Confidence

Just thought i'd have a final post.

Confidence, is important in many things, and women always want a confident guy, thats just life.

Guys with sa, this is impossible.
I can only get it when i'm high, or drunk.

It's pretty depressing tbh

NathanielWingatePeaslee said: ↑

I've actually done all those things apart from the list. I dunno, maybe I do have more confidence than I used to. Maybe it's just hard to tell because it went from 0 to a small positive number.

YAY for progress!! 🙂

And, uh...Nietzsche's concept of the superman had nothing to do with being loud and arrogant.

Are you sure? Maybe it was a short story I read that was based on this then.. in the end, everyone ended up killing each other or something like that, cause everyone wanted to be the 'super'-man above all others..

The Hitler just picked out a few bits than he liked and ran with it.

ha ha I know.. I was just trying to make a point, kinda.. that 'confidence' (or limiting who 'can' or 'cannot' live and marry and procreate) don't necessarily have to be positive..

Nietzsche himself was critical of both antisemitism and German nationalism.

okay, didn't know that (or forgot), didn't study Nietzsche much.. 🙂 Interesting.

This reminds me of another guy tho, another friend's husband. He loved reading Philosophy, Nietszsche in particular.
They both didn't have degrees, were working and studying, and now they both have degrees (and babies)!! Previously, she was 'just at home' a lot, reading Russian novels (unemployed too..) Her mom made her go to work, basically forced her, and then she loved it there.. met her husband, etc.

So, there are a lot of opportunities for things to change.. some people go about things more traditionally, some have their own rhythm..

Work can be opportunity to meet people and learn and make a living and do meaningful things.. so can other things..

Liam17 said: ↑

Just thought i'd have a final post.

Confidence, is important in many things, and women always want a confident guy, thats just life.

Guys with sa, this is impossible.
I can only get it when i'm high, or drunk.

It's pretty depressing tbh

I disagree. For those who are looking for love, they want someone who genuinely cares for them and is there for them when they need it or even when they don't need it. Someone that they can be themselves around. I am female btw

JamesSmith said: ↑

But how do I fix my faults if I never think about them or recognize them? I don't want to go the rest of my life with no friends and no job.

Everyone has faults as well as the good qualities. There's no helping it. Doesn't mean that having faults is something to be unhappy about though and that they are things that need fixing at all. The happiest people are those who accept everything about themselves including the bad qualities whatever you perceive them to be.

Feathers said: ↑

I really like this. Well written. It's not so easily done, imo, though.. How do you do it? 🙂 Some people can misunderstand, or you can be misunderstood.. Or sometimes there is attraction, or isn't.. It can get in the way, ha ha..

I really respect you for not dating while unemployed, I think it shows character. The trouble with this sort of thinking is only if the crisis/unemployment persists, and you find yourself 'out of your prime' years for relationships.. maybe an attractive woman would even motivate you to start looking for a job/career/biz more with energy?
many people who had serious relationships got jobs quickly, and weren't too fussy about them...

I know a couple, where the girl sometimes worked and paid the rent, sometimes he did, sometimes they both did.. They've been happily together for quite many years now.. I don't know how 'smart' it was of her to marry someone like that, he's an interesting cool guy otherwise.. (& he never finished college either, she didn't manage to finish uni either.. they both switched careers tho, self-taught in many things..)

The question is are you at least working on improvement of your employment/career/biz situation? (since it is important to you) 'small steps'!

Earth went from 1 billion people to 6 billion people. 10 billion people are projected in not-so-far future. What will all those new 4 billion people be doing? New jobs/careers/ways of living will have to be invented!! And maybe 4-hour workday (for everyone) isn't such an odd idea after all?? (I quite like it! 🙂) And more time to pursue hobbies/volunteer or non-profit projects!!

It's important to re-think Lifestyles - the world is not anymore what our ancestors/fathers thought it to be... (!)

Well as for my write-up you complimented on, how is it possible? Well, people do that all the time half-way. They look for friends and look for mates. What makes me mad is that there is too much sex in our culture. Like why can't one guy and girl meet up and just have lunch and not have it be a date? I'm weird for a guy, because I'm not one of those big sex people, probably because I'm a virgin and understand what it's like to well....not have sex. The stereotype for men is true to a decent point, men think about a sex a ton, way too much if you ask me. I'm sure sex feels great, but I think actually connecting with all human beings is more important.

