How are you feeling?

struggling. really fighting the urge to drive over to my ex's house. why is it ok for him to turn off and on the relationship?

I'm feeling tired, but really good. 🙂 Today went so much better than I expected it to, especially since I woke up this morning in kind of a bad mood and was feeling pretty anxious and self-conscious. My nutritionist complimented me during my appointment today, said I was "very inspiring" for sticking with what I've been doing the last 6 months. The family dinner/gathering tonight went really well too, got no snide comments from anyone and not a single person commented about my weight or how I looked. I finally got to talk to and hang out with my cousin I haven't seen in so long, plus I actually hung around my younger cousin a bit. I haven't done that in years, since for a while she was either too immature or was going through a snobby pre-teen phase and treated everyone like crap. She's finally starting to mature and she's actually really decent, talked to me quite a few times instead of ignoring me like she has in the past. Overall, I had a really awesome day.

Drunk. :thumbup:

Really f**kin' strugglin' tae contain ma anger. Just want tae start f**kin' ragin'. :veryangry:

Sick of being manipulated 'n' used by ma oldest sister. Ah hud enough! :kickingmyself:

I was up all night reading math articles on Wikipedia and playing games... Need sleep and food. Or food, at least.

.............

Tired. Wish I could've slept in longer this morning, but my mom woke me up to tell me she was leaving to run a few errands. So I'm up with the house all to myself.... Wish the dog would leave me alone. He's so clingy anymore I can't stand it, and at the same time I feel bad for feeling so annoyed with his clinginess. I think it's an old age/separation anxiety thing.

My father is in a hospital. He had some complications about a week ago, when my mother found him on the floor at night when she went to the bathroom. But he said not to call ambulance so she didn´t. Today at night he couldn´t breathe again, but he managed to get dressed and call an ambulance. When they came they found out he had extremely high blood pressure (225/130). I always thought he might die on heart attack or something like that, because both of his parents died in their early 60´s. My father will be 70 next april. He is always extremely angry and abusive. He called from the hospital and said he´s better already. My mother went to visit him.

I have plenty of other worries as well.. and so much to do and no support. I am fearing if my parents die how am I going to cope here alone, and what´s worse I will probably not be able to leave the house, go travellling or working abroad like I did before. I should better not think about it, it´s doing my head in.

Lonely, I've never felt this lonely in a while.

Lea said: ↑

My father is in a hospital. He had some complications about a week ago, when my mother found him on the floor at night when she went to the bathroom. But he said not to call ambulance so she didn´t. Today at night he couldn´t breathe again, but he managed to get dressed and call an ambulance. When they came they found out he had extremely high blood pressure (225/130). I always thought he might die on heart attack or something like that, because both of his parents died in their early 60´s. My father will be 70 next april. He is always extremely angry and abusive. He called from the hospital and said he´s better already. My mother went to visit him.

I have plenty of other worries as well.. and so much to do and no support. I am fearing if my parents die how am I going to cope here alone, and what´s worse I will probably not be able to leave the house, go travellling or working abroad like I did before. I should better not think about it, it´s doing my head in.

I don't know what to say, just hang in there Lea. 😉

Lea said: ↑

My father is in a hospital. He had some complications about a week ago, when my mother found him on the floor at night when she went to the bathroom. But he said not to call ambulance so she didn´t. Today at night he couldn´t breathe again, but he managed to get dressed and call an ambulance. When they came they found out he had extremely high blood pressure (225/130). I always thought he might die on heart attack or something like that, because both of his parents died in their early 60´s. My father will be 70 next april. He is always extremely angry and abusive. He called from the hospital and said he´s better already. My mother went to visit him.

I have plenty of other worries as well.. and so much to do and no support. I am fearing if my parents die how am I going to cope here alone, and what´s worse I will probably not be able to leave the house, go travellling or working abroad like I did before. I should better not think about it, it´s doing my head in.

Crap... that's no good. Sorry tae hear yer goin' through a very difficult time, Lea. :sad: Though, ah worry about that, too - how ah'll cope when ma parent are gone. Anyway, ah don't want tae get aw down n' depressive on ya. Stay strong, darlin' - hang in there. :thumbup:

Srijita52 said: ↑

Lonely, I've never felt this lonely in a while

Aye, that's pretty much how ah've been feelin' lately, as well. Could really do with a friend right now, or at the very least someone tae talk with or vent ma internal emotions to. Feel like am goin' f**kin' mental, batsh*t crazy. :sad: Tae put blunt, eh... ah just want somebody who'll listen, instead of tellin' me tae shut up n' stop moanin' (in other words, complainin').

^Me too or somebody who won't flat out ignore me, its okay though. I know they have a "life" which I don't so yeah. You can vent to me if you want though Graeme.

BlueDays said: ↑

Drunk. :thumbup:

Brilliant I hope you are enjoying it haha

Lea said: ↑

My father is in a hospital. He had some complications about a week ago, when my mother found him on the floor at night when she went to the bathroom. But he said not to call ambulance so she didn´t. Today at night he couldn´t breathe again, but he managed to get dressed and call an ambulance. When they came they found out he had extremely high blood pressure (225/130). I always thought he might die on heart attack or something like that, because both of his parents died in their early 60´s. My father will be 70 next april. He is always extremely angry and abusive. He called from the hospital and said he´s better already. My mother went to visit him.

I have plenty of other worries as well.. and so much to do and no support. I am fearing if my parents die how am I going to cope here alone, and what´s worse I will probably not be able to leave the house, go travellling or working abroad like I did before. I should better not think about it, it´s doing my head in.

^ Wow, Lea. Really sorry to hear about your father. I'm not sure what to say either, as I've had the same thoughts before -- wondering how I could possibly cope alone without my parents. I find it hard to believe my dad is going to be 60 soon. I can't say I already worry about him, with how he works all the time and how he eats. Well, his diet has gotten a teeny bit better in the past couple years, but I still worry about what his cholesterol must be like and the fact he hasn't visited a doctor in years.

i need professional help.

Thank you all who replied to me! Hopefully it will be OK, at least for the time being. It is easier when he isn´t at home because he´s really toxic, but I wish he was OK anyway. Except of that I am sick of my constant financial problems.

kihira said: ↑

need a holiday
away from my head

Nice to see you've gone back to pretty girl avatars. Is that Katharine Ross?

I am feeling decent.

Today I went to visit a campus and felt very anxious. I just couldn't help it. The beginning was the most nerve-wrecking. When that lady was speaking to me, I was so uncomfortable. I thought I was gonna run away or even worse might happen. I don't know how to describe the sensation, but it was very intense, like my head was about to explode. I couldn't maintain eye contact for long. I thought I would lose control of my muscles. Towards the end my anxiety got better. I was self-conscious about my shirt because I thought it might not look good on me, but I didn't get any comments on that at all, which is good.

dottie said: ↑

i need professional help.

I hear you there...

Im having lots of trouble holding myself together, just trying to survive each minute...