How are you feeling?

defiance

defiance

Well-known member
S_Spartan said:
I feel like there is nothing left for me in this world.
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Yeah. There really isn't anything left for someone like me. When everything scares the living hell out of you, what is there to look forward to? As bad as I feel, it is only made worse by the fact that others around me are affected by it as well. I want to say more but I can't quite find the words but it involves more pain and misery...go figure.:sad:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Tormented by self-doubt. Unsure of myself.
Y'know the usual everyday shite I have to deal with.

Also, ah think my mum deliberately ignores me when I'm speakin' to her. Startin' to wonder why ma sister always insists I talk her whenever I just happen to be within earshot o' their phone conversations. It's not like ah huv anythin' interestin' or exciting to talk about, unlike my sisters.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
:kickingmyself: This is un-f***kin-bearable... Can't they just get a divorce n' be done with it? I'm tired o' hearin' about them no gettin' on. Fed-up with huvin to just grin n' bare it all. Though, on the positive side, I'm going to be single for the rest of ma days. Because ah don't need anymore stress in ma life, that's all relationships and havin' children bring ye.

Now, ah might be totally wrong, and probably am, in fact. But, going by how my family are, it's no worth the hassle. Besides, who the hell would an incredibly flawed, deeply insecure, emotionally messed up man like me anyway?
 
MollyBeGood

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
Feeling better. Got out did some stuff and made plans for the future that look good if I can make them happen.
Spending time in the sunshine and with animals always helps me, too.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
Graeme1988 said:
:kickingmyself: This is un-f***kin-bearable... Can't they just get a divorce n' be done with it? I'm tired o' hearin' about them no gettin' on. Fed-up with huvin to just grin n' bare it all. Though, on the positive side, I'm going to be single for the rest of ma days. Because ah don't need anymore stress in ma life, that's all relationships and havin' children bring ye.

Now, ah might be totally wrong, and probably am, in fact. But, going by how my family are, it's no worth the hassle. Besides, who the hell would an incredibly flawed, deeply insecure, emotionally messed up man like me anyway?
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You're not alone there pal. People like you & me simply weren't "designed" to ever be in a relationship or have children or live a normal live. And i'm sure there's many others on this site in that boat as well.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
One of these days i'm gonna simply "HAVE" to start living life. I can't keep on going as i am. But perhaps i'll be forced to start living the "hard" way - by actually dying (suicide). In my mind & practically i am preparing for that possibility. If that's the only way, then that's the only way - my destiny. I can't just keep sticking my head in the sand, never thinking about change or the future, when both will definately happen, despite my "hypnotising" myself into believing otherwise.

Of course the next question then begs - HOW ON EARTH can i start "living", when for 40 years i've done the exact opposite??? I'd have to change my whole way of living, from living out of fear, to living out of love. A HUGE ASK, if not impossible???
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I'm going to be gettin' glasses soon. I'm terribly short-sighted. Ah just hope they suit me? Don't want to lose any o' ma sex appeal. :giggle: Though, I'm more worried about lookin' like a hipster. :eek:mg:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
:kickingmyself: :thumbdown: :veryangry:

I'm just no meant for this world, might as well be done with it.
The constant stress, being lied to, manipulate n' pressured into do things ah huv nae interest in, just please yer family. Why bother when they just treat ya like shite most of the time? :idontknow:

Pretty sure I'm gonnae be deid in 2 years time, at this rate at least.
 
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defiance

defiance

Well-known member
I want to run up to the top of a mountain where no one can see or hear me and just scream and cry to my hearts content. There is just way to much anger and sadness in this mind of mine.
 
M

mantishugo

Well-known member
defiance said:
I want to run up to the top of a mountain where no one can see or hear me and just scream and cry to my hearts content. There is just way to much anger and sadness in this mind of mine.
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No need to climb top of the mountain to do that. You can close your eyes and imagine your negative thoughts, sadness as bunch of colored stones. You are putting all those stones in a bag and imagine the size of bag decreasing till it disappears.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Nothin' seems to be going right for me at the moment. But it rarely ever does. :sad:
My laptop's not working, my electric beard trimmer is knackered.
Huv'nae shaved or exercised in 3 months, constantly feelin' depressed.
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
I am beyond ready to go. I won't get into the details of my mental hell but I AM READY TO GO. ENOUGH WITH THIS TORMENT MAN ENOUGH. EVERY SINGLE F*****G DAY. I'M READY TO MOVE ON FROM THIS BURDEN CALLED EXISTENCE.:crying::kickingmyself:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Quite depressed at the moment, don't know if that's more to do with there just being another til ah pack-up n' leave Edinburgh. Or the fact that I'll be soon return to shitty wee town where ah live. And a family unit that ah'd rather not be around. :sad:

Doesnae do yer health any favours, long-term, being around folk who just argue all the time, then give you shite fur finding it amusing or funny. I mean people say I'm uptight and intense, and I am, but I'm no yin to pick a fight over something you've said.
Unless you said or done summit to really piss me off, then words'll be said.
 
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Megaten

Megaten

Well-known member
Graeme1988 said:
Nothin' seems to be going right for me at the moment. But it rarely ever does. :sad:
My laptop's not working, my electric beard trimmer is knackered.
Huv'nae shaved or exercised in 3 months, constantly feelin' depressed.
Click to expand...

For some reason its like once you start having bad luck it just all piles on at once.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
I wish my thoughts weren't not so clouded by fear and despair, so that the beauty of this world could come through more clearly, rather in those all too rare moments of clarity.

Last weekend I was walking down from Haystack Mountain and I looked and touched the soft papery bark of the trunk of a Tea Tree, that peels off in spongy layers. I wrapped my hand around the branch, and held it in my palm. The late sun was falling below the line of red-brown canopy trees. Suddenly my thoughts became so clear, what a incredible thing that tea tree really is. I am alive and experiencing this, a miracle. That is what it is, a miracle.

Those rare moments of clarity when I wake up from this fog of fear, and realise I am alive. This impermanent thing called life, and I am running out of years, and wasting my time on a useless broken record of worry.
 
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Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ultimately just wishin' it would end already. There's no point....

Ah get up in the morning feelin' shitty, go to bed feelin' much the same. I don't even huv any emotional attachment to anything anymore. Ma family huv this fake concern for me, yet refuse to see just how difficult my life truly is compared to theirs. And they say I lack empathy. Sorry, but, ah don't see much point in caring about folk who only compliment ye when they want summit from ya.

And the rest o' the time they're being bitter n' miserable because "Their life didnae workout as they thought...". Of course, failing to see the irony o' makin' this complaint to a disabled lad. Living for those moments of clarity, peace n' happiness seems pretty pointless in ma case, considering those moments are oh-so very brief and don't last long.
 
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