I wouldn't be too quick to compliment me on my not dating when unemployed because a big reason I haven't is because I wasn't dating in the first place and am afraid to go out and talk to people, especially women. So my non-dating and virginity is not by choice necessarily, more out of fear of talking to people and being around people.

I wish the world would change and we could work less, but it's been this way for a while and considering people have less money now, they are more desperate and holding on to jobs more than b4, so i think 4 hour day norms is out of the question for at least the next century. By the way, I am filling out applications for work, I've finished about 10 of them and am still planning on filling out more.

Just to clear one more thing up, not only guys think about sex too much, but I believe women think about sex too much too. Guys are worse, but the ladies are still bad. It's a human culture problem. Just my opinion.

JamesSmith said: ↑

Well as for my write-up you complimented on, how is it possible? Well, people do that all the time half-way. They look for friends and look for mates. What makes me mad is that there is too much sex in our culture. Like why can't one guy and girl meet up and just have lunch and not have it be a date? I'm weird for a guy, because I'm not one of those big sex people, probably because I'm a virgin and understand what it's like to well....not have sex. The stereotype for men is true to a decent point, men think about a sex a ton, way too much if you ask me. I'm sure sex feels great, but I think actually connecting with all human beings is more important.

I wouldn't be too quick to compliment me on my not dating when unemployed because a big reason I haven't is because I wasn't dating in the first place and am afraid to go out and talk to people, especially women. So my non-dating and virginity is not by choice necessarily, more out of fear of talking to people and being around people.

I wish the world would change and we could work less, but it's been this way for a while and considering people have less money now, they are more desperate and holding on to jobs more than b4, so i think 4 hour day norms is out of the question for at least the next century. By the way, I am filling out applications for work, I've finished about 10 of them and am still planning on filling out more.

Just to clear one more thing up, not only guys think about sex too much, but I believe women think about sex too much too. Guys are worse, but the ladies are still bad. It's a human culture problem. Just my opinion.

Well, I wasn't speaking about just men 🙂

I would personally like to know how it's possible. It's easier with men who are 'taken' - in relationships. Or when I was in a relationship/seeing someone too..

It seems that maybe I react or interact with guys in a way that either 'totally makes'em attracted' or just 'doesn't make'em attracted' at all.. like 'hot' or 'cold'.. I'd like to learn a happy medium, and I don't know how. 🙂 I was thinking about this recently so I'm glad it was mentioned in the thread. Maybe we need another thread for this, hmm?

I don't think that being a virgin or (not) thinking about sex (at the time) has anything to do with it..
Sometimes I wasn't thinking about anything, or just about other things/enjoying the situation/trip/event/scenery, and the guys just got weird thoughts..

I have no idea how to be friends with single guys, especially if we're both single.. or if there's even some attraction.. I think it's very difficult.. and admire people who can do it..
it just got awkward for me, usually.. the few times I've tried, it didn't really work - one got attracted or the other.. or we didn't like each other enough to even be friends lol.. (?)
or I saw the attraction coming on and sorta avoided it (and the guy) cause I was afraid I might hurt him or that he'd hurt me or we wouldn't be 'right' for each other... (?)

As for 4-hour day work, I think it may come sooner than in a century.. We'll see tho..

Great to hear you're filling out applications.. I know it's frustrating, some people have filled 100 or 300 applications and then landed great jobs! So, wish you luck!!

PS I've had lunch with a guy and it wasn't a date. (At least from my side.) It's easier at the dorm though. Or maybe in big cities, not in a small town..

Liam, alcohol can make people braver (and more depressed too) Things will probably seem different after a good night's sleep! (or a few)

Liam17 said: ↑

Just thought i'd have a final post.

Confidence, is important in many things, and women always want a confident guy, thats just life.

Yes. I just wonder sometimes, what's wrong with having no confidence? Why is it a bad thing?

I can only get it when i'm high, or drunk.

It's pretty depressing tbh

Drink does certainly make me feel better and more at ease, I've never been drunk in a social setting but if I was I expect I'd be more social. Hehe well once I reach 18 I will go to bars and try!

As for being high....well the few times I have been, I've never felt more confident in my experience. Just....high lol

PipsMcClawski said: ↑

Random thoughts:

Since natural selection is natures way of favoring certain characteristics and making individuals with those characteristics more likely to reproduce, do you guys think that this is nature's way of weeding us out? Since confidence and social skills are so attractive to the opposite sex? Now this isn't science but I'm just pondering. What do you guys think?

