Very socially capable

[SeniorRedrings]

There may be a core of people on this forum who are very socially capable.
They might make it their business to isolate and alienate those who obviously need this forum to be less about slick interactions and social networking,and more about tentative re-socialization in an environment without faux pas traps waiting in the places where little mistakes are inevitably made.

A forum is a forum and people will lie in order to function marvelously on one.Same goes for chat rooms.
It's very easy to compare the genuine nature of someone taking tentative steps against the sure steps of an internet pro who can adapt to any given mallady.
We say the wrong things.They never do.
We express emotion.They emit expertise.

If you have been made to feel less able to talk by the artificially strained nature imposed upon you,then feel free to type you anything you wish in the comment section below.

Feel free to break the toxic silence if you're not part of an offshoot group or a topic savvy mega poster who just loves everyone.

Feel free.

 

[coyote]

Some people appear to be much more socially capable on an internet forum than they are in real life

Finding a voice here allows them to be "in their element" and express themselves in ways they may not be able to otherwise

To assume that they are doing so maliciously is to do them a disservice, when they are merely trying to find a way to reach out and touch others in ways that they haven't been able to do in real life due to the limitations of of their own anxieties

I'm sure that they don't mean to alienate anyone, or make anyone feel worse because they aren't as socially capable on this forum as they are

Perhaps, if someone is displaying socially capable behavior on this forum - for whatever reason - it could be of service to others if they use it as an example of what works

And perhaps, that was the intent that some people had all along

 

[KiaKaha]

I'm sure that they don't mean to alienate anyone, or make anyone feel worse because they aren't as socially capable on this forum as they are

You bet. Its all about intent and how people perceive and interpret others actions. I cannot imagine the majority of people here purposefully try to make others feel excluded. Especially on a forum for people who seek acceptance and a voice which is overlooked in the real world.

For me though, I think when people finally get their feelings acknowledged, or that they have found their place and the gap that was missing in their life has finally been filled...we begin to forget that others are feeling the way that we once were. And thats what bugs me a little bit sometimes. Empathy only lasts as long as we are suffering...as soon as we are not...it no longer concerns us...

for that reason I pay particular attention to those who obviously have a small support network, or to those who are obviously being overlooked.

I suspect I may be overgeneralizing...but its how I see things.. it's just how I roll.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I say, everyone is welcome so long as no one is getting hurt.

 

[SeniorRedrings]

That reply could be a prime example of soft malice at work.
If one was to think that way.

My jagged edges identify me as a rough diamond,not smooth like a suppository or uniformly sharp like the silent dagger.

Maybe I am paranoid and a jerk and it shows?
Maybe not?

 

[SeniorRedrings]

There is that.
There is also not that.

 

[BlueDays]

Some people appear to be much more socially capable on an internet forum than they are in real life

Finding a voice here allows them to be "in their element" and express themselves in ways they may not be able to otherwise

^Exactly.
For some the internet is the only place they can speak (or type) more then 3 words to anyone.
The internet has the all important delete button, where you can delete and change a paragragh of communication 10 or more times if you need to before hitting the Submit button.
Real life does not have this option. Hence some people can appear to communicate well in here but no one may have any idea that they have spent ages editing and re-editing their post before they feel safe enough to press the submit button.

 

[coyote]

That reply could be a prime example of soft malice at work.
If one was to think that way.

My jagged edges identify me as a rough diamond,not smooth like a suppository or uniformly sharp like the silent dagger.

Maybe I am paranoid and a jerk and it shows?
Maybe not?

it doesn't have to be one way or the other

there are many shades of grey in the world

everyone doesn't always understand the other person's intent

history paints a pretty picture in that regard

questions rather than assumptions will often better light the path

 

[SeniorRedrings]

But people have been hurt.On this forum and in the chat room I have witnessed people being left to socially fade away.
Their last cry for help may be a complaint but that is nor excuse for leaving them to wander out into the their own personal night.
Sometimes bubbly fun people tread on the timid when they enter the "room" and open the door so that the awkward are left trapped behind that open door.And the timid person is only noticed,not acknowledged,when they slam that door on leaving that room in a state of rejected frustration.
Sometimes fun bubbly people know they are doing this and it makes them happy,and happy people become more bubbly and fun.

