Post what you cannot say

I'm getting really fed-up with you making every decision I make for myself about you, somehow. :kickingmyself: C'mon, this is getting really redundant now. :no:

If I was moving out because of you, there was a "Yes or No" question on the housing application form about domestic abuse which I skipped over. I could've ticked it "Yes", though, given your treatment of me since we moved house back in '93. But ah never, y'know why? Cuz despite it all... Despite where you clearly failed as a parent, yer still ma mother. And ah don't think it's possible to actually hate you enough to justify cut ye outta my life completely. And, eh...
Sorry.

I just want a place of my own, that's all.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
I've been thinking about you lately... Actually I've been thinking about a lot of old friends, but you're always the one to come up first. I miss how we would talk pretty much every day, hang out in between classes and right after school. You rode the same bus as I did, since you were practically my neighbor, so we got to hang out for at least a half hour after school.

We were best friends. I felt so comfortable around you, felt like I could be myself and not worry. You never teased me like my other crappy friends did at the time. But the one thing you did, always did, was when you got a girlfriend, you cut everyone out. You didn't cut me out totally though. You would always come back to talk eventually.

Well, it wasn't like that my junior year, your senior year. You had dated some pretty horrible girls in the past, but you finally found one that was nice to you. I was happy for you, but crushed that you didn't even bother with me anymore. You wouldn't talk to me, if you saw me you just smiled and said Hi. You didn't make conversation, and even when I tried, you wouldn't really say much.

Now we haven't hung out in two years. I managed to finally have a conversation with you last year, but it still felt dead. Things weren't great for you job/money wise, but you were still dating the same girl, and you were even engaged (which you never even told me. I managed to find out from someone else). You seemed happy enough at the time. I just hope you're happy now, and in a better situation job wise.
Seven years later and I ended up marrying you. I always knew there was something special about you, and somehow -- despite all the garbage I pushed through and the crap that life handed to me -- the universe brought you back to me, and I to you. I thought you were crazy you wanted to go out with me. I thought you were batshit insane when you said you were moving with me to the city -- a decision I had made a year in advance to get my education and to escape my family. We weren't even together a year when you were making all these decisions in order to be with me. I thought for sure you'd get sick of me and leave eventually, especially once you found out that I dealt with depression and anxiety and (thanks to my mother) also had my fair share of anger issues. No matter how many times I snapped at you, cried from overwhelming anxiety, got absolutely nothing done due to depression, you stayed. Even when you didn't understand -- and still entirely don't -- you still were there for me. Listening. You didn't always say anything, and that was okay. You were, and still are my comfort and to this day I still feel like there's not enough I can ever do to thank you for all you've done for me.
 
Seven years later and I ended up marrying you. I always knew there was something special about you, and somehow -- despite all the garbage I pushed through and the crap that life handed to me -- the universe brought you back to me, and I to you. I thought you were crazy you wanted to go out with me. I thought you were batshit insane when you said you were moving with me to the city -- a decision I had made a year in advance to get my education and to escape my family. We weren't even together a year when you were making all these decisions in order to be with me. I thought for sure you'd get sick of me and leave eventually, especially once you found out that I dealt with depression and anxiety and (thanks to my mother) also had my fair share of anger issues. No matter how many times I snapped at you, cried from overwhelming anxiety, got absolutely nothing done due to depression, you stayed. Even when you didn't understand -- and still entirely don't -- you still were there for me. Listening. You didn't always say anything, and that was okay. You were, and still are my comfort and to this day I still feel like there's not enough I can ever do to thank you for all you've done for me.
That was so nice to read, I'm glad you have someone to tell such incredibly kind things to say about. :)

(And I know this is the post what you cannot say thread, but I reckon anyone would be happy to hear something like that said to them ;))
 

F0AM

Well-known member
Seven years later and I ended up marrying you. I always knew there was something special about you, and somehow -- despite all the garbage I pushed through and the crap that life handed to me -- the universe brought you back to me, and I to you. I thought you were crazy you wanted to go out with me. I thought you were batshit insane when you said you were moving with me to the city -- a decision I had made a year in advance to get my education and to escape my family. We weren't even together a year when you were making all these decisions in order to be with me. I thought for sure you'd get sick of me and leave eventually, especially once you found out that I dealt with depression and anxiety and (thanks to my mother) also had my fair share of anger issues. No matter how many times I snapped at you, cried from overwhelming anxiety, got absolutely nothing done due to depression, you stayed. Even when you didn't understand -- and still entirely don't -- you still were there for me. Listening. You didn't always say anything, and that was okay. You were, and still are my comfort and to this day I still feel like there's not enough I can ever do to thank you for all you've done for me.
: ) This is What happens when the Heart is the one typing and not the hands.

I'm sure that person would be Happy to hear this. How can those beautiful words not be said?

Thank you for posting this (really) and welcome back Phoenix!

P.S nope i'm no crying....T-T where's the *******ed ice-cream?! (And theres a beautiful song being played on TV while i read this!)
 
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Phoenixx

Well-known member
Ahhh thank you guys! :blushing: I have told him similar things before, especially about him being crazy haha. That's who he is though. He's the "dive all in" to my "tread carefully." But ultimately I haven't really told him that I feel that there's nothing more I can do to thank him. But he knows I try really hard to work through my issues and just be a hardworking person in general in our relationship, with school, and with work itself. He never hesitates to give me a thank you or lets me know I'm doing a good job and that he's proud of me -- Words I didn't grow up hearing much from my own parents.
 

