why do girls play hard to get?

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

All we want is sex - the "long haul" is just so that we can have sex for a long time without having to expend the energy to go look for it again.

there - the secret is out

I can't agree that all we want is sex. Speaking for myself at least, with the right girl, I want sex and more.

I don't think sex is always especially meaningful. I've had (somehow) some really fun sex that was just for the sake of sex. There wasn't a great deal of emotional bonding involved. There definitely wasn't a serious connection or deep caring on either part.

At the end of the day, though, I wouldn't have much fun curled up on the couch watching bad movies with an El Camino.

 

[Kiwong]

Feathers, my goals in life are quite simple. I long to fit in, just to be able to talk to people without fear. Fitting in seems like a huge step for me, involving a lot of trust on my part, and with my anxiety just fitting in is a slippery slope. Taking any relationship further, or believing anyone is actually interested, would be light years beyond where my level of trust with people is currently at. If someone showed definite interest I wouldn't know how to react. I still think that they're probably just making fun of me.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Maybe I misunderstood but I was under the impression that the initial interest....the initial goal from what you said is the sex.

I don't think that the initial goal is necessarily sex. Not for all men anyway.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that sex isn't a thoroughly nice activity, because it most definitely is. But there are a lot of men for whom it isn't the only goal of pursuing a girl. If sex really is all a guy is after then there are easier and more assured ways of obtaining it.

Therefore there can't yet be an emotional bond....not when you just meet someone. I don't think sex will lead to love as easily as love leads to sex.

Love leading to sex would seem to be a more natural course of events. Sex had for its own sake is just sex. Again, not all guys would just want sex for its own sake, and despite the whole idea of "scoring" it is possible for a guy to feel used in that way too.

That is why I've continued to post because that is what I didn't understand. How something meaningful can arise from something mundane. I should think that emotions give the sex meaning not the sex itself creating attachment. Because that tends to be unhealthy and especially bad for women when it turns out it was meaningless.

Agreed.

 

[Honda]

This boyfriend/girlfriend thing is actually overrated... People give it too much weight and things tend to become lame.. Nobody is taking it naturally and letting things flow on their own...

 

[Sial Axetder]

This boyfriend/girlfriend thing is actually overrated... People give it too much weight and things tend to become lame.. Nobody is taking it naturally and letting things flow on their own...

Yes.
Go with the flow, agreed.
What will happen will happen. What's fun is fun. What's done is done.

 

[awkwardamanda]

This boyfriend/girlfriend thing is actually overrated... People give it too much weight and things tend to become lame.. Nobody is taking it naturally and letting things flow on their own...

Stagnant water...

 

[Island_chic]

Doesn't that happen with both guys and girls?? But yea I think that a person wants to know that you really digg them.

 

[be_noticed]

there can be different types of 'hard to get'. i dont know why other girls would play hard to get. probably for the chase. i've heard my some of my friends say they always want the guy to make the move.

there's a 'hard to get' who is someone who wants to be impressed until you give or say what they want. these 'hard to get's may not necessarily be attracted to you but want you to make a fool of yourself until you give or say what they want :/

and then i've heard of the 'hard to get' which would come across as an obvious attraction between the two, but in which one person leads the other on, then finally admitting their attraction. these 'hard to get's are probably testing to see how much one is willing to do for the other.

i personally like the second hard to get, its just more like a tease ::

 

[Waybuloo]

Like I said before, women are too complicated. Worse than a rubix cube, I swear!

I think coyote has a point that all we want is sex... it's not as bad as it sounds if you think about it... what's the ultimate way to show appreciation or love for someone that you really care about? It's through love-making/sex right? We (guys) want the best thing from relationships - sex.

I'm not really very experienced with relationships, so I'll leave it at that. All I know is that we want sex and if the girl that we meet happens to be super awesome in other ways as well, all the better and we'll stick around for "the long haul". I dunno... like I said, I don't know much about this, but that's my opinion

Really it would sound much better had you said all you want was intimacy rather than sex. Sure you use sex as the utimlate physical expression of your love and your desire for the woman, but surely you get some satisfaction from the warmth and closeness of being with someone, not jsut the immediate release.

 

[Feathers]

Doesn't that happen with both guys and girls?? But yea I think that a person wants to know that you really digg them.

Yup, totally.

 

[Feathers]

There can be even more types of what can be seen as 'hard to get'
- simply your regular (shy) girl with standards
- simply your regular (non shy) girl with standards

or also like be_noticed writes:
- a girl who likes to be chased and/or craves attention (or a porche/caddillac and a villa in Manhattan, and may be simply testing you to see if you can provide the above)
- insecure people? (Though insecure people with low self-esteem can also jump into bed with guys 'to raise self esteem', I've even seen a girl scare a few guys at the dorm with the idea after a bottle of wine lol she was a Nazi appreciator too, hmpf.. stemming from real bad family circumstances - and there were really bad words at an older thread at this forum where a girl confessed sleeping with guys first to get over the SA-??)
So, there may be double standards in play...

