Very socially capable

[KiaKaha]

you're thinking of the number 3

exactly

 

[coyote]

has it occurred to anyone who feels ignored that the people who you think are ignoring you also suffer from social anxiety, and they might be just as anxious to say something to you as you are to them?

maybe the reason they talk to the same people all the time is because they already know them and feel comfortable with them, but they don't know you yet, so they're afraid to say anything

just a thought

 

[MrJones]

has it occurred to anyone who feels ignored that the people who you think are ignoring you also suffer from social anxiety, and they might be just as anxious to say something to you as you are to them?

maybe the reason they talk to the same people all the time is because they already know them and feel comfortable with them, but they don't know you yet, so they're afraid to say anything

just a thought

Yep, this is very important.

Sometimes I talk to people and they just don't respond. At first my reactions were quite depressive but then I understood that maybe they just can't, because of anxiety to talk, because of depression or simply because they are doing something else.

The fact that someone can't pay attention to you in a certain moment doesn't mean they hate you or they are not interested or anything else. It may be for lots of reasons.

 

[Pookah]

I do also feel that once a persons social needs are met, that we tend to forget that other peoples aren't.

I have always been a firm believer that the strong and more capable should help the weak.

This forum does not fulfill people's social needs. It is only a band-aid.

Just because people can post on a forum doesn't mean they are stronger or more capable.

 

[Ms Cloud]

Basically there should be a sub-forum here for loners, hermits, misanthropes, social outcasts and anyone who generally does not fit in anywhere, online or IRL. Social anxiety or shyness is not enough to describe people like us. We're true misfits; we come here because it's better than nothing, but we're still very much on the outside looking in (note that many of the people I've described leave after writing only a few posts). We should have a place where we can feel free to be ourselves, without fear of being judged or excluded. We don't get that on the regular SA forums.

This is not a criticism, it's a suggestion for improvement.

 

[KiaKaha]

This forum does not fulfill people's social needs. It is only a band-aid.

Just because people can post on a forum doesn't mean they are stronger or more capable.

Ok maybe saying 'social needs' wasnt the right term, but I do think the purpose of any forum is to fill in a "gap" of some kind that we cant get in the real world. If we did...we wouldnt come here.

Yes I agree with you with the last sentiment though. I wrote that because that is a personal doctrine that I like to live my life by. But you are right, just because someone can post in a forum doesnt mean that they are capable or strong....nor do they have any responsibility for other members participation.

I dont want to risk breaking the "my SA is worse than yours" rule but I do think the forum tends to mirror to a certain degree, the real world.

 

[vexatiousmind]

Just thought I would add that I think we are all socially capable.

We just have some road blocks we have to get through.
I think anxiety can decrease in social situations with practice and work on ones self.

idk some comments made it sound like some are completely incapable of ever being social, and I just don't agree with that.

sorry for all my random thoughts

 

[Silatuyok]

Basically there should be a sub-forum here for loners, hermits, misanthropes, social outcasts and anyone who generally does not fit in anywhere, online or IRL. Social anxiety or shyness is not enough to describe people like us. We're true misfits; we come here because it's better than nothing, but we're still very much on the outside looking in (note that many of the people I've described leave after writing only a few posts). We should have a place where we can feel free to be ourselves, without fear of being judged or excluded. We don't get that on the regular SA forums.

This is not a criticism, it's a suggestion for improvement.

Can't there be/or isn't there a separate forum within this forum for that? If not, you should definitely request one! I'd like to see how that turns out.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Basically there should be a sub-forum here for loners, hermits, misanthropes, social outcasts and anyone who generally does not fit in anywhere, online or IRL. Social anxiety or shyness is not enough to describe people like us. We're true misfits; we come here because it's better than nothing, but we're still very much on the outside looking in (note that many of the people I've described leave after writing only a few posts). We should have a place where we can feel free to be ourselves, without fear of being judged or excluded. We don't get that on the regular SA forums.

This is not a criticism, it's a suggestion for improvement.

Feeling like you don't fit in here; feeling excluded, ignored, etc, is nearly universal in this forum. I've been there myself. I also made a whole thread about it with a survey and everything. Fascinating (albeit depressing) subject. You just have to keep posting and keep trying to get through that period. People keep thinking it's about them or some problem with them, but it's not.

 

[Lord_Spotface]

Bah, who needs to be socially capable when you have the internet?
You can fulfill all your most basic needs/desires with it in a much easier and cheaper way.

 

[coyote]

Keb' Mo' Just Like You - YouTube

 

[hoddesdon]

Wait, how do you know i'm a she?

1. it says "female" on your profile

2. you have often talked about your daughter

3. you have often talked about your boyfriend

4. you have often talked about gender-related issues in a way that makes it obvious that you are a she (avoiding being explicit)

 

[hoddesdon]

On SAS there are groups based on common interests. It also is a vBulletin site, so perhaps the same could be implemented on this site. Someone could join a group in which they are interested if they feel left out.

On SAS there is an apocolocynposis group. Apocolocynposis is the fear of turning into a pumpkin (not to be confused with curcutbit phobia, which is the fear of pumpkins). I inspired the creation of that group (I feel quite honoured actually).

 

[Waybuloo]

I was not directing that comment at you specifically, no

as with most of my posts i was directing it at the community at large

the basis for making the statement was my opinion based on my observation

i am a libertarian, but i don't belong to the Libertarian Party - i'm registered as an independent

i'm sorry you thought i was being condescending - i wasn't

i'm not really very good at knowing who is in which clique - that doesn't determine who i choose to communicate with - i'm nice to everyone

i would flirt with you more, but you're hardly ever around

Ha, actually thanks for the offer (pity?) but I don't need flirting with.

 

[Waybuloo]

1. it says "female" on your profile

2. you have often talked about your daughter

3. you have often talked about your boyfriend

4. you have often talked about gender-related issues in a way that makes it obvious that you are a she (avoiding being explicit)

Wow I didn't know people take notice of my posts.

 

[Waybuloo]

Just an observation - makes me wonder though, how the crowd here years ago were so different.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

This was quite an interesting thread to read through. I read each post. Some twice.

I can understand what the OP is saying. Certain threads are more prone to be more "cliquish". It can be hard to permeate them, so I tend to avoid them myself.

Some of you are so witty! But I don't begrudge you your ability to be as such. It is just the way it is. As an outsider, I do tend to assume too much.

I also understand that communicating online, and in forums such as these, is easier to do than in social scenarios in real life. We can shine here. It is not really an indicator of how we are in real life. Some of us can be social butterflies online, but in real life we are wallflowers.

There are limitations to communicating online, and it can be easy to misconstrue what we say. It is something I worry about.

i can't speak for other bubbly fun people, but i know that i would hate to leave anyone feeling like that

I have visited the chatbox once or twice. I actually do recall an instance with the OP in the chatbox. I did not mean to leave you out of the conversation then. I find it hard to chat with more than one person usually. Once there are three or more people in chat, it is overwhelming truly. Not my intention ever to leave anyone feeling left out or anything like that. So I am sorry if I made you feel excluded that time. It was nothing personal.

I feel in some cases, that social anxiety disorder has such a firm hold on people, that they CANT reach out. They cant tell people just how hopelessly unhappy they are. Which is why I think SAD, especially in extreme cases is a difficult problem to deal with...and a lot of intuition and observation is needed to effectively help people.

It is hard to reach out, and it is so easy to take things personally. I identify as being highly sensitive. I am sure there are other HSPs here as well. It can get tense!

but it seems really unfair to lay that responsiblity on other members of this forum who are going through much of the same thing only in a lesser degree, don't you think?

It is unfair. I agree. I don't expect anyone here to be my therapist or cheerleader. That is just too much pressure for anyone to bear....especially us who are socially anxious people.

I really, really think you're mistaken about this. If it's true, I'd like to know examples (and report them to the mods if possible).

Maybe if you feel someone is attacking you PM them and ask about it. Most likely they will explain that they were not trying to insult you. If they respond by attacking you again, report them. This might be a good exercise to practice confrontation in RL.

The whole reporting thing actually makes me so nervous. I wonder what it takes for someone to get banned. I notice a lot of banned users in threads.

I recall an instance with a user who made me feel uncomfortable but I would never want to be responsible for their getting banned. That would make me feel terrible.

I also worry about maybe saying something and it being misunderstood and getting banned myself :/

sometimes it feels awkward when you want to post your thoughts or vent, but there is a whole other conversation going on in that thread, and you don't want to ruin the humour, so you just harbour the emotion to yourself.

I have felt this way as well. Sometimes it is tricky to know when to move the chat to a PM or message. I am quite shy to do that myself.

I very very much doubt anyone here is purposely excluding other people. I really don't see how its any individual's job to scan each thread for people they don't usually reply to to make sure they are included either. I really don't see how we can be expected to expend that much of our personal energy on here.

I am sure people don't have bad intentions here; and we should all give each other the benefit of the doubt.

This forum is HUGE. I was so overwhelmed at first, and still am actually, by how many members and guests are here at any given time. There are also so many threads...and before responding to a thread I read every post, that is why I am always quoting people here. It can be a bit much, so I only do this for a couple threads or else I will seriously spend all day here and that can't be good. It is nothing personal.

Also what makes you think ppl who talk to eachother on the forum are comfortable enough to pm or message or IM outside the forum? That is actually not the case much of the time.

I know. I have been wanting to PM or initiate chat with some members here but I am so shy to do so. One on one is a bit more intimidating. I also don't want to impose my friendship on anyone.

Because I haven't allowed myself to get too close to anyone on this site I don't often feel comfortable posting anything anywhere. But I do because I hope that if I can get myself out there online and deal with whatever events/feelings that come from that I might also be able to do it in real life. My idea of freedom is being able to say what is on my mind, no mater how stupid it may sound, and not caring what others think. It is accepting myself including all my flaws and my ability to fix some of them.

Thank you for writing that. I like when other users take my thoughts and express them so eloquently ::

It is actually one of my goals to express my opinions more often and readily. I often cringe after I hit the submit button but let it be. It is a challenge.

Freedom is being able to say what is on your mind. I agree 100%.

I often fear I ignore people, but I feel ignored myself just as much.

Same here. I relate to both arguments presented on this thread. I have been on both sides.

When I have the 'social energy', I've often made the effort to talk to newbies on here, or to try to be helpful or give advice to people who lack confidence; are clearly awkward, etc.

Ahh, as an awkward person that makes me cringe a little

One last thing---there are many threads that ANYONE should feel welcome to reply to. I myself have started several threads just asking a random question to the group at large, and I've been met with a lot of great responses from dozens of people. There's no reason why the people who feel left out can't make it a point to participate in those threads. That's WHY I/we post those kinds of open-ended questions, so everyone can participate and get to know each other better.

I really do enjoy the threads you start. They are so much fun Thank you for posting them.

 

[Remus]

The whole reporting thing actually makes me so nervous. I wonder what it takes for someone to get banned. I notice a lot of banned users in threads.

Most of those are requested bans as the mods have not been given the function by the webmaster to delete accounts when people want to leave. Anyone who is banned usually gets lots of warnings/chances.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Most of those are requested bans as the mods have not been given the function by the webmaster to delete accounts when people want to leave. Anyone who is banned usually gets lots of warnings/chances.

That is good to know. I figured this was the case. Thanks for explaining

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

There is something I forgot to mention. I do resent those posts and posters who claim to know the "solution" for SA and have overcome their SA and want to "help" us. Many of the times it comes across as arrogant to me. And I feel belittled in the process. I am all for success stories but they need to be done with tact. Perhaps I shouldn't say this, but this is the thread to express our grievances, so here are mine. Hope they don't offend anyone :S