Kia's Ultimate rejection thread

[Opaline]

No the world is not a fair place and acceptance of that only propagates that further.

Well, the world is never going to be completely fair. You can say that attitude will only serve to keep it that way, but I disagree. Plenty of people have tried to make the world a more fair place - some with good results, some with not so good results (*cough* communism *cough*). I think it does help if you accept to at least some degree that the world is never going to be 100% fair. There are so many human beings living together on this small planet, how can the world be set up so that everything is fair all the time? What would that even entail? I think there is a lot to be said for acceptance of the harshness of the world, because it is a component of life I believe we are meant to deal with. Other animals deal with it. It just is. We can try to make things a little better, but there will always be rejection, pain, even sometimes a lack of justice that we can do nothing about. Human nature is wired in such a way that there will always be some unfairness.

 

[WishingICould]

Well, the world is never going to be completely fair. You can say that attitude will only serve to keep it that way, but I disagree. Plenty of people have tried to make the world a more fair place - some with good results, some with not so good results (*cough* communism *cough*). I think it does help if you accept to at least some degree that the world is never going to be 100% fair. There are so many human beings living together on this small planet, how can the world be set up so that everything is fair all the time? What would that even entail? I think there is a lot to be said for acceptance of the harshness of the world, because it is a component of life I believe we are meant to deal with. Other animals deal with it. It just is. We can try to make things a little better, but there will always be rejection, pain, even sometimes a lack of justice that we can do nothing about. Human nature is wired in such a way that there will always be some unfairness.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[KiaKaha]

Hmm? I'm not your enemy lol... I think it's the second time I answer one of your thread, ever



It's not that people think it's ok to treat others like garbage. You can't really think that by reading the posts here. The world will always be composed of respectful people and unrespectful people. There will never be a law against the unrespectful ones so you just have to learn to deal with them without ending up wasting your life being angry and ressentful. And you know, people are not attacking you here, we are debating because that is obviously what you are trying to create.

Well no - not quite pacific loner. I always find it interesting how people seem to think they have me figured out so well.

I already know that. That isn't really the point of the thread though. All I am trying to figure out is why I am unable to to seal the deal. One minute all on, the next for reasons unknown all off.

 

[coyote]

All I am trying to figure out is why I am unable to to seal the deal. One minute all on, the next for reasons unknown all off.

do you suppose there is a common denominator in all these relationships?

 

[KiaKaha]

Well, the world is never going to be completely fair. You can say that attitude will only serve to keep it that way, but I disagree. Plenty of people have tried to make the world a more fair place - some with good results, some with not so good results (*cough* communism *cough*). I think it does help if you accept to at least some degree that the world is never going to be 100% fair. There are so many human beings living together on this small planet, how can the world be set up so that everything is fair all the time? What would that even entail? I think there is a lot to be said for acceptance of the harshness of the world, because it is a component of life I believe we are meant to deal with. Other animals deal with it. It just is. We can try to make things a little better, but there will always be rejection, pain, even sometimes a lack of justice that we can do nothing about. Human nature is wired in such a way that there will always be some unfairness.

I guess that all depends on what one constitutes as being fair - which is ultimately where the problem lies.... a difference of opinion. But yes, I agree that while things will never be fair 100% of the time but I do think being aware of it and not just 'accepting' the way things are is an important part of moving forward as a whole. Keeping in mind injustices and inequities in life can make things better. There are many many examples of this throughout modern history. It is indifference (or attitudes masquerading as indifference) - that is the poison of the world - in my opinion. Anyway that is totally off topic - but still interesting...

 

[KiaKaha]

do you suppose there is a common denominator in all these relationships?

I am still trying to figure that one out. I realize that I have not divulged all of my experiences and thoughts properly as to why, and I am sorry - it's just every time I want to I never have the time or I am too tired - which is unfair to everyone responding.

But I will next posting - I have to log off for a few hours.

 

[coyote]

I am still trying to figure that one out. I realize that I have not divulged all of my experiences and thoughts properly as to why, and I am sorry - it's just every time I want to I never have the time or I am too tired - which is unfair to everyone responding.

But I will next posting - I have to log off for a few hours.

maybe i can help - let's look at all the relationships you listed and see if we notice any similarities....

