Chivalry; yay or nay?

[Phoenixx]

I don't think chivalry should die, but it shouldn't be as extreme as it was decades ago. I would certainly hold a door open for a lady or something, but I wouldn't take my hat off if one walked into the room. I think just mere politeness is the best.

^ This. I appreciate chivalry (yay), especially the simple things, but I wouldn't want a guy to do everything for me.

I totally agree with how men and women express each other though. Seeing those very.... personal... comments about women and men alike appall me. It's quite disgusting what most people have come to when "complimenting" each other. I'll be honest, I also don't care for the term "hot." I've seen/heard too many comments involving the word "hot" accompanied by other rather descriptive terms. I just can't see it as a compliment, rather than just a derogatory word. I hope I'm not coming across as being a snob about it. I just think if you want to compliment a woman, use beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, cute, anything but "hot." I feel the same about men too. I don't particularly care for calling a guy "hot," if anything I would use cute, gorgeous, adorable, etc.

 

[Tino]

That was everything that this thread was supposed to be against ::

They're awful aren't they.

 

[MikeyC]

I'll be honest, I also don't care for the term "hot." I've seen/heard too many comments involving the word "hot" accompanied by other rather descriptive terms. I just can't see it as a compliment, rather than just a derogatory word. I hope I'm not coming across as being a snob about it. I just think if you want to compliment a woman, use beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, cute, anything but "hot." I feel the same about men too. I don't particularly care for calling a guy "hot," if anything I would use cute, gorgeous, adorable, etc.

Calling a girl "hot" sounds more primal and one-dimensional than "gorgeous." I feel it implies that they want the girl for their bodies, while "gorgeous" seems to imply that he does find her attractive in a more wholesome way.

These compliments are acceptable for some people. I certainly wouldn't be against a girl calling me a "hot babe" or something. ::

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

I think there's a difference between being respectful and being chivalric (?). You can be respectful towards a girl without holding the door open for her or pulling out her chair for her. I see chivalry as a bit out dated, in a way it was to "control" the girl. Kind of like she can't do that stuff on her own and she has to act a certain way to be prim and proper, that it's not her "role" to open the door. That's the way I see it.

Personally I say, let me open my own door . If you are in front of me you can hold it for me and I'd do the same for you, but there's no need for me to wait until you open it. I think we should treat each other with the same kind of care. It shouldn't be one sided.

 

[Merel]

I disagree with chivalry. If men and women are to be truly equal (which I'm sure is what most of society desires), why should men be expected to extend a disproportionate amount of courtesy toward women? To me it just seems sexist in itself to both men and women.

I don't like how some think they need to adhere to this broad generalization of how a woman should be treated without learning about each other's individual desires. Opening doors is one thing because everyone does it for everyone; it's difficult to distinguish when it is done out of courtesy or chivalry, but some acts of chivalry and its expectations are ridiculous: pulling out chairs for women, taking her coat and hanging it up for her, women expecting men to pay the bill for the date, expecting men always calling or texting first.

I don't feel as if I automatically deserve extra attention or deserving of more politeness because I'm a woman. I also become very uncomfortable when people make a huge display of doing an act for me which I am perfectly capable of doing myself.

 

[MikeyC]

I don't like how some think they need to adhere to this broad generalization of how a woman should be treated without learning about each other's individual desires. Opening doors is one thing because everyone does it for everyone; it's difficult to distinguish when it is done out of courtesy or chivalry, but some acts of chivalry and its expectations are ridiculous: pulling out chairs for women, taking her coat and hanging it up for her, women expecting men to pay the bill for the date, expecting men always calling or texting first.

I don't feel as if I automatically deserve extra attention or deserving of more politeness because I'm a woman. I also become very uncomfortable when people make a huge display of doing an act for me which I am perfectly capable of doing myself.

Again, it all depends on the person. I would certainly take her coat if she came to my place, or offer a drink, or something, but more so out of politeness. I'll even open doors. However, I won't make a massive display because it can come across as desperate.

My ex would never let me pay for meals, even though I insisted. We usually split them, just to be fair. I wouldn't have been able to pay for every meal! ::

 

[Kiwong]

I say nay to duels at forty paces.