 

[SeniorRedrings]

A coin has two sides.
Everyone knows that.
But when the flipped coin comes to a rest,it will only land on one.

 

[SeniorRedrings]

A lot of people are excluded and deliberately rubbed up the wrong way on this forum.
Just for the fun of it.
For the lulz.
I don't think meticulous post preparation is to blame.

 

[coyote]

But people have been hurt.On this forum and in the chat room I have witnessed people being left to socially fade away.
Their last cry for help may be a complaint but that is nor excuse for leaving them to wander out into the their own personal night.
Sometimes bubbly fun people tread on the timid when they enter the "room" and open the door so that the awkward are left trapped behind that open door.And the timid person is only noticed,not acknowledged,when they slam that door on leaving that room in a state of rejected frustration.
Sometimes fun bubbly people know they are doing this and it makes them happy,and happy people become more bubbly and fun.

that's a shame, truly

i can't speak for other bubbly fun people, but i know that i would hate to leave anyone feeling like that

but how would we know if they just sit there, silently, not saying anything, not reaching out?

why would we not assume that they would rather be left unbothered?

why would we we not assume that their silence and withdrawal indicates a reluctance to participate which we want to respect?

so many people post that they "hate loud, chatty, people and they wish they'd just leave us alone" but then when they're left alone, they lament that as well

there has to be some give and take

 

[coyote]

A lot of people are excluded and deliberately rubbed up the wrong way on this forum.
Just for the fun of it.
For the lulz.
I don't think meticulous post preparation is to blame.

excluded and rubbed up deliberately?

or does it just feel that way to someone who is overly sensitive and making assumptions based on their own lack of esteem and social experience?

 

[KiaKaha]

that's a shame, truly
but how would we know if they just sit there, silently, not saying anything, not reaching out?

why would we not assume that they would rather be left unbothered?

And this...is the catch 22 of social anxiety disorder.

Why would anyone bother with someone if they sit their silently...not saying anything....

when internally...thats the ONE thing that person truly wants...

 

[SeniorRedrings]

In a word,no.

Everyone is aware of,everyone has experience of,the socially devious.
But only a few aren't scared of,the socially devious.
The socially devious.

They never put a foot wrong.
They just make sure you do.

 

[coyote]

And this...is the catch 22 of social anxiety disorder.

Why would anyone bother with someone if they sit their silently...not saying anything....

when internally...thats the ONE thing that person truly wants...

one of the things that was drilled into me at a young age was the concept of "leadership by example"

so often what i try to do is show people "this is what you can do" in the belief that they will see how easy it is to say or do the things i do, and will then take it upon themselves to do the same thing

 

[KiaKaha]

I understand that, and I am certainly not disagreeing with you... But I feel in some cases, that social anxiety disorder has such a firm hold on people, that they CANT reach out. They cant tell people just how hopelessly unhappy they are. Which is why I think SAD, especially in extreme cases is a difficult problem to deal with...and a lot of intuition and observation is needed to effectively help people.

 

[coyote]

I understand that, and I am certainly not disagreeing with you... But I feel in some cases, that social anxiety disorder has such a firm hold on people, that they CANT reach out. They cant tell people just how hopelessly unhappy they are. Which is why I think SAD, especially in extreme cases is a difficult problem to deal with...and a lot of intuition and observation is needed to effectively help people.

but it seems really unfair to lay that responsiblity on other members of this forum who are going through much of the same thing only in a lesser degree, don't you think?

 

[coyote]

many members only appear "bubbly and fun" in a chat room, but they're just as socially anxious as anyone else

is it their responsibility then to approach strangers and pull them out of their shells?

how terrifying a proposition is that?

 

[Pookah]

I re-approved the thread. Try not to attack each other. To me this sounds like some SA style paranoia about people's intentions that is totally off base. I have SA and have irrational thoughts too. The thing is recognizing they are irrational.