How are you feeling?

Eh life sucks. I wish I could just....not exist.

Odo said: ↑

^Being a musician really isn't such a sound career choice unless you're either truly exceptionally talented, a likable born-to-be-a-star type or heavily promoted. Looking the part is more important than knowing how to play an instrument, even if you're good... and even then, millions of others have exactly the same idea.

That's true, but also depressing. That image is more important is you play music than the actual music itself.

Srijita52 said: ↑

Eh life sucks. I wish I could just....not exist.

Aye, ah can relate tae that feelin'. Though, things huv'nae been right since ah finally confronted ma sister aboot her constantly makin' racist jokes aboot ma appearance. Ah mean, aye, she said sorry. But don't think ye can suddenly repair the damage done by complimentin' me. Doesnae exactly help that she asked if there wuz anythin' else she does that ah find annoyin'.... Eh, better keep those thoughts tae masel'. Dinnae want tae be responsible fur a death by assisted suicide.

Also, rather pissed off that ma family only ever seem tae actually talk to me when they want summit done, usually computer related. :oh:

Srijita52 said: ↑

Eh life sucks. I wish I could just....not exist.

I think we all feel that way from time to time. I know I do. Personally, I'm glad you do exist. You're a beautiful person, Srijita, inside and out. The world would be a lesser place without you.


I'm feeling trapped again. The car thing. The rat-in-a-cage thing. I can't fix it by myself, and I'm too nervous to call anyone, especially right now. It's strange how misfortunes tend to converge at a particular point in time. Woe upon woe, often little things by themselves, but snowballing into something much larger, something much worse, something almost unbearable. This one arrived at a most inconvenient time indeed, and brought with it some very dark, scary thoughts.

It's supposed to be warmer tomorrow, more like winter should be around here. Maybe the car will start then, and I can get out without too much trouble, anxiety, and humiliation. We'll see. Meanwhile, I'm stuck here, twitching my whiskers and flicking my tail, waiting for the next bad thing to come along.

Hope ah can be bother makin' the short journey tae Dumfries the the morra. No' that ah dinnae want tae gan. Just been feelin' knackered lately. Nae energy, depressed n' that. :sad:

Srijita52 said: ↑

Eh life sucks. I wish I could just....not exist.

GraybeardGhost said: ↑

Personally, I'm glad you do exist. You're a beautiful person, Srijita, inside and out. The world would be a lesser place without you.

Graybeard. :thumbup: :thumbup:

I'm feeling the after effects of a slightly unpleasant encounter. There was a grocery store employee who was staring at my sister and I as we went into the store, and I pasted a scowl on my face out of nervousness and a determination not to be affected by his staring, although I didn't look at him at all.

When we went to the checkout, he was the bag guy. He was staring at me unnervingly - almost glaringly - and tossing my stuff into bags with an attitude, practically chucking them. When I was done paying he said "Have a good night" with that glare, and I said thanks and smiled. He continued to stare and I asked him if he had a problem, to which he replied, "No" in an almost friendly way. What on earth?? Some people just weird me out so badly...

My sister later told me I sounded really bitchy when I said that. I didn't mean to, but when I'm really nervous and trying to be assertive I come off as more bitchy because I overdo it a little. I guess it's like someone who speaks loudly when nervous (which I do sometimes as well). I was trying not to show my fear, so I overdid it. I think the important thing is I said something and didn't just stand there and tremble and blush and then leave (although I did blush, which made me feel worse). I just hate the nervy feeling. The guy was being a creep and rude, throwing my food into bags. I wish I knew his name because I would call on Monday and complain. Not cool.

He also happened to appear to be of mixed race, and that instantly made me feel guilty, like he might have thought I was a racist. Ugh. I always get that anxiety now, especially since that one guy in the park accused my sister and I of racism because we didn't want to talk to him. I know that it shouldn't bother me if it isn't true, but it does. I'm afraid people will think I'm a snotty, bigoted white girl with an attitude :/

Odo said: ↑

^Being a musician really isn't such a sound career choice unless you're either truly exceptionally talented, a likable born-to-be-a-star type or heavily promoted. Looking the part is more important than knowing how to play an instrument, even if you're good... and even then, millions of others have exactly the same idea.

The internet has its own private ocean of competent musicians composing their own magnum opuses from the comfort of their bedroom studios, struggling to give their music away for free... and I'm pretty sure that all of them either have day jobs or are too young to work.

