Wow--what a great question.
I'll say right off that I don't think I've been the object of bullying in the classic form. I have often found myself in situations where people are trying to make me the scapegoat for a situation I had nothing to do with--or simply behaving in ways that makes a person feel unwelcome. On the surface, this doesn't sound as bad as bullying, but my reaction to the situation was as haunting, in part because I just can't make it stop playing over and over in my head.
I definitely have a hard time with the "forgive and forget" adage--pretty much no success with any combination . . . no forgiving, no forgetting, and certainly not both. I know a lot of people would say that this is a choice--including my therapist--but I feel like the hurt can be so deep at times that something in my mind just takes over and will NOT let it go. I'm not a fan of people who intentionally hurt others, but I'm also aware that they, themselves, have often bore the brunt of harassment at home, at a stage when they were vulnerable. No matter how much I can view them as a victim of circumstance or ignorant or whatever, I just have a really hard time letting go. I think it's because it's so inconceivable to me to hassle someone for no reason.
The sad thing is, if we want to look at ourselves as part of the ecosystem (something we try so hard to live apart from, sadly), I've witnessed bullying in other species many times. Cats, dogs, roosters . . . whenever a weakness is perceived, the "stronger" often distances himself/herself from the other ironically by getting close and personal. So, part of me sees this as inevitable behavior of any animal--but that doesn't translate into forgiving and forgetting.
I have a VERY hard time with this issue--have severed many ties with friends, family, and neighbors over what I feel is unconscionable behavior. I want the severing of ties to send a clear message--but I find that what instead results is my feeling even more alienated/alone and the people with whom I severed ties never apologizing/owning up to past deeds but instead just viewing me as uptight. Very frustrating. At the same time, when I've tried forgetting and forgiving, I feel the relationship will never be the same and is this forced thing I want nothing to do with--so what's the difference?
(when im angry)
