theoutsider
Well-known member
What's the matter, Molly? Anything specific causing this or just in general?
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
What's the matter, Molly? Anything specific causing this or just in general?
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
I know how you feel. I never sleep well on a sunday night.. I don't enjoy my sunday afternoons because I can feel the dread building..
The thought of leaving gives me a feeling of such peace it's almost like.. like a high. No wonder I'm a SA sufferer.. The feeling I get from thinking of leaving - a job, a social outing, people... it's so opposite from my SA stress it's like a drug.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Self-conscious - which seems to be me most o' the time. You'd think feeling that way would ease as ye get older. Not with me, it hasn't. Y'know, the usual crap that comes with having anxiety. Self-doubt, self-loathing, etc.
Dreading the next couple o' weeks, for obvious and silly reasons.
Dreading the next couple o' weeks, for obvious and silly reasons.
Kiwong
Well-known member
keepyewatroshin
New member
I feel sort-of happy that I now have two weeks holiday from work, and relieved to have got through all the usual ‘going anywhere nice?’ questions from co-workers and customers.
But I know that the stomach-churning feelings of dread will slowly ratchet-up each day leading to the final hours of nauseousness before I have to go back to work and face the ‘what did you do?' questions along with the normal daily stuff.
I wish it didn’t feel so compulsory to take holidays, or at least, compulsory to ‘go somewhere nice’. I can’t bring myself to tell my co-workers that for me it’s two weeks of self-imposed exile from the world. The only people I ever talk to outside of work are my parents (who technically I live next door to), and my sister, who lives about 100 miles away. So I tell my co-workers that I’m visiting my sister - which has the advantage of having a hint of truth to it, and seems to be a slightly less deflating answer than the truth.
Pathetically enough I can’t even cope with going into shops, let alone going away to somewhere ‘nice’.
But I guess it’s not all bad though - there’s gardening to do and Olympics still to watch. And I do actually enjoy my job (‘reprographics assistant’ seems to be the nearest-fitting job title), and I suppose it gives me some sort of reason to exist. It’s just most of the people there that induce anxiety in me.
But I know that the stomach-churning feelings of dread will slowly ratchet-up each day leading to the final hours of nauseousness before I have to go back to work and face the ‘what did you do?' questions along with the normal daily stuff.
I wish it didn’t feel so compulsory to take holidays, or at least, compulsory to ‘go somewhere nice’. I can’t bring myself to tell my co-workers that for me it’s two weeks of self-imposed exile from the world. The only people I ever talk to outside of work are my parents (who technically I live next door to), and my sister, who lives about 100 miles away. So I tell my co-workers that I’m visiting my sister - which has the advantage of having a hint of truth to it, and seems to be a slightly less deflating answer than the truth.
Pathetically enough I can’t even cope with going into shops, let alone going away to somewhere ‘nice’.
But I guess it’s not all bad though - there’s gardening to do and Olympics still to watch. And I do actually enjoy my job (‘reprographics assistant’ seems to be the nearest-fitting job title), and I suppose it gives me some sort of reason to exist. It’s just most of the people there that induce anxiety in me.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Well my weekend didnae go as planned, which is kinda shite. :thumbdown:
And my sister has dared me in 2 weeks time to sit in the front row of a comedy show, in my wheelchair wearin' an offensive, albeit ironic t-shirt. And I'm no the kinda guy who likes drawing attention to myself.
mg: Should I just do it, anyway, for a laugh? :thinking:
And my sister has dared me in 2 weeks time to sit in the front row of a comedy show, in my wheelchair wearin' an offensive, albeit ironic t-shirt. And I'm no the kinda guy who likes drawing attention to myself.
mg: Should I just do it, anyway, for a laugh? :thinking:
theslowesthand
Banned
Yeah, go on i say. I mean it's with best intentions, right? right?
And its not like you aint done it before ah? :bigsmile:
And its not like you aint done it before ah? :bigsmile:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
That's true. And I've been wearing a funny sloganed shirt on most o' my days out in Edinburgh, since last week.
Though, not many folk huv been thinkin' it's all that funny or appropriate. Been gettin some narrow-eyed looks, but that's Edinburgh for ya! Especially this past weekend.
mg:I guess I'm just slightly nervous. Since the show I'm going to see is by a comedian I saw earlier this year, and was sittin' in the front row of that show as well. Though, not wearing a funny t-shirt.
Y'know what it's like for us anxious types, not great at talking, or makin' small talk. And, in my case, makin' jokes.
That sorta backfired on me first I visited Edinburgh during the Festival month. :bigsmile:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
F**kin' hell! I've been awfy spontaneous since being in Edinburgh this year.
No that I'm complainin', it's a welcome change from constantly overthinkin' afore doing something all the time. And it''s definitely made this year's Fringe festival more memorable for me, in more ways than one.
Though, ah don't know if it's bit soon to be planning for comin' back next year? :question:
No that I'm complainin', it's a welcome change from constantly overthinkin' afore doing something all the time. And it''s definitely made this year's Fringe festival more memorable for me, in more ways than one.
