Post what you cannot say

My parents critized me too much when I was a child, and When I was 13 I developed social anxiety. I blamed my parents, my siblings, God, and the society.

But I don't blame nobody now, No one is guilty.

I forgave my parents for critized me in my childhood. After that all regrets were gone.

Forgive takes regrets out of your mind; making you feel so much better

My father has nothing to do with causing my SA.
He just didn't do anything to differentiate himself from any other man I would pass walking down the street.


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What I want to say....

I suffer from social anxiety but I want to get better. I will get better. I have to get better. One of these days, I will become the person I'd like to be.


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Mom: I know I am not turning up to be the person u wanted me to be.

Feeling's mutual.

I love you anyway.

Dad: We could have done so much music together, but ur indifference isn't really helping.

My best friend: I've been ghost of what I used to be with you since you left.

Anwesha: You were my first mistake.

Sauri: I am sorry for hurting you. I really am. I was a douche. But i really had to find a way out of our uneasy relationship.

Granpa and granmom: (from both sides): I didn't believe the saying 'u don't know what you've got until you say goodbuy' ... ut I know now.

I can go on..... but had to stop somewhere.
You're spineless. Where were you when we needed you? Thanks to you, I had to skip most of puberty and sacrifice part of my sanity to take your part in the family. Fine, don't help. I'm better then you at it anyway.

**** you. I don't care what things you had to endure. It was the same for the rest of us, in fact we had to endure a lot more from- and because of you. You got everything you bastard. Grow up you little kid. There are people that got killed for not even half the crap you pulled. You're an manipulative bastard that I won't forgive.

You're very brave, do you know that? Of course I can't tell you that because we don't have the relationship for it. But you've got out without a scratch. Now look at you, you have a loving family and a nice house. I'm proud of you.

And you, you're misunderstood. I've witnessed many times that you're a lot smarter then people think you are. But for love of me, get yourself together. If you spend half as long trying to solve your problems as you do feeling sorry for yourself, you'd be done by now. Ditch the girlfriend too, she's manipulative and merely hangs around you to validate herself. The fights aren't worth it. Also, stop talking so damn loosely about everything, sometimes things aren't ''no big deal''.

I love you. You're the one element in my life that gravitates me back to positivity. If it wasn't for you, I'd probably be gone a long time ago. You keep my mental health intact. You're the only thing in my life that is more important that life itself.

..I just hope you're happy. I never told you, neither could I, but you are really special. I hope you know that.

You've had a harder life then all of us, which explains a lot of what happened. I'm not going to forgive you for it, but neither will hold it as a grudge. It happened, and the domino stones all lay horizontal on the floor. They will remain there. This is a new chapter and we will treat it as such.

I don't know whether I love you or not. I'm not sure whether I'm capable of loving another human being. I mean, I like you a lot. But I don't know if it's love. Give me time.

I often think of you. And I'm sorry, I blame only myself. Wherever you are, how ever you are, I hope you didn't suffer. I wish I could hold you, but you're gone now.

super frank

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Hello Mr Athlete you are nothing but a troll who bashes homosexuals online and you are yet to realize your whole ocd is based on the fact that YOU ARE AN A.S.S and are cursed by God himself. You will never solve your problem much like the fact that you will never change, coincidence much? The fact that you preach your political view to someone who doesn't care shows how much of a sucker you are. Put that in your jockstrap and smoke it!


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To Mom: I'm sorry I lied on the phone last night. I'm not actually all that better and I'm still having the same problems as before. I'm sorry I can't talk openly to you even though that is the only thing I want to be able to do with somebody who isn't a counsellor.

To my younger brother: I'm so so so sorry for being a terrible brother when we were younger. I took out all my frustrations about my life on you, and that wasn't fair. You deserved better. I just want you to know that I love you dearly and I would never do anything to harm you again. I don't know how you feel about me because like everyone else I find it extremely hard to open myself up, I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if that will take some time and much effort on my part.

To Dad: I wish we were closer. I think it is because we are very similar, but you have had more time to find your strength. I know all you want is for me to be happy, and I appreciate that greatly. I love you.

To my grandparents: You are both amazing people who have had amazing lives. I'm sorry I haven't been more interested in learning about them. Thank you for everything you have done for me.

