Women That Don't Want Children?

[MistMoon]

I wasn't sure where to put this thread, but this seemed like the best place!

I'm 23 years old, and I'm not sure I want to have children.

I've been weighing the pros and cons of this for a while, and realized it's not because of little reasons like having to change diapers or listen to crying and cleaning puke.

I've suffered from low-confidence almost all my life, and have always been a people-pleaser, unwilling to voice my opinions and always placing the needs of others before my own. I don't want to pass these issues down to my child...and if I DO one day decide to have a child, I want to be cured to the point where I don't have to worry that they'll learn from me.

But secondly, at the moment I don't want the lifelong commitment of putting another life before my own. All my life that's all I've done, making sure other people are happy without worrying about my own happiness. I want to be able to to things for ME, and when I meet the person I want to marry, just focus on the two of us and our relationship. Maybe save enough money to travel and visit different countries.

I feel like I would make a good mother though...I actually DON'T hate children, I think they're adorable and I love spending time with the kids in my family. And I really respect those that do actually want to have children or already do and are amazing mothers. I'm just not sure if motherhood is for me.

But then there's the cons of NOT having children.

Society stresses the importance of women having children, to the point that those that DON'T want kids look strange. I already spoke about this to my parents, and they seemed disappointed, since they want grandchildren.

Also, my two best friends want children eventually. I'm afraid to feel like the odd one out, and that there will be a distance between me and them, since I'll be the only one without. And what if my future husband really wants children, and I end up denying him something like that? What if he doesn't stay with me because of it?

At least if I have children, the loss of a relationship wouldn't leave me completely alone when I'm older, since I'll always have them. Right now I'm fine with not being in a relationship. But once all my friends are all married and settled...I definitely don't want to be the only one alone.

I really hope this doesn't sound selfish or self-centered. Again, I have so much respect for people that have children and are enjoying every minute of watching them grow up.

Any thoughts...?

 

[GhastlyCC]

Children are a HUGE responsibility.
And you're creating a life. A human being.
It's not something that people should feel pressured into doing.
It's your choice... nobody else's

 

[Hellhound]

^ Well said.

I personally don't want kids because I'm simply not suited to be a parent. I have too many unresolved issues that will probably last forever and I don't wish to deal with such a responsibility. And I'm not patient with kids, at all. It's just not for me.

I'm better off taking care of pets.

 

[coyote]

i can barely take care of myself

 

[Oizys]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting children. Society seems to think that women who don't should be pitied, that there MUST be something wrong with us.
I don't want children. Just because you're physically capable of reproducing, doesn't mean you should.

That said though, you should want children because you want them, not because you fear being alone.

 

[Yarrow]

Some people are naturally inclined toward motherhood; others aren't. If for whatever reason you don't feel you're capable of providing for a child materially or emotionally, then there's nothing unreasonable about not wanting to have them - even though many still do.

In my mid-twenties I'm still unmarried and without children, so I feel where you're coming from. The old high school crowd has been getting married and pregnant, and while many of us are still holding out for one reason or another I seem to be the only one who doesn't want to be a mother at some point and who has an uncertain future when it comes to relationships. There will probably be a phase where it's seen as unusual, but there will also probably be a phase beyond that were people are simply too old to be arsed or are glad to have a friend who doesn't come with two screaming children to add to their own three screaming children.

As for any future marriage, I can see one child or an adopted child which I call a compromise.

 

[jaim38]

You're not alone in this. I don't want children either because I know I can't give them what they need. I also suffer from people-pleasing issues. I think I read from a study that raising kids from birth to adulthood cost a total of $100,000 (or more). And this doesn't even cover college costs.

I'm also 23, which in my opinion is too young to have children. I wouldn't want to get tied down with kids this early. Right now, I'm not thinking about kids at all. I'm thinking about school, career, world travel, etc - things that I wouldn't be able to do if I had kids right now.

 

[Flanscho]

My thoughts: you have more a decade left to decide. That's a huge amount of time. The person you will be in a decade will be different than the person you are now. So if you want to ponder about kids: do it now. But you don't have to.

Most of my friends are in their early thirties. Of the dozen people or so I count among them, only one person has children. The other of them, most of them in long relationships, don't plan to have any, or at least not any time soon.

What the society says? How will a random person you meet on the street know whether you have children or not? So they will think nothing. What your friends think? That depends on the friends you choose to have. If my friends would expect me to have kids, I'd get different friends.

I'm a guy, so I have even more time to ponder about this. My stand is: I don't need children. IF I ever find a near perfect person, and IF I have a relationship with her lasting a longer time, and IF I'm sure that the relationship will last for a much longer time, and IF she wants children, and IF we can afford children, then I'm fine to get children. But I don't need them. And until that happens, I won't have any.

 

[anomicdeer]

Females that don't want children are just lucky if they are with a male because usually they(males) don't want one and won't do anything with the child.

And I really don't care how many people I offended.

