Anyone used internet dating?

[OneOh1]

I've used it for 6 months, haven't been able to get one date

 

[Honda]

Doesnt matter to me, most dating sites are blocked where i live...

 

[Feathers]

I´m staying at his house.
All I keep thinking of is how I might mess things up. I don´t have high expectations and I keep telling him not to have too high expectations. I told him about my fears and stuff so I suppose he knows that this won´t be easy for me. However, the weird thing is that my worries revolve around him not liking me but what if I end up wanting to leave his place because I can´t stand him? Hope this will never happen.

Ooh, do get info on all hostels and/or cheap/affordable accomodation and transport in town, ideally also have other internet friends to visit or at least meet up with.. or maybe you can find some people to stay with on hospitalityclub.com or such?

I think I'd stay at a hostel or with someone else first and only meet up for a drink/half a day for sightseeing or such with this guy and then see how it goes and how he's like in person..

Friends of mine (2 girls!) stayed with a guy in England and he turned out to be really odd.. one of them did visit him again, she did lock/bolt doors I think (or did she just hope to be able to do so? hmm.. it was years ago) it was allright but eventually my friend decided to just stay at a cheap hotel next time..

I think if you wanted it to be more, romantically, it would be better if he visited you.. so try not to expect too much.. if he hasn't hopped on the plane to you yet, maybe it just wasn't meant to be? So how about just expect a nice trip and some sightseeing, and everything else is a bonus?
Also have other plans so you or he wouldn't get bored of each other's company, but would ideally miss each other.. if there' s a spark when you really do meet each other.. also don't jump into any sexual things too soon, and be protected if it happens? just get to know each other iRL first..?
(I also hope you have googled him if you know his real name and address, e-mail and nicknames etc - a lot of stuff can be found online...)

 

[Feathers]

Brooklynn,
Please consider never giving your real info and location online, especially for all to see.. Even here, just don't be too specific re: where you live etc, consider editing what you wrote..

 

[Kiwong]

I have created profiles in the far distant past on RSVP and more recently fitness singles. I've never actually followed through on dating someone. I'm not really actively looking.

Being an honest person, I would have to tell a potential date that I do have a mental illness, low self esteem, and I'm about to turn 48 years old. I'm probably not what anyone is looking an no one deserves to have to deal with someone like me.

 

[Aussie_Lad]

One of mums friends had sucess with POF. She met someone, got engaged within a few months and is marrying him later this year.

 

[Falkor]

I do. But you always have to be careful, too many fakers, and people who aren't trustworthy, but of course there are lots of nice people on it too!
But I first want to see someone in real life a couple of times before I WANT a relationship, i want to know that everything is good!
and that the other person is really trustworthy

 

[Waybuloo]

Not saying it can´t work, but it's a lottery game. It is a bit strange for people to advertise themselves like they were goods in the store. Some of the adverts are quite strange, like "well groomed, clean", or "businessman's daughter" etc., in other words "good quality". As if they were some pets for exhibition or something . Many of the dating profiles seem quite stupid and superficial tbh. Also, I have noticed like they vary from country to country and I concluded, "if you want to get to know the country, look at the dating adverts". It will tell you how the people there are. In Germany for example, they put a lot of stress on the facade.. social status, well groomed, representative, good job, money, education... In India they're crazy with horoscopes - horoscope must match, and they all want IT specialists or businessmen (for men), and white women. The adverts are put of course by the parents and relatives and they are grouped according to castes and religion. In the UK.. I can't remember well except they go to the pub a lot . In Peru, most of them take pride in being modest, loyal, shy and good workers, family people (thumb up).

I wouldn't use a dating site myself, you can't tell from the few things or photo what kind of people they are. It's like meeting someone on the street. It can work though and if it does, it's because the people happen to have good character qualities. Not just because they both like the same things or share the same hobby. But you get to know the person after a long time, not just from one dating profile. It's much better to meet people on forums like this, where you see their personality/character revealed - though even this can be deceiving sometimes, or they have some flaws that can't be recognized online etc... It's a lot of work that any relationship works.

Your response was quite entertaining as well as practical IMO it is just a more straightforward way of advertising ourselves, most people do it in real life through flirting and putting their best face forward, the internet just makes it so much easier. I think 'scruffy and rough around the edges' are just as good contenders as 'well groomed, clean', given there are so many tastes out there lol.

