How are you feeling?

[Graeme1988]

My social skills need some serious work, just realized today how bad I am at putting together a sentence while talking to someone or articulating what I'm trying to say, really basic things. I guess its nothing unexpected considering I've spent so much time alone that I didn't have many chances to polish them. Hope with practice things get better.

Aye, same here. :sad:

Ah've no' been feelin' well these past couple o' days, got really bad stomach ache. Ah feel like ah've shat a Lego garage. :sarcastic:

And ah made a right idiot o' masel' - just thinkin' aboot this in retrospect. Huv ye ever caught yersel' sayin' summit out loud which ya should've kept tae yersel'? That happened tae me, recently... Right, so, a few days ago, ma oldest sister snapped at our mum, ah didnae know what was say tae make her react like that. Mum didnae say anythin'. But when ma oldest sister left the house, ah asked why she snapped an' ma mum just said: "Ach! Forget aboot it, eh? It's no' worth it. Probably her time o' the month..." And ah replied, in a deadpan, almost matter o' fact, scathin' tone with this hysterically inappropiate one-liner. It was oot ma gob before ah realised ah'd said it: "Aye... Like ah give f**k if she's spilt wine on her f**kin' carpet!" :ironicsmile:

Other than that, kinda feelin' depressed, lately. Just... ah don't know! Disappointed n' almost constantly let doon by certain family members who, apparently, say ah can trust them. Pass the loo roll/toilet paper, ah think somebody's talkin' sh*te! Anyway, it doesnae exactly help ma trust - or lack there of... - issues. Also, it doesnae help that am so willin' tae do somethin' for someone else withoot question. And yet, naebody seems tae listen tae me, even when ah ask nicely fur somethin' to be done for me. Story o' ma f**kin' life, right there! It's like am invisible or summit - just because ah dinnae "talk much". Guess am just too nice, eh? Or ah expect people tae treat me as ah treat them.

Awright, rant over! Ach! Am just feelin' grumpy as f**k the day.

 

[Srijita52]

Aye, same here. :sad:

Ah've no' been feelin' well these past couple o' days, got really bad stomach ache. Ah feel like ah've shat a Lego garage. :sarcastic:

And ah made a right idiot o' masel' - just thinkin' aboot this in retrospect. Huv ye ever caught yersel' sayin' summit out loud which ya should've kept tae yersel'? That happened tae me, recently... Right, so, a few days ago, ma oldest sister snapped at our mum, ah didnae know what was say tae make her react like that. Mum didnae say anythin'. But when ma oldest sister left the house, ah asked why she snapped an' ma mum just said: "Ach! Forget aboot it, eh? It's no' worth it. Probably her time o' the month..." And ah replied, in a deadpan, almost matter o' fact, scathin' tone with this hysterically inappropiate one-liner. It was oot ma gob before ah realised ah'd said it: "Aye... Like ah give f**k if she's spilt wine on her f**kin' carpet!" :ironicsmile:

Other than that, kinda feelin' depressed, lately. Just... ah don't know! Disappointed n' almost constantly let doon by certain family members who, apparently, say ah can trust them. Pass the loo roll/toilet paper, ah think somebody's talkin' sh*te! Anyway, it doesnae exactly help ma trust - or lack there of... - issues. Also, it doesnae help that am so willin' tae do somethin' for someone else withoot question. And yet, naebody seems tae listen tae me, even when ah ask nicely fur somethin' to be done for me. Story o' ma f**kin' life, right there! It's like am invisible or summit - just because ah dinnae "talk much". Guess am just too nice, eh? Or ah expect people tae treat me as ah treat them.

Awright, rant over! Ach! Am just feelin' grumpy as f**k the day.

(((hugs))) Graeme, hope you feel better.

 

[Kiwong]

Kind of angry, venting my spleen at a conservative tabloid.

 

[Graeme1988]

(((hugs))) Graeme, hope you feel better.

Thanks, darlin'. :thumbup:

 

[Opaline]

I'm disappointed in myself that I'm sitting here eating my homemade chocolate frosting right out of the container I put it in. It was in the fridge overnight and has become the consistency of fudge and it's soooooo good. But it's the first thing I've eaten today. tsk tsk

*braces self for the inevitable blood sugar crash*

 

[jaim38]

Feeling depressed again. And no, it's not PMS. I hate being treated like a pet. I also don't believe it when they say they would help me achieve my dreams. They don't even know what my dream is, if I have any which to date I don't. It's more like they are helping themselves achieve their own dreams, forced upon me. Meaning I have to live their dreams for them, not for me.

I don't know when I'll ever achieve true freedom.

 

[Phoenixx]

Nervous. Trying to clear my head, but I have had so many worries on my mind lately, I hate it. All I do anymore is worry about the future. How am I going to pay for college? How am I going to pay for rent if I live on my own while attending college and not on dorm? How am I going to get a job while I'm there? When's the soonest I am going to get a job here to start earning money? Will I get one in time to start making payments on my student loans come February, or will my parents have to start paying for that too?

My mom started asking me the other day about the tuition of schools I've been looking at and pretty much flat out told me I'm going to be on my own paying for it. My parents don't want to put another dime in and go through payments like they did this last time, and I guess I can't blame them. They're also both currently paying for all my appointments and medicines I need to get my health back, so once again I guess I can't blame them for not wanting to chip in. Then again, the general argument of "I graduated with [this much] debt and I made it." really pisses me off. College is WAY expensive than what it was 20+ years ago. It's stupidly so, and there is no reason WHY it should even be that expensive to begin with. Not to mention the cost of living is much more expensive too. I'm just really scared right now. I'm afraid I'm going to end up failing, falling flat on my face and knee-deep in debt, while having to move back home with angry, disappointed parents. Either that or be fine in college, but end up homeless because I can't pay rent or anything. The concept of money really just makes me want to throw up. :sad:

 

[jaim38]

People often mistake my avpd and SA for arrogance. Just because I don't say hi or bye to people doesn't mean I think I'm better than them.

