Anyone used internet dating?
- Thread starter Waybuloo
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Felgen
Well-known member
I have tried it. I met my ex-girlfriend there, but she was quite psycho as well. Having said that, a friend of mine met his girlfriend at the internet at the age of 14. At the age of 22 he's still with her and their relationship is very successful.
Also, a tip to all the guys: Don't go for girls who only have pictures from one angle, only show their faces in the pictures or only has one picture on her profile. I've stepped in that trap before.
Also, a tip to all the guys: Don't go for girls who only have pictures from one angle, only show their faces in the pictures or only has one picture on her profile. I've stepped in that trap before.
LazyHermitCrab
Well-known member
Yea i was lucky and met a safe guy and dated for six months. Still wouldn't recommend it. I only tried pof since it's free, but it's mostly people who just want a casual hook up or to stalk. I joined, so I shouldn't say not to, but only meet if youre sure it's safe. Meet in public, exchange real pictures (tell the person to make a silly face or something, so you know it's recent). Another way is just put your profile on private and message the people youre interested in first. But like I said it's usually either casual or clingy crazy people..
Waybuloo
Well-known member
I've actually made a fake profile with a fake picture on pof just to test the waters, and received a lot of replies from men with Asian fetishes..so, I will avoid unless I want easy hookups lol.
So it seems internet dating is a minefield of navigating through crazies and psychos, unless you are lucky to stumble upon a gem once in a blue moon. Hmm, I suppose it depends on how desperate you are to want to put up with that risk.
Hm, I had profiles at several sites (cause friends or relatives had'em first lol!) and it really depends a lot on the site and the profile too!! How you write it, etc. What sort of pic (if any) there is...
Some people put up fake pics or profiles, that just seems off to me and not the real point at all.. You can write different profiles of yourself though (and all can be true!!) or just try different words and see what replies you get.. (Though some people hate that too, ha ha.. You can easily see who does the 'copy-paste' thing to reply though, or if any of your girl friends use the same site, you can compare experiences..)
I haven't met many people from online though (didn't dare to lol) - it seems sometimes like all guys seem to hit on you (and it may be difficult to choose or respond) and then you may get tired of it all/overwhelmed/disappointed in some you had thought to be maybe promising before and just give it a rest, and then it's quiet again lol..
I did meet a guy who turned out to be a good friend (with somewhat stalkerish tendencies) but then he died, sigh. I knew him for a long time online and then my sis met him first, lol. And there was a guy who turned out to be a good music contact. And a few guys that seemed to expect me to get a real job soon (which wasn't my priority at the time), they did seem pretty normal though, maybe too normal/boring for me though, hm.
The trouble for me seems to be that most guys either seem 'too normal/potentially boring' or too outlandish (possible weird stuff or red flags/deal-breakers, and I just stop writing/don't meet them). There were a few possibly interesting ones too, sometimes it just didn't develop into something more or it was bad timing or they had different standards in their profile already or whatever.. Or I was too shy to meet them or felt too pressured, lol..
A friend of mine was braver to meet a few quickly after she met them online. There were red flags in what some of them wrote to her already though. One was 'against fat women', and as she's had weight issues and was eating disorder-ish in the past, I told her to stay away.. There are usually red flags even when you chat or write e-mails.. Some people can be critical or even somewhat (verbally) abusive if you don't give'em personal info or telephone number straight away.. stay away from those too..
She's met a few she liked, one 'seemed to have low self-esteem issues' (was shorter than her and less sporty, she does a lot of sports - and the guy 'was scared of her' - her words, she wished he pursued her further cause she actually really liked him and his sense of humor!!) She met up with another guy lots of times to go hiking, and says 'she doesn't feel the chemistry', we'll see how that goes though.. She did meet guys to hang out with and overall I think she had a good experience about it..
There are also some people who met on forums or elsewhere online and seem happy together now..
I've heard some horror stories too, I think it's important to really try to get to know people and be 'safe' about meeting them in public first etc. there are guidelines online...
And of course you can use 'tricky questions' to navigate through them (I have a pretty good bull**** detector.. and usually find out stuff I don't even want to know lol - but then again I don't go to meet many lol..) I don't even give out my name anymore before getting to know someone somewhat well.. Some girls just go for the risks and make estimates 'live', from hanging out with the people.. You may wish to do a combination of both, and read about safety first!!
So meeting a guy online doesn't really mean anything by itself.. It's just another way to meet guys..
