with every passing day. Just more and more miserable. I don't know if anyone else here does this but everyday ill hear about someone that has passed away tragically. Car accident, shooting,etc...whatever the case may be. Then I read up on that person and get to see that they had so much to live for. Hard worker, loved by friends and family and the kicker for me is that they happen to be younger than me and I'm 30 now. I ask myself HOW THE HELL IS THIS FAIR WHEN SOMEONE LIKE ME GETS TO LIVE WHEN I DON'T WANT TO AND SOMEONE LIKE THAT DIES WHEN THEY HAVE EVERYTHING TO LIVE FOR?!?!?!?. I always end up saying the same thing. "I wish I could take your place because I don't deserve life and you did." Just non stop mental torture with super brief moments of numbness. That's all I have to look forward to. That numbness which has become the closest thing to being happy. I hate the fact that I get to live and so many good people who deserve to be here are no longer here. If I could take their place I would in a second. This is pretty much my everyday now.
Awesome 🙂 Thought you might not know what an evil human he is though.
just not someone I would personally ever give credit for saying things that are great, that's just me. Rumsfeld and Hilter, two peas in a pod.:thumbup:
Yes I find it funny. I also enjoy silly quotes by Bush.
Yes I find it funny. I also enjoy silly quotes by Bush.
It's cool. Sorry didn't mean to be snotty- I just really don't like evil humans. who control this country. Rumsfeld is awful. The documentary, if you have seen it, Errol Morris pretty much was owned by him the whole time, when his intention was to expose him. It was awful.
I don't know what to do with myself. I have felt very manic and agitated today. I've dug myself so deep into this whole I don't know how to get out of it. It's making me physically sick and mentally crazy. It feels like I've been sucked into the void and stuck in some repeated loops. I don't know how to help myself at this point and I'm too afraid to reach out to anyone else. It's frightening, and I have no idea what to do. I feel really sick right now. I need sleep, but my thoughts are so freakin' manic and my blood pressure is so high I'm worried I'm going to whirlwind myself into some kind of panic and breakdown again. I just want to breathe and be able to relax for second. I feel so incredibly stuck.
No-one likes Monday but work was bloody miserable and riddled with anxiety and mood swings but tried to go in a with a new attitude and it went OK actually.
well the misery was somewhat absent for some of yesterday. But woke this morning and was greeted by my 3 closest friends. Anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. 🙁
Quite sadden by tha fact that ah've just gotten so used to my mum being constantly dour an negative that, ah've just gave up tryin' to counter her harsh, bitter, passive-aggressive remarks with positivity. Why bother? There's nae point reasoning with wimmin who used feminism as an excuse to be c***s, anyway - unintentional irony there. But yer mair than well tae chuckle at that line, folks.
Plus, she much pretty said summit to the day (today) that implied what she thinks an how she feels aboot me... And let me tell ye, it just makes me more determined to leave tha hoose ah grew up in and her. Basically, she hates me. But then both ma parents never really wanted me. :sad:
In all honesty, ah just want this miserable, joyless, shite existence to end. Couldnae give a f*** if am missed or remembered.
Craving attention yet again.
My brain is tired. Just looking at the origins of my own language is like, well, learning a foreign language. So overwhelming.
An acquaintance of mine has jury duty and posted something about it Facebook. She's actually enjoying it. :idontknow:
Now I'm having flashbacks and expecting any moment to hear jackboots on the stairs and an iron fist pounding at the door because my summons got lost in the mail or some crap. Utter paranoia, I know, but it's got me completely on edge. What kind of society treats its innocent citizens this way? I know all governments rule by fear to some extent, but isn't this supposed to be the land of the free or something? I wish I could forget the whole horrible experience.
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