Oh I´m afraid it´s too late :idontknow: I already am a musician & artist 🤭 .
I didn´t "choose" that, it just became so with time, or it chose me. What I meant in my post was that I´m gonna accept being a loner whose main content in life is work and creating, and that I should stop expecting to also have a fulfilling social life.

I spent the last couple of hours walking to the shops, having lunch, then walking back with my brother. Those moments are my most treasured, to be honest: time with my brother, because I know it doesn't happen much. It was really nice. 🙂

As if the world is slipping through my fingers and I have no way to stop it.

Never ending headache. I almost want to start smashing my head into a wall.

:kickingmyself:

MikeyC said: ↑

I spent the last couple of hours walking to the shops, having lunch, then walking back with my brother. Those moments are my most treasured, to be honest: time with my brother, because I know it doesn't happen much. It was really nice. 🙂

Sounds like you had a good day Mikey. That's good. :thumbup:

SteinerOfThule said: ↑

Sounds like you had a good day Mikey. That's good. :thumbup:

I did, thanks. 🙂 The fact that it's Australia Day today makes it that much better. 🙂

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Aye, ah can relate tae that feelin'. Though, things huv'nae been right since ah finally confronted ma sister aboot her constantly makin' racist jokes aboot ma appearance. Ah mean, aye, she said sorry. But don't think ye can suddenly repair the damage done by complimentin' me. Doesnae exactly help that she asked if there wuz anythin' else she does that ah find annoyin'.... Eh, better keep those thoughts tae masel'. Dinnae want tae be responsible fur a death by assisted suicide.

Also, rather pissed off that ma family only ever seem tae actually talk to me when they want summit done, usually computer related. :oh:

GraybeardGhost said: ↑

I think we all feel that way from time to time. I know I do. Personally, I'm glad you do exist. You're a beautiful person, Srijita, inside and out. The world would be a lesser place without you.


I'm feeling trapped again. The car thing. The rat-in-a-cage thing. I can't fix it by myself, and I'm too nervous to call anyone, especially right now. It's strange how misfortunes tend to converge at a particular point in time. Woe upon woe, often little things by themselves, but snowballing into something much larger, something much worse, something almost unbearable. This one arrived at a most inconvenient time indeed, and brought with it some very dark, scary thoughts.

It's supposed to be warmer tomorrow, more like winter should be around here. Maybe the car will start then, and I can get out without too much trouble, anxiety, and humiliation. We'll see. Meanwhile, I'm stuck here, twitching my whiskers and flicking my tail, waiting for the next bad thing to come along.

MikeyC said: ↑

Graybeard. :thumbup: :thumbup:

Thank you guys, all of you are so kind. I hope both of you feel better Graeme and Graybeard.

MikeyC said: ↑

I spent the last couple of hours walking to the shops, having lunch, then walking back with my brother. Those moments are my most treasured, to be honest: time with my brother, because I know it doesn't happen much. It was really nice. 🙂

I'm glad you had a nice Australia Day. My Republic Day turned out pretty good too.

I would feel much better if I knew I would be dead by tomorrow.

Opaline said: ↑

I'm afraid people will think I'm a snotty, bigoted white girl with an attitude :/

LET them think that! They are degenerate racists, themselves, undeserving of your time if they jump to that conclusion. Can you tell I am OVER the white guilt bit? I am not sorry for being born white while simultaneously not taking crap.

Today republic day is celebrated here so it is also a dry day( today no shops will sell alcohol)...and I have been drinking a lot for the past few days just to keep myself out of my senses...although I know I have been sick and should not drink.

MikeyC said: ↑

I spent the last couple of hours walking to the shops, having lunch, then walking back with my brother. Those moments are my most treasured, to be honest: time with my brother, because I know it doesn't happen much. It was really nice. 🙂

Good stuff MikeyC.

Srijita52 said: ↑

I'm glad you had a nice Australia Day. My Republic Day turned out pretty good too.

So your Republic Day is the same day as our Australia Day? I didn't know that. That's rad. 🙂

Out here, Australia Day = excuse to get drunk and be loud.

Kiwong said: ↑

Good stuff MikeyC.

Thank you, mate. It was. 🙂

MikeyC said: ↑

Out here, Australia Day = excuse to get drunk and be loud.

An excuse to get drunk n' be loud... :thinking: In Scotland, we call that a weekend. :bigsmile: