Nothing I do will make me love myself.

[kuhtreen]

I want to love myself so bad...I did once. But that was a long time ago. I’ll never love myself because I’ve decided I’m only worthy of love if I am perfect. And I’m not. No one has ever been or will ever be perfect, and I get that. So I guess I’m just stuck.
I don’t like myself. I don’t respect myself. I don’t treat myself as a human being equal to everyone else. I am dirt. I’m a good, kind person...but I don’t care. I’m still a piece of crap. A nobody. Unimportant. Worthless. Unspecial. Unloved. Alone. Boring. Quiet. Fragile. A failure. A nothing. It’s a vicious circle, but it is my home now.
Sorry to complain but it’s just one of those days, and I can’t tell this to anyone else but you guys. I just needed to say it.

 

[Ashiene]

I used to feel like you until I changed my definition and perception of what 'perfection' is.

 

[recluse]

I know it's hard but try to focus on your achievements. It could be something as small as helping with housework. Helping others is a good way of gaining self worth.

 

[Nack]

You are worthy of love, cuz we at SPW loves ya!

 

[Reiji Moritsugu]

I want to love myself so bad...I did once. But that was a long time ago. I’ll never love myself because I’ve decided I’m only worthy of love if I am perfect. And I’m not. No one has ever been or will ever be perfect, and I get that. So I guess I’m just stuck.
I don’t like myself. I don’t respect myself. I don’t treat myself as a human being equal to everyone else. I am dirt. I’m a good, kind person...but I don’t care. I’m still a piece of crap. A nobody. Unimportant. Worthless. Unspecial. Unloved. Alone. Boring. Quiet. Fragile. A failure. A nothing. It’s a vicious circle, but it is my home now.
Sorry to complain but it’s just one of those days, and I can’t tell this to anyone else but you guys. I just needed to say it.

I know what that feeling is like.

When you feel like this, you believe that everything you do is worthless, a failure. And as obvious as it may sound, failures just bring nothing but pain. So you rationalize that the only way to avoid more criticism and the pain brought along with it is to do everything as perfect as it can get, since it seems to be the only way to actually be accepted by both yourself and others. And just like you said, perfection is something that has never
existed nor will ever exist, so this is nothing more than an endless pit
of despair.

If you have felt like this for a long time, chances are you have not tried doing too many things. Should that be the case then I´d advise you, as hard as I know it is, to try doing something new that interests you even if only a little bit. Who knows, you may end up having an unexpected talent somewhere and you didn´t know because you thought that trying was not worth the time or effort.

You are worthy, and the proof of that is that people are actually replying to your post think about if. If absolutely nobody else gave a damn about you, then absolutely nobody would have replied to your post. You have also said that you actually want to love yourself, so that´s something to start from. As long as you have that, there is a ray of hope. I didn´t know about Cognitive Behavior Therapy, but it seems like a very good option you can take

Just remember that you want to love yourself, and never forget that because when you stop caring about loving yourself anymore, and become an apathetic shell of a person, things hardly have a solution.

 

[I_Walk_Alone]

I want to love myself so bad...I did once. But that was a long time ago. I’ll never love myself because I’ve decided I’m only worthy of love if I am perfect. And I’m not. No one has ever been or will ever be perfect, and I get that. So I guess I’m just stuck.
I don’t like myself. I don’t respect myself. I don’t treat myself as a human being equal to everyone else. I am dirt. I’m a good, kind person...but I don’t care. I’m still a piece of crap. A nobody. Unimportant. Worthless. Unspecial. Unloved. Alone. Boring. Quiet. Fragile. A failure. A nothing. It’s a vicious circle, but it is my home now.
Sorry to complain but it’s just one of those days, and I can’t tell this to anyone else but you guys. I just needed to say it.

I'm seriously at a loss for words.

What can you say?

Hehe, you're 16, female and social phobic.

She'll be right.

 

[lonelypothead]

..........................

 

[mozart87]

I don’t I am dirt. I’m a good, kind person...but I don’t care. I’m still a piece of crap. A nobody. Unimportant. Worthless. Unspecial. Unloved. Alone. Boring. Quiet. Fragile. A failure. A nothing. It’s a vicious circle, but it is my home now.
Sorry to complain but it’s just one of those days, and I can’t tell this to anyone else but you guys. I just needed to say it.

you look nice, I saw your picture::
others don't analize themselves never ever, and f*** them, they're so full of themselves.
don't judge yourself so bad. try new things... find a way to escape

 

[Glumlock]

I want to love myself so bad...I did once. But that was a long time ago. I’ll never love myself because I’ve decided I’m only worthy of love if I am perfect. And I’m not. No one has ever been or will ever be perfect, and I get that. So I guess I’m just stuck.
I don’t like myself. I don’t respect myself. I don’t treat myself as a human being equal to everyone else. I am dirt. I’m a good, kind person...but I don’t care. I’m still a piece of crap. A nobody. Unimportant. Worthless. Unspecial. Unloved. Alone. Boring. Quiet. Fragile. A failure. A nothing. It’s a vicious circle, but it is my home now.
Sorry to complain but it’s just one of those days, and I can’t tell this to anyone else but you guys. I just needed to say it.

What isn't there to love? Perhaps you should change your perception of true perfection? Perfection is imperfect, if that makes sense?

meh no more metaphors i ain't no freud

You might feel like a nobody, but to someone you are a somebody. You're important to someone as well. No one is worthless, everyone has a place in humanity - some people deserve better or worse than what they have; you seem to deserve better. You seem like an honest, down to earth, good person, but your opinion of yourself is rather distorted by the desire to be "perfect". no one is perfect. The media pressure us into looking perfect. Even if you looked perfect, personality will always have quirks.

I think you should write down everything you can think of that defines perfection, and how far you are from that. Like think of the best looking person in the world (i'm gonna say Angelina Jolee). Is she perfect? How far are you from her? Are you really much worse looking? Now compare her to the elephant man or someone. Which end of the scale are you closer to?

I respect you, even if you don't respect yourself i respect you

 

[PunkRotten]

I dont think you are any of those things. In fact, no one is. Trying to be perfect? its not required. People dont watch your moves with a magnifying glass. It feels like it though with social phobia. I feel like those things soemtimes but I know better. Its time you make some friends and go out and do things, you will feel better. Staying home and ruminating on this shit is not good. Try some support groups, or meetups with people that have simlar problems. if anything, it gets you out and socializing.

 

[pandamonium77]

I wish to love myself! And am trying to
But i don't know if i can forcefully make me love myself...
So i'll just have to accept who i am, and work from there
or is that loving myself ._.

 

[Slothrop]

So i'll just have to accept who i am, and work from there
or is that loving myself ._.

That's the first step. You have to start with accepting yourself as who you are right now, even the things you don't like and want to change. This doesn't mean that you have to pretend to believe you're perfect. It just means accepting that who you are now isn't who you will always be. After all, if you're going to change yourself you have to accept that the person doing the changing is not going to be perfect.

 

[kuhtreen]

Thanks for all the kind words, guys. I wasn't really looking for advice, just a place to let out my feelings. To be completely honest with you, no one's advice helps me these days because no matter how great it is, I guess what it all boils down to is I'm not ready to change. No one can help me until I become willing to help myself first.
Someday I'll get there.