Starry
Well-known member
Sorry, but had to post this... You can't mention NZ rugby and not mention this... lol
Intense New Zealand All Blacks Haka War Dance - YouTube
Kia's Ultimate rejection thread
- Thread starter KiaKaha
- Start date
Sorry, but had to post this... You can't mention NZ rugby and not mention this... lol
Intense New Zealand All Blacks Haka War Dance - YouTube
MikeyC
Well-known member
I think some of these can go the other way, too.
Hellhound
Super Moderator
I believe this is kind of hypocritical, considering you admitted that you want to date "just because".
MikeyC
Well-known member
Some people are more picky than others. I know people who go in and out of relationships like underwear, coupling with any male or female that looks at them. Others have never been in a relationship because of what they desire in the opposite sex.
I think being picky is okay, personally. If your standards are rather high, then that's how it is. It can be frustrating for you and anyone that's interested in you, but it's not easy to compromise.
Kia
I think you have a massive chip on your shoulder. And this chip is seriously getting in your way. It's going to keep happening and women see these chips from 10 miles off. The only solution for you, that I can see, is to seek professional help in getting this chip removed.
And now I'm out of this thread because it's painful. Good luck buddy I hope you get yourself sorted out, you're a good guy and you deserve to be happy.
I think you have a massive chip on your shoulder. And this chip is seriously getting in your way. It's going to keep happening and women see these chips from 10 miles off. The only solution for you, that I can see, is to seek professional help in getting this chip removed.
And now I'm out of this thread because it's painful. Good luck buddy I hope you get yourself sorted out, you're a good guy and you deserve to be happy.
KiaKaha
Banned
Well the actual answer to that question is in fact the same as everyone elses answer to the question - Why does anyone want to be in a relationship? For companionship and everything that comes with that. I gave the answer I did merely because it was a bit of a silly question. So to clarify - my position is not hypocritical.
That's cool - you can jump on the 'kia seek professional help' bandwagon - it's a convenient excuse to not address any of the points I have made - but I think the reason is because my posts disempower a feministic position - and that is not comfortable, in fact - because I back my positions so strongly and wont back down it is taking away the innate sense of entitlement - it is scary and going against what 'is right' - and I am not the only person that think this - other women think this as well, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that many others feel the same way, both men and women, but fear the backlash - seeing as I am an apparent trouble maker - I have nothing to lose. If you read back on the examples, you can quite clearly see that I am not being unreasonable the observations and conclusions made. Men have just as much rights as women do in the dating world, and deserve to be treated with respect and common courtesy just as much as women do - it is interesting that if this entire thread was flipped around (perhaps not as brash as mine) but the same thoughts were put across it would be a completely different reaction - and just because someone doesn't play by the unspoken 'rules' that underlie the modern dating world or develops rules from a male perspective it makes a person feel uncomfortable and powerless. Have a look over my rules and compare them with your own - and see which ones actually hold respect and value in a holistic fashion for the entirely of a person.
And yes - Mikey. I do agree with you - it goes both ways - but I have explicitly stated them as female to male rules because this is typical behaviour that is often exhibited and then is attempted to be justified
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Starry
Well-known member
She couldn't be picky before she dates? Picky in deciding who to date in the first place? That would save a lot of heartache. The fact is a lot of people do not consider others' feelings anywhere near enough - both males and females. There's being "picky" and then there is playing with people and using them. I've seen males on forums shouted down for being "picky" in the same manner Kia is describing, but for females it seems to be fine.. This is a terrible double standard!
I agree perfectly with your "rules", but then, I'd have thought they were a pretty standard, decent way of treating people... But hey, in this world people aren't "standard" and "decent" a lot of the time...
Also, I don't think you're being unreasonable, although the fact that most people aren't reasonable so to expect such treatment will result in pain and frustration... That's why you need some professional hep to learn to cope better with your disappointments and rejection. I don't think you should change who you are, just learn to handle the negative in a better manner so that it won't cause you so much pain.
I know someone who thinks and acts in a similar way to you is out there somewhere, and I really hope you find her soon!
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KiaKaha
Banned
I acknowledge that I do need some help to deal with emotional pain and rejection. It is an emotional response - and I have faced a lot of it, which is why it hurts so much and is difficult to deal with - when it happens over and over and over again, for reasons that I do not understand or when I have not been dealt with honestly - yes, it's painful - because the message I receive is that "you are not good enough" - my intelligence is insulted, and quite simply - it is just a crappy and cowardly way to deal with people.
- what is the cause and what is the effect?
I do not think that my arguments and the points that I have made are unreasonable though my rules are a cynical satire (or are they?) of the 'rules' that I have to apparently play by.
- what is the cause and what is the effect?
I do not think that my arguments and the points that I have made are unreasonable though my rules are a cynical satire (or are they?) of the 'rules' that I have to apparently play by.
