Sorry you're suffering BlueDays. 30 years is a long time, and it must have been hard work to keep struggling through, but you have. I'm glad that you wouldn't commit suicide and that thinking of family members keeps you strong. I hope things get better for you, and that one day you're able to live for you, because you realise you're a worthwhile person, and you're worth living for. After all you must be strong to still be here keeping going.
I feel alone. I may be surrounded by people, working, eating and sleeping near them for several weeks at a time but I still feel disconnected from 'life' My work ethic is starting to lapse. My concentration is becoming patchy and I am feeling like I am losing momentum. I put on a persona, make a few jokes, share a laugh but then an hour later I will feel tears welling up and have to supress the urge to cry. I don't want to start taking anti-depressants again but maybe I will need to in order to gain some momentum to keep meeting the basic requirements to survive like keep my job.
I am so tired of worrying what people may think of me.
I lost my partner to cancer almost 5 years ago and I was already depressed before that. We were perfect together. Everything was so much easier with two. Now I am alone and don't even want to look for another person. I am moving to a much desired location in April, but that has my anxiety maxed out until move is complete. I have a hard time going anywhere at all. I force myself because I think it will help. I take meds again in hopes they will work. 34 years of meds and no help at all from them must be the ultimate form of insanity, however. Can't believe I'm trying one again! God help us all.
I lost my partner to cancer almost 5 years ago and I was already depressed before that. We were perfect together. Everything was so much easier with two. Now I am alone and don't even want to look for another person. I am moving to a much desired location in April, but that has my anxiety maxed out until move is complete. I have a hard time going anywhere at all. I force myself because I think it will help. I take meds again in hopes they will work. 34 years of meds and no help at all from them must be the ultimate form of insanity, however. Can't believe I'm trying one again! God help us all.
i'm sorry for your loss. we're here to help each other. hope you are able to find some relief.
Am just fed with feelin' like ah huv tae put other people's needs ahead o' ma own aw the time! Like ah've got tae please everybody else. Am doomed tae be submissive tae others it seems. Wish ah wasnae such a people pleaser - ah mean, part o' me doesnae give a f**k anymair. So why bother...? :idontknow:
Also am wonderin' why aw ma decisions and everything ah dae, seems tae need some sorta justification? Or why ah feel like am constantly huvin' tae answer tae somebody else aw the time?
And I feel like a total loser, outcast, freak- but then that's a given! Duh! That's aboot it, really! Dour Scottish cynicism at its best! :sad:
i am in an abusive relationship with my now ex but i am unable to move out due to no job, no friends, no family in state. Seperated but Living Together, seems to be a more common problem for lots of people apparantly. i am forcing myself to improve my chances for survival by looking for work, reaching out to support groups, but i havent gotten very far on either front. an abuse counselor said to make friends in the community- i told her i have SA- and i couldnt help but wonder how that will look when I can manage to meet people, but that is about as far as it ever seems to go.
Sadly I will always will be on a downer and there is nothing that can change that my very few friends that I seen once in a blue moon always say they would kill to have the chances in life that comes my way but I never take them up I have but not all AMD never will .sadly I can't be helped or be cured from the age of 13 going flying lessons to age 18 and going clubbing pasting my driving test 1st time with only 2 miners .. now sadly my whole life now wil be spent alone on a downer mostly 90% of my time bed bound reading and watching tv shows by myself sadly I don't and never will fit into this world
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