Though, ah don't know if it's bit soon to be planning for comin' back next year? :question:
GraybeardGhost
Well-known member
Kinda bushed, but with a solid feeling of satisfaction along for the ride. Got my steam up this morning and attacked a stack of banana boxes that have been sitting mostly ignored in my bedroom closet since I moved in ten years ago. Lots of unwrapping, rewrapping, labeling, and head scratching—what the heck did I want to keep that for?—later, three boxes are now two boxes and a bunch more stuff is headed for the thrift shops—if I ever get around to schlepping it out the door. I feel like I've actually made some progress for a change, and that feels pretty darn good, I must say.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
I love being spontaneous. I mean, I like routine in certain areas of my life, but sometimes I feel the urge to just do something different! It's what got me backpacking through China on my own for a month last year... it was pretty scary at first, but I certainly don't regret it at all.
That decision to go to China was made spontaneously but once I was booked, it was about 10 months before I actually went.
So Graeme I would say no it isn't to early to start planning for the Fringe. You enjoy it, I say do it! I got a lot of enjoyment planning for my trip, maybe you will too
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
I love being spontaneous. I mean, I like routine in certain areas of my life, but sometimes I feel the urge to just do something different! It's what got me backpacking through China on my own for a month last year... it was pretty scary at first, but I certainly don't regret it at all.
That decision to go to China was made spontaneously but once I was booked, it was about 10 months before I actually went.
So Graeme I would say no it isn't to early to start planning for the Fringe. You enjoy it, I say do it! I got a lot of enjoyment planning for my trip, maybe you will too
Oh aye, I definitely got some enjoyment outta planning what I was going to see in Edinburgh this year. Though, it was mainly due to things not going to plan, and a last minute change of plans that has made me not think twice about going with the flow, as it were. And happy I've been doing that, since it actually got to see 2 shows that I'd been pestering my sister to book for, back in April.
And I glad we did, because we've been quite lucky these past few days, going the venue which is put on the gig we'd like to see, asking for and getting tickets there n' then; paid and printed at the box office. So, it's handy that way.
As for next year, we've decided to be less organised. Just pick a few comedians we'd definitely go see again, having seen them for the first time this year. The rest we'll just pick at random, based off the positive reviews.
Oh, and we're stick to venues that definitely have disabled access. After the frustration of turning up at a venue that advertised wheelchair access on their website, but didn't have any. :kickingmyself: And, possibly, getting the train to Edinburgh next year. As well as, getting my bus pass renewed before the Fringe, commuting about the city via bus. If my sister isn't messing me about, because these were her suggestions, and I've agreed n' committed to them. So... :question:
I can only hope my nerves don't get the better of me, as they almost did this year. But that's story already been told in my wee thread, so I'll spare ye the details here. Nonetheless, why d'ye always become like a teenager with a crush on someone, when you actually meet a comedian or musician you like and/or admire in real life?
As far as being spontaneous, generally. I wish ah do that more often, without certain family members constantly making discouraging remark whenever I tried to change things up for me.
theslowesthand
Banned
I'm generally feeling the same. I guess i live for those rare moments of peace/etc, found amidst truckloads of misery/boredom/etc.
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Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Lonely, wish ah hud a friend or two. :sad:
Plus, it's quite boring not having much to do during the week here. Aye, I'm enjoying my time in Edinburgh, but it's no easy trying push through crowds of folk in wheelchair and navigating these massive streets.
Really should've brung something else aside from ma phone with me, like my laptop and a few DVDs - at least those would've reduced my boredom.
Also, I don't trust my family as much as ah should.
Plus, it's quite boring not having much to do during the week here. Aye, I'm enjoying my time in Edinburgh, but it's no easy trying push through crowds of folk in wheelchair and navigating these massive streets.
Really should've brung something else aside from ma phone with me, like my laptop and a few DVDs - at least those would've reduced my boredom.
Also, I don't trust my family as much as ah should.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
I feel there's lots left for me in the world...
It just doesn't involve other people.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
F**kin' ragin', to put it mildly. :veryangry: B@$%@rd$!
Why is always the scrounging, able-bodied, work-shy f**kwits who make life for genuinely disabled folk so feckin' difficult? :kickingmyself:
Why is always the scrounging, able-bodied, work-shy f**kwits who make life for genuinely disabled folk so feckin' difficult? :kickingmyself:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Feelin' a bit better since ma last post here.
When for a walk, since it's a sunny day, thought it'd be a shame to not make the most of it and get outside. Felt slightly weird, being on ma own, usually my mum or sister accompany me, though they're more concerned about me gettin' lost than I am. :bigsmile: But it was great wee stroll, nonetheless.
When for a walk, since it's a sunny day, thought it'd be a shame to not make the most of it and get outside. Felt slightly weird, being on ma own, usually my mum or sister accompany me, though they're more concerned about me gettin' lost than I am. :bigsmile: But it was great wee stroll, nonetheless.