Would you ever forgive your bully or bullies?

[028ellie81]

Just been made redundant from my job where I was bullied by the Manager. I am glad that I was made redundant as it meant the hell was over. I am still very raw and angry and don't think I can forgive any time soon. I wish her the same misery she put me through for a year

 

[irish_bob]

I would never forgive any of my bullies for what they done to me and are the reason for my development of avoidance personality disorder, major depression, OCD, and other mental disorders I use or still am suffering from.

In fact I would like to see them rot in prison and I still want payback!

They not only ruin my life but ruin what is most of my college experiences. I lost countless relationship and friendship opportunities in which I can never get back. I also lost the girl of my dream because I felt so undeserving of her because of what I experienced in my past.

I would treat any of my bullies worst than any animal alive.


What about you guys?

i only had one bully , was in the workplace rather than in school , happened at the end of the nineties , was overseas at the time as a nineteen year old and it was a female bully which makes it all the worse , it was viscious in the extreme and destroyed me , every psychological tool of terror was used , lies , charechter assasination , projection , defamation

id forgive her but only if she put a gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger first

 

[this_portrait]

Now that I'm older, I realize that a lot of the kids who picked on me had quite a bit of problems of their own (one kid who seemed to ALWAYS target me lost his father and grandfather in a plane crash, supposedly). I fully understand that they were taking out their own inner frustrations out on others, and since I was a timid kid who didn't stick up for myself, I was an easy target.

While I now understand that they were the ones with issues and not me, I still don't think that justifies them picking on me or anyone else. Is it my fault that kid's father and grandfather died? Did I somehow cause that plane to crash? No, I had nothing to do with it. It's like someone who rapes or murders saying that the reason they do what they do is because they were abused as a kid; they have no right to mess up other people's lives.

I'm not sure if I've necessarily forgave my bullies. You could say I have in the sense that I understand why they picked on me, but at the same time I don't think very highly of them, and if I were to run into any of them today I wouldn't be overly kind and I would be rather distant. After all, their teasing greatly contributed to the emotional problems I developed as a teenager.

 

[coyote]

Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution.*

to forgive someone is not to absolve them of their guilt

it is simply to let go of your own pain and stop demanding that the offender make it up to you in some way

does it make you feel better to hang onto that pain while you wait for the day that you can make the person who bullied you pay for their transgression?

is that ever really going to happen?

or are you going to allow their actions to make you suffer your entire life just so that you can "win"?

how much power do you want to give them?

by forgiving them, YOU are taking the power back - you are letting go of the them and the pain they caused, and dismissing them from your life for good

*Forgiveness - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[Lexington]

Do it for yourself, not them.

 

[nopark]

I guess I've forgiven them.

To be honest they occupy zero of my thoughts so it's hard to say I forgive them because they just matter so little to me. I might as well be thinking of ants.

 

[ilovenoodles]

^cool avatar.


Erm, i can't forgive them yet. I hope i can someday... those bastards

 

[Griffin]

No, never. That doesn't mean that I want bad things to happen to them, it's just that if I found out that one of them suffered a personal tragedy, it wouldn't bother me.

I know I really ought to let it go, but I see no reason to forgive and forget. It's not like it tears me up with ill feeling - I've moved on with my life in all other regards - so I have no qualms in holding on to some resentment over what happened years ago.

 

[me-tan]

I choose to forgive my bullies, since forgiving people is a more logical way of doing it... Since why should I hold things against them? If I still have mental problems in the end its my problem since those problems are caused by how I chose to react.

 

[irish_bob]

to forgive someone is not to absolve them of their guilt

it is simply to let go of your own pain and stop demanding that the offender make it up to you in some way

does it make you feel better to hang onto that pain while you wait for the day that you can make the person who bullied you pay for their transgression?

is that ever really going to happen?

or are you going to allow their actions to make you suffer your entire life just so that you can "win"?

how much power do you want to give them?

by forgiving them, YOU are taking the power back - you are letting go of the them and the pain they caused, and dismissing them from your life for good

*Forgiveness - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

i really resent this kind of psychological jargon about how victims of bullying abuse etc allow themselves to suffer , it is IMO a sneaky form of victim blaming , no one chooses to suffer long term effects from bullying bar a miniscule minority of masochists , if someone suffers long term effects from bullying , its a reflection of how severe and profound the bullying was

 

[irish_bob]

I choose to forgive my bullies, since forgiving people is a more logical way of doing it... Since why should I hold things against them? If I still have mental problems in the end its my problem since those problems are caused by how I chose to react.

i find your attitude incredibly masochistic , this modern cultural mindset of imposing an obligation on victims to forgive thier perpetrators is truly insidious and only encourages bullying in all walks of life

 

[me-tan]

i really resent this kind of psychological jargon about how victims of bullying abuse etc allow themselves to suffer , it is IMO a sneaky form of victim blaming , no one chooses to suffer long term effects from bullying bar a miniscule minority of masochists , if someone suffers long term effects from bullying , its a reflection of how severe and profound the bullying was

That's actually a good explaination on forgiveness. like it said when you forgive you're letting it go so that you can move on not absolving them of guilt. To not forgive is to hold hate in your heart, and you're hurting yourself even more holding onto resentment.

 

[the_caretaker]

What is forgiveness? You see, the way I define forgiveness is that you let it go and move on with your life. I have forgiven all the people who bullied me becase why should I give my valuable time moping and sulking over what they did to me and instead doing the things I enjoy? That's putting too much worth on those people and that's what they want. So they've won. By the way: life's too short.

 

[Feeling_Nothing]

No, just no, I will never forgive them. However I have moved on since then but that doesn't mean if I see them I would even want to talk to me, even if they talk to me...

 

[irish_bob]

What is forgiveness? You see, the way I define forgiveness is that you let it go and move on with your life. I have forgiven all the people who bullied me becase why should I give my valuable time moping and sulking over what they did to me and instead doing the things I enjoy? That's putting too much worth on those people and that's what they want. So they've won. By the way: life's too short.

if forgiving was that easy for you , i suspect you were not hurt all that badly , that some people cannot forgive and foreget is merley a reflection of the severity of the abuse they endured

 

[montejocarlo]

to forgive someone is not to absolve them of their guilt

it is simply to let go of your own pain and stop demanding that the offender make it up to you in some way

does it make you feel better to hang onto that pain while you wait for the day that you can make the person who bullied you pay for their transgression?

is that ever really going to happen?

or are you going to allow their actions to make you suffer your entire life just so that you can "win"?

how much power do you want to give them?

by forgiving them, YOU are taking the power back - you are letting go of the them and the pain they caused, and dismissing them from your life for good

*Forgiveness - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

yeah. that's true

 

[bcsr]

I was never bullied, but I know I wouldn't forgive them. Some of the stories my ex told me about HER bullies.... I hate them and I've never met them.

 

[Roman Legion]

I don't think I could.. From about 1997-2000 I spent getting bullied by entire groups of people.. When my family moved I was just shunned more than anything.. But it was better than the name calling or physical confrontation.. I can't fight for crap, so running was my only defence.. Too bad it didn't always work.. They also stole things from me quite often, so I just stopped carrying anything of any value or significance.. I think the most horrible things they did were make songs that made fun of me..

 

[Agent_Violet]

my mother was my bully. i love her because I feel like i have to but i'll never be able to fully forgive her.

 

[jazy]

Never. These people have left emotional and physical scars that will never heal and will never go away.

I am the way I am because of them. Why I am suicidal and want to end it all.

I'm glad that I have never bumped into any of them now because if I did they would be on the ground.