I want to kill myself tonight. It's just all got too much for me. The daily panic attacks, the anxiety of going to prison, the social anxiety, the shaking, the sweating, the crying. I can't take it anymore, guys. I don't know If I'll be around to post on here again or anything. I just can't cope with a life that's so messed up and lonely. I've got no friends at all, my family won't speak to me anymore; I used to love my family but they hate me now. I'm a failure, an alcoholic, I can't commit to anything, I just mess it up. I'm a coward and a selfish loser. Words can't console me anymore, not even alcohol can, I'm just living the same life day after day, the only difference Is I get more heavily into debt and more malnourished. Oh god, I just can't take it anymore. When I was a kid I used to have all these hopes for myself, all these dreams, that I'd do well in life, I'd succeed. I've messed it all up completely.
I know a lot of people on here have been through a lot and probably think I'm pathetic and weak. That's probably true, but If I spend another day staring at these same four walls, slowly fading away from loneliness and depression, I'd just lose my mind. My life hasn't been bad, I've had chances, but I messed them up, all of them. I've been an idiot and now I'm paying for it. I'm running away from my responsibilities, my obligations, everything but I feel at peace now. I'm going home.
I've lurked on this website for many years and even though it's primarily for social anxiety, my problem is a deep depression. I'm sure the problem's in my brain, that's the only explanation for it. I can't stand being predisposed to being anxious, I can't stop my worry. It shouldn't end like this, but I'm just getting too old for this. The world is changing and I should probably just disappear and let everyone get on with their lives. My existence was just a pitiful mistake. I want to end it all but knowing me, I'm too much of a coward to do even that. That's why I've got alcohol, so I can end it all painlessly.
Goodbye guys, It's been good knowing you.
Alcohol is a really dreadful thing to try self-medicating with for depression and anxiety. I should know. I just ends up making everything so much worse.
A predisposition to being anxious doesn't mean you're absolutely doomed. You aren't powerless here, no matter how much it seems like it at the moment. Please try to use the power you do have. You still have choices. You still have chances. I'm not saying anything is going to be easy--it won't be.
There is a lot you can't see from where you are right now. That much I can absolutely assure you of. When you're down, it's a long way up. Too many trees on the mountain and too many clouds. Enough climbing and the scenery does start to change though.
I know the things I have to do to hopefully improve my situation in life, but I feel paralyzed by anxiety and despair.
Sometimes I feel like life isn't so bad with anxiety, sometimes I feel hopeful and think to myself that everyone struggles with something. And other times, something I read or experience makes me think that we really ARE screwed, and other people have it so much better and basically someone like myself just shouldn't even bother trying to exist on this planet because I'll be set back at every turn.
It's tough trying to be positive, and figure out how to make things better when you feel overwhelmed and afraid.
Right now I feel quite calm. but at the same time I'm a little paranoid. I don't want my ex boyfriend stalking me online and I hope he leaves me alone. Hope I never have to see him ever again!
Right now I feel quite calm. but at the same time I'm a little paranoid. I don't want my ex boyfriend stalking me online and I hope he leaves me alone. Hope I never have to see him ever again!
I am crazzzy overwhelmed. I have hardly been home lately, and have actually been out doing things. Wow, I never thought this would happen ever. In the past two weeks I've only been home all day for 2 or 3 days. Considering that I used to sit at home for literally months at a time, this is such a huge step. I just got back yesterday from a 3 and a half day trip and might be leaving again tomorrow for 4 or 5 days for another adventure. One day of rest is something, but I typically need more.
How can I say no though? I can't close off these opportunities or else I will be on my way to becoming completely isolated again. I still have very bad anxiety and often I feel panic ensuing, it's terrifying. However, I can't let myself sit at home all day doing absolutely nothing while being miserable and depressed every second. I have to experience the world somehow, and have adventures, even if it might paralyze me with fear. I'm shaking with nervous excitement. I still need to find a job and all those other awful things, but maybe I should try to have fun for just a little while for the first time in my life. I don't know if I'm actually going anywhere tomorrow yet, but if it's a sure deal I'm not turning it down. I'll just try not to have a panic attack over saying yes, I cannot let avoidance overpower me as it always seems to do.
I know the things I have to do to hopefully improve my situation in life, but I feel paralyzed by anxiety and despair.
Sometimes I feel like life isn't so bad with anxiety, sometimes I feel hopeful and think to myself that everyone struggles with something. And other times, something I read or experience makes me think that we really ARE screwed, and other people have it so much better and basically someone like myself just shouldn't even bother trying to exist on this planet because I'll be set back at every turn.