Disclaimer- This has nothing to do with the men vs women debate, seeing as this can apply to both sexes anyways.

I didn't see this post before, but congratulations, you nailed the reason why women are attracted to confidence. In order to keep life going in the best way possible, women are attracted to the confidence and social skills and looks in guys. But, what i think is very funny is that it's not always like this when guys are going after women. A lot more men don't care how confident the girl is that he's going after. Many men go after the shy girl just because they think they can take advantage of her. It's the opposite with women, because they tend to avoid the shy guy because of his poor communication skills. But yeah, I've known for a while why I'm passed up so often, our species cancels out people like us with poor communication skills. It's just nature. There is hope though, because of course there are people that do find someone, it's just harder.

confidence tends to come from people who don't overthink about things. often they have this blinding belief that they are in a state of incredible certainty and self assurance. this all comes with daily practice, so the only way to acquire confidence is either through inheriting good confidence in your genes or through believing strongly about your own convictions and opinions, if you over think and second guess everything then you'll be in a tangle alot of the time ...

1) Do you have confidence? Let's say rate it on a 1-10 scale
I do have confidence, but it's not always there. Sometimes it does, I feel really great then. 🙂 i would rate it a 5.5

2) Is confidence one of the top things you would want in a partner? If yes why?

Hmm, Good question. I think a little confidence is attractive, but too much, No way. People who think they are the best, I don't like that, those think they are better than all the people around. But I do think some confidence is a good thing 😉 it shows charisma, but never forget, it's not always about confidence.
You just need to be yourself, that's all. 🙂

Wouldn't too much confidence not even be classified as confidence, but instead defined as cockiness or egoism?

I've just realized that a lot of people fake confidence and fool everyone else in the process.

I'm not confident that i understand what confidence is 🙂

JamesSmith said: ↑

Wouldn't too much confidence not even be classified as confidence, but instead defined as cockiness or egoism?

Yeah those people are defined as cockiness or egoism or arrogant people indeed.
But I dunno if it has something to do with confidence, because it looks like they don't care about what people think. A lot of people with a very high self esteem don't care about what people think. but maybe those people are not even confident, because they don't act like most people do, dunno it can be both 🙂

My own confidence is very low - I am confident in few things about myself.
Basically, I'm probably a 2-3.

In a relationship...
He may not be confident in himself but he would have to be confident in *us* as a couple.
Everything can be worked on in time and I am quite patient.
I know many people are not, though.

Confidence is one thing that can be built upon in order to change it--- unlike many other things in a relationship.

I'm really enjoying reading through this thread, as there have been a lot of different perspectives and information provided. It's also something I've been struggling with most of my life, and even more lately. I find it difficult to rate my own confidence, as it seems to vary per each situation and area. I guess maybe in the middle(a 5) then?

For example, I get very nervous like most people when doing a presentation or speaking publicly. I can get through it, but worry the entire time leading up and during. I also question myself in the area of relationships with women. However, whereas I used to only speak to relatives and close family friends that are female, I've progressed to be more comfortable speaking with women in general. But, I still feel my most difficult issue is speaking with a female who is available and attractive to me.

Would I want a confident partner? Yes. I have done some dating in the past, and was turned off by a girl who was very uncomfortable with herself. So, it was a great point being made about people showing confidence to attract confidence. I just heard the familiar line on the radio "women want him, men want to be like him." I think that's representative of this topic. And there is probably a fine line between confidence and overconfidence/arrogance, which I've read is often compensating for other shortcomings or perceived ones.

JamesSmith, you make a lot of good points, and remind me very much of myself in many of the things you've said. Continuing arguments is something I've done a lot, and even had someone tell me that people that do this are often deep down unsure of themselves or their point, which is why they continue to argue rather than saying "it's not even worth it." Your other point about not "hunting" girls but rather being confident around them was also something I read recently through some other website on Zen philosophy and depression. They said their belief is that it is greedy to "desire things", and rather than "wanting a girlfriend/boyfriend", people should just be happy with themselves and make others happy to be around them, and this attraction will lead to more relationships. I know these things are hard to believe when experiencing SAD and having so much negative going on in your head, because it happens to me. But they also say that it doesn't matter about the past, if we focus on the present, then the future will be the only thing that matters. Or something like this.

I apologize for the lengthy response, but was wanted to relay all the thoughts I had on this topic, and many of the things I've read lately. 🙂