding ambition to write a novel, just to DO it -- a bucket list item, if you will. I have an idea and I've made some notes. But I keep getting in my head and judging myself, worrying about if it will be good before I even start. And then I wonder if I really even want to do it. So I stop and feel relieved. But then the ambition asserts itself again. It's an ongoing cycle of arrrrgh.
I have the same issue whenever I try to write, I actually think that doing creative writing at uni has made it worse. Its improved my skills but worsened my emotional state towards writing
 
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