 

[Dust]

I think if you wanted it to be more, romantically, it would be better if he visited you.. so try not to expect too much.. if he hasn't hopped on the plane to you yet, maybe it just wasn't meant to be? So how about just expect a nice trip and some sightseeing, and everything else is a bonus?
Also have other plans so you or he wouldn't get bored of each other's company, but would ideally miss each other.. if there' s a spark when you really do meet each other.. also don't jump into any sexual things too soon, and be protected if it happens? just get to know each other iRL first..?
(I also hope you have googled him if you know his real name and address, e-mail and nicknames etc - a lot of stuff can be found online...)

I actually did google him but couldn´t find anything about him. But what I did find are cool places to go and see. Oh, and there will be no sex. I´m not a slut and he´s a stranger after all. Anyway, thanks for your advices.

Years ago I met another guy I had only spoken to on the internet before. We went to a restaurant and didn´t talk at all. So that didn´t go well. But we met a second time and went to a music festival. We shared a tent for 3 days, well, nights. Still don´t know how I could do that. I mean how stupid can one be to go to a festival with a complete stranger? I ended up going to see the bands I liked by myself. Wasn´t that much fun. Can´t recommend it.

 

[Feathers]

I actually did google him but couldn´t find anything about him. But what I did find are cool places to go and see. Oh, and there will be no sex. I´m not a slut and he´s a stranger after all. Anyway, thanks for your advices.

Good for you! Does he know though? & agrees with it? Or is it just 'understood'? (Not sure if I'd dare to bring it up lol, but then again, hm?)

You do seem rather brave, lol! And it seems so far it was mostly good/okay experiences anyway? - I met someone at a festival too, but I was with my friend (another girl) and we stayed elsewhere, just met with this guy and if it were odd we could just not meet again.. (That was the friend I mentioned..)

I think it's better to just meet for a short time first and then meet up for more if both are interested.. Though if you guys have spoken on webcam or such it may be different..(?)

 

[Dust]

Good for you! Does he know though? & agrees with it? Or is it just 'understood'? (Not sure if I'd dare to bring it up lol, but then again, hm?)

You do seem rather brave, lol! And it seems so far it was mostly good/okay experiences anyway? - I met someone at a festival too, but I was with my friend (another girl) and we stayed elsewhere, just met with this guy and if it were odd we could just not meet again.. (That was the friend I mentioned..)

I think it's better to just meet for a short time first and then meet up for more if both are interested.. Though if you guys have spoken on webcam or such it may be different..(?)

We´ve never really talked about that sex thing but I think he knows that it´s not going to happen. And it´s ok that you brought it up, I don´t mind.

This whole thing would be easier if we lived in the same country. But since someone put this silly ocean between us and there are still no teleportation machines available I´m not really able to meet him on safe ground.

I haven´t spoken to him on webcam and I don´t think this is ever going to happen. Don´t like webcams. In fact, it took me a long time to send him a proper picture of me. He only had an old picture of me until I send him some more in may this year. And he´s still talking to me which is good.
This is one thing I don´t like about internet dating/making friends online. I´ve always refused to send people pictures of me because it doesn´t feel good if a conversation starts out well but ends abruptly after you´ve send a picture of yourself.

 

[Tiercel]

I've tried it but never had any success. I'm not particularly successful, rather average-looking, and like Kiwong I'm probably too honest. But if someone wants to get to know me, I'd rather they feel that way because of who I am as opposed to who I can portray myself to be.

There's also that whole fear of rejection thing that keeps me from initiating anything with anyone. So it's a bit difficult to blame others for rejecting/ignoring me when I basically just hide in the corner and avoid them anyway.

 

[Feathers]

We´ve never really talked about that sex thing but I think he knows that it´s not going to happen. And it´s ok that you brought it up, I don´t mind.

This whole thing would be easier if we lived in the same country. But since someone put this silly ocean between us and there are still no teleportation machines available I´m not really able to meet him on safe ground.

I haven´t spoken to him on webcam and I don´t think this is ever going to happen. Don´t like webcams. In fact, it took me a long time to send him a proper picture of me. He only had an old picture of me until I send him some more in may this year. And he´s still talking to me which is good.
This is one thing I don´t like about internet dating/making friends online. I´ve always refused to send people pictures of me because it doesn´t feel good if a conversation starts out well but ends abruptly after you´ve send a picture of yourself.