It's tough trying to be positive, and figure out how to make things better when you feel overwhelmed and afraid.
^ Whoa, I could have written every word of your post myself, Opal.:sad:
Are you envious of people who seem to be able to just breeze into a positive mood without any effort? Do you think we are lacking the ability to produce some important chemical in our brain (apart from the known "feel good" ones) that enables our brain to put us into successful "positive moods" on a long term basis? It really puzzles me. :idontknow:
I am crazzzy overwhelmed. I have hardly been home lately, and have actually been out doing things. Wow, I never thought this would happen ever. In the past two weeks I've only been home all day for 2 or 3 days. Considering that I used to sit at home for literally months at a time, this is such a huge step. I just got back yesterday from a 3 and a half day trip and might be leaving again tomorrow for 4 or 5 days for another adventure. One day of rest is something, but I typically need more.
How can I say no though? I can't close off these opportunities or else I will be on my way to becoming completely isolated again. I still have very bad anxiety and often I feel panic ensuing, it's terrifying. However, I can't let myself sit at home all day doing absolutely nothing while being miserable and depressed every second. I have to experience the world somehow, and have adventures, even if it might paralyze me with fear. I'm shaking with nervous excitement. I still need to find a job and all those other awful things, but maybe I should try to have fun for just a little while for the first time in my life. I don't know if I'm actually going anywhere tomorrow yet, but if it's a sure deal I'm not turning it down. I'll just try not to have a panic attack over saying yes, I cannot let avoidance overpower me as it always seems to do.
I'm happy for you! Make sure to carve out a little quiet time to keep your mind calm, but good for you! Have fun!
I feel good, I always feel good after exerting myself.
The heat here is stifling, the humidity is like a steaming towel that's been thrown over the city, but the upside is that everything becomes a workout once you step outside; endorphin overload.
I am crazzzy overwhelmed. I have hardly been home lately, and have actually been out doing things. Wow, I never thought this would happen ever. In the past two weeks I've only been home all day for 2 or 3 days. Considering that I used to sit at home for literally months at a time, this is such a huge step. I just got back yesterday from a 3 and a half day trip and might be leaving again tomorrow for 4 or 5 days for another adventure. One day of rest is something, but I typically need more.
How can I say no though? I can't close off these opportunities or else I will be on my way to becoming completely isolated again. I still have very bad anxiety and often I feel panic ensuing, it's terrifying. However, I can't let myself sit at home all day doing absolutely nothing while being miserable and depressed every second. I have to experience the world somehow, and have adventures, even if it might paralyze me with fear. I'm shaking with nervous excitement. I still need to find a job and all those other awful things, but maybe I should try to have fun for just a little while for the first time in my life. I don't know if I'm actually going anywhere tomorrow yet, but if it's a sure deal I'm not turning it down. I'll just try not to have a panic attack over saying yes, I cannot let avoidance overpower me as it always seems to do.
I hope you feel good about your accomplishments and bravery. You certainly deserve to. 🙂
Ah've bin better... Frankly, it's no' even worth typin' a whole post aboot how am feelin', really. :sad:
If ah hud tae sum it, ah say: Ah'm fed up constantly feelin' obligated to do things jist cuz they've been suggested to me by ma family. Also, am fed up wi' the constant assumptions they make aboot me. :kickingmyself:
Numb, paralyzed, as though my arms and legs had been replaced with bags of wet sand. I have places to go and things to do, but I can hardly move. The effort is just too much. I'm so very tired of this life.
I just finished crying about that kid who's Dad left him in the car and imagining how much he suffered. I am furious and so saddened, well, sickened actually. Both parents made internet searches about how hot it would need to be and also what life without kids would be like. So many people out there have so much love to give.... I am a believer of innocent until proven guilty, but God go with him if he did this on purpose because nobody else will.
I just finished crying about that kid who's Dad left him in the car and imagining how much he suffered. I am furious and so saddened, well, sickened actually. Both parents made internet searches about how hot it would need to be and also what life without kids would be like. So many people out there have so much love to give.... I am a believer of innocent until proven guilty, but God go with him if he did this on purpose because nobody else will.
I'd like to spit in that dudes face and pistol whip him. Just sayin....
I'm gonna wait until the dust settles before reading too much about it. The 24-hour news channels are going to be spewing misreports like crazy over the next few days as they try to beat each-other to the wire.
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