How are you feeling?

[defiance]

I already posted today but now I would like to add my loser of a father is doing what he does best...Pissing me off. But what can I do, I am dependent on him and my mom even though he barely does anything these days. My issues hold me back so much that I need them to practically take care of me. If only I could turn back time to make it so this loser never met my mother. I know its only a matter of time before I end this disgusting existence of mine. Enough is enough as I can only take so much

 

[Graeme1988]

Optimistic aboot ma hospital appointment on Monday.

But ah know the minute ah git back from it, an.d the moment it's just me an her in tha hoose, ma mum will go back to her usual, lazy, pessimistic self and piss me off. Cuz she good at that, all has been. Then she'll say it's ma fault for overracting. Since seeing how yer words an actions affects others and taking responsibility for them has never been a trait common in the wimmin ah wus raised aroon. But then neither wus huvin respect for men.

Naw, just guilt-trip me til ah say sorry an greet yer eyes oot like babies then say yer being pick on. When, in actually fact, yer being taught a lesson ie, treat people like shite and that how they'll treat you. But to some wimmin that translates as the more subtle way of calling them a c***.

 

[Graeme1988]

I already posted today but now I would like to add my loser of a father is doing what he does best...Pissing me off. But what can I do, I am dependent on him and my mom even though he barely does anything these days. My issues hold me back so much that I need them to practically take care of me. If only I could turn back time to make it so this loser never met my mother. I know its only a matter of time before I end this disgusting existence of mine. Enough is enough as I can only take so much

Yep, same here. :sad: Ah cun only imagine whit yer going through. Mind you, my dad wus tha exact same.

Still no sure aboot endin' maself, though. Ah kinda like the idea of out-living everybuddy in ma dysfunctional family who has treat me like crap an made miserable over tha years. On that note, I'm leadin' one goal tae nil...

 

[defiance]

Yep, same here. :sad: Ah cun only imagine whit yer going through. Mind you, my dad wus tha exact same.

Still no sure aboot endin' maself, though. Ah kinda like the idea of out-living everybuddy in ma dysfunctional family who has treat me like crap an made miserable over tha years. On that note, I'm leadin' one goal tae nil...

LOL well im happy you are one up on them in that regard. It's also good that you are finding a reason to keep going regardless of what it is. Now I just need something like that. So far... nothing...but maybe one day before the deadline is up

 

[this_portrait]

Relieved to be done with this stupid paper. I can relax now (or not; I'll probably start overthinking again).

 

[Graeme1988]

LOL well im happy you are one up on them in that regard. It's also good that you are finding a reason to keep going regardless of what it is.

Well, it wus so much a reason tae keep going - more just tha fact that that everybuddy in ma immediate family is older than by me by a fair few years. Except those born after 1994.

Now I just need something like that. So far... nothing...but maybe one day before the deadline is up

So, yer keen oan the idea of out-livin' yer dad, then? Despite him being a total bawbag. And not to sound like total arse here, but yer aware that both yer parents are holdin' ye back, in way? More yer dad than yer mum by whit ye said. As well as yer issues.

Also, you've become co-dependent upon them, which isn't good. Cuz that only make yer issues worse. Ye need to break that cycle somehow. Personally, ah'd huv telt ma dad to do yin an eff off - if it were up to me back when ah wus 15.

 

[SoScared]

I've just cleaned the bathroom. Its a Sunday routine.

 

[defiance]

Well, it wus so much a reason tae keep going - more just tha fact that that everybuddy in ma immediate family is older than by me by a fair few years. Except those born after 1994.



So, yer keen oan the idea of out-livin' yer dad, then? Despite him being a total bawbag. And not to sound like total arse here, but yer aware that both yer parents are holdin' ye back, in way? More yer dad than yer mum by whit ye said. As well as yer issues.

Also, you've become co-dependent upon them, which isn't good. Cuz that only make yer issues worse. Ye need to break that cycle somehow. Personally, ah'd huv telt ma dad to do yin an eff off - if it were up to me back when ah wus 15.

