Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

[Pyrophosphate]

Anybody else ever wish the world would stop for a second so you can catch your breath?

 

[SilentAndShy]

I've applied for a job - considering I've had no interviews for the handful of jobs I've applied since the start of 2020 - and it's unlikely I will succeed but I find myself drifting off and imagining myself in the jobs I apply for. Getting carried away and I end up kicking myself for doing that when I get the inevitable rejection email.

On the other hand I think what if I did get it? Then I'd be starting all over again and potentially awaiting the dreaded scenario of people in the new workplace realising: "Yeah, this guy is lovely but he's not really assertive or as confident as we thought he would be. And maybe we should have gone for the other person."

Anyways, it's more money but the fear of being caught out is one that has somehow got me through six years in my current job however I feel well protected. If I did something wrong I don't feel I'd get hauled into a disciplinary but other places I'd probably lose confidence of people around me.

 

[vj288]

Anybody else ever wish the world would stop for a second so you can catch your breath?

My go-to daydream fantasy is having the ability to stop time and live indefinitely within a moment until I am ready to face the world again.

 

[Phoenixx]

I've had way too much on my mind lately. To the point where I literally can't think straight. I even messed up somehow making chocolate chip cookies today. I mean, they're still totally freaking awesome and full of buttery sugary goodness, but they spread like hell on the pan. I never screw up my cooking or baking unless I just don't feel right, and I honestly haven't felt right all month. All I can think about is all the "mistakes" I apparently keep making over and over again. I put this in quotes because that's how I'm personally referring to them, but honestly are they true mistakes or just bad things that keep happening somewhat outside of my control despite doing my best?

But in the midst of all this crap that keeps hitting the fan, I can feel a sense of urgency. Like a little spark that wants to ignite. That's a good thing. I hope I can make something of that somehow, some way.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

What is it about some nights?

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Well, I just cracked the screen on the tablet my cousin let me borrow.

When will I learn to leave things well enough alone?

I was trying to clean it and pried too hard while taking it out of the case.

 

[SoScared]

What is it about some nights?

They tend to follow some days.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

The mattress pad I bought has worked wonders for my back. Now I don't wake up feeling like I jumped out of a moving car.

 

[LoyalXenite]

The mattress pad I bought has worked wonders for my back. Now I don't wake up feeling like I jumped out of a moving car.

I should look into one of those, then again I dont know if it will make a difference when a big part of the issue is the sharing a single bed with 3 big boofhead dogs who are all trying to claim as much space as possible

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I should look into one of those, then again I dont know if it will make a difference when a big part of the issue is the sharing a single bed with 3 big boofhead dogs who are all trying to claim as much space as possible

Thing is, I have a big, queen-sized, bed and I still get mushed into the corner by one 35-pound dog. I don't know how you do it.

But yeah, definitely check them out; it's like I have a new mattress. If nothing else, think of how much your boofheads will love it. XD

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Due to legal issues, the new Clarice show based on The Silence Of The Lambs won't even be allowed to mention Hannibal Lecter. So much for that. It's probably going to pander to the younger crowd anyway... oh well, I was kinda looking forward to it.

 

[Phoenixx]

I'm dragging my feet a lot these days. I hate it. I'm tired. I'm tired of being tired and depressed. I'm tired of spending money. I'm tired of being screwed over by people in my life that just happen to be there, not because I want them to be there. I'm tired of being in a position where I feel like I'm doing my best, but no matter what it's never good enough. I'm tired of feeling belittled. I'm just overall plain f-ing tired. And the worst of it I feel is that

I know I'm going to make it out of this funk eventually, but god the journey is taking way too freaking long.

 

[SilentAndShy]

I've applied for a job - considering I've had no interviews for the handful of jobs I've applied since the start of 2020 - and it's unlikely I will succeed but I find myself drifting off and imagining myself in the jobs I apply for. Getting carried away and I end up kicking myself for doing that when I get the inevitable rejection email.

