I'm Breaking down
Member
Hopefully I'll forget them but not the experience because I don't want to end up telling someone in my position that they are in the prime of their life.
Would you ever forgive your bully or bullies?
- Thread starter ChrisN
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Shenmue
Well-known member
For me it's no longer a question of forgiving, or even holding on to the anger anymore. I'm just trying my best to live my life. I guess I'm still dealing with the residual emotions from those times, which includes the physical and emotional symptoms of anxiety. Other than that, I just feel indifferent about it all.
theoutsider
Well-known member
Any bullying that I experienced occurred during my childhood and here's what I have found: Hating people who bullied you when you were all children is a bit like hating a ghost. Most people that I know are not the same as they were when they were children, they have matured (or some form of such) and have totally changed into adults. That old bully that they used to be is long gone.
I ran into a guy when I was in my 20's who I remembered from junior high school. He used to get bullied something awful back then. He had taken karate lessons and had gotten into body building too. He told me how he was still angry and would LOVE to run into some of the guys who used to push him around. What he didn't know was that I knew most of the people he was talking about and those people had now become responsible, contributing people to society with no interest in bullying anyone.
On another occasion, I ran into someone who I knew as one of the biggest bullies in school. He was telling me about a problem he had. That problem? The kids at his son's school were bullying his son because he was a slow learner. He was so distraught over what was going on and wondered aloud what was wrong with kids that all they could think to do was hit all the time. I didn't bother to ask him if he remembered that he used to be the ring leader of the kids that would do the very same thing back in the day.
The point I'm making is, when you carry the anger of past bullying inside of you either unable to forgive or move on, the only person you wind up hurting is yourself. Those people who bullied you in the past have either become other people entirely and moved on with their lives or karma has dished out it's own punishment. There's no reason for anyone to hold on to it. As the old Eagles song says (paraphrasing loosely): "You keep carrying that old anger, it'll eat you up inside."
I ran into a guy when I was in my 20's who I remembered from junior high school. He used to get bullied something awful back then. He had taken karate lessons and had gotten into body building too. He told me how he was still angry and would LOVE to run into some of the guys who used to push him around. What he didn't know was that I knew most of the people he was talking about and those people had now become responsible, contributing people to society with no interest in bullying anyone.
On another occasion, I ran into someone who I knew as one of the biggest bullies in school. He was telling me about a problem he had. That problem? The kids at his son's school were bullying his son because he was a slow learner. He was so distraught over what was going on and wondered aloud what was wrong with kids that all they could think to do was hit all the time. I didn't bother to ask him if he remembered that he used to be the ring leader of the kids that would do the very same thing back in the day.
The point I'm making is, when you carry the anger of past bullying inside of you either unable to forgive or move on, the only person you wind up hurting is yourself. Those people who bullied you in the past have either become other people entirely and moved on with their lives or karma has dished out it's own punishment. There's no reason for anyone to hold on to it. As the old Eagles song says (paraphrasing loosely): "You keep carrying that old anger, it'll eat you up inside."
I never had any major bullies growing up, just people who would call me names and pick on me. I'm 8 years removed from high school now and I've run into quite a few of my old classmates. Many of them aren't the same people that they used to be. They've grown up, as I have. They are polite and kind and even remember my name, which always shocks the hell out of me.
Recently, I've noticed that I'm not looking to blame them in my head as often when I'm having a pity party. I think I may be on the way to letting a lot of those old memories go. I'm really happy about that. I've spent way too much time dwelling on all of it. And it's not worth a second of my time.
Recently, I've noticed that I'm not looking to blame them in my head as often when I'm having a pity party. I think I may be on the way to letting a lot of those old memories go. I'm really happy about that. I've spent way too much time dwelling on all of it. And it's not worth a second of my time.
xDreamseller
Well-known member
I was never bullied, but I imagine that if I was, I would wish them dead. I'm not going to just let them off with forgiveness...not after they tortured me emotionally, mentally and maybe even physically. There's no excuse for that.
If they don't know what they are doing is wrong, there is something terribly, terribly wrong with them and if they know it's wrong but do it anyway, there's something terribly, terribly wrong with them.
Like others have said though, once school is over and you're in your 20's, you might as well just forget about it. Everyone is pretty much a different person by that stage. (Albeit easier said than done though)
If they don't know what they are doing is wrong, there is something terribly, terribly wrong with them and if they know it's wrong but do it anyway, there's something terribly, terribly wrong with them.
Like others have said though, once school is over and you're in your 20's, you might as well just forget about it. Everyone is pretty much a different person by that stage. (Albeit easier said than done though)
A friend
Well-known member
I'd never forgive bullies, but my method of punishing them would simply be turning them into slaves of society.
By this, I'd mean I'd force them to do community service for the rest of their lives, and do nonstop labor that can be considered difficult for most people, even those without physical disabilities.
Basically, I'd force them to live the rest of their lives being our servants, literally our slaves. Although I wouldn't blatantly suggest they be receiving constant capital punishment, I think you guys and girls get the idea.
By this, I'd mean I'd force them to do community service for the rest of their lives, and do nonstop labor that can be considered difficult for most people, even those without physical disabilities.
Basically, I'd force them to live the rest of their lives being our servants, literally our slaves. Although I wouldn't blatantly suggest they be receiving constant capital punishment, I think you guys and girls get the idea.
