Anyone used internet dating?

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Dust

Active member
@ Feathers
I wouldn´t mind looking too stunning on pictures ;)
What do you do if you get a picture of someone but don´t like what you see? Does this influence your opinion about him/her? What do you answer if that person asks you how you like his/her picture?

@ Rembrandt Broam
It started out rather sporadic. Now we´re using icq on weekends (we´re talking almost every weekend) and e-mails from monday to friday.

@ Waybuloo
So you were more successful than I was. Dry one liners are better than nothing. I agree: Yay for you! ;) Did you meet that person you mentioned online?
When two shy people meet things are bound to go wrong. It was like you said: our conversation consisted more or less of hello and good bye. I suppose things like that are easier if the other person is outgoing and not afraid of trying to bring you out of your shell.
 
Felgen

Felgen

Well-known member
Minty said:
Edit: For the majority of people, yes. That is true. For people with extreme AvPD who can barely leave their house socializing online and online only is extremely comforting. There is nothing wrong looking for an online exclusive relationship (for several months and then it can transition into an in-person thing). I personally find difficulty understanding someone who makes an online profile just to date. Why not skip that step and go to a bar, join a club, etc?
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I didn't say that there was anything wrong with online relationships, but you shouldn't expect that others are only looking for this. :) Random encounters at bar very rarely lead to more than a one night stand. Furthermore, you're risking public humiliation by approaching a random stranger at a bar.
 
dutchguy

dutchguy

Well-known member
To me internet dating is just as stressful as 'regular' dating. I overanalyse absolutely everything; I mean, this girl I've been talking to me doesn't reply to my message for one day and immediately I feel like all hope is lost - even though she made a point of telling me she wondered why I didn't have a girlfriend and told me she hoped she'd talk to me soon a few messages ago.

I wish I wasn't so desperate.

EDIT: A little update - of course she messaged me back and she seems interested... there might actually be something there.
 
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Feathers

Well-known member
Dust said:
@ Feathers
I wouldn´t mind looking too stunning on pictures ;)
What do you do if you get a picture of someone but don´t like what you see? Does this influence your opinion about him/her? What do you answer if that person asks you how you like his/her picture?
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lol it might be trouble if you might not look the same iRL lol..
similar problem as to partying with wonderbra or without (??) hmm.. :D

Yes, seeing a picture of someone does influence how I think of them.. I sort of get a 'feel' or a 'vibe' for the person.. (which may not be completely right, it's still a feeling and something to base observations on.. one of the inputs at least. I like all sorts of different people anyway..)

If I don't think they're my type that is what I write.. 'I don't really think you are my type'.. Or I just say nothing and drift away (sometimes guys have been offended if I said 'not interested' so sometimes/usually I just don't reply if I don't even see a possible friendship there..)

If I see a possible friendship or more, I say something like 'Not bad' (especially if they were self-deprecating about how terrible they look etc) or I say 'sympatico' or something like that..

On forums, if it's about people in general, I praise what I *do* like - for example eyes or hair.. or general feeling of the picture..
If you really like or respect the person you can also tell them what you DO like.. (If it doesn't look like it will get into their head or something.. ;))
 
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Feathers

Well-known member
Minty said:
Hey Feathers :) I did that on PoF and still got a lot of extroverts who wanted to go out for drinks. Bars are not my thing...nor is drinking with random strangers.

So I'm kinda backing off from searching atm.

But thanks for the advice! <3 I'll definitely try the re-wording thing when I throw myself back into it someday.
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Hey Minty, you're welcome! :) Yeah I've taken a break from online dating and such too.. Though sometimes I still think, wouldn't it be nice? :)

I checked the eco dating sites today, and there seem to be some interesting people there, some are just, uhm, weird? :rolleyes:
So, not really sure if I'm willing to give'em a try, we'll see..
 