On the other hand I think what if I did get it? Then I'd be starting all over again and potentially awaiting the dreaded scenario of people in the new workplace realising: "Yeah, this guy is lovely but he's not really assertive or as confident as we thought he would be. And maybe we should have gone for the other person."

Anyways, it's more money but the fear of being caught out is one that has somehow got me through six years in my current job however I feel well protected. If I did something wrong I don't feel I'd get hauled into a disciplinary but other places I'd probably lose confidence of people around me.

So, I had my interview yesterday and I thought it went "okay" conveniently ignoring the positive comments the panel gave to me ("great presentation" and other good words). I was told not to expect a call before the end of the week so carried on working away and to my surprise, I got the call at the end of the day and told I was successful! I had made my mind up to take it as I was sick of being underpaid and tired of political BS in the team but nervous, yes?

Back to a new school moment but I'm going to try and make it work. I've got 7 years of experience and the other areas I struggle with or get anxious about I'm going to try and act it out as I simply cannot fail in this job with the potential impact it could have on my personal life.

I've been posting in this thread recently with my frame of mind in a negative spiral (anxiety afflicting from various scenarios) so wanted to share this post which was a positive one. x

 

[LoyalXenite]

So, I had my interview yesterday and I thought it went "okay" conveniently ignoring the positive comments the panel gave to me ("great presentation" and other good words). I was told not to expect a call before the end of the week so carried on working away and to my surprise, I got the call at the end of the day and told I was successful! I had made my mind up to take it as I was sick of being underpaid and tired of political BS in the team but nervous, yes?

Back to a new school moment but I'm going to try and make it work. I've got 7 years of experience and the other areas I struggle with or get anxious about I'm going to try and act it out as I simply cannot fail in this job with the potential impact it could have on my personal life.

I've been posting in this thread recently with my frame of mind in a negative spiral (anxiety afflicting from various scenarios) so wanted to share this post which was a positive one. x

Way to go!

 

[SoScared]

^really pleased for you. Hope it all works out. Somehow I think it will

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Didn't sleep worth a darn last night. I feel like a stale doughnut dipped in fresh coffee. XD

 

[F0AM]

So tired of this emotional coil. I don't even know how to deal with it, or if i can at all. If i dont get "enough" attention, i feel unloved, insufficient even but if i get it, then it surpases my capabilities, drains me and i tend to isolate myself from others.

It's the f***ing neverending story.

 

[Miserum]

So tired of this emotional coil. I don't even know how to deal with it, or if i can at all. If i dont get "enough" attention, i feel unloved, insufficient even but if i get it, then it surpases my capabilities, drains me and i tend to isolate myself from others.

It's the f***ing neverending story.

What do you mean by surpasses your capabilities? Otherwise, I often feel what you've described. And when I do get enough attention, I'm always afraid of losing the same level of attention in future meetings.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Seeking affection, the path to the darkside is.

 

[vj288]

Last week I completed a lot of car maintenance I had been putting off - new battery, breaks, some plugs, belts, the works - and I feel relieved that it's all done and glad with myself for getting it accomplished. While there was plenty of uncomfortable social awkwardness along the way, I completed what I wanted to complete in what felt like the right way.

The only thing is when I went to bring my car in the night before, I lost my nerve when I saw that the mechanics hadn't gone home yet I lost my nerve and drove home. This is fine, as the appointment was for the next day anyways, and I felt more comfortable dropping it off during business hours. Less fine was having someone follow me to bring me home after I dropped the car off. Fortunately they were very forgiving and understanding about it all, so in that respect it wasn't a really big deal at all.

Having someone in my life makes me feel more accountable, which is good, otherwise I'd have never brought my car in, and not being harsh when I falter is also something I am grateful for. My only worry is having it morph from support to enabling. I need to be able to do things and do them myself, and so being held accountable - either by someone else or by myself - is incredibly important to me. Telling someone I am going to do something concretely adds a layer of accountability that I can apply when only I know, which is great. But if I am regularly let off the hook for every falter I make, well, I'm not sure if it will be as helpful anymore.