 

[Srijita52]

I can't stop feeling worthless. I know its not good to think such things about myself, its probably not true either but meh, I guess when you're told that you're unworthy or a failure for not being like everyone else, as a child it somewhat remains with you even when you're an adult and know better, part of you still believes its true.

 

[Srijita52]

Very anxious, I'm joining a new study group where I don't know anyone, neither teachers. I've to go there in 10 minutes or so and my anxiety is at its peak at the moment. I just want to give up and not go but its something that has to be done for my own good. Feeling like crying, really.

 

[Phoenixx]

I can't stop feeling worthless. I know its not good to think such things about myself, its probably not true either but meh, I guess when you're told that you're unworthy or a failure for not being like everyone else, as a child it somewhat remains with you even when you're an adult and know better, part of you still believes its true.

^ Hugs to you, Sri. It's hard to let go of things we've repeatedly been told as a child, especially if it's from those closest to us. We get told certain things so often, we start to believe it's true. I still have this problem, but I've been improving with it. It helps when you start to figure out the people who say those mean things, because then you realize truly why they're saying it. Not because it's true, but because they are really the ones with issues with themselves, and bringing other people down is how they cope. You'll get past this some day, I know you will.

Very anxious, I'm joining a new study group where I don't know anyone, neither teachers. I've to go there in 10 minutes or so and my anxiety is at its peak at the moment. I just want to give up and not go but its something that has to be done for my own good. Feeling like crying, really.

^ The fact that you're doing this proves you're not a failure at all. I know it's hard, but I commend you for continuing to put yourself out there. Hang in there, and good luck!

 

[Srijita52]

^ Hugs to you, Sri. It's hard to let go of things we've repeatedly been told as a child, especially if it's from those closest to us. We get told certain things so often, we start to believe it's true. I still have this problem, but I've been improving with it. It helps when you start to figure out the people who say those mean things, because then you realize truly why they're saying it. Not because it's true, but because they are really the ones with issues with themselves, and bringing other people down is how they cope. You'll get past this some day, I know you will.


^ The fact that you're doing this proves you're not a failure at all. I know it's hard, but I commend you for continuing to put yourself out there. Hang in there, and good luck!

Thank you Phoenixx. Yeah, I hope I'll get past it someday. Maybe after this hard phase, things will get a little smoother.
I see you're dealing with a bunch of things too. I hope they get sorted. Good luck.

 

[Phoenixx]

Thank you Phoenixx. Yeah, I hope I'll get past it someday. Maybe after this hard phase, things will get a little smoother.
I see you're dealing with a bunch of things too. I hope they get sorted. Good luck.

^ Thanks, Sri. Yeah September has not treated me very well. :/ Hopefully next month will be better.

 

[Raichel]

Bleh.

The past few days everyone in my surroundings seems to feel the need to talk excessively about their girl/boyfriend/wife/husband/lover whenever and wherever I'm around. They talk about all the fun things they've done together and the places they've visited and how they're so happy and lucky and crazily in love. I realize they're just really enjoying their lifes & each other and want to share that with the rest of the world, and there's nothing essentially wrong with that but... It makes me feel so !@#$% lonely. I feel like I'm missing out on one of the greatest things a human being could experience. I wish I had someone to cuddle up with on the couch, someone sleeping next to me, someone to be silly with, someone who cared for me and loved me no matter my flaws and shortcomings. I feel like having a relationship is commonly regarded as a very natural part of adult life, but some people don't realize how damn fortunate they are.

 

[Lea]

I slept today 12 hours :blushing: I guess my real need of sleep is really huge, I have no problem sleeping around 10 hours every day. But then sometimes I can´t sleep whole night or have to get up early so it tends to balance it.. I sometimes read about people who sleep only 5 hours and don´t need more, like some celebrities/party people. Or people like slaves or people working in sweatshop have to work 14 hours a day or more, they can´t even get home in their free time let alone wash themselves, eat or sleep, I wonder how can they survive that.. the fact is that many don´t, I just saw a video about slave Nepali workers in Qatar, or other Asians. They come home in the coffin.

My father has had his double bypass today. I even don´t know the result yet, but the doctors said he didn´t even bleed and it went ok, they thought of changing his heart valve but then said this one will still do.

Btw he was at home until yesterday and he was very aggresive again. I decided I was never going to feel sorry for someone who treats me like pile of shit, I am always stupid like this, wasting my empathy on people who don´t deserve it. Why suffer for someone who is not suffering for me, on the contrary has ruined my life and does everything for making my life shit and to take away my coping ability in life?

 

[Kiwong]

Lea, glad that your father's op went OK. Hope you can catch up on some more sleep.

 

[dottie]

stressed, bitchy, discombobulated.

i will be relieved when this project is completed. i can then focus on school.

 

[BlueDays]

Feeling full of hatred for life and sick of not being able to end it.

I feel horrible for wishing my family members could die in a car accident so I would finally be able to end my life.:sad::kickingmyself:

 

[Kiwong]

^ if only it were as easy as blowing a raspberry like Stanley Moon in the film Bedazzled.

 

[Falkor]

Terrible, I hyperventilate all day. and Derealisation. I've been suicidal last night. I am not suicidal today anymore, but my life sucks, I'm not outgoing, I am depressed, I feel tired