Doubts on love

BlueWeepingRose

Well-known member
I've been in relationships before and every single one of them has ended horribly. Anytime I meet any guy, everything is great in the beginning and than after awhile I end up seeing their true mask and I feel so stupid every time. It's like I'm attracted to guys who take advantage of me and try to control me. Sometimes I feel like I'll be doomed forever cause every guy I meet have no respect for me and treat me like I'm nothing.

Awhile ago I was verbally and mentally abused and that was basically my wake up call on realizing that every guy I end up with all have the same traits. Just wanted to share this cause I'm so frustrated meeting the same type of guys who always treat me like I'm their servant and always take me for granted. Not even sure what I even know what true love is anymore. Is there anyone else that feels the same way as I do.:confused:
 
I am not attracted to males (as far as I know) so I can't tell you much about personal experience, but I do know that I think Sensetive guys are the most beautiful and hard to find... But I think there are guys who will treat you the way you want to be treated, with love, romance, showing appreciation and care really for you, I would say, don't fall for the tough guys, no macho's, no big guys at the gym who are like, yeah man, find the guy who is romantic, sweet, loves hugging and yet he looks like a guy with nice arms to cuddle in??

And yes, there are guys like that, believe me, a guy who likes to show you his sensetivity, a guy who doesn't mind shopping instead of watching footbal, and who can talk about his emotions rather than being close, i know a lot of men are like that, and i'm sorry to sound offending, but i don't understand those guys xD, maybe i'm just crazy? and maybe judgemental? I'm sorry if that is so.

you won't be broken hearted in every new guy you meet, u just have to find the right guy. who won't take advantage of you, won't be in control over you, you need a guy who is capable of letting you decide things, of being yourself, of respecting you for no matter what.

Yes that golden guy does exist, now the biggest thing you should think of is, being patient....about finding him, being specific on dates?? what you want out of a relationship, always helps, to open up right away so you know what's in front of ya, and keep your hope alive, that's important.

he will be there, at the moment you would never thought he would.

good luck
 
Falkor is right :perfect:

I'd like to say I am sensitive but I may too sensitive. I enjoy what a woman has to say. Sometimes because her voice is so intoxicating :)

Shy_Dreamer, I think what might help you is to use your voice and opinions. Maybe you do and that's why the nasty guys end the relationships badly, I don't know though.

Some guys and some women will notice a quiet individual in time and my understanding is this will naturally breed a want to control in the dominate person. It is up to us quiet, romantic and sensitive people to make the dominate ones know we are still here and will not fall to their every command.
 

Nanita

Well-known member
My advice to you is that you really try to find out what it is that makes you attract certain people...

There was a time when I was younger when I kept meeting guys who were married or in a relationship. Meaning, typically I would start dating a guy thinking he was single and available, and then after a while, I would find out, or he would tell me, that he was actually cheating on someone.
It just kept happening again and again. Untill I decided to really find out what made me attract it. I was in therapy then, so my therapist was a great help. I started understanding and realizing that I was attracting these guys partly because I was emotionally unavailable and afraid to be sincere/serious. It was easy for me to have fun and flirt with people, and being sexual was easy, but it was very difficult for me to be myself. I didn´t think anyone would love me for who I really was, so I only showed the fun/superficial side of myself. While I was figuring it all out, I took a break from dating completely. After about 5 months, I started dating again, and: "the spell was broken"; I have never since met/fallen for a guy who was already seeing someone.
 

ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
I've been in relationships before and every single one of them has ended horribly. Anytime I meet any guy, everything is great in the beginning and than after awhile I end up seeing their true mask and I feel so stupid every time. It's like I'm attracted to guys who take advantage of me and try to control me. Sometimes I feel like I'll be doomed forever cause every guy I meet have no respect for me and treat me like I'm nothing.

Awhile ago I was verbally and mentally abused and that was basically my wake up call on realizing that every guy I end up with all have the same traits. Just wanted to share this cause I'm so frustrated meeting the same type of guys who always treat me like I'm their servant and always take me for granted. Not even sure what I even know what true love is anymore. Is there anyone else that feels the same way as I do.:confused:

It might have something to do with low self esteem. My last girlfriend was really mean. I can't believe I ever put up with her. She treated me terribly, played mind games............I was always chasing after her professing my love. What was I thinking?!!! The problem was that I had very low self esteem and I thought I was lucky to have someone.

I'm determined not to let something like that happen again. I know, part of it is me. I chose girls like that. I just need to find someone more like me, giving, loving, kind......etc.
 

Flanscho

Well-known member
I don't ponder a lot about relationships. The number of single geeky/nerdy women in my age is pretty tiny. :idontknow:
 

A friend

Well-known member
Is there anyone else that feels the same way as I do.:confused:

Yep, me right here. I used to feel that way too, because I watched and heard nearly every guy I know go through the relationships that you described, some were even worse.

One guy's relationship was so terrible that he was going to commit suicide, another wanted to be homosexual because his girlfriend was being such a friggin' prick.

