Confidence

[Minty]

If you have reasons why you think being a woman is worse than being a man, please do tell. There are some reasons being a female can suck, but when you compare the intensity of the problems between the sexes, men's problems outweigh women's problems by a ton.

Oh man.

Why even compare the problems? Why is it important? I don't know what it's like to be a man, so I don't dare make the statement, "Women have it worse." What makes you think you have the right to compare when you have never been a woman?

I'm a woman with SAD. I'm a woman with AvPD, actually. Men don't flock to me. I've never had male friends, let alone a boyfriend. I'm not ugly or disfigured. I'm not beautiful either, but I am attractive to some. But they still do not throw themselves at me. Why do you have this notion in your head?

Even if women were the dominating sex and were expected to go after men, what makes you think that would get rid of your SAD? After filtering out all the women who just want to get into your pants, you would find a couple decent relationships. But all of them would be terrible rocky--some would enhance your anxiety. Some would crumble because of your SAD and would leave you feeling like a failure.

The problem isn't that society dictates that men should ask women out. This isn't the 50s.

The problem is, and will always be, your SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER.

 

[JamesSmith]

Oh man.

Why even compare the problems? Why is it important? I don't know what it's like to be a man, so I don't dare make the statement, "Women have it worse." What makes you think you have the right to compare when you have never been a woman?

I'm a woman with SAD. I'm a woman with AvPD, actually. Men don't flock to me. I've never had male friends, let alone a boyfriend. I'm not ugly or disfigured. I'm not beautiful either, but I am attractive to some. But they still do not throw themselves at me. Why do you have this notion in your head?

Even if women were the dominating sex and were expected to go after men, what makes you think that would get rid of your SAD? After filtering out all the women who just want to get into your pants, you would find a couple decent relationships. But all of them would be terrible rocky--some would enhance your anxiety. Some would crumble because of your SAD and would leave you feeling like a failure.

The problem isn't that society dictates that men should ask women out. This isn't the 50s.

The problem is, and will always be, your SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER.

SAD would still be a problem, but I believe that life would have been easier if I was a woman. I've disagreed with everything you just said here, and it's obvious we disagree on about everything, so lets just agree to disagree so we don't get in an argument that lasts for days, okay? There is no point in going any further in this. I've done this b4 and don't feel like doing it again.

 

[Luke1993]

Look at it this way, if you are confident, you are able to converse with people socially. In order to get a date, you have to overcome that fear of "breaking of the ice" and starting a conversation with a woman. So you can call it confidence, lack of fear, courage, whatever. But the most important thing is being able to socially comfortable with women. If you never talk to women, you will never be with women.

I have talked to them on the odd occasion (made it one of my goals!) but they never seem to take me seriously. I don't know why that is, I don't say anything particularly stupid.

What is extremely depressing about this whole thing is that you can be the biggest prick, you could be some closet serial killer, but you can pick up women left and right if you are socially confident. And the nice, respectful, successful shy guy who will respect the woman and has a future with the woman, is left behind. Why did this travesty happen? Cuz the prick guy is a good communicator. Obviously it's not always like this, but this does often happen.

Yeah I do get very envious of these people.

 

[Minty]

SAD would still be a problem, but I believe that life would have been easier if I was a woman. I've disagreed with everything you just said here, and it's obvious we disagree on about everything, so lets just agree to disagree so we don't get in an argument that lasts for days, okay? There is no point in going any further in this. I've done this b4 and don't feel like doing it again.

Okay, I have it easier. Yes.

 

[JamesSmith]

I have talked to them on the odd occasion (made it one of my goals!) but they never seem to take me seriously. I don't know why that is, I don't say anything particularly stupid.

On occasion isn't good enough if you are planning on getting a girlfriend. In your case, you have to attempt over and over again to succeed. People look at me weird all the time, that's just part of having SAD.

 

[JamesSmith]

Okay, I have it easier. Yes.

Alright now you're starting to tick me off. I asked you to agree to disagree and you throw out some snide remark like that? Come on now, I was trying to resolve the situation, and now you are looking to escalate it. For the last time, let's both agree that we disagree on this and just let it go.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Alright now you're starting to tick me off. I asked you to agree to disagree and you throw out some snide remark like that? Come on now, I was trying to resolve the situation, and now you are looking to escalate it. For the last time, let's both agree that we disagree on this and just let it go.

If you really want to let it go, you could try not replying, or at least not telling her she's ticking you off. Just sayin'.

