How do you react when someone approaches you romantically

Nanita

Nanita

Well-known member
I react with fear/insecurity. It´s not beacuse of the fact that someone is interested, because I think that is nice. But I get uncomfortable because the person will expect me to speak, communicate, tell about myself, smalltalk... Which I don´t do very well when I´m uncomfortable. And I don´t enjoy smalltalk.
Also I get very uncomfortable when someone is looking at me for more than a couple of seonds. In my country people look a lot at other people, and everybody feels free to just ask people anything, even personal questions.
I´m pretty sure I come off as extremely arrogant, probably because most people don´t see my insecurity, they somehow see me as self confident.
Yeah right, I´m not at all confident.
 
Mickery

Mickery

Well-known member
They said:

Srijita52 said:
'Is she okay?Is she getting what we're talking about?' or 'Why is she so cold?!!'
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And you said:

Srijita52 said:
The other person immediately notices what a big loser I am & looses all interest in me.
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So would it be fair to say that you are interpreting their concern about your well-being and desire to interact with you in a friendly way as immediate dismissal?
 
Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
Mickery said:
They said:



And you said:



So would it be fair to say that you are interpreting their concern about your well-being and desire to interact with you in a friendly way as immediate dismissal?
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Well don't get me wrong,I do understand when ppl r being concerned.But I've met my share of ppl who called me a loser on my face,I was also asked if I had some sort of mental illness.Its really not nice to hear all those things & I guess it makes you insecure in general.Though I like to give ppl few chances before jumping to any conclusions about them.
 
B

Beatrice

Guest
The few times it's happened I just haven't known what to say. A few times it was just a compliment from a guy in passing (one time in a hallway, one time going in to a grocery store), but the times when it's been a prolonged interaction and they're flirty with me, I try to flirt back if I'm remotely interested but the whole thing just leaves me feeling like my insides have scrunched up and my personality has been chained.
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
lol coyote!!!!!

Well, I think sometimes fear/anxiety can be an appropriate response...
Not everyone approaches with good intentions, and some knowledge of martial arts can be good...
Also it depends if there are people around or not... in the middle of a day in a location with many people or at a party it's quite different than in a secluded area by night etc.
 
Falkor

Falkor

1
I'd be suspicious too, why would somebody approach me that way, would it be a joke ? :confused: I would also tell them I'm taken, so they won't try anything.

I know some people get approached by flirtious comments, but what do you mean exactly by a romantic approach? Just a wink, a smile or eye contact or getting hugged/kissed?

I will also react like Nanita, bordered by fear and insecurity. Because I'm not used to those 'unexpected' situations and don't know what to do, because it would boost up my anxiety.
 
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Feathers

Well-known member
lol twiggle ((hugs))

haha, being a bit tipsy or being surrounded by people who may be a bit tipsy can indeed make it simpler - lol!! (you can also say to yourself, 'hey, they're just tipsy' and 'being friendly' or 'we're just dancing' lol!)
I don't really take tipsy people that seriously... They need to 'prove' their intentions when sober too, if that makes sense... (if you don't wanna marry an alcoholic, this can make you extra careful too...)
It can be easier to get to know a person but harder to take them seriously... if your friends know them it can be easier...

having other people near in daylight or wherever helps too...

sometimes it can still be scary/silly/insane lol... often, I did just move on too (if it was said in passing by), or said hi/the necessary and kept walking, sometimes wished to get to know the person... I have had a philosophy that 'if it's meant to be, it's meant to be lol' - at the dorm/uni one could bump into people in many places... This may be different depending on where you live and what your age is somewhat...
 
Deus_Ex_Lemur

Deus_Ex_Lemur

Well-known member
I pee on them. I don't mean to, but I get so nervous and being a Lemur I don't wear underwear. ::(:

Seriously, it depends on who it is and what I'm doing and how I know them - not that it's happened much "romantically" being a guy and approached that way, but more like a wide eyed statue that sweats with little to say and then the road-runner and get away.
 
simpsons2007

simpsons2007

Well-known member
To be honest I don't know how I would respond/react. It's been far too long since someone had come up to me showing me any sort of romantic interest (about 12yrs) and that was my ex and thats the only time that anyone has shown any sort of romantic interest in me.

I think If it did happen which I don't think it will again.

I would probably be quite flattered if it was a genuine interest in me. And I think I would probably act how I act in any sort of social situation I would be extremely shy, wouldn't know what to say, be withdrawn, get all embarrassed and just stand there like a "rabbit caught in a cars headlight" and not saying a single word.
 
Nanita

Nanita

Well-known member
lol Feathers; ..."and some knowledge of martial arts can be good..." Haha.
But true, yes...
 
M

Michel

Member
Saskia said:
I'd be suspicious too, why would somebody approach me that way, would it be a joke ? :confused: I would also tell them I'm taken, so they won't try anything.

I know some people get approached by flirtious comments, but what do you mean exactly by a romantic approach? Just a wink, a smile or eye contact or getting hugged/kissed?

I will also react like Nanita, bordered by fear and insecurity. Because I'm not used to those 'unexpected' situations and don't know what to do, because it would boost up my anxiety.
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Yes, when somebody makes it clear that they are interested in you in any way or form.

Even when they just come up to you and ask something and afterwards stay talking about it or something else entirely.

Or when they start small talk even though you're on a bus or just walking down the road or sitting with your friends somewhere.

And when you can feel they are saying "I want to get to know you, I like you" by talking to you. When they are coming on to you.
 
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Feathers

Well-known member
lol Lemur, that isn't polite!!! :)

But honestly, my first reaction was to say, 'kill them and bury them' and then again that wouldn't be polite either. It would also be untrue. So far I think they are all still alive. Except 2 or 3 guys maybe. But I think that was an accident. And I had nothing to do with it. I think. I hope.
(OCD kicks in. yikes. lol)
I mean, how likely is it that people would die just because I'd get annoyed with them? (becomes scared of herself... Oops.) Well, that is all in the past. Sometimes I just scare people. So they decide to move to Australia or something. lol.

Yeah, I am much more likely to run away and think 'if it's meant to be or they really like me we'll meet again anyway'...

Maybe it's safer if people don't cross me. lol.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
When anyone approaches me, for whatever reason, I become fearful, and wonder how long will it take for them to notice my anxiety.
 
MaliceInWickedland

MaliceInWickedland

Well-known member
Whether its romantically or directly I freeze up like a deer in headlights and observe them very carefully, a bit suspicious about their approach. Depends too though. If it's someone I'm attracted to I usually get all flushed and feel anxious, embarrassed, and giddy all at once.
 
M

Minty

Well-known member
I become so rude. :( And not on purpose either! I tend to give one word responses to whatever they say and I mumble. I'm sure my body language screams "Go away!" and so they usually do...

I hate that feeling. I hate being that person who makes another person feel bad about themselves just because I'm too anxious to be friendly.
 
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