To my past and current roommates: Every day is an opportunity, I'm sorry I haven't capitalized on that. I feel like a terrible friend, but sometimes I truly can't tell whether you like me enough. I wish you would tell me to my face, it is the not knowing that is the worst, I just wish I could bring it up myself. I'm sorry about the car. I thought I would be able to open up after that, but I guess not. I'm sorry for everything I've done wrong, but if you truly have been judging me without helping, then all I can say is f**k you. There isn't much I can think to do to not still be a wimp. I don't know what is true so I try to give the benefit of the doubt, but I just don't know.

To my band mates: I think you are the people I feel the most comfortable around. The musical bond we have created is one of the few true connections I have made with someone for a long time. Thank you, Thank you for helping me have some of the most fun I have ever had. Thank you for being there even though I don't always see you that often. Our jams are one the few solid things that I look forward to to keep me going when I feel like I do now.

To Jack: I'm sorry I drifted away. You helped shape my life more than even most of my family. Before you moved away I had a friend, a true friend. It was my fault for letting that slide away. I loved you like a brother and I miss having a best friend.

Writing this brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for starting this thread.


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Why do you always have to say yes to these outings? Furthermore, do you not talk about anything else but nerdy stuff?


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B, I´m tired of your boring words about nada. I´m tired of you wanting to do boring things. Why be friends when we don´t have anything in common.
M, you are losing it, you are destructive in every way, you need to relax and work with yourself. I´m worried about you.


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You're one of my best friends, but lately I've become so disappointed in you. Ashamed, really. You're such a smart kid, and when you went to college here last year, you had so much going for you. But you screwed up. You screwed up and flunked out. You transferred to the community college in the city above, but you screwed up there too, and now I have no idea if you're even going to continue. All you do is play video games. Every day. You finally quit the paper route job that nearly got you killed, and that was a good choice, but the fact that you're not even bothering to look for a different job now, the fact that you don't even care about anything but playing video games disgusts me.

You were here today, here at my school. You wanted to hang out earlier, but I was in lab. I had text you a half hour later, once I got out. You were already visiting another friend and had a tourney to go to. I was fine with that, so I waited. Waited to see if you would text me back to hang out. I ended up texting you, only for you to tell me "idk sorry." I'm so glad I'm your "best friend," so much to just ditch me for some stupid video game tourney. (Yeah I looked it up just to see what the heck you were talking about) I haven't seen you in about 4 months. I understand you had other friends here to visit, but you couldn't take 5 mins. out of your time to say Hi to me? So I could actually have a little chat with you, face to face, especially since your accident? For those 5 mins. I could've been happy, could've been the happiest I've felt in a very long time. Actually it would've made my day, no matter how crappy it was hours ago. But no. Those other things were more important than your best friend, I guess. I'm glad to know that you care enough to just toss me aside. Makes me feel appreciated.
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godamnit man, it would have been nice had you considered the possibility that we won't be signing the lease on the house BEFORE we all made a $100, non-refundable deposit.

gahhhhhh.. the world is full of pluh and nincompoops.


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I very much want to love you and "honor" you, but you make it so damn hard. I worry about you, almost incessantly. I wish you would take care of yourself. It pains me to be around you, even more than it irritates me to listen to your extremist monologuing. Why is everything a worst case scenario? I know you want to die, but it's not fair to let yourself fall apart and leave us to pick up the pieces. STOP USING THOSE GOD-DAMNED CREDIT CARDS. You will never, ever be able to pay them off. They will become OUR problem, and a big one at that. You are the most stressful part of my life. You have always been a source of extreme anxiety for me. I wish I had more patience to be around you. I love you. I'm proud to have known you.
Your Daughter

razzle dazzle rose

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It makes me feel really sad that you don't like me anymore. We used to be best friends. I miss you so much you don't even know. I am sorry I am weak and that I disappoint you. All I want is for you to like me again...and yet I can't stand being in the same room with you anymore. Just seeing you hurts me. I know you don't understand and that you don't want to understand. Losing you has been my biggest heartbreak yet. I don't think I will ever get over it.


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I'm over what you did to me, but I will never forget. All those years are now wasted and I'm left with these problems. If I could go back in time, I would slap myself in the face for acting so stupid and always trying to reach that carrot.

Despite everything, I'm happy for you.


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I am sorry for everything I did and said that made you feel bad...
I just want the best for you and I know that's not me, but I just want us to be friends... if you want.