Niteowl
Well-known member
I could use some advice please.
I'm a job-seeker, on job-seeker's allowance. I didn't want the allowance, my mum as good as signed the forms for me. I got tired of the pressure from all my elders and betters, I suppose. I didn't go to university this year because I didn't want a similar experience to the one I had in college, all over again. I decided I'd wait until I've had the chance to get a little better first, but now I just don't want to be thinking about £25,000 debts for studies alone, before adding up transportation, accommodation and everything else, when there's still no guarantee of success or even a job at all afterwards. It doesn't help that I'm so terribly self-defeating, all the time. No matter what I'll always believe that everybody else is so much better than me at everything.
I just can't see what prospects I have. My GCSE grades were all right, and I got close to top grades for my A-level equivalent qualification. I just don't feel like those matter, at all. The college course I did was in art and design - all the jobs coming up in and around this city are in sales assistance, engineering and administration - all calling for years of experience, I should add. I know I should be sending out a CV to employers, but I can't bring myself to do that. I don't feel like I'm good enough at anything.
All I've done is volunteering. I love volunteering, and I'm really enjoying giving up my time for the cathedral. I was looking to do a few more hours per week volunteering elsewhere, but I'm not sure that's something I should be doing now that I'm meant to be available for work. Not that I expect to actually get any. In my volunteering duties, I talk to visitors - often tourists - about the cathedral. I'm not a good communicator, but the cathedral are grateful for my time. Visitors always seem happy with the information I've been able to offer them. It seems like customer service would appeal to me, but it doesn't, because all I can think about is that companies are paying a wage for the best person for the job. That's definitely not me, not at this stage. I'm having appointments with Connexions, about job-seeking/confidence, so hopefully I'll feel better about my situation in the future. For now, I'm hopeless.
I'm sorry this post is getting to be so long. I never like to ask for advice, even here, but I'm so stressed about it all. My mum is laying on the pressure - and rightly so - for me to find a job as soon as possible. On the one hand, I really wish I wasn't getting the job seeker's allowance. My parents don't take money from me and all I buy is a few comics a month and the occasional book. I could spend more time volunteering then, doing something about my zero self-confidence and applying for jobs at my own pace. The job centre expect me to send out multiple applications per week, and as much as I'd like to be able to find work, I'm not ready for aggressive job-seeking. I believe it's a good thing to be a bit uncomfortable, but I also believe it's a bad move to go way beyond your limit in one move. That's too far. I'm not one to resign to anxiety and let it dictate what I can and can't do, but I'm trying to be sensible, and take small steps. I was so much better off without the pressure of job-seeker's allowance.
My parents are great but they're not very encouraging. They never tried to encourage me to be a success. I know some parents do, and their children hate it, but I really wish mine did, or would. I always worked so hard in school and college and they've always spoken about my future as though I should be aiming no higher than a job in unskilled labour. That's not because they think that's all I'm good for. I don't really know why it is. My mum boasts about my results and things on her Facebook but she doesn't encourage me to make anything of them. I'm not saying I blame them of course - it's my mess and my fault, but I just wish things could have been different in that respect. I don't care about how much I go on to earn, but I do want to make a difference and enjoy what I do. That's why I love volunteering, because it's appreciated, and I feel a little like a good person for doing it.
I'll apologise again for the length of this post at this point. I don't post here a lot because I don't like talking about how I'm feeling, but this has been bothering me a lot, today particularly. If I was being honest about what I'd like to do, if I wasn't so afraid of accruing such high student debts or if the jobs even existed right now, I'd say that I'd love to be a teacher or perhaps working in support in some way. I love art and it's what I'm most passionate about in my free time, but for a full-time job education/youth support has always seemed better. I just can't see it happening. Employers for all jobs can only afford to take on the best available to them, and all I've got is the equivalent of 3 A-levels in art and design and a bunch of GCSEs. Volunteering is all the experience I have. It's a charitable thing to do and all that, but I doesn't speak for much when other applicants have the advantage of experience from a bunch of real jobs.
I'm afraid I'm not comfortable with telling more about this, but me and my friend do a little something with his computer interests and my arts/crafts interests. We don't make anything from it, but he's hoping that we can make something out of it in the future, and I really hope he's right. I don't want to depend on the idea that it's going to go somewhere, but it would make life a lot easier if it just would, I mean, if something for once would go right. We've had a number of discussions about making our activities profitable, and expanding our team, and it all sounds so wonderful. I believe it's extremely important to stay grounded and not get carried away though, so I'll never come to depend on the idea of it going somewhere, no matter how much work we put in. As it is, we work at it around the clock, when I'm not volunteering and when he's not at college. My family know that we do this, but there's no encouragement there either to give it my best. I need encouragement and I just don't get any.
I'm sorry, I asked for advice and went on to post all that. I would appreciate it. Simple words of support, even some acknowledgement that someone read this. I'm feeling the lowest I have done in a long time since being pushed into applying for job-seeker's allowance. All I wanted was a bit of help finding work more suitable for me, and I wanted to send out applications at my own pace, only when it feels right. It's not the inevitable rejections that I'm concerned about - it's these feelings that I'm completely inadequate in everything. I repeat, everyone else is so much better than me, and that's a fact as far as I'm concerned. The part that was hardest for me to write was about never getting any encouragement, even from my parents. I don't blame them or anybody for my situation, but I wish for once somebody would just tell me that I should be aiming higher. I might think about university in the future, when I'm more sure of things and have more life experience, but that doesn't help me now, in the short-term. As I said, any and all advice for my situation is appreciated. I'm not someone who believes I'm above any sort of work - much of it is just completely unsuitable while my anxiety is at this level. I'm all for a challenge, but most of those jobs are too much, too soon.
