:applause:
Absolutely. I'll take'im Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
You, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.
Sunday we'll let the Coyote roam free.
Kia's Ultimate rejection thread
- Thread starter KiaKaha
- Start date
:applause:
Absolutely. I'll take'im Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
You, Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.
Sunday we'll let the Coyote roam free.
Hellhound
Super Moderator
Fair enough :bigsmile:
KiaKaha
Banned
So what your saying Coyote is that basically people are allowed to be treated like garbage, used or have their feelings hurt and basically you just have to say "well that's just the way it is - ho hum"
I am not angry at women - considering the crap that I have had to take, I am extraordinarily patient and kind with people, I treat people on their individual merits - unless I happen to think you are an *******. I do think that sometimes things outside of ourselves are to blame and this encompasses a wide range of issues - not just personal mistreatment but a whole bunch of other stuff in all facets of society (and I realize that we are getting into 'victim mentality' zone - which is a WHOLE other topic)
I understand your philosophy Coyote - and we have touched on it many times before - and it always comes back to this same argument - unfortunately I believe that your philosophy panders to the majority of the SPW community which is why no doubt you are seen as wise here - but because the majority falls on your side does not mean that your premise or arguments are valid (or invalid for that matter).
I am actually of the mindset of treating others with common courtesy, honesty and respect (if deserved) and if my feelings get hurt - then that is a valid response to rejection - particularly if I am not given any good reason for it.
I am not angry at women - considering the crap that I have had to take, I am extraordinarily patient and kind with people, I treat people on their individual merits - unless I happen to think you are an *******. I do think that sometimes things outside of ourselves are to blame and this encompasses a wide range of issues - not just personal mistreatment but a whole bunch of other stuff in all facets of society (and I realize that we are getting into 'victim mentality' zone - which is a WHOLE other topic)
I understand your philosophy Coyote - and we have touched on it many times before - and it always comes back to this same argument - unfortunately I believe that your philosophy panders to the majority of the SPW community which is why no doubt you are seen as wise here - but because the majority falls on your side does not mean that your premise or arguments are valid (or invalid for that matter).
I am actually of the mindset of treating others with common courtesy, honesty and respect (if deserved) and if my feelings get hurt - then that is a valid response to rejection - particularly if I am not given any good reason for it.
KiaKaha
Banned
There are two things I want to do.
I want to write out how I think a relationship would normally develop. The expectations from dating and what I would believe is reasonable behaviour.
The other thing is to tell you all - why I personally believe I have been rejected so many times within the context of all these women that I have met.
I want to write out how I think a relationship would normally develop. The expectations from dating and what I would believe is reasonable behaviour.
The other thing is to tell you all - why I personally believe I have been rejected so many times within the context of all these women that I have met.
KiaKaha
Banned
1BlackSheep
Well-known member
Yes, you are easygoing at times and I’m sure a lot of fun to be around because you have a great sense of humor and can poke fun at yourself. BUT, if you’re bringing up the ills of the world and unfairness of it all on your initial dates, that might be somewhat of a detraction!
And this is why, at least for me, I’m not a huge fan of online dating. I think there are too many expectations for things to “click” right away. Maybe a little slower pace in getting to know someone would be better? It doesn’t necessarily mean you will be permanently friend zoned. Even though work is unfortunately one of the worst places to get romantically involved with someone, it’s one of the best places to get to know someone! When you see the person day in and day out like that, you get to know them on a different level than when meeting a total stranger. You get a chance see them interact with other people, get to know their interests, etc., without all the initial pressure of dating. Maybe you should stay away from online dating for a while and try to get to know women on a friendship level through activities you’re involved in. See what they’re like for a while first without any expectations. If there’s a romantic connection, it will progress on it’s own! And perhaps it will end with just a friendship, but you can’t expect that you’re going to have a love connection with every woman you meet. I seem to recall reading something about most people making a connection with just 3 out of every 100 people they meet. So if you look at it from that perspective, the fact that you’ve not yet found “the one” isn’t all that unusual.
You could try doing that, but you’ll need to be open to hearing what other people have to say that might be contradictory to your expectations. I don't always agree with some of the advice/opinions expressed here, but I am trying to at least listen to and consider what is being said.
You really don’t give yourself enough credit! People here *do* like you and just want to help out. You wouldn't be getting any responses if nobody cared!
Starry
Well-known member
I agree very much with this! People, women especially, have been fooled into thinking they "deserve" it all, but since nobody is perfect that means everyone will have to "settle" and in society where people are made to feel like they're failures if they don't have a "perfect" life, I can see how that could be scary to many people.
WishingICould
Well-known member
Erm, then why don't you? You said last night that you knew why you were getting rejected and were going to write about it but you still haven't. You come across as a bit of a "oh, poor me" person and an attention seeker. I haven't seen you ever talk about anything you may have done to put these women off, it's always their fault. e.g. I was too nice, i was too charming etc Maybe if you were honest with yourself you'd get somewhere.
KiaKaha
Banned
Yeah I know I do - I get that all the time.
