You f_%kin’... TAMPON !! 
Still huvin’ trouble figuring oot that insult ? It’s a more subtle way of me saying you’re a stuck-up cu.. UURGH !! How tha f…k could you even say that, not only about, but in front o’ yer own daughter !? She’s dressed like a chav... seriously !? Ye did’nae even say that as joke, either, so dinnae even bother trying to use our Mum’s favourite go-to: “Oh, but ah did’nae mean it ! Sorry !” excuse.
So, many o’ them neanderthal, hoodie-wearing, slang-talking “Yeh bruv ! Innit ! Ye get me?” eejits d’ye ken that wandering aboot the high streets wearing a bright yella, pattern jumper; trousers that fit and trainers? C’mon, how many?! None? That’s what ah thought ! Ah mean, aside fae signing on and collectin’ their dole money, them lazy, work-shy c_%*s must be cheating the system n’ getting part-time work as clowns for kids’ parties. Especially if the bold attire ah just described is honestly considered “chav” tae you, sis. No unless Primark recently launched their brand new exclusive Chavs-R-Us kids fashion range for ages 4 to 7? Cheap Clothes @ Slave Labour Prices !! **
** Were I to actually stand in front of you and say aw o’ the above written to your face, this is the point where you’d get up n’ shout: “
Awww... f—k off, Graeme !” Then storm off in the huff. While our mother and oldest sister would be doubled over in hysterics, wiping away tears. Cuz, that last joke…
Mwah! **
Oh, and ah believe on this side o’ the Border we refer to them as Non-Educated Delinquents (NEDS). Sorry tae correct ye on a slang term... but get it right, eh?
Also: You bought her the clothes ! Well, am guessing ye did, aye? So, yer opinion o’ them says more aboot your fashion sense than how yer daughter comes across while wearing them. Therefore, your fault ! But yer no exactly yin to admit when yer wrong, so… what else is new? But ah could be wrong ? Personally, ah saw nuthin’ wrong with the clothes, masel’. But, obviously, that’s just me…
Ye should be thankful yer oldest isn’t decked oot, heid tae toe, in a f…kin’ pink tracksuit n’ trainer ! Hair pulled into a ponytail n’ a lit fag (cigarette) hingin’ oot her gob ! But am no really yin to say summit mean or insulting about someone’s appearance, unless yer ugly. Which you are ! Although, am no talkin’ outer appearance, afore ye start yer usual bawlin’ n’ shoutin’ n’ exaggerated accusations. Ah know, I’m one to talk, cuz am a right minger n’ loser. Ah still wear music related t-shirts, black or dark blue trousers and “
My Adidas” tracksuit n’ trainers. So, if anyone dresses like a chav, it’s me…. Despite being well beyond my teenage years.
Oh, and here another wee reminder: yer oldest daughter’s only 4 years old ! Or huv ye forgot that ? Ye must huv done, if you’re reaction to her doing something wrong is to directly ask her: “
Why’re ye being like this ?”
Are you expecting her to respond by give you her reasons, like ? Wait a few years… she tell ye them and more.
Speaking o’ that: is this you setting the tone for the coming years? Y’know, how ye speak to them, how they speak to you. If so, given how frequently both your oldest and youngest daughter tell you “No” and refuse to do as ye tell them, dinnae faint or be shocked when that aforementioned word “No” is followed by 2 others. The 2nd of which being “off”. I’m surprised they haven’t said both already, given how often you say them to, or around them. Especially, the oldest, since she’s already talks back n’ gives ya attitude. Again, she just 4 !
Anyway... if ye think they’re bad now n’ ye cannae cope? Ha ! Wait til the teenage years — straight-jacket, meds and the padded room here we f…ckin’ come !
Though, part of me is secretly hoping that, when your daughters get older, they treat you like you did our Mum, when you were a teenager. Ah really do, because I don’t think you’ve ever truly thought about or shed yin tear for the hurt your inconsiderate words have caused me, Mum or our oldest sister. Because the only person you feel any empathy for is yersel’. Judging your attitude. Still think I’m quote-unquote: “…
good for nothing”,
huh?
Even though I’ve spent nearly 20 years of my existence looking after our mother, making sure she’s awrite and that things get done around the house. As well as attending to damn near every computer related thing
you or anyone else in this family asks of me. D’ye thank me ?
Aye, but yer tone of voice does’nae exact say yer grateful for ma help. At least my oldest sister n’ her fiancé say thanks and give me £15 quid for taking the time outta my day to fix their laptops. Not that I’m asking
you for money, just a sincere and genuine:
“Aw, thanks Graeme” would do.