Thanks for reading. It's appreciated.
I'm a job-seeker, on job-seeker's allowance. I didn't want the allowance, my mum as good as signed the forms for me. I got tired of the pressure from all my elders and betters, I suppose. I didn't go to university this year because I didn't want a similar experience to the one I had in college, all over again. I decided I'd wait until I've had the chance to get a little better first, but now I just don't want to be thinking about £25,000 debts for studies alone, before adding up transportation, accommodation and everything else, when there's still no guarantee of success or even a job at all afterwards. It doesn't help that I'm so terribly self-defeating, all the time. No matter what I'll always believe that everybody else is so much better than me at everything.
I just can't see what prospects I have. My GCSE grades were all right, and I got close to top grades for my A-level equivalent qualification. I just don't feel like those matter, at all. The college course I did was in art and design - all the jobs coming up in and around this city are in sales assistance, engineering and administration - all calling for years of experience, I should add. I know I should be sending out a CV to employers, but I can't bring myself to do that. I don't feel like I'm good enough at anything.
All I've done is volunteering. I love volunteering, and I'm really enjoying giving up my time for the cathedral. I was looking to do a few more hours per week volunteering elsewhere, but I'm not sure that's something I should be doing now that I'm meant to be available for work. Not that I expect to actually get any. In my volunteering duties, I talk to visitors - often tourists - about the cathedral. I'm not a good communicator, but the cathedral are grateful for my time. Visitors always seem happy with the information I've been able to offer them. It seems like customer service would appeal to me, but it doesn't, because all I can think about is that companies are paying a wage for the best person for the job. That's definitely not me, not at this stage. I'm having appointments with Connexions, about job-seeking/confidence, so hopefully I'll feel better about my situation in the future. For now, I'm hopeless.
I'm sorry this post is getting to be so long. I never like to ask for advice, even here, but I'm so stressed about it all. My mum is laying on the pressure - and rightly so - for me to find a job as soon as possible. On the one hand, I really wish I wasn't getting the job seeker's allowance. My parents don't take money from me and all I buy is a few comics a month and the occasional book. I could spend more time volunteering then, doing something about my zero self-confidence and applying for jobs at my own pace. The job centre expect me to send out multiple applications per week, and as much as I'd like to be able to find work, I'm not ready for aggressive job-seeking. I believe it's a good thing to be a bit uncomfortable, but I also believe it's a bad move to go way beyond your limit in one move. That's too far. I'm not one to resign to anxiety and let it dictate what I can and can't do, but I'm trying to be sensible, and take small steps. I was so much better off without the pressure of job-seeker's allowance.
My parents are great but they're not very encouraging. They never tried to encourage me to be a success. I know some parents do, and their children hate it, but I really wish mine did, or would. I always worked so hard in school and college and they've always spoken about my future as though I should be aiming no higher than a job in unskilled labour. That's not because they think that's all I'm good for. I don't really know why it is. My mum boasts about my results and things on her Facebook but she doesn't encourage me to make anything of them. I'm not saying I blame them of course - it's my mess and my fault, but I just wish things could have been different in that respect. I don't care about how much I go on to earn, but I do want to make a difference and enjoy what I do. That's why I love volunteering, because it's appreciated, and I feel a little like a good person for doing it.
I'll apologise again for the length of this post at this point. I don't post here a lot because I don't like talking about how I'm feeling, but this has been bothering me a lot, today particularly. If I was being honest about what I'd like to do, if I wasn't so afraid of accruing such high student debts or if the jobs even existed right now, I'd say that I'd love to be a teacher or perhaps working in support in some way. I love art and it's what I'm most passionate about in my free time, but for a full-time job education/youth support has always seemed better. I just can't see it happening. Employers for all jobs can only afford to take on the best available to them, and all I've got is the equivalent of 3 A-levels in art and design and a bunch of GCSEs. Volunteering is all the experience I have. It's a charitable thing to do and all that, but I doesn't speak for much when other applicants have the advantage of experience from a bunch of real jobs.
I'm afraid I'm not comfortable with telling more about this, but me and my friend do a little something with his computer interests and my arts/crafts interests. We don't make anything from it, but he's hoping that we can make something out of it in the future, and I really hope he's right. I don't want to depend on the idea that it's going to go somewhere, but it would make life a lot easier if it just would, I mean, if something for once would go right. We've had a number of discussions about making our activities profitable, and expanding our team, and it all sounds so wonderful. I believe it's extremely important to stay grounded and not get carried away though, so I'll never come to depend on the idea of it going somewhere, no matter how much work we put in. As it is, we work at it around the clock, when I'm not volunteering and when he's not at college. My family know that we do this, but there's no encouragement there either to give it my best. I need encouragement and I just don't get any.
I'm sorry, I asked for advice and went on to post all that. I would appreciate it. Simple words of support, even some acknowledgement that someone read this. I'm feeling the lowest I have done in a long time since being pushed into applying for job-seeker's allowance. All I wanted was a bit of help finding work more suitable for me, and I wanted to send out applications at my own pace, only when it feels right. It's not the inevitable rejections that I'm concerned about - it's these feelings that I'm completely inadequate in everything. I repeat, everyone else is so much better than me, and that's a fact as far as I'm concerned. The part that was hardest for me to write was about never getting any encouragement, even from my parents. I don't blame them or anybody for my situation, but I wish for once somebody would just tell me that I should be aiming higher. I might think about university in the future, when I'm more sure of things and have more life experience, but that doesn't help me now, in the short-term. As I said, any and all advice for my situation is appreciated. I'm not someone who believes I'm above any sort of work - much of it is just completely unsuitable while my anxiety is at this level. I'm all for a challenge, but most of those jobs are too much, too soon.
Thanks for reading. It's appreciated.
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