Recent content by kuhtreen

  1. kuhtreen

    What stand-up comedians do you like?

    I always watch stand-up on YouTube when I'm feeling depressed, and it feels good to be able to laugh! It is rare when I find a comedian that makes me laugh though, so I keep a list to remember the ones that aren't crappy. ::p: I love... Kevin James Sebastian Maniscalco Kevin Reagan Louis C.K...
  2. kuhtreen

    Difference of Opinions

    Do you ever feel stupid if someone disagrees with you? Sometimes I'm afraid to speak my mind because if the person doesn't agree then I feel like an idiot. I know it's not true, but I get the feeling like they're right and I'm wrong and I get embarrassed or something.. This thread is kind of...
  3. kuhtreen

    Guilt.

    And once again, I've let someone down because of this disorder. I'm so flaky because I'm scared. Backing down at the last minute. Going back on my word. Avoiding people. Lying. Man, I've become such a big liar that it's like second nature to me now. Sometimes I hear my voice telling a lie before...
  4. kuhtreen

    Do you ever look around this world...

    ...and realize, nothing is worth sticking around for?
  5. kuhtreen

    Anyone in San Diego county want to meet?

    Probably not. Just thought I'd try...I don't want to just talk about how miserable this life is, I want to do something about it and start to socialize. If anyone lives in San Diego county (or anywhere kinda close to Oceanside, where I live) and wants to meet up, let me know.
  6. kuhtreen

    Things to ask/say to strangers?

    I want to challenge myself to talk to strangers when I go places. Baby steps are better than nothing, right? I just want to ask about simple things...like what time it is, how someone's day is going, or just simply saying hello. Maybe also complimenting people just to conversate a little bit...
  7. kuhtreen

    Nothing I do will make me love myself.

    I want to love myself so bad...I did once. But that was a long time ago. I’ll never love myself because I’ve decided I’m only worthy of love if I am perfect. And I’m not. No one has ever been or will ever be perfect, and I get that. So I guess I’m just stuck. I don’t like myself. I don’t respect...
  8. kuhtreen

    Who Am I?

    Anyone else literally feel like you don't know yourself? I am so clouded by intense insecurity ALL THE TIME, that I don't know who I'd be without it. I don't know who the REAL me is.who would I be if I could be "myself"? I can't even be myself when I'm alone. I feel like a stranger..trapped...
  9. kuhtreen

    When did my room become a prison cell?

    I've been sitting here in my room with the door closed, for the last two hours. I am pretty hungry but if I walk to the kitchen, that means I'll have to pass my sister and her friend who are watching tv in the living room. Wow, this is what I have come to? I'd rather starve than interact with...
  10. kuhtreen

    SA around family members??

    Am I the only one who has mild social anxiety around my family? Of course, it's much MUCH more intense around strangers, but I also have a little bit of social anxiety around my mom and dad. We've always been close, so it has nothing to do with them not being there for me. I dunno, it's weird. I...
  11. kuhtreen

    Feeling hopeless about therapy

    I've only gone twice, but I'm already doubting that this will help me. My therapist wants me to imagine putting my problems in a jar and locking the jar, then imagining being in a relaxing place. And when I go out by myself, I have to pretend like my sister is with me and that's supposed to make...
  12. kuhtreen

    I can't feel happy for other people...

    ...I can only feel jealous. I hate how selfish I have become. Envy just takes over me, and I feel like an ugly monster. ::(:
  13. kuhtreen

    First therapy session next week!

    I'm very nervous. If I can't even talk to strangers about NORMAL stuff, how can I share my deepest emotions with one?!? As always, I keep trying to predict what's gonna happen and I keep trying to plan everything out. I think about the possible questions she'll ask me and the exact thing that...
  14. kuhtreen

    What are you plans for Halloween?

    I'm curious to know. I'm not doing anything. I won't even pass out candy...I tried last year, but my anxiety got the best of me. I wish I could dress up! It's so much fun. But I have no reason to, and I'm not gonna buy a costume just so I can sit around my house.. I've been robbed of my ability...
  15. kuhtreen

    Wanting to be reckless and crazy

    I am so damn tired of being innocent. My life doesn't have any excitement in it whatsoever. I just wish that I could be fiesty and headstrong and do something wild...I want to break out and just say, screw it. Screw the world. I feel like I don't have a personality. Ever feel that way? I'm just...
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