Kia's Ultimate rejection thread

[Starry]

Wait, what? Dating is how you decide if you want to be in a relationship with someone. How else would you know unless you are actually spending time with them?

Obviously, but it seems a lot of people aren't being "picky" about who they decide to date... (I'm talking from viewing other people's behaviour on other forums, etc) You can get to know someone a little first which should give you some idea about whether or not you want to date them and take things further... If people got to know people a little bit more before deciding to "date" then it would save problems is what I meant.

I mean, maybe it's just me with an old fashioned warped point of view, but I would consider a date to mean you're interested in the person already, not a way to find out if you're interested in the person... But hey, I'm a weirdo anyway...

 

[Hellhound]

^ You're not a weirdo, I completely agree with you.

 

[Opaline]

Wait, what? Dating is how you decide if you want to be in a relationship with someone. How else would you know unless you are actually spending time with them?

You would think so, but seems to me the minute someone is "dating" someone they are in a relationship with them. Now when you're trying to get to know someone, you are "talking" to them (yeah, that's the word we used in high school and even college. Stupid). I think you mean dating is supposed to be more like the modern version of courting, but from what I've seen the courting phase has been thrown out and now you're either in a relationship or not.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I rarely ever hear about someone dating someone else to get to know them. As soon as someone begins to date someone they change their relationship status on FB or say they "have a boyfriend/girlfriend now". :idontknow:

 

[kilojoule]

That's cool - you can jump on the 'kia seek professional help' bandwagon - it's a convenient excuse to not address any of the points I have made - ...

Actually Kia, it's just the opposite. It's because I have addressed all the points you have made over and over again over the last 18 months. I don't have the answers your looking for, I'm just on repeat, just like everybody else here. Even the newbie readers/ posters, they're just repeating past replies you've received on other threads from older members. I thought that maybe this thread would be slightly different ... but this is all the same content. You could have copy and pasted this stuff from any of your other threads. It isn't the answers that are leaving you lacking, it's the questions. You need to start asking new questions. (If you want to actually solve your problem) And I hope you do, as I said, you're a good guy and deserve to be happy. I'm just not going to be spending any more time replying to the same post because it doesn't get you anywhere, totally counterproductive and a waste of time for both you and me frankly. You need a new approach. So I'm jumping ship on this one but good luck buddy and I look forward to jumping in on a new thread of yours in the future.

 

[bcsr]

It's because I am a crap provider - it is psychological and biological.

Women like me - well...usually...

but I cant attain boyfriend status - and I hear the same excuses - over and over again - or I just get ignored... and its bull****. Its cowardly and insincere, but I will never hear what I suspect is the truth - because it's an admittance of something that will make them feel bad about themselves.

Its easier to feed the same old excuses over and over again than to actually muster up the courage and say how they really feel - because doing so would make them feel awful about themselves.

Serious question...
Are you repeating these threads and posts because you want "answers" or are you just waiting for people to start agreeing with you? If you aren't open to any answer that disagrees with your personal thoughts, making these threads seem pointless.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I rarely ever hear about someone dating someone else to get to know them. As soon as someone begins to date someone they change their relationship status on FB or say they "have a boyfriend/girlfriend now". :idontknow:

Perhaps, but in this case, the dates being from a dating website (I believe this was the case), you don't have the advantage of already knowing someone beforehand. It's like meeting someone at the store, and giving them your number. Going out on a few dates doesn't mean it's a relationship.

 

[coyote]

NPD alert! :moderator:

i would have sex with you to prove it, but that would be unfair to your girlfriend :sad:

 

[Remus]

Ewww....

 

[coyote]

After reading this, I think I need some pointers. The most I could hope for is a day. But that's me being modest.

it will all be available in my forthcoming self-published e-book at the low price of $2.99

and remember: you get what you pay for :ironicsmile:

 

[KiaKaha]

Serious question...
Are you repeating these threads and posts because you want "answers" or are you just waiting for people to start agreeing with you? If you aren't open to any answer that disagrees with your personal thoughts, making these threads seem pointless.

Well yes I have made posts about dating before, in fact I remember the first time I even mentioned dating, I was about to go on one with a woman that I had been speaking to for weeks and everyone here was very excited for me - so much so that while I was actually on the date, people were wondering how it was going for me - naturally the date went extremely well but then I got given some bull**** reason why she didn't want to see me again the next day -

So in that respect, yes I have made posts about dating and disappointment before - however I have not made any threads about the culmination of dating and the over all arching theme of romantic rejection and the observation of common patterns of rejection like I have in this thread. To answer your question of do I want people to agree with me? No - quite frankly I am not sure if anyone has given me any answers - albeit defensiveness masquerading as responses because I am 'having a go' at these women that I have met (and therefore all womanhood).

I mean if you want - you could read over and perhaps I could explain in further detail the actual experiences once again and you could state explicitly what YOU think the answers are - nice and clearly.

