How are you feeling?

So anxious I feel like I'm going to puke 🙁

Angry. Very, very angry.
I am going to explode soon.

Need to exercise to get rid of the furious tension, but I am too exhausted to move. :sad:

Ah wish people knew and understood just how much of a hard time ah huv just tryin' to function normally in this f**ked up world. Ah mean, it cannae be easy for most non-disabled folk, either. Ah realise that. But ah just feel like ah've hud to go it alone for the past, well over, 10 years. No-one to turn to for support, encouragement or reassurance. Can't do right for doing wrong, it seems. :sad:

I've had a hard time all my life Graeme. Although I can't say I've faced the exact same reasons (like a disability) the end result I'm sure is pretty similar, if not the same. I think in many ways our struggles and problems are the only thing all humans can truly relate to. In many ways I think life is meant to be a struggle. We just struggle in different things and in different ways. Maybe the only way to escape our own troubles is to help someone else out with theirs. That may be the only way to have a united world since problems seemingly don't discriminate. I'm sure there are people who understand and empathize, but we're all so focussed on solving our own problems before we acknowledge anyone elses. That's the great problem with the world, I think. We're all too disconnected and divided. We think it's below ourselves to be helpful to one another.

Know that life is tough and we all get our resolve to stick it out, tested. Maybe how we deal with life's challenges is what sets us apart, rather than living a problem free life. I hope you found that encouraging 😀


And thank heavens I didn't try to write that in Scottish!

planemo said: ↑

I've had a hard time all my life Graeme. Although I can't say I've faced the exact same reasons (like a disability) the end result I'm sure is pretty similar, if not the same. I think in many ways our struggles and problems are the only thing all humans can truly relate to. In many ways I think life is meant to be a struggle. We just struggle in different things and in different ways. Maybe the only way to escape our own troubles is to help someone else out with theirs. That may be the only way to have a united world since problems seemingly don't discriminate. I'm sure there are people who understand and empathize, but we're all so focussed on solving our own problems before we acknowledge anyone elses. That's the great problem with the world, I think. We're all too disconnected and divided. We think it's below ourselves to be helpful to one another.

Aye, that's true. There probably are folk out there who understand an' empathize with ma struggle - sadly, ah huv'nae met any o' them.

Ah don't even know how to escape ma troubles, nevermind cope and deal with them, properly. Apart from living inside my head and embracing the solitude. Considering how many times arguments erupted in my family over the years, it's clear none of them can resolve an issue in a calm, reasonable manner. But then ah wus always told ah hud no reason to complain or be depressed. Which ah always hud a two word response for...

planemo said: ↑

Know that life is tough and we all get our resolve to stick it out, tested. Maybe how we deal with life's challenges is what sets us apart, rather than living a problem free life. I hope you found that encouraging 😀

Aye, that was kinda encouraging... Ha! Kinda. See that, typical Scots cynicism, there. :bigsmile:

But ah just don't know if ah've got any resolve left in me? That fight to carry on. You'd think so, given what I've been through since I was born. But naw...

Even getting things done on my terms and treated how I deserve to be treated has been difficult. Probably doesn't help that ah've been far too forgiving and tolerate of my family's disrespectful, dismissive attitude towards me.

planemo said: ↑

And thank heavens I didn't try to write that in Scottish!

Oh aye, that would've been a catastrof**k. :bigsmile:

Sarah_M said: ↑

So anxious I feel like I'm going to puke 🙁

BlueDays said: ↑

Angry. Very, very angry.
I am going to explode soon.

Need to exercise to get rid of the furious tension, but I am too exhausted to move. :sad:

What happened?

Opaline said: ↑

What happened?

I had a gynecology appointment yesterday - I had to get my IUD replaced. It's always so embarrassing just sitting up there naked and spread eagle with some random chick's hand digging around in your cave of wonders. Not to mention she had to have her assistant in there too - it's just extremely embarrassing/awkward and I couldn't imagine being pregnant.

Sarah_M said: ↑

I had a gynecology appointment yesterday - I had to get my IUD replaced. It's always so embarrassing just sitting up there naked and spread eagle with some random chick's hand digging around in your cave of wonders. Not to mention she had to have her assistant in there too - it's just extremely embarrassing/awkward and I couldn't imagine being pregnant.

Aww, I'm sorry :/

Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

I'm disgusting. My life is a wreck. I have no one.

I want to hurt. I just spent several minutes hitting myself in the face. It wasn't enough.

Misery is all I have left. Misery and pain. Loneliness.

It's very dark in here.

Sarah_M said: ↑

I had a gynecology appointment yesterday - I had to get my IUD replaced. It's always so embarrassing just sitting up there naked and spread eagle with some random chick's hand digging around in your cave of wonders. Not to mention she had to have her assistant in there too - it's just extremely embarrassing/awkward and I couldn't imagine being pregnant.

Ugh. Yes... that is definitely uncomfortable. For some reason though... I feel worse when its a lady. The last time I went, it was a male doctor and his assistant and they were discussing sports. I found comfort in the fact that they didn't care.

It always helps to eat a brownie sundae afterwards. At least it's helped me feel better. Hehe

nodejesque said: ↑

Ugh. Yes... that is definitely uncomfortable. For some reason though... I feel worse when its a lady. The last time I went, it was a male doctor and his assistant and they were discussing sports. I found comfort in the fact that they didn't care.