LoyalXenite
Well-known member
Not a chance, i dont forgive or forget at all... Im terrible for holding grudges.. Sometimes i will give people second chances but there has to be a reason.. and they have to have been special.
a part of me has forgiven them, but they added me on facebook a couple of months back and its been a good 4 year or so since I was at school but I couldn't bring myself to add them. I just didn't want those people back in my life, they were meant to be my friends and they bullied me and made my life **** at school, now i'm finally over it and have a good life with good friends and a good boyfriend and studying in further education and they have the cheek to add me on facebook...I don't think so, I am not going to let them back into my life, they took everyone away from me and its not happening again so yes I have forgiven them but in no way am I gonna start talking to them again like nothings happened. People have told me to grow up but they don't seriously understand the hell they put me through, but I wouldn't be violent against them just if I see them out and about just ingnore them.
vj288
not actually Fiona Apple
I would forgive them but I never really blamed them to begin with. Any amount of bullying I got, which wasn't a lot but others may beg to differ, wasn't a malicious attack on me purely to hurt me and mess me up. Most bullying is done by kids; high school, middle school, grade school. Younger kids especially are extremely egocentric, and don't realize that what makes them feel better by raising their self-esteem and helping them fit in with their peer groups is hurting the person they need to belittle to get there. That's why years later some may act friendly and not realize they had a negative effect on your childhood, they simply didn't realize they were doing anything hurtful.
And for those that do, bullies more often then not have their own slew of problems, which is why standing up to them makes them stop often times. They are usually bullied themselves, or have a bad home life or have some reason on need to bully. Even just the pressures of school is a driving force of bullying, with it being such a judgmental and dog-eat-dog atmosphere. They are small people, with self-esteem even smaller. They feel they need to put others lower than themselves to hold a status of authority, because otherwise they'll lose it. Someone with good self-esteem wouldn't worry about that or feel the need to bully, unless they are just straight up mean and malicious but honestly I think that's not the case most of the time.
And for those that do, bullies more often then not have their own slew of problems, which is why standing up to them makes them stop often times. They are usually bullied themselves, or have a bad home life or have some reason on need to bully. Even just the pressures of school is a driving force of bullying, with it being such a judgmental and dog-eat-dog atmosphere. They are small people, with self-esteem even smaller. They feel they need to put others lower than themselves to hold a status of authority, because otherwise they'll lose it. Someone with good self-esteem wouldn't worry about that or feel the need to bully, unless they are just straight up mean and malicious but honestly I think that's not the case most of the time.
zen_mistress
Well-known member
Here is how i look at it. I cant forgive them, it is not in my nature and it would be false.
But I do forgive myself for being the kind of unconfident person who attracted the bully. That is all I can do.
And because I cant forgive them, all I can do it make sure I never think of them again. And move on fully from the past. If you are not thinking of them anymore then they are not important to you and they cant hurt you anymore.
But I do forgive myself for being the kind of unconfident person who attracted the bully. That is all I can do.
And because I cant forgive them, all I can do it make sure I never think of them again. And move on fully from the past. If you are not thinking of them anymore then they are not important to you and they cant hurt you anymore.
pulmonar
Member
Some people don't see (or don't want to see) that those actions can leave deep scarring. And words hurt too.
I could never forgive someone for treating me like a piece of ****. Honestly. It is something you do being fully aware of the consequences. I am sure that if someone decides to be a bully another human being, that person knows it is not a game. So why bother? If they were cruel enough to treat you like that, they don't deserve a second of your precious time. But I guess that's just my opinion. Of course I am saying this as a result of all the anger I have inside, but it's something that I could never forget, let alone forgive.
Excuse my english. Still learning.
I could never forgive someone for treating me like a piece of ****. Honestly. It is something you do being fully aware of the consequences. I am sure that if someone decides to be a bully another human being, that person knows it is not a game. So why bother? If they were cruel enough to treat you like that, they don't deserve a second of your precious time. But I guess that's just my opinion. Of course I am saying this as a result of all the anger I have inside, but it's something that I could never forget, let alone forgive.
Excuse my english. Still learning.
BlueWeepingRose
Well-known member
I'm not sure on this one, in the past I thought I could forgive my abuser but right now I'm still hurt and upset by the past bullying and abuse that I don't think I can fully forgive them. My wounds inside I believe still need to heal. Maybe overtime I'll forgive my bullies but right now I'm still hurting inside and angry about how I was treated.
MBinMN
Well-known member
She is and always will be viscous and just a bad soul. I cannot truly forgive. However I have moved on and the hurt and anger do not consume me as it did when I was younger. I know if I saw her now 25 years later she would treat me the same way. she would laugh, snub her nose, and tell me that I was a *****.
morphine4mysoul
Member
I would say try to let go and forgive. There's a song by Johnny Cash called when the man comes to town. It's about judgement from God. If someone is really a wicked person like some bullies are God will make that judgement. Whether you like the song or not the point is made in the song that someday wicked people will be called to answer for what they've done.
morphine4mysoul
Member
Annie13
Active member
i would never forgive my bullies for what they did but i wouldnt wish it on anybody to go through the things i did and some people have been through even the people who did it, i mean some people forgive their bullies but some dont, i mean i always see my bullies and its just the stares that we share and thats it, i would never forgive them but i also wouldnt forget that moment of my life but some time in life you do have to let things go as painful as it was, and if the bullies caused you to have depression and other disorders there are ways to help depression and these disorders you just need to show everyone that you are strong and that you dont give a shit anymore, you are the better person thats all you need to show