But to be honest, its not really about rejection - its about not being honest, leading me on, getting my expectations up with girls that I like and being treated with courtesy - I most certainly would not treat these women the same way that I have been treated, but naturally because I am a man - that people are less sympathetic.

 

[KiaKaha]

so what do you suspect is the truth?

Oh...

Oh that is dangerous Coyote...

That would be opening pandora's box.

I am not sure I could bring myself to state my suspicions.

If I ever do - I will bring the kia effigy's and petrol and join in the fun.

 

[Opaline]

I have a question - what do you mean in your "rules" for women that telling a guy he is "too nice" perpetuates the nice guy syndrome? How so? Some guys are completely clueless that they come off as overly romantic white knights. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but some people have no idea how much of a turnoff it is when a guy puts a woman on a pedestal (but I doubt you are that obnoxious ). Wouldn't telling him be doing him a favor? Okay yeah, if he's heard it many times before then it's frustrating, but I still don't understand how it would cause him to act even more "nice", which is what I assumed you meant by perpetuating the cycle.

I have had a few times when I wanted to tell a guy to stop being so Romeo-ish, but I'm not sure most would be open to hearing that. He'd probably go into defensive mode and think I'm a bitch. But it's frustrating for me to witness - even with someone who isn't interested in me but someone else - an otherwise great guy who is turning chicks off with his chivalry and whatnot. Again sounds harsh, but dating involves harsh realities :idontknow: And that of course goes for both sexes, NOT just men. Women have issues with these sorts of things too - like thinking that being arrogant = hot, when in reality it's just interpreted as bitchiness. And who wants to date a bitch?

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Oh...

Oh that is dangerous Coyote...

That would be opening pandora's box.

I am not sure I could bring myself to state my suspicions.

If I ever do - I will bring the kia effigy's and petrol and join in the fun.

Okay, now I'm curious. :thumbup:

 

[coyote]

Oh...

Oh that is dangerous Coyote...

That would be opening pandora's box.

I am not sure I could bring myself to state my suspicions.

If I ever do - I will bring the kia effigy's and petrol and join in the fun.

then what is the point of this whole exercise? :idontknow:

the whole "i have something to say, but i won't say it, because i know what your reaction will be. what do YOU think?" game is very manipulative and tiresome. it appears that you want people to agree with you before you say anything, so you have to keep getting people to give you responses until someone finally says what you're looking for, then you can agree. stop trolling us. if you want to tell everyone what you think then just do it instead of trying to coerce people into agreeing with you beforehand. :sad:

this comes across as though you have already decided what the answer is. it appears that you want to question everyone else's opinion, you want to question the validity of societal norms, you want question everything and everybody, but you don't want to question your own thoughts and opinions - those are untouchable.

but what if you are wrong? how do you hope to learn and develop and change the outcome of your experiences if you aren't willing to consider that possibility? and why do you ask for other opinions in the first place? :idontknow:

 

[bcsr]

the whole "i have something to say, but i won't say it, because i know what your reaction will be. what do YOU think?" game is very manipulative and tiresome. it appears that you want people to agree with you before you say anything, so you have to keep getting people to give you responses until someone finally says what you're looking for, then you can agree. stop trolling us. if you want to tell everyone what you think then just do it instead of trying to coerce people into agreeing with you beforehand. :sad:

this comes across as though you have already decided what the answer is. it appears that you want to question everyone else's opinion, you want to question the validity of societal norms, you want question everything and everybody, but you don't want to question your own thoughts and opinions - those are untouchable.

but what if you are wrong? how do you hope to learn and develop and change the outcome of your experiences if you aren't willing to consider that possibility? and why do you ask for other opinions in the first place? :idontknow:

Yea, this is what I was saying, as well. 100% agreed.

 

[KiaKaha]

then what is the point of this whole exercise? :idontknow:

the whole "i have something to say, but i won't say it, because i know what your reaction will be. what do YOU think?" game is very manipulative and tiresome. it appears that you want people to agree with you before you say anything, so you have to keep getting people to give you responses until someone finally says what you're looking for, then you can agree. stop trolling us. if you want to tell everyone what you think then just do it instead of trying to coerce people into agreeing with you beforehand. :sad:

this comes across as though you have already decided what the answer is. it appears that you want to question everyone else's opinion, you want to question the validity of societal norms, you want question everything and everybody, but you don't want to question your own thoughts and opinions - those are untouchable.

but what if you are wrong? how do you hope to learn and develop and change the outcome of your experiences if you aren't willing to consider that possibility? and why do you ask for other opinions in the first place? :idontknow:

Trolling you? Right. Come off it mate. This coming from a man who engages with me yet ignores and seemingly refuses to converse with me privately in a discussion regarding the points you have just made about societal norms and about the validity of his own thoughts and opinions. What makes you any different from me? At least I actually have the courage to respond in kind.