Natasha + KiaKaha
Tina + KiaKaha
Jane + KiaKaha
Sara + KiaKaha
Natasha II + KiaKaha
Annabel + KiaKaha
Lydia + KiaKaha
Laura + KiaKaha
Sarah + KiaKaha
Suzy + KiaKaha
Marnie + KiaKaha
Heaps of other girls + KiaKaha

i believe there may be a pattern emerging

perhaps we should focus on what they all have in common

 

[KiaKaha]

Yes yes - I am the only thing in common.

Oh - there is a story for each one.

That was in 2011/2012 there are heaps more I could list. Going back 8 to 9 years...

But yeah...alright.

Annabel was the last one. Her reason for rejection was that she "was not looking for a relationship" despite meeting on an internet dating website and dating me 5 (or maybe 6) times and saying that she wanted to go camping with me the following weekend and then doing a complete u turn in the middle of the date after everything was going so well. ?????

Natalie - emailed me a week ago, asking me how I was after telling me she wasn't keen either (for unknown reasons) when we were going out. ?????

and I know what you are trying to get at - ME - the common denominator. Perhaps there are other common denominators too?

Again I reiterate - that interest, mutual attraction, physical intimacy and all other boxes ticked - but unable to deepen the relationship, despite everything seemingly go well - and then hearing the reasons as to why.

 

[Kiwong]

The ying and yang of people. h:A mountain monastery looks nice

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Well no - not quite pacific loner. I always find it interesting how people seem to think they have me figured out so well.

Actually if you're not looking for a debate or feedback I'm sorry I disturbed you - I know you hate that people feel sorry for you but I can't help it, I remember too well what it's like to be angry at the world. I hope you find the answers to your questions one day. Sometimes it's closer to yourself than you may think

 

[coyote]

...and I know what you are trying to get at - ME - the common denominator. Perhaps there are other common denominators too?

true there MAY BE other common denominators

it might be "society," it might be the nature of women, it might be capitalism, it might be consumer culture, it might be global warming, it might be god, it might be aliens

but we know that one commonality exists - we don't have to postulate about it

Pluralitas non est ponenda sine neccesitate

or "Entities should not be multiplied unnecessarily."

often interpolated as "The explanation requiring the fewest assumptions is most likely to be correct." (aka Occam's Razor).

KiaKaha, why do you seem so loathe to even consider that it could be something that you are doing, saying, or thinking that is at the root of the problem?

it could be any number of things - it doesn't mean you are a bad person or that there is something wrong with you

i am not trying to judge you - i know i'm certainly not perfect, and i have screwed up a number of relationships myself. only later did i realize the mistakes i made. that's how i know that it is possible to do things that you're not even aware you're doing that will drive another person away

i'm not suggesting this to attack you or criticize you - my intent is to help you find solutions to your problems

but it's hard for me to understand your thought process

you say you have low self-esteem, but in your posts, the only thing you don't like about yourself is that other people don't like you

and then you list all the things that are wrong with other people - not yourself. when asked, everything you do, think, or say is beyond reproach - the problem is that other people don't like it

how is that low self-esteem? your esteem for yourself seems very high - it's your esteem for other people that is low

if your relationship failures do have anything to do with you, the only way you'll ever be able to fix it and get the outcome that you want is to be willing to take a look at yourself and acknowledge the imperfections you discover rather than finding a way to blame it all on someone or something else

if it's too terrifying or difficult to consider doing on your own, it might be wise to seek help from someone who can guide you through the process of self reflection

if you don't want me to keep trying to encourage you and support you in this, please tell me, and i will stop posting any thoughts directed toward you

 

[KiaKaha]

^getting to that.


So met up with someone chatting on the internet for the past week or so.

After meeting..

so nice to meet you today- finally! I didn't get chemistry, im sure you didn't either, good luck in what you looking for : ) Your a nice guy - too nice lol

Appreciated the honesty - it irked me though saying that I was too nice... I asked why nice was an unattractive quality and she responded...

I meet great men like you - girls want a bit of bad ass in their life, opposites attract!

Well thanks, that clears it up.

And people wonder why so many men think women like jerks. I actually think that it's just as much the fault of girls when they say things like that. I know it's not true - but you have to wonder where this comes from. "You are too nice I like men who are bad" is pretty much what she said.

