Would you forgive bullies years later

Section_31

Section_31

Well-known member
Honestly, this is a failing of mine.

Almost all of the bullies i ever had, i could probably forgive now, save one. He tried to....have his way with me. Ive only now started to admit just how bad this damaged me, even after....jeez, 14 yrs.

Right now at this moment in time, no, i couldnt forgive him. In fact id probably do some very uncharacteristic things that id rather not describe.

I know i need to work on this because i dont like to hold on to anger or hate. I dont feel either of these emotions is constructive or useful, and instead cloud my mind and make it more difficult to think. Im not a violent person and dont like feeling this way.
 
DeadmanWalking

DeadmanWalking

Well-known member
The Lone Gunman said:
Honestly, this is a failing of mine.

Almost all of the bullies i ever had, i could probably forgive now, save one. He tried to....have his way with me. Ive only now started to admit just how bad this damaged me, even after....jeez, 14 yrs.

Right now at this moment in time, no, i couldnt forgive him. In fact id probably do some very uncharacteristic things that id rather not describe.

I know i need to work on this because i dont like to hold on to anger or hate. I dont feel either of these emotions is constructive or useful, and instead cloud my mind and make it more difficult to think. Im not a violent person and dont like feeling this way.
Click to expand...

While I do agree with you about not holding grudges, what he did is something that would take a while to get over. Why don't you find something that you can take that anger towards him out on? Like a pillow or taking self-defense classes? Give it time and confrontation. You'll find yourself past this, promise.
 
Section_31

Section_31

Well-known member
Thanks dead :).

Im soon to start therapy actually. my first appointment is already booked. My wife is the only soul who knows.

It happened when i was in junior high. I tried to tell my principal about it, but he in turn said that i was obviously making this up, as boys dont rape other boys....and right then i clammed up and never told anyone else. I hid it for so long.

I did some stupid things after that, i guess to prove to myself that i wasnt...into men. (nothing against anyone who is, that just isnt me). it took me alot of time to sort of recover a normal life. and even then ive never fully trusted anyone again. I think that may be why i have such an easier time conversing with a woman than another man.

its been really hard for me to seek help because ive encountered that macho attitude from other guys before, and that just really doesnt help at all.

im on the right road though, and taking my first steps :).

I actually AM taking a self defense course :). Taught by a russian who is ex spetznaz. Im really looking forward to it and want to ensure nobody can ever hurt me or any of my loved ones like that again.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
Wow, Gunman, that really sucks. ::(: That's a horrible thing to do through.

I would like to think I'd forgive bullies, but I know I wouldn't. I honestly want nothing to do with any of them.
 
nafadda

nafadda

Well-known member
no..mean kids grow up to be mean adults so I wouldn't forgive them.

just like people who abuse animals grow up and become murderers and serial killers.

"normal" people do not do such things and I would have NO need for them in my life.
 
sullyS25

sullyS25

Well-known member
I would and I have. Holding on to resentments and anger hurts no one but myself....The bullies have no idea I was mad. For me, forgiveness is necessary.
 
E

Etbow23

Well-known member
I wouldn't forgive them I'd just kind of be distant

I wouldn't trust them unless they really proved they changed
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
forgiveness doesn't mean you condone what they did

it merely means accepting that it happened, but letting it go

the longer you hold onto what happened, the longer you allow them to have power over you, the longer you allow what happened to affect your life

if you want to take power over your life and live in freedom from the bullying, you have to let it go

otherwise, you'll continue to be bullied by them forever - in your heart and mind
 
K

Kinetik

Well-known member
coyote said:
forgiveness doesn't mean you condone what they did

it merely means accepting that it happened, but letting it go

the longer you hold onto what happened, the longer you allow them to have power over you, the longer you allow what happened to affect your life

if you want to take power over your life and live in freedom from the bullying, you have to let it go

otherwise, you'll continue to be bullied by them forever - in your heart and mind
Click to expand...

Exactly. Forgiveness is for you.
 
Section_31

Section_31

Well-known member
My therapist thuoght it would be theraputic for me to let out what happened that day to my friends here.....

im ok talking about it, but if theres anyone else who's been through that i dont know if i should post it. I dont want to trigger flashbacks or bad memories for anyone. And quite frankly, this is a pretty distasteful topic and i know many dont like reading about it.
 
MrJones

MrJones

Well-known member
I forgave them long ago. I've cried, I've bleed, I've been punched, kicked, spitted at, thrown down the stairs, made fun of over and over and even when I tried to commit suicide I wasn't mad at them. I always blamed myself for my own actions and though I know I'm probably wrong, I forgive anyone who did bad things to me in the past.
 
C

CrazyGirl

Well-known member
Yes. the bullying that occurred to me is mild compared to what I've seen and read about other people who were bullied
 
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