My dad and I, although it's hard to believe, do have some good days where everything is ok actually. As far as outliving him goes it's not something that is a goal of mine in any way. I just want my suffering to end and all the other factors don't really come into play as anything important, at least for me. He's not the worst person in the world you know. It's just I wish certain things would have gone different years ago that could have made things better for both of us and everyone in our family. But oh well. My mom actually is always pushing me to get out there and work and do all these things. It's my fault for not being able to do them because of my issues. My dad from time to time will do the same but rarely. Which is why I always feel so bad for my mom that such a great mother ended up with such a loser of a son. She deserves so much better. Oh and today I feel almost the same as yesterday. I'm anxious and depressed, but not really suicidal at the moment. That's a victory I guess so i'll take it. I know it will be back but for the moment it's not here and i'll try to enjoy that.

 

[Graeme1988]

My dad and I, although it's hard to believe, do have some good days where everything is ok actually. As far as outliving him goes it's not something that is a goal of mine in any way. I just want my suffering to end and all the other factors don't really come into play as anything important, at least for me. He's not the worst person in the world you know. It's just I wish certain things would have gone different years ago that could have made things better for both of us and everyone in our family. But oh well. My mom actually is always pushing me to get out there and work and do all these things. It's my fault for not being able to do them because of my issues. My dad from time to time will do the same but rarely. Which is why I always feel so bad for my mom that such a great mother ended up with such a loser of a son. She deserves so much better. Oh and today I feel almost the same as yesterday. I'm anxious and depressed, but not really suicidal at the moment. That's a victory I guess so i'll take it. I know it will be back but for the moment it's not here and i'll try to enjoy that.

Aye, ah see yer point, there. Ah guess seein' how ah've turned oot - no great, by any means, either - and lookin' back ah kinda wish the same for myself. An totally get how yer issues are holding ye back.

And at least the day yer a wee bit better. Aye, anxious an depressed but the suicidal thought huv'nae creeped back in. So, ah say make the most of no feelin' as shite as ye usually do. :thumbup: A small victory is still a victory notheless.

 

[Resurrection]

Feeling fine. Still a little stressed and shaky from a big public get together yesterday. But it should wear off in a few days. How about you? (OP)

 

[Graeme1988]

How am I feelin'? Well, this weekend, ah genuinely laughed for the first time in ages. Proper, rib-aching, tears runnin' doon ma face hysterical laughter. Both for very different reasons, which ah'll no go intae detail in this thread, though. Wrong place, ah'd be better makin' a post aboot it in ma ain thread, which ah will...

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Pretty good, empty but alright.

It's been a rough month and a half, the worst in a long time. I'm trying to come to terms with life, but it's hard when you don't trust yourself.

Then again, everything's hard when you don't trust yourself. That's probably the crux of my whole problem.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

Sinking deeper into despair. So much guilt, so much shame. I do not like myself very much tonight.

 

[this_portrait]

Sleeping pill is starting to kick in. Gonna conk out soon.

 

[Graeme1988]

I'm trying to come to terms with life, but it's hard when you don't trust yourself.

Then again, everything's hard when you don't trust yourself. That's probably the crux of my whole problem.

Aye, that describes me as well. :sad: But then ah don't trust most people either. So am kinda fuct, tae be honest.

Anyway, shouldnae leave a depressin' note. I'm gettin' ma plaster casts off today, hope it aw goes well. raying:

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Good luck Graeme, I'm sure things will go fine.

 

[Odo]

I think I've got giardiasis.

I've hardly been able to get out of bed, my appetite is nothing and I'm nauseous almost all the time... especially after eating.

 

[this_portrait]

Tired, keep feeling angry because I keep thinking about shit I really shouldn't be thinking about (but the thoughts keep invading my brain -- someone make them stop).

 

[anomicdeer]

So anxious. SO anxious... Ugh
Man!

 

[Nanita]

I think I've got giardiasis.

I've hardly been able to get out of bed, my appetite is nothing and I'm nauseous almost all the time... especially after eating.

That's awful. I hope you'll feel better soon.
I have only ever had a stomach flu (if that's what you have?) when I was in foreign countries. It usually lasted a week or 2 and there was nothing I did that made it better. Except drinking coca cola, that helped my stomach feel a little better.