How are you feeling?

[vj288]

I hope you and your family are able to get through this without too much of a mess. I understand how you'd expect to feel relieved but it is stressful too.

I always wonder if there will be a day my parents will divorce or separate. And I wonder if I'd feel relieved like I'd expect or if I'd feel stressed..? You always see or hear the stories from other people who's parents divorced while they were young. "They always fought all the time." or "They were never happy but they're both good now." or "They don't talk but I still can talk to them without too much issue." (Or at least this is what I've encountered with other people's experiences) I feel like it's harder when you're older and that happens. Because you grow up seeing the happiness, seeing your parents love each other and love you. But then you wonder what went wrong and why things are so shitty and no one talks about it or pretends there's nothing wrong until something happens and then everything explodes at once. I don't know what happened to my parents, or why they started disliking each other, and why they started treating me differently. Maybe there was something wrong my whole life but I was too naive as a child to even notice.

Thanks, I hope so too.

I find in situations like this while I can't help but look to the past and try to understand the path, I think what is more helpful and important is to look to the future and understand how to make things best for everybody. It is what it is, and how things work out will come down to the actions and decisions everyone decides to make.

I think one of the reasons looking back and trying to understand what went wrong (or if it was always wrong) is that our parents, for most people, are the relationship we are most knowledgeable about and which has influenced then the most. It's the relationship we look to first when considering all other relationships. I know in my case I can't help but be aware of the very odd relationship my parents have had all my life and how it has shaped what I think about relationships in general. I don't think I ever saw my parents kiss or even hold hands since I've been old enough to remember. I'm not saying I'm worse for it, I think relationships come in all shapes and sizes and if all parties involved are happy with the outcome then no one should criticize or judge, but I know it's influenced me in a way that most people aren't influenced. It makes me think more about what a relationship should be, because doing things the way I know wouldn't be ideal.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Hi Gray! Welcome back

 

[Miserum]

I tell people I like solitude. Some get put out, because if I prefer my own company to theirs. It as if I am saying they aren't good enough. Which isn't true.

I don't think (many) extroverts, especially, could ever understand our perspective.

"How can a person possibly derive pleasure from their own company only? Being by myself makes me feel like absolute shit, therefore all others must feel the same way."

 

[Miserum]

Anxious about a new car I'll be receiving considering my driving (been driving on/off for a year) has moments where I lose concentration and end up having close calls (which isn't good when my family are passengers) and I get anxious on a few technical driving aspects that I'm finding hard to ask for help with hence resorting to online support.

My unsolicited advice which you can take or leave:

Keep practicing every day and read/watch up on "theory" while also learning the (legal) rules of the road. You'll get better in no time and driving won't be an issue.

 

[SilentAndShy]

My unsolicited advice which you can take or leave:

Keep practicing every day and read/watch up on "theory" while also learning the (legal) rules of the road. You'll get better in no time and driving won't be an issue.

Thanks. However, how do I adjust my mental concentration when I'm driving so that my mind doesn't drift off and I end up making mistakes, that God forbid, haven't resulted in anything major. I just struggle to focus on my job to drive, and that's when anxiety ramps up and once a mistake happens (which it has on the few occasions I've driven the new car) I'm gone. I'm swearing, sweating, and taking it out on my passengers who are the most important people in my life, i.e my family. And then you add the technical issues on top..

 

[Miserum]

And then you add the technical issues on top..

Maybe think about it this way: if you commit the technical skill to muscle memory, i.e. learning the rules of the road, how to merge correctly, how to park, etc., you'll have fewer things to worry about than if you didn't know these things by heart. Once you become a good technical driver, all you'll have to worry about is getting distracted, instead of being distracted while also being uncomfortable with the technical aspects of driving. You will be lessening your brain's workload.

Having people in your car also serves as a distraction, so maybe limit that while you practice your driving?

As for your distractibility, have you considered the possibility that you might have ADHD? Just throwing that out there since distractibility is a key part of ADHD; I'm not trying to diagnose you.

 

[MollyBeGood]

Considering what a shitty run of things I have had lately I am feeling surprisingly ok atm. But overall doing 39.9% better than I was 4 months ago. Here's to another 20% and mercury in retrograde again!

 

[Miserum]

Considering what a shitty run of things I have had lately I am feeling surprisingly ok atm. But overall doing 39.9% better than I was 4 months ago. Here's to another 20% and mercury in retrograde again!

Safe journeys, traveler.

 

[Kiwong]

Considering what a shitty run of things I have had lately I am feeling surprisingly ok atm. But overall doing 39.9% better than I was 4 months ago. Here's to another 20% and mercury in retrograde again!

Great to hear that you are doing a lot better, Molly. You are due a less shitty run of things.

 

[MollyBeGood]

Great to hear that you are doing a lot better, Molly. You are due a less shitty run of things.

