FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
Even if it were, sometimes you gotta pull a dick move in life. They'll get over it.
Post your random thoughts/feelings etc
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
Even if it were, sometimes you gotta pull a dick move in life. They'll get over it.
theoutsider
Well-known member
Nope. You're not obligated to come back just because there's been a two month layoff. You have a right to pursue the path that makes you happiest.
theoutsider
Well-known member
I don't know if welcome back is appropriate here but I hope you can get help that will make you better.
Thank you, you’re really sweet
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
I sorta feel weird saying 'welcome back' now...
Lol Thank you?I sorta feel weird saying 'welcome back' now...
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
I really need to be negative and vent for a moment. Let me start by saying this: I am a lucky woman. I have a great apartment, a job (that I am starting to hate) that pays well above minimum wage and was NOT effected by COVID-19, a boyfriend who loves me, an amazing, supportive family, the ability to attend college with good grades and a scholarship and a great car. I should not be bitching because I have more than most, but damnit, I’m feeling like an ungrateful shit tonight.
In spite of all I have going for me, I cannot seem to be normal in social situations. I avoid people, I am awkward, I avoid eye contact, I get intimidated by higher ranking or more attractive people and become extra anxious/stupid/subservient around them. I feel like I don’t deserve other people being kind to me or going out of their way for me. In fact, I get embarrassed by it. I don’t know what I did wrong, if it’s just part of my hardwiring, but I feel like I did something bad. That I am a bad undeserving person. I also can’t say no - I’m a yes woman. Even if I really don’t want to do it and if I say no? I’m consumed by guilt and replaying it in my mind. If I want to be a medical professional and even a doctor someday, I need to change. I need a backbone and to get better socially. I am so afraid that my career will be ruined by this. That my low self-esteem/self-efficacy/social shortcomings will make people not like me as a provider and ruin me.
Aside from this, I am unhappy with my appearance. I feel ugly most of the time and am over it. I am sick of being fat, yo-yo dieting, emotional eating - I just want to be normal with a healthy relationship with food. I want to be a pretty girl. I am disappointed in myself because I am supposed to go to Disneyworld in July and I was supposed to lose weight. I didn’t. I have two months to get it together and I hope I do better. Ugh... I should be doing homework right now. Reading my music chapter or practicing molar solubility and acid/base titration calculations, but no. I’m feeling sorry for myself instead.
In spite of all I have going for me, I cannot seem to be normal in social situations. I avoid people, I am awkward, I avoid eye contact, I get intimidated by higher ranking or more attractive people and become extra anxious/stupid/subservient around them. I feel like I don’t deserve other people being kind to me or going out of their way for me. In fact, I get embarrassed by it. I don’t know what I did wrong, if it’s just part of my hardwiring, but I feel like I did something bad. That I am a bad undeserving person. I also can’t say no - I’m a yes woman. Even if I really don’t want to do it and if I say no? I’m consumed by guilt and replaying it in my mind. If I want to be a medical professional and even a doctor someday, I need to change. I need a backbone and to get better socially. I am so afraid that my career will be ruined by this. That my low self-esteem/self-efficacy/social shortcomings will make people not like me as a provider and ruin me.
Aside from this, I am unhappy with my appearance. I feel ugly most of the time and am over it. I am sick of being fat, yo-yo dieting, emotional eating - I just want to be normal with a healthy relationship with food. I want to be a pretty girl. I am disappointed in myself because I am supposed to go to Disneyworld in July and I was supposed to lose weight. I didn’t. I have two months to get it together and I hope I do better. Ugh... I should be doing homework right now. Reading my music chapter or practicing molar solubility and acid/base titration calculations, but no. I’m feeling sorry for myself instead.
FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
Time is the worst. You spend half of it wondering where it all went and the other half wondering how to pass it.
theoutsider
Well-known member
I wish small, insignificant positive things made me feel good all day the same way small, insignificant negative things ruin my entire day.
FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Always expect the least from people.. that way you'll never be disappointed.
LoyalXenite
Well-known member
Phoenixx
Well-known member
If this site ever does call it quits, which I suspect will sooner than later due to such inactivity, I think we need a backup. Or at least I'd like to still talk to and keep in touch with a few of you anyways. I know there's a discord server, but it's not very active. Even I don't really talk on there. It's too open ended for me, I think. I like more one-on-one conversations. Only group convos if I know everyone in the convo. If anyone was ever willing to personally add me to FB or IG to keep in touch I would be happy to send you those links. I still keep in touch with a few older inactive members from here that way.I think theres about 10 active members these days