Would you ever forgive your bully or bullies?

[ItGetsBetter]

I forgive most of them..I honestly felt like it was mostly my fault, my therapist had to convince me otherwise. In situations where I knew I was not at fault, I would never forgive them. most of those situations go beyond bullying tho

There's a lot of truth to this. Being aware of ourselves is important. I felt like it was my fault for being bullied too. But I couldn't help but appear the way I felt at the time. And there's nothing wrong with that.

I guess the way I appeared was as someone who was an easy target to be bullied. Having self-awareness (looking at yourself from a third-person perspective) and being aware of your surroundings and what people are in your surroundings are important.

Confidence wins.

"Fake it 'till you make it."

 

[Sacrament]

My story wasn't as messed up as some of the ones I've read here. There was still bullying, but it was mostly verbal (even though the worst guy managed to trip me after gym class one day and I fell naked on my arm, almost breaking it).

I spent years playing the hate and blame game, but eventually I realized that all that weight on my shoulders wasn't helping me achieve anything. Sure, what they did still happened, but there comes a point where if you still haven't moved on, it's on you. Eventually there's a time where you need to let go of any emotional attachment to what happened, and live your life. That's the best way to get back at the people who convinced you that you were garbage, or not worthy of friends or joy.

 

[Phoenixx]

Sure, what they did still happened, but there comes a point where if you still haven't moved on, it's on you. Eventually there's a time where you need to let go of any emotional attachment to what happened, and live your life. That's the best way to get back at the people who convinced you that you were garbage, or not worthy of friends or joy.

^ You make a really great point. :thumbup: Sometimes it's extremely hard to get out of that hole of suffering from all that had happened, but yes it is important to try your hardest to move on. I'll admit I still carry some grudges, I still hate all that has happened to me before, but I have pretty much moved on despite my previous attempts at forgiveness this past year. While it backfired on me with that particular person (and tbh she's a pretty messed up person too and I honestly think she'll always be that way), that doesn't mean that I shouldn't forgive anyone else, or at least try to anyway. For the time being, however, I'll keep away from previous bullies for a while longer if I can. Don't think I'm ready to forgive them just yet, as I'm afraid the same thing will happen.

 

[Kamill]

It's been 5 years but the memories keep popping up in my head. I know I have to get over it. But I'm constantly worried it'll happen again (like in thework place). I was bullied for being awkward and ugly, and I am still those things. Can't cure my AS, and would need plastic surgery to remove the ugliness. So I'm constantly afraid of getting humiliated in those ways again...

Forgive them? Nope. I know I have to move on though. It's a matter of self-respect to let go of all that.

 

[jdwhite]

I will never forgive the bullies, I'm not able to while I still live the issues raised from it.

I am in a long term relationship with the only person I have ever been with, yet called a **** during school. I have never slept with a male. I had chewed gum stuck in my hair as a girls’ idea of humiliation. I have since never been able to grow my hair that long again for this reason, in case I don’t notice someone sticking something or putting something in it. The pain of trying to get the gum out, and then having to cut it out close to the root was horrendous.

I don’t go out and so******e at clubs or night events because I don’t need a reputation that I ‘earn’ for myself. I studied and got a degree and work in corporate where I blend in and just take it that one day at a time. I find it hard to spend money because I always think there is something around the corner that I will need it for, since things ultimately come up and I need one way to control it.

I have issues understanding my potential and recognising I am in fact worth something. I am a dedicated partner, sister, daughter and aunt. I will however, never have a biological child of my own because I have complete paranoia around their future, their wellbeing and their capacity to grow in a world that is so horrible. Also, I can’t live down the **** comment from earlier so I just wouldn’t.

I remember downing 12 headache tablets and reading the packet that guided a maximum of 6 only in a day. I remember finding tablets not for human consumption and taking them only to fall violently ill; including significant vomiting even where there was nothing left to vomit over the toilet bowl and be okay with that. I remember my dad watching over me and not knowing what I had done, but also not knowing how to help his daughter or fix the issues underlying the choice I had made. I forced myself to throw up after eating and then my mums’ horror when she found the towels in my room soaked in mashed up food.

I remember my first heartbreak; I remember the sleepless nights where it felt like I was up all night just sobbing over the ache. I remember never feeling good enough, not ever being able to do the ‘right’ thing or ever really ‘fitting in’. I continually cut myself, I got so close to finally getting the result I wanted and my mum called the house; said that she had a horrible feeling in her stomach that she just needed to call home and make sure someone was there and everything was ok. That distracted me from the event, and it did ultimately save my life.

I wrote a suicide letter that my parents found and had the anguish of reading. I seriously thought about taking my life in front of an oncoming train, only that I had a friend of mine with me and as the train approached they broke down entirely and I couldn’t do that to them.

I’ve been selfish, I’ve thought only of myself but I am working to be better, more thoughtful and loving to those close to me. I hate that those who inflict pain on others really don’t understand that what they say and do really does stick with a person and forms part of their make up and sense of themselves. At the end of the day we don’t ever really know what someone is going through behind closed doors, so it's really not that hard to be nice.

 

[HandsomeHans]

I guess I have forgiven but not forgotten. Not to justify their actions, but rather for peace of mind. I don't dwell too much on the past, but I would never allow them in my life again as long as I live.