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Starry
Well-known member
Kia, you are good enough.. Maybe not for the standards of many people, but that's because many people have the wrong standards... Thanks to the way they've been conditioned by the media, mostly... When was the last time you saw common decency championed in the media as opposed to simply being rich or "good looking"? I'd say most people aren't up to your standards! It depends upon what people look for...
Unfortunately in this sick, sad world there are people who are beneath such things as common decency and those who are most decent are the ones who are most hurt, upset and outraged by this... It's something you can do little or nothing about, other than to realise that those who exhibit the lack of decency are beneath you in that regard, even if they have other wonderful qualities and to seek out those who display decency in a way which mirrors your own. Yes, it's lonely and saddening and frustrating, but there is nothing more which can be done, sadly. I wish there was.
Unfortunately in this sick, sad world there are people who are beneath such things as common decency and those who are most decent are the ones who are most hurt, upset and outraged by this... It's something you can do little or nothing about, other than to realise that those who exhibit the lack of decency are beneath you in that regard, even if they have other wonderful qualities and to seek out those who display decency in a way which mirrors your own. Yes, it's lonely and saddening and frustrating, but there is nothing more which can be done, sadly. I wish there was.
bcsr
Well-known member
Wait, what? Dating is how you decide if you want to be in a relationship with someone. How else would you know unless you are actually spending time with them?
KiaKaha
Banned
There are elements here about being lead on, exclusivity and being overtly picky and choosy. Like I said before, no one expects obligation, but there is a difference, particularly when a person is not being honest with you or 'cops out' because they are too scared to front up about how they feel. Absolutely dating is how you get to know someone, no one falls into a relationship without getting to know someone first - but expressing a firm interest and then rejecting and doing a u turn for unknown reasons - particularly when there is strong apparent attraction is unfair. I am tired, I know what I want to say but I can't get it out at the moment.
Besides - if I went around and was 'picky' and dismissing people quickly it would be a different story no doubt.
I am actually fairly amazed this thread has lasted as long as it has.
Besides - if I went around and was 'picky' and dismissing people quickly it would be a different story no doubt.
I am actually fairly amazed this thread has lasted as long as it has.
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Lea
Banned
Is it actually bad to be friendly to a man you don't want to date? Does it mean you' re leading them on? It happened to me that I met someone (in real life) with great personality, I liked his personality really a lot and I'm not lying, but I didn't feel any physical attraction. He was probably interested in something more but I had to disappoint him, although we weren't talking about it directly. Then he started writing me less until he stopped, I felt bad about it that maybe he felt hurt. So I really like him and he is a great friend, but what can I do I just can't date him :idontknow:
I feel like a jerk about things like this that I do sometimes and it makes me think that I am an ungrateful idiot and don't deserve any relationship at all.
I really wish him that he gets a better girl than me who is not so superficial and that he is happy.
I feel like a jerk about things like this that I do sometimes and it makes me think that I am an ungrateful idiot and don't deserve any relationship at all.
I really wish him that he gets a better girl than me who is not so superficial and that he is happy.
coyote
Well-known member
well these women are obviously attracted to you initially, and so they date you to see if you might qualify for relationship status
i'm not sure what you consider "expressing a firm interest" - sex?
if they are rejecting you after that happens, it might mean that you're just crap in bed, and they're trying to be nice about it - no one likes to tell anyone that
i seem to have the opposite problem - seems when ever i sleep with someone, they fall madly in love with me and don't want to let me go (it's a curse, really)
i could give you some pointers :thumbup:
KiaKaha
Banned
Crap in bed? Not even - I could say why, but its best to keep it G rated. Quite frankly, if I do say so myself - I am excellent in bed. Sex has nothing to do with rejection status. I have had my fair share or sexual encounters and have not had any complaints - but as I have said before, I dont care about sex (well I do, but that is not the point of the thread) I care about intimacy, trust and companionship - that is what I desire.
It's because I am a crap provider - it is psychological and biological.
Women like me - well...usually...
but I cant attain boyfriend status - and I hear the same excuses - over and over again - or I just get ignored... and its bull****. Its cowardly and insincere, but I will never hear what I suspect is the truth - because it's an admittance of something that will make them feel bad about themselves.
Its easier to feed the same old excuses over and over again than to actually muster up the courage and say how they really feel - because doing so would make them feel awful about themselves.
It's because I am a crap provider - it is psychological and biological.
Women like me - well...usually...
but I cant attain boyfriend status - and I hear the same excuses - over and over again - or I just get ignored... and its bull****. Its cowardly and insincere, but I will never hear what I suspect is the truth - because it's an admittance of something that will make them feel bad about themselves.
Its easier to feed the same old excuses over and over again than to actually muster up the courage and say how they really feel - because doing so would make them feel awful about themselves.
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Shenmue
Well-known member
After reading this, I think I need some pointers. The most I could hope for is a day. But that's me being modest.
coyote
Well-known member
so what do you suspect is the truth?
NPD alert! :moderator: