Poll: Would you date an SP?

[Rembrandt Broam]

Yeah, I will consider going out with a small peepee

lol @ Waybuloo! ::

 

[ilmatross]

yes

a cute girl with SA sounds incredibly appealing to me

we could help each other become more social

 

[Waybuloo]

I am new here and have written some posts already. I wrote a long post introducing myself and sharing a bit about myself but the whole thing just vanished. grrrrrrr >( i was so motivated at the time. I guess I can write it again when I'm feeling up to it.

Anyway, I didn't vote yet but I am married to someone with sa. I say he has sa and I have sp because I think there are variables. He gets anxious sometimes about going out to the store or taking the bus/train sometimes and he will gag and sometimes vomit before he has to leave. BUT he never lets it stop him and he isn't always so bad. When in a new situation, like a new job, he's anxious until he's been there a while. Difference between him and I is that I NEVER get past that ice-breaking stage. I'll have moments when I'm more comfortable than others but I'm never myself. H'es very funny and quick to make jokes. I thinks he's very natural with people and I admire and am a little jealous I can't do that. I want so badly to be myself yet the minute I leave the house or am around others the straight jacket and muzzle go on. Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped inside myself and wishing I could break out and be me. I'm very funny. I love to laugh and I'm intelligent but I just look like a nervous, mumbling idot to others.

Now I think that him being able to relate to what I go through helps the relationship. We help each other. Sometimes he wants me to go with him somewhere cuz he's feeling nervous/self-conscious and sometimes he's fine. I'm almost ALWAYS like that.

BUT, the drawback is that we have had fights because although he experiences social anxiety, he doesn't experience chronic social phobia (running away when the phone rings and other stuff) and will at times get angry with me. He feels that if he doesn't allow it to get the best of him why should I. I have stood right up to him though and told him he had no right to tell me what I experience and just because he doesn't does not been I don't. I won't allow him to compare and judge me based on him.

We are best of friends though really. We have been through some really rough times and came close to divorce but worked through it. Although I suppose in some ways we enable each other, we also help each other and encourage each other. Our favorite thing to do is spend time together watching family guy or movies.....just being hermits.

Anyway, thought I'd post from the other side of the fence.

I suppose I would vote yes, lol.

Hello and welcome
I find your relationship to be an interesting dymanic and one which resonates with mine as well. My partner (note, not bf, we're past that stage now and too mature for that hehe) and I are very similar - me still struggling with my anxiety and exhibiting lots of avoidance behaviour whilst he over the worst of it and meeting most of it head on. I find that having someone who understands too much of what I go through can make me less motivated to improve and at times we are just hermits too

One of the things that gets to me is that I can be funny and charming if I let it flow but all that 'talent' is inhibited. ::

 

[scarednotshy]

One of the things that gets to me is that I can be funny and charming if I let it flow but all that 'talent' is inhibited.


Yeah. Inhibited. Inhibited is a great word. Sums me up exactly. (probably most everyone on here too.)

I hate it! Want to just bust out and scream, "you don't understand! This really isn't the real me. You'd really like the real me!!!!!"

Haven't done it yet. Fantasize about it though, lol

 

[EasySkanking]

I am new here and have written some posts already. I wrote a long post introducing myself and sharing a bit about myself but the whole thing just vanished. grrrrrrr >( i was so motivated at the time. I guess I can write it again when I'm feeling up to it.

Anyway, I didn't vote yet but I am married to someone with sa. I say he has sa and I have sp because I think there are variables. He gets anxious sometimes about going out to the store or taking the bus/train sometimes and he will gag and sometimes vomit before he has to leave. BUT he never lets it stop him and he isn't always so bad. When in a new situation, like a new job, he's anxious until he's been there a while. Difference between him and I is that I NEVER get past that ice-breaking stage. I'll have moments when I'm more comfortable than others but I'm never myself. H'es very funny and quick to make jokes. I thinks he's very natural with people and I admire and am a little jealous I can't do that. I want so badly to be myself yet the minute I leave the house or am around others the straight jacket and muzzle go on. Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped inside myself and wishing I could break out and be me. I'm very funny. I love to laugh and I'm intelligent but I just look like a nervous, mumbling idot to others.

Now I think that him being able to relate to what I go through helps the relationship. We help each other. Sometimes he wants me to go with him somewhere cuz he's feeling nervous/self-conscious and sometimes he's fine. I'm almost ALWAYS like that.

BUT, the drawback is that we have had fights because although he experiences social anxiety, he doesn't experience chronic social phobia (running away when the phone rings and other stuff) and will at times get angry with me. He feels that if he doesn't allow it to get the best of him why should I. I have stood right up to him though and told him he had no right to tell me what I experience and just because he doesn't does not been I don't. I won't allow him to compare and judge me based on him.

We are best of friends though really. We have been through some really rough times and came close to divorce but worked through it. Although I suppose in some ways we enable each other, we also help each other and encourage each other. Our favorite thing to do is spend time together watching family guy or movies.....just being hermits.

Anyway, thought I'd post from the other side of the fence.

I suppose I would vote yes, lol.

Hey thank you for sharing that. Lovely story . Does his ability to be more social not inspire you to do so also? Sorry I'm just very curious about this as it is the only way that I think I would ever be with someone (with an SA sufferer as well). Have you guys sought out help for either one of you? And does he "push" you to improve your Social Phobia/Anxiety? Sorry, I'm just too curious ::

 

[scarednotshy]

Hey thank you for sharing that. Lovely story . Does his ability to be more social not inspire you to do so also? Sorry I'm just very curious about this as it is the only way that I think I would ever be with someone (with an SA sufferer as well). Have you guys sought out help for either one of you? And does he "push" you to improve your Social Phobia/Anxiety? Sorry, I'm just too curious

Well, first you're very welcome! Don't be sorry. Curious is good.

Yes, his ability, especially to joke and interact with people socially DOES inspire me. I have only been able to be a shadow of a shadow of my real self with others in spite of his inspiration. DAMMIT!!! We have not sought out help together. I have looked into CBT for myself as I'm convinced the only way I'm gonna get anywhere is that route. I honestly have never considered he might want to do something like that. My guess is that he will say that once he's employed again he won't have nearly have the sa he has. But I will ask him. hmmmmm.....never thought of asking him.

Yes he definitely does push me. It does piss me off at times but then I realize he is helping me. Although we still have our moments when he doesn't understand the severity of mine. But we work through it. One step forward two steps back I guess.

All in all though, because he has it to a lesser degree he can sympathize yet push me when I want to give up. In those times when I just cannot go out and feeling terribly self-conscious he will pick up the slack. But I cannot allow him to do EVERYTHING so guilt can be a good motivation in those times.

Glad you asked!!!! You made me do some more thinking

 

[Damaged]

I would, in some ways it could be perfect in other ways it may not be, but i wouldn't judge someone on there issues because i certainly wouldn't want someone to do that to me.
If i fell for someone who suffered from a SP then i wouldn't deny my feelings =)

 

[Predacon]

Sure, but I think our conversation would be a little stilted at the beginning

 

[RelentlessHamster]

I don't see why not, too people with SP can better understand each other and deal with the problem.

 

[Luke1993]

Yes definitely!

 

[EasySkanking]

Hey thank you for sharing that. Lovely story . Does his ability to be more social not inspire you to do so also? Sorry I'm just very curious about this as it is the only way that I think I would ever be with someone (with an SA sufferer as well). Have you guys sought out help for either one of you? And does he "push" you to improve your Social Phobia/Anxiety? Sorry, I'm just too curious

Well, first you're very welcome! Don't be sorry. Curious is good.

Yes, his ability, especially to joke and interact with people socially DOES inspire me. I have only been able to be a shadow of a shadow of my real self with others in spite of his inspiration. DAMMIT!!! We have not sought out help together. I have looked into CBT for myself as I'm convinced the only way I'm gonna get anywhere is that route. I honestly have never considered he might want to do something like that. My guess is that he will say that once he's employed again he won't have nearly have the sa he has. But I will ask him. hmmmmm.....never thought of asking him.

Yes he definitely does push me. It does piss me off at times but then I realize he is helping me. Although we still have our moments when he doesn't understand the severity of mine. But we work through it. One step forward two steps back I guess.

All in all though, because he has it to a lesser degree he can sympathize yet push me when I want to give up. In those times when I just cannot go out and feeling terribly self-conscious he will pick up the slack. But I cannot allow him to do EVERYTHING so guilt can be a good motivation in those times.

Glad you asked!!!! You made me do some more thinking

Nice, I would recommend that you both seek help. It would be a shame if something were to happen to your relationship due to both of your SA. I used to have severe social phobia at one point, I have moderate social phobia now and am improving every monthe or so.

Let me just say (without writing a whole "book" on here) that you can't allow your suffering or state of mind to stop you from bettering yourself. You can't let the water "sit"... it wont stir or remove itself . Talk to him about this, don't just "accept" that you have to live this way due to your SA - coming from a fellow SA'er trust me when I say that you don't have to live like that. It's silly we cause our own way of living (for the most part), no one else does. So let's "man up" (to whatever degree each of us can) and do something about it.

I envy you because you actually have someone there with you to support you. I don't, and it is what I struggle with the most at the momment (it's killing me )... but I keep fighting, I'm tired and bored of just "sitting around"

Talk to your husband about this, and see what kind of help or what approach you both would like to take. I wish you both to be completely happy together and individually Maybe someday I can be too, with someone with SA :

 

[Falkor]

I voted yes, because I'd rather have someone who understands me totally,
who share the same issues, and who has troubles with communicating ( i don't care) instead of someone who doesn't understand me, and who doesn't want to communicate about SA!, I feel good when someone understands me.
But of course people without SA can be really nice too,
it's just the person, people can be really nice and understanding ,
with sa or without it. but i just love to fight together, i love a fighting spirit =]

 

[RelentlessHamster]

I agree we all need understanding, most people who have no idea what this condition is will not fully understand even if they have a lot of empathy, what good will a social butterfly do to you if she or he doesn't understand you. I guess two people committed to overcoming the same problem is ideal

 

[Feathers]

I hate it! Want to just bust out and scream, "This really isn't the real me."

Put it on a T-shirt. I expect it would sell well!!

Hello here and good to read about your experience!
And Waybuloo's too!

Great insight, Flowergirlie and Hamster, the most important thing for the person is to be understanding.
(And that other things click..)

 

[Falkor]

Put it on a T-shirt. I expect it would sell well!!

Hello here and good to read about your experience!
And Waybuloo's too!

Great insight, Flowergirlie and Hamster, the most important thing for the person is to be understanding.
(And that other things click..)

Thanks Feathers, ya that's one of the most important things in a relationship

 

[EscapeArtist]

I believe I already answered to this? Or was it another thread?
I remember my answer though. That 2 social phobics dating was enabling the disease, like 2 drug addicts dating and sharing drugs. And then one improves and wants to find life out of the socially anxious world, if they build confidence (which should be encouraged in a healthy relationship) they will want to be around confident people, and that is only the healthy thing to do.

 

[SilentStranger]

I voted yes.

In in the back of my mind I hear it won't work because firstly both might be to anxious to ask the other out and even if they are together both might want to sit there being helpless.

I guess if 2 were to meet somehow and each is willing to help the other overcome the problems, help the other through dark times, it might work.

I think dating a SP would mean I don't have to hide anything. I can be the real me. They will be able to understand me and I would be able to reciprocate.

In any case I don't think I could stomach a really outgoing and social girl. I would not be able to handle her lifestyle and all her friends.

I most respects dating a SP girl would be my ideal.

 

[LadyWench]

I also voted yes. I'd say there are pretty obvious pros and cons to dating a fellow SP. The relationship could end up becoming very co-dependent and negative. However, that isn't guaranteed, and I think I would rather be with someone that understands my problems, than someone who has no clue. Most people (except my best friend Jessica) don't understand why I have panic attacks and such. They become frustrated and annoyed by them. I figured it's because they just don't get it. They've never experienced it. I think it would be awful if your intimate partner was irritated and clueless about a big part of your life.

 

[pebblesdundee]

YES.

BUT!!!

that shouldn't be the reason for dating someone. maybe a factor, but not the sole reason. but maybe that's just my opinion

 

[RelentlessHamster]

social butterflies are such a turn off for me x) but unfortunately I end up with these