Glad you didn't mind. And I hate having pictures taken of myself too.. I think I have a bit of a phobia there too And the photos usually turn out a bit dorky.. or on a few I may have looked too 'stunning' and I feel like I'm not really that person either.. I prefer to just meet people live too.. Though I think that friend saw me on a pic first.. Others, we just met.. I prefer to see other people on pics first though, to at least get some idea of the person.. They don't have to be perfect, cause I am neither.. In fact, I get too intimidated if they look too gorgeous, he he..

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I actually did google him but couldn´t find anything about him. But what I did find are cool places to go and see. Oh, and there will be no sex. I´m not a slut and he´s a stranger after all. Anyway, thanks for your advices.

I'm curious - you say you've been talking to this guy for 10 years online? Has it been a regular thing like daily or weekly chats, or has your communication been more sporadic with long gaps in between?

 

[Waybuloo]

I actually did google him but couldn´t find anything about him. But what I did find are cool places to go and see. Oh, and there will be no sex. I´m not a slut and he´s a stranger after all. Anyway, thanks for your advices.

Years ago I met another guy I had only spoken to on the internet before. We went to a restaurant and didn´t talk at all. So that didn´t go well. But we met a second time and went to a music festival. We shared a tent for 3 days, well, nights. Still don´t know how I could do that. I mean how stupid can one be to go to a festival with a complete stranger? I ended up going to see the bands I liked by myself. Wasn´t that much fun. Can´t recommend it.

I did something similar, although we did talk it was a bit stilted and forced at times, we we did better talking and walking at the same time, I actually came out wiht a few very dry one liners - yay me. You could probably force it out of me again if you point a gun to my head lol.

When you said didn't talk at all, do you mean you jsut said hello, ordered food and stared into space? I was so afraid of that happening. It takes two to tango, he's probably just as much at fault for not saying anything.

 

[Minty]

I've tried it but because I didn't feel comfortable posting pics, I rarely got messages (except from older creepy guys who thought my young age was appealing--no matter what I looked like). The few guys I managed to talk to...well, they had no interest in talking to me online. They saw the dating site as a means to ask a girl out without facing rejection in person. Because I was looking for something online and didn't want to meet, they stopped replying.

 

[Felgen]

I've tried it but because I didn't feel comfortable posting pics, I rarely got messages (except from older creepy guys who thought my young age was appealing--no matter what I looked like). The few guys I managed to talk to...well, they had no interest in talking to me online. They saw the dating site as a means to ask a girl out without facing rejection in person. Because I was looking for something online and didn't want to meet, they stopped replying.

That's really what the point of an online dating site is: To meet someone.

 

[Minty]

That's really what the point of an online dating site is: To meet someone.

Oh. Well, I guess I didn't get the memo.









Edit: For the majority of people, yes. That is true. For people with extreme AvPD who can barely leave their house socializing online and online only is extremely comforting. There is nothing wrong looking for an online exclusive relationship (for several months and then it can transition into an in-person thing). I personally find difficulty understanding someone who makes an online profile just to date. Why not skip that step and go to a bar, join a club, etc?

 

[Feathers]

Edit: For the majority of people, yes. That is true. For people with extreme AvPD who can barely leave their house socializing online and online only is extremely comforting. There is nothing wrong looking for an online exclusive relationship (for several months and then it can transition into an in-person thing). I personally find difficulty understanding someone who makes an online profile just to date. Why not skip that step and go to a bar, join a club, etc?

Minty on some sites you can write or check on the profile if you want more of an online friendship, or whatever.. I prefer a slow transition into an in-person thing too.. some guys can be too quick and pressure a girl too much (I know cause I had to comfort my friend about it too lol!!)

so, just feel free to say no if they're too impatient.. And feel free to write different words in your profile, some may get better responses..

Waybuloo, talking and walking can be MUCH easier yeah...

 

[Minty]

Hey Feathers I did that on PoF and still got a lot of extroverts who wanted to go out for drinks. Bars are not my thing...nor is drinking with random strangers.

So I'm kinda backing off from searching atm.

But thanks for the advice! <3 I'll definitely try the re-wording thing when I throw myself back into it someday.