It always helps to eat a brownie sundae afterwards. At least it's helped me feel better. Hehe

It's nice talking to other women about their experiences - makes me feel better, so thank you for that.

I've never had a guy before and I don't think I could. This go around was more awkward because I was a new patient and there was no music and everyone was quiet. I'm just glad it's over.

Man, I wish I would have thought of that! A sundae would have been stellar 🙂

GraybeardGhost said: ↑

Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

I'm disgusting. My life is a wreck. I have no one.

I want to hurt. I just spent several minutes hitting myself in the face. It wasn't enough.

Misery is all I have left. Misery and pain. Loneliness.

It's very dark in here.

(((Hugs))) sorry to read you are going through a tough time, Graybeard.




Being bullied by an adult - one that is in a position of authority, so you can't just walk away - has brought back a sea of childhood bullying memories for me.
Having those traumatic memories then floating around your brain for 24 hrs, is like slowly bleeding. It drains the life out of your soul.

Sarah_M said: ↑

I had a gynecology appointment yesterday - I had to get my IUD replaced. It's always so embarrassing just sitting up there naked and spread eagle with some random chick's hand digging around in your cave of wonders. Not to mention she had to have her assistant in there too - it's just extremely embarrassing/awkward and I couldn't imagine being pregnant.

^ It is so refreshing to see someone refer to "down there" as something positive. ! :applause:

There are so many horrible, negative nicknames for it.

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Aye, that's true. There probably are folk out there who understand an' empathize with ma struggle - sadly, ah huv'nae met any o' them.

Ah don't even know how to escape ma troubles, nevermind cope and deal with them, properly. Apart from living inside my head and embracing the solitude. Considering how many times arguments erupted in my family over the years, it's clear none of them can resolve an issue in a calm, reasonable manner. But then ah wus always told ah hud no reason to complain or be depressed. Which ah always hud a two word response for...

Aye, that was kinda encouraging... Ha! Kinda. See that, typical Scots cynicism, there. :bigsmile:

But ah just don't know if ah've got any resolve left in me? That fight to carry on. You'd think so, given what I've been through since I was born. But naw...

Even getting things done on my terms and treated how I deserve to be treated has been difficult. Probably doesn't help that ah've been far too forgiving and tolerate of my family's disrespectful, dismissive attitude towards me.

Oh aye, that would've been a catastrof**k. :bigsmile:

Well you have us here to empathize with you. But I know having someone in real life to do that is something we could all do with.

Well maybe we can't actually escape our troubles. Maybe it's this false hope that makes things worse in the long run. I'm not saying we shouldn't try to make things better, but perhaps getting rid completely of our sufferings isn't possible. It's probably best not to complain in your family even if you have the right to. That type of environment can be toxic and if you further immerse yourself in it, things will get worse.

Well maybe you'll feel better if the Scots beat the Springboks this weekend.

But at lest ah git yurr nam rite dis tym. 🤭

planemo said: ↑

Well you have us here to empathize with you. But I know having someone in real life to do that is something we could all do with.

Well maybe we can't actually escape our troubles. Maybe it's this false hope that makes things worse in the long run. I'm not saying we shouldn't try to make things better, but perhaps getting rid completely of our sufferings isn't possible. It's probably best not to complain in your family even if you have the right to. That type of environment can be toxic and if you further immerse yourself in it, things will get worse.

Aye, well... Ah stop moaning aboot ma problems to ma family long ago. When ah asked my sister if she knew whit it was like being me or imagine whit ma situation is like compared to the rest of the family. And she just did yin uh these... :idontknow: As did my mum, which telt me aw ah needed to know.

planemo said: ↑

Well maybe you'll feel better if the Scots beat the Springboks this weekend.

Aye... Hopefully they do better than Celtic the other night during their Europa League football match. That said, the Scots rugby team huvin been doing too bad, lately...

planemo said: ↑

But at lest ah git yurr nam rite dis tym. 🤭

Look it you, eh?! Giving it welly with auld Scots gaelic language, there. Nice attempt... Goan yersel, big yin. :thumbup:

Aye, no that ah'd bother correct ye anyway... Ah hate huvin to spell ma first name.

I had to organise a field trip for a rare pant survey. I needed to meet some land owners who helped organise access to the land I needed to survey. I was very worried my anxiety would annoy them I think I did alright. I have spent two long days surveying, and saw many interesting plants. I am home now and can rest, the worst I feared didn't happen.

Been in bed crying all day.

Sitting here with a broken kneecap after burying my own father a month ago. It could be better, but I guess it could also be worse. At least I have 6 weeks in bed and business is doing good. Thank god for the pizza delivery guy.

anomicdeer said: ↑

Been in bed crying all day.

^ Those kind of days are very hard to live though.:sad:
I hope whatever made that kind of day happen for you lightens up a bit to provide you with even a little relief soon, anomicdeer.




Another day of Roller Coasting thoughts.
Sometimes I think my constant over-thinking is going to make me loose my mind, as in go completely nuts and be put in a mental hospital.

My last psychologist believed "mindfulness" can help that, but nope, the thoughts just come back like the waves of an ocean.
I need something to part the sea, like the story in the bible, lol. :ironicsmile:

Stressed out. There needs to be ten copies of me. !