Thanks! I have been selfishly (but Not really) taking care of #1 and making me more of a priority and it’s paying off a bit. I am horrible at taking time to heal and focus on the actual repairs I have to do on this falling apart car lol
It’s definitely something one has to learn if they are not taught. I usually just bulldoze through stuff with a “let the chips fall where they may” attitude but that is my old coping system now. I hope anyways.
Ha yes damn it I deserve some happiness!

 

[GraybeardGhost]

Lonely and sad tonight. A lot of weight has been piling up the last couple of years. A lot of worry, a lot of fear. I used to have dreams, used to play around with plans for getting out of this hole, but I just can't see a way out anymore. I guess it's time to see about getting that pistol I've been thinking about. There's really no other answer.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Lonely and sad tonight. A lot of weight has been piling up the last couple of years. A lot of worry, a lot of fear. I used to have dreams, used to play around with plans for getting out of this hole, but I just can't see a way out anymore. I guess it's time to see about getting that pistol I've been thinking about. There's really no other answer.

Nope. No.
Sorry mate, I've been there, standing on the edge of the abyss.. no hope.. but life can change. Even in a single day. Death is permanent.

 

[SilentAndShy]

Maybe think about it this way: if you commit the technical skill to muscle memory, i.e. learning the rules of the road, how to merge correctly, how to park, etc., you'll have fewer things to worry about than if you didn't know these things by heart. Once you become a good technical driver, all you'll have to worry about is getting distracted, instead of being distracted while also being uncomfortable with the technical aspects of driving. You will be lessening your brain's workload.

Thank you for this piece of advice.

Last week, I drove on four seperate occasions and I tried to have this advice in my mind. Trying to focus on the technical aspects more. I think it worked, despite the odd moment of nervousness. It was a religious occasion so I just decided to fight, rather than flight, the situations. I drove for the first time on the motorway (freeway) following another car and I was nervous as hell (had moments my leg slightly tensed up, my heart beat went quick) but I came home in one piece, with my family. I'm not perfect (I will try!) but it's been a landmark week I feel to build upon. More challenges to face though.

 

[Miserum]

Thank you for this piece of advice.

Last week, I drove on four seperate occasions and I tried to have this advice in my mind. Trying to focus on the technical aspects more. I think it worked, despite the odd moment of nervousness. It was a religious occasion so I just decided to fight, rather than flight, the situations. I drove for the first time on the motorway (freeway) following another car and I was nervous as hell (had moments my leg slightly tensed up, my heart beat went quick) but I came home in one piece, with my family. I'm not perfect (I will try!) but it's been a landmark week I feel to build upon. More challenges to face though.

 

[SilentAndShy]

We ain't done. That's so true judging by my setbacks this weekend. Fuck, why is my mind in another world when I drive? All the physical symptoms of anxiety afflict me when I have a poor driving experience and I cba to carry on. Best to get the bus, more safer.

 

[Miserum]

We ain't done. That's so true judging by my setbacks this weekend. Fuck, why is my mind in another world when I drive? All the physical symptoms of anxiety afflict me when I have a poor driving experience and I cba to carry on. Best to get the bus, more safer.

Failure is a natural part of learning. Embrace the failures until you no longer fail.

 

[Graeme1988]

Not doing great...

I feel that I’m slowing losing interest in my hobbies. Even though they are the only things keeping me from offing myself.

I’m not taking care of myself properly. Mainly because I can barely find the time now to do things I used to, like exercising regularly. Nor can I find the energy to physically do it. Mentally I’m not fairing any better, to be honest. I think — in fact, I know — the last 2 years have pretty done me in... as far as my mental health goes. Because I’m not as happy as I used to be. And I’ve made no effort to hide that fact, either.

And every time ah try n’ do something for myself, I’m undermined in my efforts.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Not doing great...

I feel that I’m slowing losing interest in my hobbies. Even though they are the only things keeping me from offing myself.

I’m not taking care of myself properly. Mainly because I can barely find the time now to do things I used to, like exercising regularly. Nor can I find the energy to physically do it. Mentally I’m not fairing any better, to be honest. I think — in fact, I know — the last 2 years have pretty done me in... as far as my mental health goes. Because I’m not as happy as I used to be. And I’ve made no effort to hide that fact, either.

And every time ah try n’ do something for myself, I’m undermined in my efforts.

Try to keep your chin up bud

 

[Graeme1988]

Try to keep your chin up bud

Ah try. But, sadly, that’s become more n’ more difficult with each day. Since it’s hard to put a brave face on every time ye get shamed n’ demoralising. Telt yer inconsiderate _______ every time ya stand up for yersel’. And there’s the fact that my life hasn’t really changed for the better in last 3 years.

 

[planemo]

Hopeless