This scared me away from the dating game for a while, and it ruined my views on the opposite gender. Though I'm different about it now, the grim memories are still alive.

So yeah, I felt identical to how you do. You're definitely not alone.
 

Pacific_Loner

Pirate from the North Pole
Not that I really know what I'm talking about, but would you say you are the kind of girl that are generally kind, give a lot, forgive a lot, don't get angry much and don't ask much in return?
 

selon

Well-known member
.

Awhile ago I was verbally and mentally abused and that was basically my wake up call on realizing that every guy I end up with all have the same traits. :

A friend of mine was once told me that I should look for someone that I like (cause he's nice) but that I'm not attracted to and then date him. I didnt't go for it but maybe there's something to it. :/
 

BlueWeepingRose

Well-known member
Thank you for you're replies. It's really helped me view myself and the past relationships I've been into. Yes I would say that I give a lot, sometimes a little bit too much for people that didn't even deserve it. Always been pretty low on myself cause I was abused growing up and always looked down upon. My family even treated me unfairly, and I ended up always falling for the same type of guys.

It also helps me to know I wasn't alone, there was also a time where I was angry at the world and refused to date anyone cause I was constantly getting taken advantage of or abused. Every time it happened, I told myself that things would get better, but in the end it never got better. It got better for a little bit, but than the abuse would start up again. At this point in my life I'm taking a breather from relationships for awhile cause my last boyfriend hurt me pretty badly. Things are really bad for me right now and vulnerable and noticed how guys are flocking my way but I still have my guard up cause deep down I'm not ready at all. Been damaged so much in the past, for once I think I should concentrate on myself.
 

rosewood

Well-known member
i understand how you feel. the men you describe are sharks and always on the look out for a specific type of woman, which they are very good at spotting them because they have been engaging in this behavior for the majority of their lives.

i dont know your story, but if you think this is something that would be even slightly helpful, talking to other women in person in a group sometimes helps. it is really empowering to look at another woman and hear them say - yeah, and then he did "this" and then you can realize you are not alone and gain power from this. at these groups you dont have to speak, you can just listen. these groups also have facilitators who educate the group what to look for in advance so as to help avoid the ones with the predatory behaviors.

if this was way more of a response than you were looking for, sorry, this is something that is close to my heart.

life will get better, :)
 

BlueWeepingRose

Well-known member
Thanks again for you're advice. I'm looking for support groups in my area cause it's really hard trying to trust anyone now cause of everything my ex boyfriend put me through. Sure in time things will get better for me though. I haven't given up hope yet.
 

ITcrowdfan

Member
Thank you for you're replies. It's really helped me view myself and the past relationships I've been into. Yes I would say that I give a lot, sometimes a little bit too much for people that didn't even deserve it. Always been pretty low on myself cause I was abused growing up and always looked down upon. My family even treated me unfairly, and I ended up always falling for the same type of guys.

It also helps me to know I wasn't alone, there was also a time where I was angry at the world and refused to date anyone cause I was constantly getting taken advantage of or abused. Every time it happened, I told myself that things would get better, but in the end it never got better. It got better for a little bit, but than the abuse would start up again. At this point in my life I'm taking a breather from relationships for awhile cause my last boyfriend hurt me pretty badly. Things are really bad for me right now and vulnerable and noticed how guys are flocking my way but I still have my guard up cause deep down I'm not ready at all. Been damaged so much in the past, for once I think I should concentrate on myself.

I've often heard that people who were abused growing up often end up in abusive relationships. I guess it's a cycle that needs to be broken. Have you spoken to a psychologist about it?
 

BlueWeepingRose

Well-known member
Yes this is something I'm planning on discussing with them.
and getting therapy for it. I'm happy about it, cause I'm tired of suffering.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
I'm senstitive but I wouldn't say I was nice. I suspect I'd be crap in relationships, and probably fortunately I've never inflicted myself on anyone, to find out exactly what my limitations are.
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
Most of the guys I've met were manipulative, controlling freaks.

I've only found a few who are actually nice, and I'm very grateful for having them around.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
It pains me to say this again, but not all guys are like this. There are nice guys who aren't going to control or manipulate girls, but it seems you have had some rotten luck with them.

There's something about these guys that attracts you to them in the first place. Some unidentifiable personality trait that you like that eventually reveals their true identity later. I'm not sure what that could be, but it's something.

Taking a break from relationships, as you said, is a good idea. Focus on you, do the things you want to do. A decent guy will come along - one that won't treat you like garbage - but until then, you are #1.
 

BlueWeepingRose

Well-known member
Thank you for posting this. Yeah I've noticed it myself and learned overtime that I kept falling for guys who abused me or manipulated me in some way. Think focusing on me would be good for me right now, cause I need a break from relationships and concentrate on myself. Over the years I dealt with so much stress and exhaustion from the years of abuse I've endured.

And thanks again for everyone replying to this thread. :)
 
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