On the verge of a mental breakdown today.
I went out to get groceries, attempted to try out online grocery pickup which was abysmal and left me in a bad mood so I straight up left without my order (that I cancelled), and then nearly had a panic attack on the way home with the increased amount of traffic. I stopped at the gas station, tried to realign myself 3 times at the pump and could NOT get it right (I've been having a problem with blurry vision this week and I don't know why), so I cried in frustration at myself and in general and just left without gas and went home.
I feel so stupid.
Plus, I have to be at work in 3 hours, and it takes me roughly 45 mins to get there.
I feel like I have 50 lbs of unnecessary weight on me. I feel like I should be happy. I'm working in the field I want to be working in, living in the kind of house I've always wanted, in the environment I want to be in, but I'm just not happy. I don't think it has to do with the new job, just life in general. I'm only working part-time, but I'm coming home at 7:30pm every night. Most of the time I'm left taking care of errands, house chores, and caring for an elderly dog (my husband's) that has had so many issues this year that I'm so frustrated with I just want to put her down. My husband is rarely here because of his job, some nights he gets home later than I do, and leaves a lot earlier than I do. He's currently travelling almost 3 hours to his job. I never see him. I keep asking (read: nagging) about his work plans for winter and the near future now that we've moved. I don't want him to quit his job, I want him to work out a plan with his company (like other coworkers that live farther away) to only work on jobsites and not at their home base. That way he only works 6 - 8 months out of the year and not have to travel nearly as far. Or if he does, he gets somewhere to stay and 60% of the cost is covered. The other 4 - 6 months he could either collect unemployment or find a gig on the side to earn some extra cash. He hasn't even bothered to bring up anything and just goes with whatever they tell him to do. He's too much of a "yes" man and it really freaking bothers me. It puts pressure on me with work and house and his dog, meanwhile he just works constantly. It's really caused a lot of arguments for us this year and honestly I'm not sure how much of it I can take.
(I grew up in an environment where my father was a workaholic. I saw first-hand how it took a toll on my mother, and how he literally put his job over his own family. He missed a lot in my life and it basically made our relationship non-existent. So yeah I have a huge problem with workaholics.)
Sorry I had to dump all this here. I'm just feeling very overwhelmed and weepy today.