 

[vj288]

I think for the most part traditional chivalry doesn't have much place in the modern world. I'm not against it though, I think sometimes guys want to feel like a knight and shining armor and girls want to be swept off their feet by one.

I think we do need to respect others more though, regardless of who they are. We don't need to be chivalrous to not call women sluts or whatever.

I'll be honest, I also don't care for the term "hot." I've seen/heard too many comments involving the word "hot" accompanied by other rather descriptive terms. I just can't see it as a compliment, rather than just a derogatory word. I hope I'm not coming across as being a snob about it. I just think if you want to compliment a woman, use beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, cute, anything but "hot." I feel the same about men too. I don't particularly care for calling a guy "hot," if anything I would use cute, gorgeous, adorable, etc.

I feel the exact same way about the word, I thought it was just me! I have a sense that other people mean it differently than I interpret it though, like when someone defines someone as hot it's the equivalent of my "Cute" or "pretty." I don't like using the word at all though, it's almost an insult (or a joke) when I use it.

 

[AGR]

It depends on the person,I would just be me without thinking to much,I usually open doors to other people and etc.

Now there are some girls who dont like,I have seen girls complaining about this kind of behavior like the guy is putting her on a pedestal,personally I disagree,of course if I had a girlfriend I would value her more than others,she is with me,the others arent huh?
If I didnt like her more than the others it wouldnt make sense to be with her,so this kind of thought is senseless to me..........

 

[SAM2011]

I say Yay. Men should be more like a Gentleman and be a bit more respectful and woman should be more like ladies but both treat people with respect too. I am old fashioned too even though I'm 30. I believe in equal.

 

[OceanMist]

I try to treat everyone the same. I have a within reason rule when holding doors for people when I'm not at work. Whether it's a hot woman or a guy, I'm going to stick by my rule.

I do think if a man is on a date, though, it'd be wise to use "light" chivalry. It shows the woman that you care about her. You just don't want to go overboard with it.

You've got to think about it this way. You don't know the person you're holding the door for in many cases. Holding the door for a woman that is 30 feet away from a door that you don't know seems silly to me. For all you know you are going out of your way to help someone you don't know. For all you know, you could be helping out a mean woman.

I guess I'm saying chivalry should be more reserved for people you know, whether it be men or women.

 

[da_illest101]

I say Nay in the sense that I personally don't like chivalry, just not my thing. But I'm not into calling someone by names like b*tch, wh*re or sl*t either. I just treat everyone with normal politness ( is that even a word lol)

 

[1BlackSheep]

Firstly, I'm not very experienced in relationships with the opposite sex and the following may provide some reasoning as to why. I was just wondering what your opinions are on it; both guys and gals.

I think part of the problem why I suffer from social anxiety is that I feel that I don't fit into modern society. I'm not into pubs and clubs and all that stuff. I prefer romantic restaurants and things like that.

When I eventually enter a relationship with a girl I want to make her now how special she is to me; I want her to be my soulmate, my best friend. To quote Donny Osmond "I'm just a little old fashioned, it takes more than a physical attraction".

I miss the days when ladies were ladies and gentlemen were gentlemen. I'm probably in the minority of one but I have read comments (that I won't repeat) online by guys about girls they like that are so vulgar that they appall me. They term the women as: whores, bitches, or simply it or that; show some courtesy for goodness sake.

I want my partner to be somebody incredibly special to me and I want to make sure that she knows it as well. I want to woo my potential love interest with my six string and some beautiful songs, such as:

Elton John ~ Your Song - YouTube

Lucky Jim - Lovely to me - YouTube

Clifford T Ward - Scullery - YouTube

Bob Dylan - Make you feel my love (Original Bob Dylan Version) - YouTube
(Chose the Dylan version over Adele's because I'm a massive fan of his)

Just wondering whether anybody else misses the days of chivalry or whether it is just me?

As Billy Joel once sang, "Don't go changing - I want you just the way you are"! Some girl will be very lucky to have you as her boyfriend!

 

[MrJones]

I try to be as polite as I can with everyone, without exceptions.
I'd try to be chivalrous with the woman of my life, though, and treat her like a princess. That doesn't mean, of course, that I would act as if she can't do anything by herself.

