I wasn't sure where to put this thread, but this seemed like the best place!
I'm 23 years old, and I'm not sure I want to have children.
I've been weighing the pros and cons of this for a while, and realized it's not because of little reasons like having to change diapers or listen to crying and cleaning puke.
I've suffered from low-confidence almost all my life, and have always been a people-pleaser, unwilling to voice my opinions and always placing the needs of others before my own. I don't want to pass these issues down to my child...and if I DO one day decide to have a child, I want to be cured to the point where I don't have to worry that they'll learn from me.
But secondly, at the moment I don't want the lifelong commitment of putting another life before my own. All my life that's all I've done, making sure other people are happy without worrying about my own happiness. I want to be able to to things for ME, and when I meet the person I want to marry, just focus on the two of us and our relationship. Maybe save enough money to travel and visit different countries.
I feel like I would make a good mother though...I actually DON'T hate children, I think they're adorable and I love spending time with the kids in my family. And I really respect those that do actually want to have children or already do and are amazing mothers. I'm just not sure if motherhood is for me.
But then there's the cons of NOT having children.
Society stresses the importance of women having children, to the point that those that DON'T want kids look strange. I already spoke about this to my parents, and they seemed disappointed, since they want grandchildren.
Also, my two best friends want children eventually. I'm afraid to feel like the odd one out, and that there will be a distance between me and them, since I'll be the only one without. And what if my future husband really wants children, and I end up denying him something like that? What if he doesn't stay with me because of it?
At least if I have children, the loss of a relationship wouldn't leave me completely alone when I'm older, since I'll always have them. Right now I'm fine with not being in a relationship. But once all my friends are all married and settled...I definitely don't want to be the only one alone.
I really hope this doesn't sound selfish or self-centered. Again, I have so much respect for people that have children and are enjoying every minute of watching them grow up.
Any thoughts...?
I'm 23 years old, and I'm not sure I want to have children.
I've been weighing the pros and cons of this for a while, and realized it's not because of little reasons like having to change diapers or listen to crying and cleaning puke.
I've suffered from low-confidence almost all my life, and have always been a people-pleaser, unwilling to voice my opinions and always placing the needs of others before my own. I don't want to pass these issues down to my child...and if I DO one day decide to have a child, I want to be cured to the point where I don't have to worry that they'll learn from me.
But secondly, at the moment I don't want the lifelong commitment of putting another life before my own. All my life that's all I've done, making sure other people are happy without worrying about my own happiness. I want to be able to to things for ME, and when I meet the person I want to marry, just focus on the two of us and our relationship. Maybe save enough money to travel and visit different countries.
I feel like I would make a good mother though...I actually DON'T hate children, I think they're adorable and I love spending time with the kids in my family. And I really respect those that do actually want to have children or already do and are amazing mothers. I'm just not sure if motherhood is for me.
But then there's the cons of NOT having children.
Society stresses the importance of women having children, to the point that those that DON'T want kids look strange. I already spoke about this to my parents, and they seemed disappointed, since they want grandchildren.
Also, my two best friends want children eventually. I'm afraid to feel like the odd one out, and that there will be a distance between me and them, since I'll be the only one without. And what if my future husband really wants children, and I end up denying him something like that? What if he doesn't stay with me because of it?
At least if I have children, the loss of a relationship wouldn't leave me completely alone when I'm older, since I'll always have them. Right now I'm fine with not being in a relationship. But once all my friends are all married and settled...I definitely don't want to be the only one alone.
I really hope this doesn't sound selfish or self-centered. Again, I have so much respect for people that have children and are enjoying every minute of watching them grow up.
Any thoughts...?