But you know you are reading my words and interpreting through your own experience of how things are and your own values - I mean I am not going on about it just for kicks am I? - and it is perfectly natural - because I knew as I wrote up this thread, that these were the kinds of responses that I would receive and that it was going to be challenging.
And I will write it up, I have to take time with it because it is no doubt going to cause offense and controversy so I have to make sure I do it in such a way that is clear - the best way I can - but I will do it my own time, probably in the next couple of days. I was not aware I was under a time limit to do so.
WishingICould
Well-known member
Yes, it is my interpretation, obviously. We're also only going by what you have told us about why you were rejected. I'm sure there are things that you interpreted wrong about those women.
KiaKaha
Banned
Maybe I need to make a concise post about the finer points of why I made the thread in the first place and what has lead me to personal interpretation.
Just for the record - please don't mistake my responses as accusatory even though I can understand why they are perceived that way. Just try to imagine how you would feel, if you were in my shoes.
KiaKaha
Banned
And also - before anyone thinks it - I do not think that I am perfect, I know that I make mistakes, I have met girls and I have made mistakes with them. I am not trying to place ALL of my misfortune on others.
In fact the last girlfriend I had nigh on 10 years ago now - broke up with me. Why? Because I was an insensitive buffoon. I took her for granted. She was so sweet to me and I did not appreciate her (I remember that I brought a cherry cola from the store and the next time I was at her place she had a fridge full of cherry cola for me - now THAT was pretty amazing). I learned. I KNOW why and I deserved it - and I was so terribly upset about it. I would like to think I have grown since then - but the main point that I am trying to sort of get across here, is that even though I know I am not perfect (I am quite shy for instance - particularly around people I don't know) the women that I have mentioned have not given me an adequate reason, after seemingly everything going really great - and instead has left me feeling confused, flat, used, disappointed and sad - you combine those feelings over and over, and you sort of get a thread resembling this one.
In fact the last girlfriend I had nigh on 10 years ago now - broke up with me. Why? Because I was an insensitive buffoon. I took her for granted. She was so sweet to me and I did not appreciate her (I remember that I brought a cherry cola from the store and the next time I was at her place she had a fridge full of cherry cola for me - now THAT was pretty amazing). I learned. I KNOW why and I deserved it - and I was so terribly upset about it. I would like to think I have grown since then - but the main point that I am trying to sort of get across here, is that even though I know I am not perfect (I am quite shy for instance - particularly around people I don't know) the women that I have mentioned have not given me an adequate reason, after seemingly everything going really great - and instead has left me feeling confused, flat, used, disappointed and sad - you combine those feelings over and over, and you sort of get a thread resembling this one.
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WishingICould
Well-known member
I understand that it must be frustrating but obviously they didn't want to hurt your feelings which is why they gave you things like "you're too nice". I'm not sure if people on here can really tell you what you're doing wrong because we're only hearing things from your perspective not those women. We don't see ourselves as others do.
Lea
Banned
You're being way to hard on yourself, love is a magical x factor that makes no sense or reason. It cannot be forced.
Yes I know, definiely, and pretty unfair as well.
Opaline
1
You... you do?
I thought that was a myth. :bigsmile:
I could go for some fish and chips right now... and I've been contemplating having a cup of tea for the past hour. My house is an icebox and it would be so warm and cozy...
Anyway. Back to the topic. Sorry Kia
Pacific_Loner
Pirate from the North Pole
I don't understand what's the big deal with you and "how things should be". The world is not a fair place. People are not rational. You are not either. There is no "reason" in relationships. And there is no rules, in my opinion, not for you, not for them, or if you prefer there is tons of rules, and the rules of the strongest apply. If you expect people to change and play by your rules good luck - you'll need to be the strongest. I guess these are the rules, and if you don't like the rules, you can only hate the game. All this being only an opinion, of course.
KiaKaha
Banned
I was wondering when you were going to show up...
I only expect courtesy, tact and honesty. What about you?
No people are not rational - but people like to think that they are - which is what I have been saying for ages.
And there are rules - Aside from laws and spiritual morality - there are implicit rules, unspoken rules, underlying norms, social custosm and behaviour that we all adhere too or are expected to adhere to. All I am getting at is that people around here seem to think that its perfectly OK to treat others like garbage and they try to justify that based on their personal values and bias. Just imagine a world where anyone could do whatever they want to anyone else? I mean - I assume you have feelings yourself right? That you expect and wish to be treated a certain way, or is it that anyone can do whatever they want with you? What is the limit before someone can finally say - this is unacceptable and you need to be accountable - and I am not going to take this anymore.
No the world is not a fair place and acceptance of that only propagates that further.
Anyway will write further when I am up for it.
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Pacific_Loner
Pirate from the North Pole
Hmm? I'm not your enemy lol... I think it's the second time I answer one of your thread, ever
It's not that people think it's ok to treat others like garbage. You can't really think that by reading the posts here. The world will always be composed of respectful people and unrespectful people. There will never be a law against the unrespectful ones so you just have to learn to deal with them without ending up wasting your life being angry and ressentful. And you know, people are not attacking you here, we are debating because that is obviously what you are trying to create.
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