 

[*Amy*]

My sister and I often have this argument or something similar to it, haha. Well, of course I think both men and women should have the same rights (I'm a woman, why wouldn't I want that?), but I am very romantic and idealistic as well. On the other hand, I guess a lot of people relate 'being modern' with 'not having manners'. I don't think of myself as being old-fashioned, but I usually try to be polite towards people (at least towards those who deserve it). So, all in all, if chivalry means being kind, polite and romantic, I vote for yay (and women can be all of that towards men, too).

 

[emre43]

As Billy Joel once sang, "Don't go changing - I want you just the way you are"! Some girl will be very lucky to have you as her boyfriend!

Awww, thank you very much, that's such a lovely thing to say

When I do fall in love with someone it will be because I like them just the way they are. And they won't need to change anything.

I suppose in hindsight maybe chivalry wasn't the right word to use. Because I do believe in equality and politeness should be aimed towards whatever the gender. And also when I said I wish ladies were ladies and gentlemen were gentlemen I meant they should be more polite and respectful to one another and a lot different to how it is at the moment. I guess what I mean is I wish there was more courtresy and respect shown to others. I would like to be respected by a woman in just the same way that they would like to be respected by me

 

[emre43]

I totally agree with how men and women express each other though. Seeing those very.... personal... comments about women and men alike appall me. It's quite disgusting what most people have come to when "complimenting" each other. I'll be honest, I also don't care for the term "hot." I've seen/heard too many comments involving the word "hot" accompanied by other rather descriptive terms. I just can't see it as a compliment, rather than just a derogatory word. I hope I'm not coming across as being a snob about it. I just think if you want to compliment a woman, use beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, cute, anything but "hot." I feel the same about men too. I don't particularly care for calling a guy "hot," if anything I would use cute, gorgeous, adorable, etc.

Agree wholeheartedly with this. I alo hate the word hot, although it seems to be more of an Americanism. In England we use the word fit On the X Factor over here this year there was an 18-year-old kid called Frankie Cocozza who claimed to have slept with 60+ girls. Obviously didn't care for them if he had slept with that many. When he was quizzed about his "latest conquests" he would never refer to them by name but would always call them "fit birds". I was surprised that so many young girls wanted him so much.

And this:

My sister and I often have this argument or something similar to it, haha. Well, of course I think both men and women should have the same rights (I'm a woman, why wouldn't I want that?), but I am very romantic and idealistic as well. On the other hand, I guess a lot of people relate 'being modern' with 'not having manners'. I don't think of myself as being old-fashioned, but I usually try to be polite towards people (at least towards those who deserve it). So, all in all, if chivalry means being kind, polite and romantic, I vote for yay (and women can be all of that towards men, too).

 

[MikeyC]

I'd try to be chivalrous with the woman of my life, though, and treat her like a princess. That doesn't mean, of course, that I would act as if she can't do anything by herself.

This is a good balance. Be polite and be there for the girl in your life, but don't treat her like a baby. I think we can all agree here.

Same can apply for the girls, too.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

Yay? Nothing over the top, but just like respect/manners towards women. I like men to be gentlemen, but that doesn't mean they have to treat women like royalty or anything. Also, I really hate that saying "Bros before hoes." I don't like men who are like that or call women "chicks" or some other variation of the term.

 

[Waybuloo]

I really like your way of thinking OP. I think women and men should respect eachother and act like they respect themselves. That means not treat eachother like an object and in a derogatory way such as illustrated by your example of men talking about women in a certain way. I don't think the behaviour of young women (not all) today help men to act in a respective way towards them. I do find that people who carry themselves with dignity always attract behaviours in the same vein towards them, even by people who act the oppositve in different company.

About Chivalry, I think it's great to be protective and caring towards a woman, and to show that you think that way. Opening doors is welcome. Standing up at the table when a woman leaves is a bit too much - it's not practical like opening a door for her is it? Or if she drops something, pick it up for her. I do like romantic gestures, who doesn't? Unless you are a hardcore bitter feminist, or a mysogynist, or have a chip on your shoulders.