She may or may not want you but like the chase (and the goodies)? - I guess this would be the type most frustrating to guys? (Then again some guys just seem to primarily like 'the chase' too-??)
And also, guys can quickly get over (or never go for) a 'yes' girl, never go for a 'no' girl, and obsess and dream about the 'maybe' girl-??

hmm..??

 

[Tiercel]

Doesn't that happen with both guys and girls?? But yea I think that a person wants to know that you really digg them.

For those who might be of similar inclinations as me, showing up at someone's house with a spade does not show how much you dig someone. If anything, you are ascribed the motive of murder and corpse burial. Not that I've ever taken any form of a shovel to anyone's home unbidden, mind you....

I think my biggest problem is that I take things literally. Mention digging someone and I think of shovels. Show no interest and I assume you're just not interested. Show a hint of interest, and I'll think you're interested.

At least there's no ulterior motives with guitars and wild birds. Less sarcasm on my part, too.

 

[Honda]

As far as i saw girls like confident and guys brave enough to make the move... I mean i went to pool party yesterday and i danced with this girl, she later went to dance with my friend and my friend is more daring when it comes to girls he can make an approach even if he will look stupid and not care about it and he's a bit touchy when dancing (not in a naughty way), she seems to like him better...

 

[Feathers]

As far as i saw girls like confident and guys brave enough to make the move... I mean i went to pool party yesterday and i danced with this girl, she later went to dance with my friend and my friend is more daring when it comes to girls he can make an approach even if he will look stupid and not care about it and he's a bit touchy when dancing (not in a naughty way), she seems to like him better...

Honda, yeah, that's true.. If a guy does not initiate some sort of physical contact, we don't know if he's even really interested or not?

I've danced with a lot of guys, and sometimes you just don't know if he has a girlfriend or wife somewhere and just likes to dance, or if he's really interested in something more...?

(Too bad is if sometimes the ones with a wife/gf do get 'touchy' feely, but if they're happily married it can just be all innocent too.. If it's not, it can be bloody annoying lol.. I mean if you're not single, what's the point?? Especially if you have a gorgeous girlfriend-?? So yeah, girls can interpret 'touch'='interested'.. and if a guy she likes is 'interested', it's bonus points already!!)

 

[Honda]

^ but does it really have to be a rule.. This same girl today was in the bar with us.. Both my friends were getting all touchy and flirty with her and i felt under-confident compared to them.. But i looked at it in the following way; that these guys r just being somehow stupid and dumb, i mean does it really need all this fuss for a girl to feel special or liked...
I know she'd end up with either both my friends rather than me cuz they take the initiative and i dont care really cuz i dont want to bother to be desperate and get touchy with every girl I see so i can take it to some the next level.... i dunno maybe im not good in the game and im not daring enough..

 

[Waybuloo]

^ but does it really have to be a rule.. This same girl today was in the bar with us.. Both my friends were getting all touchy and flirty with her and i felt under-confident compared to them.. But i looked at it in the following way; that these guys r just being somehow stupid and dumb, i mean does it really need all this fuss for a girl to feel special or liked...
I know she'd end up with either both my friends rather than me cuz they take the initiative and i dont care really cuz i dont want to bother to be desperate and get touchy with every girl I see so i can take it to some the next level.... i dunno maybe im not good in the game and im not daring enough..

Maybe this girl does like touchy feeliness and forward guys. In which case you could up your game and do the same, or go drastic and chase after sensible girls.

 

[Honda]

Maybe this girl does like touchy feeliness and forward guys. In which case you could up your game and do the same, or go drastic and chase after sensible girls.

I dont wana do so.. I dont wana fake things, i just would like them to come out spontaneously.. In all cases im not interested in the girl but it just caught my mind about it..

 

[Danfalc]

why do guys play hard to get??? its just one big cluster **** of confusion and paranoia.

Not all guys do,just like not all females act a certain way.Maybe those that do act this way though do it for a reason,maybe they have been hurt in the past and are just protecting themselves.

 

[RelentlessHamster]

because they can't mate with everyone they see xP eventhough some still do lol, of course we can't generalize, by playing hard to get they test your persistence and determine if you're the right guy, they don't like hesitant guys and give up on the first challenge

 

[vichyssoise]

I only played hard to get for a very short period in my life. I did because A. I *didn't* want him to get me, not because I didn't like him, but because I didn't want him to end up disappointed in me, B. because I had been hurt in the past when I loved somebody quite blindly and let it show, so I guess my pride didn't let me act in another way, just in the case of another potential rejection, and C., yes, yes, because it WAS flattering to see how he still pursued me after that and I kinda liked being the one in control, just for once in my life.