 

[Pookah]

Settle down my friends. Try not to play the who has it worse game. SA is hell for us all.

 

[JamesSmith]

If you really want to let it go, you could try not replying, or at least not telling her she's ticking you off. Just sayin'.

Hey, thanks for this advice. You are right, I should just ignore. I have had a problem with continuing arguments when I shouldn't have continued the argument. It's something I need to work on.

 

[Minty]

I was just summarizing what I'm hearing from you. Because I find it hurtful.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Alright now you're starting to tick me off. I asked you to agree to disagree and you throw out some snide remark like that? Come on now, I was trying to resolve the situation, and now you are looking to escalate it. For the last time, let's both agree that we disagree on this and just let it go.

Read everything you have posted here. You can't do, can't do anything about it, fine. Don't want to, also fine.

Don't.

Don't worry about it. Worry about something else?

Is what it is.

 

[kihira]

The man vs woman thing is subjective. What is worse, a poke in the left eye or in the right eye? No point in arguing.

Apologies can help if feelings have been hurt.

 

[coyote]

A confident man talks to as many people as possible, male and female. I think the best to way to get a woman is to talk to both sexes without the intentions of sexual relations with the opposite sex. I see some people in here think you should "hunt" for women, I'm not really a believer in that anymore. When you "hunt" for women you are obviously just looking to get laid. It's more important to make friends and become socially confident with everyone, then you get to know people better. Confidence isn't about who "hunts" more, it's about who is the best "people" person. Too many people are concerned with getting laid instead of making friends and improving social skills. This is a big reason why society makes me so mad: sex dominates many people's minds. We are human beings, not wild animals. There is a time for sex when you really get to know someone and love them. You shouldn't be constantly searching like a wild animal for a mate, you should be searching for friends, and then, if sex happens later when you love someone after you get to know them beginning as a friend, then so be it.

actually, what I suggested was that you act on your instincts rather than on the self-defeating thoughts you allow yourself to have

LIKE a tiger hunting for its prey


a·nal·o·gy
(uh-nal-uh-jee)
–noun, plural -gies.

1. a similarity between like features of two things, on which a comparison may be based: the analogy between the heart and a pump.
2. similarity or comparability: I see no analogy between your problem and mine.
3. Biology . an analogous relationship.
4. Linguistics .
a. the process by which words or phrases are created or re-formed according to existing patterns in the language, as when shoon was re-formed as shoes, when -ize is added to nouns like winter to form verbs, or when a child says foots for feet.
b. a form resulting from such a process.
5. Logic . a form of reasoning in which one thing is inferred to be similar to another thing in a certain respect, on the basis of the known similarity between the things in other respects.

 

[userremoved]

Random thoughts:

Since natural selection is natures way of favoring certain characteristics and making individuals with those characteristics more likely to reproduce, do you guys think that this is nature's way of weeding us out? Since confidence and social skills are so attractive to the opposite sex? Now this isn't science but I'm just pondering. What do you guys think?

Disclaimer- This has nothing to do with the men vs women debate, seeing as this can apply to both sexes anyways.

 

[Luke1993]

Random thoughts:

Since natural selection is natures way of favoring certain characteristics and making individuals with those characteristics more likely to reproduce, do you guys think that this is nature's way of weeding us out? Since confidence and social skills are so attractive to the opposite sex? Now this isn't science but I'm just pondering. What do you guys think?

Yes that seems like a fair assumption.

Fine nature, have it your way! I didn't want kids anyway!

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Since confidence and social skills are so attractive to the opposite sex? Now this isn't science but I'm just pondering. What do you guys think?

Disclaimer- This has nothing to do with the men vs women debate, seeing as this can apply to both sexes anyways.

Well, I can't imagine that a lack of confidence or social skills have ever been attractive, so they might not be things that can be weeded out genetically.

 

[userremoved]

So what you're proposing is that since people like us have always been around that nature can't necessarily remove this trait? I guess it would also have to be genetic and not a learned behavior too. I'm not sure if anyone is really born this way. The whole nature vs nurture debate.

 

[coyote]

I guess it would also have to be genetic and not a learned behavior too. I'm not sure if anyone is really born this way.

exactly, my friend! - Social Anxiety is a learned behavior

this is important

what is learned can also be un-learned

 

[Kiwong]

The problem is, and will always be, your SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER.

The truth. The severity of which is very much an individual's pain.

 

[Pookah]

exactly, my friend! - Social Anxiety is a learned behavior

this is important

what is learned can also be un-learned

That's 27 years to unlearn for me. :/