Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Yesterday was a bad day at work. To the point where I nearly cried. I didn't though. I sucked it up and pushed forward. Just like I'll do until June when I'll decide what I want to do and whether I want to stay or change direction. I'll be sad, depressed, scared, and angry the entire time, but I'll still push forward. In the meantime I want to make sure I have help -- and that's my push to get an appointment made for therapy.
 
I have jury duty tomorrow. While I'm not looking forward to it, I haven't been making too big a deal of it in my head. I figure I'll drive an hour there, sit in a room for 8 hours reading a book, not get picked, then go an hour home. Not a great day, but could be worse.

I feel like an issue I have been having lately is that I am not properly planning for all outcomes though. Like, my plan for getting picked has been "don't worry about it, you won't get picked". BUT I COULD GET PICKED. Like, I feel like I should be working a little harder to mentally prepare myself to sit in a room with a group of strangers and deliberate a verdict of a court case. I'm not saying it's something I should be fretting and panicking over, but I should be preparing myself a little bit. Most days I literally don't talk to or interact with anyone. Basic things like "smile" and "talk loudly and clearly" should at least cross my mind. I should be prepared for the task, even if its not necessary likely. And not just in this situation, all the time in my day to day. I need to be more prepared.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
The past couple days at work have been unusually positive and for the first time in weeks I haven't even been coming home sad, depressed, and/or angry.

My boss has also been A LOT nicer since Monday. Today she even willingly engaged me in conversation, introduced me to her family when they came in at the end of the day and told them I've been doing an "excellent job." Idk if she sensed how upset I've been lately (although I try really hard not to show anything like that at work, but I'm sure I give off some sort of energy or vibe), if she realized how she's been acting, or if accidentally spilling a personal secret to me took some weight off her shoulders? Whatever it is I'm really appreciating it and I'm starting to feel like I kind of belong, for once.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Dedicating this year to focusing 100% on me and what I want to do and need to do. I'm tired of putting myself on a back burner and making up excuses for myself because of everyone else and everything else. I need to stop putting so many other people and things ahead of me and my own needs. I need to stop making up excuses of why I *can't* do something and just do it anyway. I never thought I'd be one to fall into that trap yet here I am. And I think I've been here a while and am only now realizing it. If all this makes me a selfish person, then so be it.
 
I have jury duty tomorrow. While I'm not looking forward to it, I haven't been making too big a deal of it in my head. I figure I'll drive an hour there, sit in a room for 8 hours reading a book, not get picked, then go an hour home. Not a great day, but could be worse.

I feel like an issue I have been having lately is that I am not properly planning for all outcomes though. Like, my plan for getting picked has been "don't worry about it, you won't get picked". BUT I COULD GET PICKED. Like, I feel like I should be working a little harder to mentally prepare myself to sit in a room with a group of strangers and deliberate a verdict of a court case. I'm not saying it's something I should be fretting and panicking over, but I should be preparing myself a little bit. Most days I literally don't talk to or interact with anyone. Basic things like "smile" and "talk loudly and clearly" should at least cross my mind. I should be prepared for the task, even if its not necessary likely. And not just in this situation, all the time in my day to day. I need to be more prepared.
I just threw my jury duty notice in the trash. By the time I saw it in the mail I didn't have time to get an excuse from a doctor, so I said screw it. I figured I saved them the time of having to eliminate me, anyway. I've been pulled-over by the police for out-of-date tags and let-go since then, so apparently there's no manhunt. :LOL:
 
I just threw my jury duty notice in the trash. By the time I saw it in the mail I didn't have time to get an excuse from a doctor, so I said screw it. I figured I saved them the time of having to eliminate me, anyway. I've been pulled-over by the police for out-of-date tags and let-go since then, so apparently there's no manhunt. :LOL:
I was medically excused after my stroke. I got 4 jury summons last year one while I was in hospital.
 
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