F0AM

Well-known member
He's the "dive all in" to my "tread carefully."
Then you complement each other!

But ultimately I haven't really told him that I feel that there's nothing more I can do to thank him. But he knows I try really hard to work through my issues and just be a hardworking person in general in our relationship, with school, and with work itself. He never hesitates to give me a thank you or lets me know I'm doing a good job and that he's proud of me -- Words I didn't grow up hearing much from my own parents.
Telling someone that you love him/her is nice, but demonstrating it is better.

Some people may not say much "i love you" but they "say" it through actions.

Im sure that through all that hardwork put into your relationship as well as into fixing those issues, you are saying that you love and thank him more than what you could ever do with words (and that's hard, seeing the beatiful words you just posted haha).

: )
 
Seven years later and I ended up marrying you. I always knew there was something special about you, and somehow -- despite all the garbage I pushed through and the crap that life handed to me -- the universe brought you back to me, and I to you. I thought you were crazy you wanted to go out with me. I thought you were batshit insane when you said you were moving with me to the city -- a decision I had made a year in advance to get my education and to escape my family. We weren't even together a year when you were making all these decisions in order to be with me. I thought for sure you'd get sick of me and leave eventually, especially once you found out that I dealt with depression and anxiety and (thanks to my mother) also had my fair share of anger issues. No matter how many times I snapped at you, cried from overwhelming anxiety, got absolutely nothing done due to depression, you stayed. Even when you didn't understand -- and still entirely don't -- you still were there for me. Listening. You didn't always say anything, and that was okay. You were, and still are my comfort and to this day I still feel like there's not enough I can ever do to thank you for all you've done for me.
Thank you for posting that Phoenixx. That is beautiful. :perfect:
 

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
Sometimes I suffocating in my grief and how much im missing you. and sometimes I hope it kills me just for the chance that I could see you one more time.
 
Why d’you insist upon holding me back? D’ye think ah actually enjoy having to constantly putting myself last? Constantly feeling obligated tae make you lot happy when ya couldnae give a f*ck aboot me? Cannae say “No” or else a f*ckin’ riot might break oot. It’s funny how when you lot give me excuses, ah simply ask why ye do it, you give me the silent treatment and I just f*ck off.

Ah dinnae ken if you copped on yet, but that’s the reason why ah rely upon you fur next tae f*ck all. Cuz it seems you lot only follow through if whit am asking of ye involves money. Cannae just dae summit fur somebuddy n’ aw ye git is a genuine “Thanks” in return? No good enough, eh?

Also, if ah’ve been the only yin talkin’ sense about everything that’s happen within the last year up until noo - why tha f*ck d’you lot refuse to take ma advice? Or d’ye think sittin’ aboot, f*ckin’ whinging aboot how $h!%* yer life turned oot somehow solves yer problems? My life’s crap, only difference is ah dinnae make that fact a f*ckin’ conversation start.

Oh, and whit it gonnae take for me to be believe whenever ah say I’m depressed and/or miserable? Cuz it’s no an act, am no pretending to be like that cuz ah want attention. Or d’ye just fling that accusation my way to put me doon cuz am a man?
 
Ye don’t get it, d’ye? When are yer words gonnae match yer f*ckin’ actions? It’s aw well n’ good sayin’ you’ll change for the better, but when, eh? Ye git that that’s why ah huv trust issues, right? Cuz you tend tae be a lying c*nt, occasionally.

And thanks for actually acknowledging that you need me more than ah need you. Ah’ve only telt you that for tha last 10 f*ckin’ years. Mind you, given the alternative, ah dinnae exactly blame ye fur forcing me to stick around at the expense o’ ma ain well-being.

But then I’m the only yin o’ yer kids who manages to makes sense o’ what yer trying to say when ya start being vague as f*ck cuz I actually pay attention when someone talking to me, ah know my dour, miserable looking face says otherwise. And unlike the other 2, who huv tendency tae lose the plot, I actually tell you whether or not I understood ye. And am nice enough to actually say sorry if I lose my temper with ye. Cuz am no the inconsiderate, self-centred arse that I’m perceived to be.
 

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
*That feeling when you cannot even post the things that you cannot say, in a "Post what you cannot say" thread. :eek:mg: :kickingmyself:
would it help to have a post what you cannot say in the post what you cannot say thread? :giggle:

On a more serious note you could try writing it down then tearing up the page or something like that, to vent it out but keep it private.
 
Why is it that your first thought is almost always dwelling on summit negative? D’ye do fur sympathy?
Like, d’you think, I’m gonnae react by saying, “Awww... poor you. Sorry ya feel that way” ? Well, ha... Sorry, but it does’nae quite work like that. See what ah did there?

Ah know, am quite surprised my sense o’ humour still functions somewhat correctly after nearly 18 years living with angry, emotional unhinged, feminist women as well. Probably why ya don’t git most o’ my jokes? Ooh, sexist...

Anyway, I’m surprised you only recently copped on that, if you saying something negative to me, I just walk off n’ say nuthin’. Or p, at worst, viciously swear at you, then walk away pissed off. Yet, my older sisters (your daughters) fly into a rage, whenever you do that around them. Though, that would explain why, whenever they fallout during a visit, my 3 year old niece comes n’ gives me a running commentary after her mother shouts at her. Then she refuses to leave my room.

Mind you, ah don’t blame her, to be honest...
 
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