 

[GhastlyCC]

Females that don't want children are just lucky if they are with a male because usually they(males) don't want one and won't do anything with the child.

mg: mg:

 

[this_portrait]

Add me to the list of women who do not want children. While passing on my screwy mental health is one reason, I primarily don't want kids because I just don't like them. I hate the thought of taking care of someone else and cleaning up after them. I also hate when they cry. I don't think I could control my temper during times of conflict with them, either.

Oh, and pregnancy itself just grosses me out and seems like way too much of a hassle, what with all the studies about how even certain foods you eat while pregnant can contribute to how your child develops. With my luck, pregnancy would mess my body up big time, and since I like where I'm at right now physically, that is a no-no.

And finally, I'm just too selfish and think there are enough people on the planet without me adding to the pile. My kids are the ones with four legs.

What's funny is that more and more people I come across seem to think I'm making the right decision by choosing not to have kids.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Females that don't want children are just lucky if they are with a male because usually they(males) don't want one and won't do anything with the child.

And I really don't care how many people I offended.

It's not so much that it's offensive, but I believe it's untrue: I think most guys want children, it's just that women have to decide earlier because passed 35 it's getting a bit too late, while men can live a crazy life until 45 and then decide to settle with a 30 years old woman and have kids.

 

[superfluouslyme]

Females that don't want children are just lucky if they are with a male because usually they(males) don't want one and won't do anything with the child.

And I really don't care how many people I offended.

Not offensive. Just a really blatant and completely unsupported generalization... so, yeah, I guess it is offensive. In a topic where we are discussing society's belief that all women should want children (a massive generalization), you pull one out for your defense. :thumbdown:

I don't want children. I never have. I've said it my whole life. Up until the last year or so, my family would say, "Oh, you'll change your mind when you're older and you meet the right guy." I've been very vocal about how this statement is not only false, but it hurts my feelings. It makes me feel pressured and as if my only purpose on this planet is to procreate. But they are starting to understand now.

 

[Subpop]

I'm in my early 40's and I have never had any urge whatsoever to become a father. I don't really know why....the idea simply doesn't appeal at all. Aside from a lack of enthusiasm about the idea I have also seriously considered the implications of my depressive illness/social anxiety and how this could impact upon the quality of my child's life.
I think it is really ignorant how in this era there is still an expectation in many cultures that women want to have a child/children, like life is somehow not complete until this occurs. It is not a decision to be made without considering the long term consequences for both parent and child.

One of the major reasons I would know I had met the 'right' woman for me would be her not wanting to start a family.

 

[Hellhound]

Females that don't want children are just lucky if they are with a male because usually they(males) don't want one and won't do anything with the child.

And I really don't care how many people I offended.

Care to elaborate? How did you jump to that conclusion?

 

[MikeyC]

But secondly, at the moment I don't want the lifelong commitment of putting another life before my own. All my life that's all I've done, making sure other people are happy without worrying about my own happiness. I want to be able to to things for ME, and when I meet the person I want to marry, just focus on the two of us and our relationship. Maybe save enough money to travel and visit different countries.

This is a good point to avoid/delay having children. If you have not had enough time for yourself, a child will take that away from you for the next 18 years. There's nothing wrong with this, and you will hopefully find a man that will feel the same way.

Children are a HUGE responsibility.

Yes, that's true, and you can't get rid of them if you're sick of them. Kids are a lifelong responsibility, even when they move out. It's not an easy task and it's not for everyone.

i can barely take care of myself

I hear you, buddy.

Females that don't want children are just lucky if they are with a male because usually they(males) don't want one and won't do anything with the child.

And I really don't care how many people I offended.

This is completely misandrist. There are men out there that don't want children, sure, but to pigeon-hole every male as being some kind of "deadbeat dad" is preposterous. Shameful post.

 

[andsorry]

In the end it is your life and you have to do what makes you happy. I am in the same boat as you. I don't want kids and I won't let anybody pressure me into having children. I don't even want to get married. Just because don't have kids doesn't mean you will be lonely in your later years. That what your friends are there for.

 

[nicole1]

I soooo want kids and am scared I cannot. I don't understand women who feel differently. But then again, I don't understand how people could want pets and not want children.

I understand that some women do, as I have a friend who has felt that way. Only you know what you can and can't, willing and not willing to do. Not everyone is built mentally for motherhood.

 

[Remus]

Females that don't want children are just lucky if they are with a male because usually they(males) don't want one and won't do anything with the child.

Both my brothers are like this, it makes me sick! They have not even seen their sons since they were little. One in three dads don't see their kids after a break up and that is so wrong!

 

[xDreamseller]

A life-long commitment that ties you to both the mother/father and the child for life...I don't trust anyone with that, especially not myself.

For every happy and proud parent I see, I see many more that aren't. It's probably one of the most difficult, time consuming and costly things you can do in life and I just don't see the benefit, given that it is such a risk.

Just make sure that your partner is as sure as you are that they don't want kids too. Don't make them choose between you and having a child. (By that note, don't give in and have a child because they want 1 either.)