But despite THAT - I do commend her for being straight up with me right away. MUCH better than being lead on.

Also been talking to a girl I know at the gym about all this. She says that now girls are looking for men who are financially secure and can provide stability and security, which is might be where I am lacking.

I feel like I am under SO MUCH PRESSURE. I have to be PERFECT.

I have nothing to offer.

 

[MikeyC]

She says that now girls are looking for men who are financially secure and can provide stability and security, which is might be where I am lacking.

I feel like I am under SO MUCH PRESSURE. I have to be PERFECT.

I have nothing to offer.

I know that you have all this evidence, but this is so untrue! I have less to offer than you and I've had many interested girls, including Fiona now. I'm so sorry, man. You have so much to give.

 

[KiaKaha]

I know that you have all this evidence, but this is so untrue! I have less to offer than you and I've had many interested girls, including Fiona now. I'm so sorry, man. You have so much to give.

Well if its untrue - why do I keep finding confirmation of the exact opposite?
It doesn't make any sense.

Girls always say I am a great guy etc - always so so so close, but I just don't invoke that internal unspoken attraction. That *fire*

I have to be superman.

 

[gazelle]

Also been talking to a girl I know at the gym about all this. She says that now girls are looking for men who are financially secure and can provide stability and security, which is might be where I am lacking.

I feel like I am under SO MUCH PRESSURE. I have to be PERFECT.

Just my 2 cents, feel free to ignore but, I think she gave you a very realistic and honest answer there, most of the women above 25 have grown out of the romantic phase and are looking more for factors like financial stability , having a career and things of that ilk.... I think the so called pressure that you're talking about actually does exist in reality something that every men find themselves dealing with when they're considering to find a partner.

 

[KiaKaha]

Great.
I am basically ****ed aren't I....

 

[gazelle]

No that definitely wasn't what I meant, what I was trying to say was that it's not in your head, unfortunately it's a cruel reality that exists. The world isn't a perfect place. There seems to be unwritten rules that we must comply with in order to succeed... what I was trying to imply was that maybe continuing your effort on your career and financial stability and putting more focus in that area might be a leading factor in helping you find your ideal partner?

 

[WishingICould]

Great.
I am basically ****ed aren't I....

Don't these "profiles" on dating sites have info about you? Your job etc? Or do you not put that on there?

 

[Lamb]

^getting to that.


So met up with someone chatting on the internet for the past week or so.

After meeting..



Appreciated the honesty - it irked me though saying that I was too nice... I asked why nice was an unattractive quality and she responded...



Well thanks, that clears it up.

And people wonder why so many men think women like jerks. I actually think that it's just as much the fault of girls when they say things like that. I know it's not true - but you have to wonder where this comes from. "You are too nice I like men who are bad" is pretty much what she said.

But despite THAT - I do commend her for being straight up with me right away. MUCH better than being lead on.

Also been talking to a girl I know at the gym about all this. She says that now girls are looking for men who are financially secure and can provide stability and security, which is might be where I am lacking.

I feel like I am under SO MUCH PRESSURE. I have to be PERFECT.

I have nothing to offer.

I feel that was a generic answer she gave you, which will basically lead you in circles. I don't know if that has any truth or not behind it(meaning does she really believe that or was it just an excuse for some other reason). Have you ever thought about what it might be that makes these females use the "niceness" factor with you? Specific actions you may take on dates? I don't want to pry.

 

[KiaKaha]

Well thanks. I appreciate the honesty. I think that is true too. In fact I think that ultimately that is why I fail all the time - the inability to 'provide' if I could - and I was still exactly the same person, I am sure my success rate would be higher - in fact this thread would not even exist.

There seems to be unwritten rules that we must comply with in order to succeed

Thank you.

I have enough to get by but I probably wont ever be rich, unless I win the lottery. I am motivated by things other than monetary gain. It seems success and attraction is measured by wealth. Character of a person (and particularly interpretation of ones character) seems to have hardly any merit.

I feel like I am ultimately doomed to a life of loneliness - which will just make me feel depressed and ultimately unfulfilled and unhappy. I know that I do good with girls because they all LIKE me - but I don't have that factor, that "you're good enough to keep" factor.

My only requirement for a partner is that I like them.