KiaKaha
Banned
you're thinking of the number 3
exactly
you're thinking of the number 3
Yep, this is very important.has it occurred to anyone who feels ignored that the people who you think are ignoring you also suffer from social anxiety, and they might be just as anxious to say something to you as you are to them?
maybe the reason they talk to the same people all the time is because they already know them and feel comfortable with them, but they don't know you yet, so they're afraid to say anything
just a thought
I do also feel that once a persons social needs are met, that we tend to forget that other peoples aren't.
I have always been a firm believer that the strong and more capable should help the weak.
This forum does not fulfill people's social needs. It is only a band-aid.
Just because people can post on a forum doesn't mean they are stronger or more capable.
Basically there should be a sub-forum here for loners, hermits, misanthropes, social outcasts and anyone who generally does not fit in anywhere, online or IRL. Social anxiety or shyness is not enough to describe people like us. We're true misfits; we come here because it's better than nothing, but we're still very much on the outside looking in (note that many of the people I've described leave after writing only a few posts). We should have a place where we can feel free to be ourselves, without fear of being judged or excluded. We don't get that on the regular SA forums.
This is not a criticism, it's a suggestion for improvement.
Feeling like you don't fit in here; feeling excluded, ignored, etc, is nearly universal in this forum. I've been there myself. I also made a whole thread about it with a survey and everything. Fascinating (albeit depressing) subject. You just have to keep posting and keep trying to get through that period. People keep thinking it's about them or some problem with them, but it's not.Basically there should be a sub-forum here for loners, hermits, misanthropes, social outcasts and anyone who generally does not fit in anywhere, online or IRL. Social anxiety or shyness is not enough to describe people like us. We're true misfits; we come here because it's better than nothing, but we're still very much on the outside looking in (note that many of the people I've described leave after writing only a few posts). We should have a place where we can feel free to be ourselves, without fear of being judged or excluded. We don't get that on the regular SA forums.
This is not a criticism, it's a suggestion for improvement.
Wait, how do you know i'm a she?
I was not directing that comment at you specifically, no
as with most of my posts i was directing it at the community at large
the basis for making the statement was my opinion based on my observation
i am a libertarian, but i don't belong to the Libertarian Party - i'm registered as an independent
i'm sorry you thought i was being condescending - i wasn't
i'm not really very good at knowing who is in which clique - that doesn't determine who i choose to communicate with - i'm nice to everyone
i would flirt with you more, but you're hardly ever around
1. it says "female" on your profile
2. you have often talked about your daughter
3. you have often talked about your boyfriend
4. you have often talked about gender-related issues in a way that makes it obvious that you are a she (avoiding being explicit)
i can't speak for other bubbly fun people, but i know that i would hate to leave anyone feeling like that
I feel in some cases, that social anxiety disorder has such a firm hold on people, that they CANT reach out. They cant tell people just how hopelessly unhappy they are. Which is why I think SAD, especially in extreme cases is a difficult problem to deal with...and a lot of intuition and observation is needed to effectively help people.
but it seems really unfair to lay that responsiblity on other members of this forum who are going through much of the same thing only in a lesser degree, don't you think?
I really, really think you're mistaken about this. If it's true, I'd like to know examples (and report them to the mods if possible).
Maybe if you feel someone is attacking you PM them and ask about it. Most likely they will explain that they were not trying to insult you. If they respond by attacking you again, report them. This might be a good exercise to practice confrontation in RL.
sometimes it feels awkward when you want to post your thoughts or vent, but there is a whole other conversation going on in that thread, and you don't want to ruin the humour, so you just harbour the emotion to yourself.
I very very much doubt anyone here is purposely excluding other people. I really don't see how its any individual's job to scan each thread for people they don't usually reply to to make sure they are included either. I really don't see how we can be expected to expend that much of our personal energy on here.
Also what makes you think ppl who talk to eachother on the forum are comfortable enough to pm or message or IM outside the forum? That is actually not the case much of the time.
Because I haven't allowed myself to get too close to anyone on this site I don't often feel comfortable posting anything anywhere. But I do because I hope that if I can get myself out there online and deal with whatever events/feelings that come from that I might also be able to do it in real life. My idea of freedom is being able to say what is on my mind, no mater how stupid it may sound, and not caring what others think. It is accepting myself including all my flaws and my ability to fix some of them.
I often fear I ignore people, but I feel ignored myself just as much.
When I have the 'social energy', I've often made the effort to talk to newbies on here, or to try to be helpful or give advice to people who lack confidence; are clearly awkward, etc.
One last thing---there are many threads that ANYONE should feel welcome to reply to. I myself have started several threads just asking a random question to the group at large, and I've been met with a lot of great responses from dozens of people. There's no reason why the people who feel left out can't make it a point to participate in those threads. That's WHY I/we post those kinds of open-ended questions, so everyone can participate and get to know each other better.
The whole reporting thing actually makes me so nervous. I wonder what it takes for someone to get banned. I notice a lot of banned users in threads.
Most of those are requested bans as the mods have not been given the function by the webmaster to delete accounts when people want to leave. Anyone who is banned usually gets lots of warnings/chances.