Some people put up fake pics or profiles, that just seems off to me and not the real point at all.. You can write different profiles of yourself though (and all can be true!!) or just try different words and see what replies you get.. (Though some people hate that too, ha ha.. You can easily see who does the 'copy-paste' thing to reply though, or if any of your girl friends use the same site, you can compare experiences..)
I haven't met many people from online though (didn't dare to lol) - it seems sometimes like all guys seem to hit on you (and it may be difficult to choose or respond) and then you may get tired of it all/overwhelmed/disappointed in some you had thought to be maybe promising before and just give it a rest, and then it's quiet again lol..
I did meet a guy who turned out to be a good friend (with somewhat stalkerish tendencies) but then he died, sigh. I knew him for a long time online and then my sis met him first, lol. And there was a guy who turned out to be a good music contact. And a few guys that seemed to expect me to get a real job soon (which wasn't my priority at the time), they did seem pretty normal though, maybe too normal/boring for me though, hm.
The trouble for me seems to be that most guys either seem 'too normal/potentially boring' or too outlandish (possible weird stuff or red flags/deal-breakers, and I just stop writing/don't meet them). There were a few possibly interesting ones too, sometimes it just didn't develop into something more or it was bad timing or they had different standards in their profile already or whatever.. Or I was too shy to meet them or felt too pressured, lol..
A friend of mine was braver to meet a few quickly after she met them online. There were red flags in what some of them wrote to her already though. One was 'against fat women', and as she's had weight issues and was eating disorder-ish in the past, I told her to stay away.. There are usually red flags even when you chat or write e-mails.. Some people can be critical or even somewhat (verbally) abusive if you don't give'em personal info or telephone number straight away.. stay away from those too..
She's met a few she liked, one 'seemed to have low self-esteem issues' (was shorter than her and less sporty, she does a lot of sports - and the guy 'was scared of her' - her words, she wished he pursued her further cause she actually really liked him and his sense of humor!!) She met up with another guy lots of times to go hiking, and says 'she doesn't feel the chemistry', we'll see how that goes though.. She did meet guys to hang out with and overall I think she had a good experience about it..
There are also some people who met on forums or elsewhere online and seem happy together now..
I've heard some horror stories too, I think it's important to really try to get to know people and be 'safe' about meeting them in public first etc. there are guidelines online...
And of course you can use 'tricky questions' to navigate through them (I have a pretty good bull**** detector.. and usually find out stuff I don't even want to know lol - but then again I don't go to meet many lol..) I don't even give out my name anymore before getting to know someone somewhat well.. Some girls just go for the risks and make estimates 'live', from hanging out with the people.. You may wish to do a combination of both, and read about safety first!!
So meeting a guy online doesn't really mean anything by itself.. It's just another way to meet guys..
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LazyHermitCrab
Well-known member
iamthenra
Well-known member
In all honesty, eHarmony is probably the best one I have tried. I have tried allot of sites over the years. eHarmony is a bit different than most, it is more expensive, and you have to answer this silly questionnaire which takes about an hour to fill out. But if the questions you are answering asks about being down or depressed or anxious... LIE!!!! Don't answer if you are depressed or down or anxious, because this site will reject you and you won't be allow to join. This site sends you people who the "computer" feels is compatible with you, and for the most part I do believe that it is accurate. It is the only site that I actually got two dates from, even though those dates were very far from home, I still went on two very successful dates... successful meaning these ladies were not crazy or misleading... and no I did not have sex or kiss or whatnot... which I suppose they were thinking I was crazy for not trying? Who knows.... All I know is that eHarmony worked for me when the other sites did not.
I tired to make 'normal' freinds using these sites years back, no sucess, just people wanting dates or oddballs, never got beyond messaging. Most people there seemed far from normal anywho. Why is there no decent site on the internet to make 'just freinds'?
I did make one wonderful freind using gumtree but they pulled that now because of people using it to rape on dates!
I did make one wonderful freind using gumtree but they pulled that now because of people using it to rape on dates!
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I don´t know if this counts but I am going to meet a guy I´ve met online like 10 years ago soon. And I think this is about to become more than just friendship. Thought it´s about time to see each other face to face. He lives in North America while I live in Germany. So we´ll see how that works out. This is big. Haven´t met him on an internet dating site though and I don´t think I would ever use it to find love or anything like that on purpose. I´ve only used it to make friends but I seem to have forgotten how you do that. Too many people try to be someone else online.
So any advice for a girl who´s on the one hand terrified of meeting new people in a country she´s never been to but on the other hand is about to meet someone she´s never seen before (well, only on pictures)?
So any advice for a girl who´s on the one hand terrified of meeting new people in a country she´s never been to but on the other hand is about to meet someone she´s never seen before (well, only on pictures)?
Waybuloo
Well-known member
It's so easy to build up an expectation of someone from photos, and words that are spoken online, not face to face. I've done that before and my expectations were always differnet to real life. It's impossible to not have expectations though (even when it comes to friendship), but always prepare yourself for disappointment. I would tell myself the worst case scenario and accept that, so anything else would be a bonus
. Just keep your eyes open, bad experiences would be a lesson learnt and even an anecdote to tell future friends.It can be dangerous travelling to another country, especially for a girl. Make sure you have lots of cash for accommodation and food incase he falls short, or you find him too weird. Are you going to stay with him or do you have someone you can stay?
I´m staying at his house.
All I keep thinking of is how I might mess things up. I don´t have high expectations and I keep telling him not to have too high expectations. I told him about my fears and stuff so I suppose he knows that this won´t be easy for me. However, the weird thing is that my worries revolve around him not liking me but what if I end up wanting to leave his place because I can´t stand him? Hope this will never happen.
Rembrandt Broam
Well-known member
I've never used an online dating service, but I don't understand why everyone seems to think they're full of psychos and weirdos. The people on there have to be the same people around you in the real world, don't they? I mean there aren't "internet people" and "real people" as two totally distinct groups. They're the same thing.
Unless of course you're all bots and I'm just talking to myself here.
Unless of course you're all bots and I'm just talking to myself here.
mrb
Well-known member
I've never used an online dating service, but I don't understand why everyone seems to think they're full of psychos and weirdos. The people on there have to be the same people around you in the real world, don't they? I mean there aren't "internet people" and "real people" as two totally distinct groups. They're the same thing.
Unless of course you're all bots and I'm just talking to myself here.
there not full of psychos and weirdos , my mate has a few nice freinds on dating sites , yea your going to get the odd nutter , but hey im on here at the mo so your all safe
Damaged
Well-known member
Yeah i've used POF before, and i didnt find it that bad. Sometimes you do get quite forward people though who think there in love with you after a week, but hey you get that every where lol
I always was straight up about my agoraphobia right from the start because it made me feel better.
I always was straight up about my agoraphobia right from the start because it made me feel better.
dutchguy
Well-known member
I have a profile on several dating sites - it's probably the best way to meet a potential girlfriend I'll ever get. I used to think I was above that kind of thing (because obviously when you're using a dating site, something has to be wrong with you, right?), but when I finally just tried it I was pleasantly surprised - the fact that you can learn something about someone before actually contacting them makes doing so a lot less stressful; I usually have the problem that I don't know what to talk about, but if I already know that I share some interests with someone, it makes that a lot easier.
I think the comment about dating sites only being frequented by psychos and weirdos is definitely not true - it may have been true at some point, but now I've personally heard about a lot of 'regular' people finding their partner on one. And from what I've seen, those relationships that came about online seem to be much stronger than those that formed after a meeting in a dance club.
I'd recommend everyone who's usually too shy to talk to someone of the opposite gender to just give it a shot. Yes, there might still be psychos and especially if you're female you're going to get a lot of offers from creepy guys - but somewhere on that site there's also going to be people just like us, who are too shy to date 'normally' and might be looking for someone just like them.
I think the comment about dating sites only being frequented by psychos and weirdos is definitely not true - it may have been true at some point, but now I've personally heard about a lot of 'regular' people finding their partner on one. And from what I've seen, those relationships that came about online seem to be much stronger than those that formed after a meeting in a dance club.
I'd recommend everyone who's usually too shy to talk to someone of the opposite gender to just give it a shot. Yes, there might still be psychos and especially if you're female you're going to get a lot of offers from creepy guys - but somewhere on that site there's also going to be people just like us, who are too shy to date 'normally' and might be looking for someone just like them.
Rembrandt Broam
Well-known member
But my point is that you could just have easily met that psycho while out grocery shopping. Even psychos have to go out and buy milk every once in a while.
I just think that the people on dating sites are a cross section of society - everything from nice, straightforward people to psycho stalkers. Your advice about exercising caution until you get to know someone is good, but it applies to people in general not just people on dating sites.
You're really not selling Myrtle Beach to me as a fun tourist spot you know. It's rapidly dropping down my list of places I'd like to visit on vacation.
Rembrandt Broam
Well-known member
I did make one wonderful freind using gumtree but they pulled that now because of people using it to rape on dates!
???