OK what if I am wrong? What exactly may I be wrong about? - Yes I have developed conclusions about the reasons about rejection and so forth and I could explicitly state what these are and who doesn't do that? That is how you make sense of the world - infact you have already stated in one of your posts one of these conclusions (and what if YOU are wrong btw? Perhaps you should take your own advice) - but mostly I still not have heard any answers at all only backlash because of the emotional element within this topic and of what this thread is actually about.

And if you find it personally tiresome coyote - dont post. It's perfectly simple.

 

[WishingICould]

I'm not sure i understand this thread. You're posting every time you get rejected? Isn't that kind of depressing? I don't really see how you can gain anything positive from it.

 

[KiaKaha]

I have a question - what do you mean in your "rules" for women that telling a guy he is "too nice" perpetuates the nice guy syndrome? How so? Some guys are completely clueless that they come off as overly romantic white knights. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but some people have no idea how much of a turnoff it is when a guy puts a woman on a pedestal (but I doubt you are that obnoxious ). Wouldn't telling him be doing him a favor? Okay yeah, if he's heard it many times before then it's frustrating, but I still don't understand how it would cause him to act even more "nice", which is what I assumed you meant by perpetuating the cycle.

I have had a few times when I wanted to tell a guy to stop being so Romeo-ish, but I'm not sure most would be open to hearing that. He'd probably go into defensive mode and think I'm a bitch. But it's frustrating for me to witness - even with someone who isn't interested in me but someone else - an otherwise great guy who is turning chicks off with his chivalry and whatnot. Again sounds harsh, but dating involves harsh realities :idontknow: And that of course goes for both sexes, NOT just men. Women have issues with these sorts of things too - like thinking that being arrogant = hot, when in reality it's just interpreted as bitchiness. And who wants to date a bitch?

Well I only made a rules for women list as gentle jab in response to the rules for men that are subtly stated. I figure a two way street seemed fair. The only rule there should be is to actually take into account a persons feelings - both ways.

I agree with you that, placing a woman on a pedestal is not a smart thing to do - I think a lot of guys can't tell the difference between being considerate and pleasant and actually being over the top pandering to a girl. Which is ultimately where the nice guy argument lies - you are right, some guys are clueless and I TOTALLY get how its a turn off. What I am saying is that by telling someone that he is 'too nice' perpetuates the belief that nice guys finish last - and this is a BIG problem - it is global - seriously, it is everywhere and It is frustrating for everyone - this is where the perpetuation lies. I think a bit of tact and a bit of honesty and perhaps some education to some guys (and some women) needs to be had - rather than just saying that someone is too nice for them.

 

[WishingICould]

Well I only made a rules for women list as gentle jab in response to the rules for men that are subtly stated. I figure a two way street seemed fair. The only rule there should be is to actually take into account a persons feelings - both ways.

I agree with you that, placing a woman on a pedestal is not a smart thing to do - I think a lot of guys can't tell the difference between being considerate and pleasant and actually being over the top pandering to a girl. Which is ultimately where the nice guy argument lies - you are right, some guys are clueless and I TOTALLY get how its a turn off. What I am saying is that by telling someone that he is 'too nice' perpetuates the belief that nice guys finish last - and this is a BIG problem - it is global - seriously, it is everywhere and It is frustrating for everyone - this is where the perpetuation lies. I think a bit of tact and a bit of honesty and perhaps some education to some guys (and some women) needs to be had - rather than just saying that someone is too nice for them.

Do you think you know the difference? I mean, do you think you know the difference between being pleasant and being needy/clingy? In my experience, and being a woman myself, when we say you're "too nice" we either mean a bit pathetic/needy or boring. I agree that women shouldn't use the word "nice" because that gives people the wrong impression.

 

[KiaKaha]

Do you think you know the difference? I mean, do you think you know the difference between being pleasant and being needy/clingy? In my experience, and being a woman myself, when we say you're "too nice" we either mean a bit pathetic/needy or boring. I agree that women shouldn't use the word "nice" because that gives people the wrong impression.

Yeah, I do. That is kind of deviating from ultimately what has already been discussed a thousand times before. But yes - I do know the difference.
As I have already said the confusion from rejection is hearing things such as "you are a really great guy but..." "A lot of fun to be around but..." "A really beautiful person but..." "You will make someone really happy but...." "I had a lovely time but...." "I am attracted to you but..."

etc.

 

[WishingICould]

Yeah, I do. That is kind of deviating from ultimately what has already been discussed a thousand times before. But yes - I do know the difference.
As I have already said the confusion from rejection is hearing things such as "you are a really great guy but..." "A lot of fun to be around but..." "A really beautiful person but..." "You will make someone really happy but...." "I had a lovely time but...." "I am attracted to you but..."

etc.

Can you not think of one genuine reason why those women "rejected" you? Maybe online dating just isn't for you.