Waybuloo

Waybuloo

Well-known member
Dust said:
@ Waybuloo
So you were more successful than I was. Dry one liners are better than nothing. I agree: Yay for you! ;) Did you meet that person you mentioned online?
When two shy people meet things are bound to go wrong. It was like you said: our conversation consisted more or less of hello and good bye. I suppose things like that are easier if the other person is outgoing and not afraid of trying to bring you out of your shell.
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Yes we met online, we were talking for a few months and then started talking again after a few years. He wasn't shy but I think he was a bit dumbfounded by
my self consciousness and me constantly telling him to not look at me (I didn't like to be looked at but it was too childish of a demand). True, it is usually better with one more of a talker and the other a listener. I think it is just as bad with two chatty people trying desperately to talk over eachother adn not listening but waiting for their chance to talk again.
 
spect01

spect01

Well-known member
Guys need to be rich, look good, and have all this other stuff just to be noticed and accepted on dating websites. No I haven't used it. It is the epitome of shallowness, hypocrisy, and truly proves how women have the unfair upper hand in both dating and relationships.
 
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Dust

Active member
Waybuloo said:
I think it is just as bad with two chatty people trying desperately to talk over eachother adn not listening but waiting for their chance to talk again.
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I agree. Chatty people annoy me. When I listen to people talking to each other I´ve noticed that they are not really having a real conversation. It´s more like two monologues. They don´t listen and don´t really show any interest in what the other person is saying. It´s like a competition: If you say something interesting I have to come up with something more interesting.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
I put a profile on a dating site saying I was an alien come to earth to study the human species. I didn't get any responses.
 
Felgen

Felgen

Well-known member
stranger25 said:
Guys need to be rich, look good, and have all this other stuff just to be noticed and accepted on dating websites. No I haven't used it. It is the epitome of shallowness, hypocrisy, and truly proves how women have the unfair upper hand in both dating and relationships.
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You're probably on the wrong dating sites then. I'm fairly good-looking, but I'm not rich or anything like that. I don't have any problems getting dates, but maintaining a relationship is still hard. This is hard in the beginning, but think that if a woman rejects you, it's her loss. Try a more open web community, like MySpace. These web-sites don't have the pressure that other web-sites have, nor do they trick you into buying an expensive subscription. :)

If you see a girl you like, don't hit on her with a cheesy message that she gets many times a day. If she for example writes on her profile that she works as a substitute teacher, ask her how she likes her job; if she writes that she's interested in music, ask her what kind of music she likes. A last tip: Watch out for 'the angle', some women look gorgeous from one angle, but aren't so hot when you meet the. Make sure she has a good profile picture, and more than one picture on her profile.
 
ilmatross

ilmatross

Well-known member
met my ex on a forum, moved in with her

she was crazy in the worst way possible

probably put any further attempts in a bad light for me
 
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seaturtle

Active member
I'm kind of scared to try out online dating sites. I'm not the best at communicating online, especially with people I don't know that well. Plus, I'm not that interesting to talk to. At least in person, I can smile and laugh and don't have to think too hard about making small talk.
 
dutchguy

dutchguy

Well-known member
seaturtle said:
I'm kind of scared to try out online dating sites. I'm not the best at communicating online, especially with people I don't know that well. Plus, I'm not that interesting to talk to. At least in person, I can smile and laugh and don't have to think too hard about making small talk.
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For me, internet dating has been a great way to become more confident talking online.

Something to keep in mind with internet dating is that it's anonymous - apart from perhaps a photo the people on the other side have no idea who you are, and the chances of ever meeting them (and them recognizing you) are very slim - this means that 'screwing up' a social interaction online has almost no consequences. Realizing this has slowly enabled me to do some things I've never would have done 'offline', even to the point of asking someone out.

Another advantage of this is (especially in instant message conversations) that if at some point you 'freeze' and don't know what to say anymore (which happens to me on a regular basis) you can just excuse yourself and say that you have to go offline for the day.
 
IGotSeoul

IGotSeoul

Well-known member
I find it incredibly easy to express thought into words online. I'm a bumbling idiot otherwise.

I do think that building a relationship online, then proceeding to pursue it seriously, could be far more beneficial for people have difficulties introducing themselves or creating small talk in face to face scenarios.

With the internet, you can steadily move up the ladder in means of communication; from typing, to phone conversations, to meeting up.

However, I also believe that it would be more beneficial to adapt as much as possible to outside social environments, strengthening your ability to interact at whatever pace you feel is comfortable.

A bit of balance would be needed between the two.
 
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